Secrets of the heart: The Sequel
by ArinnaVal
Summary: Five years later Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.
1. Chapter 1 Crashing planes

_**A/N: Yes - it's me again! Yes - it's 'Secrets of the heart: The sequel.' It took me some time while I wrote the first chapter. I'm hoping that you're gonna love this sequel as well. **_

_**Grand rules: **_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of dramma here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

* * *

**_Chapter 1 Crashing planes_**

Ayn Rand Mariano dropped her school bag onto the floor in the hallway. She walked into the living room of her house and leaned on the couch. She sighed and closed her eyes, thinking about her school and her family.

She was one ordinary twelve years old girl. Well, not so ordinary. Her parents were famous. Her father was Jess Mariano, the famous novelist. Her mother, Rory Gilmore Mariano, just had published her first book.

Ayn had two brothers and one sister. Jess Jr. and Jane were twins and just had turned six years old. Her smaller brother, Jake was only five years old. He was the miracle boy in this family. He had barely survived as a baby and now Ayn's parents watched at his every step. Jake was not a spoilt brat. He just needed more cares.

'No, Jess!' Ayn heard her mother coming down on the stairs. 'You promised!'

She frowned and sat on the couch. That was not the first time Jess and Rory had a heated conversation on the phone. Jess was in LA, promoting his new book. This was something he had discussed with his family and they all had agreed to him that he should do that. However, now Rory was yelling at him and Ayn did not like that. She crossed arms before his chest and watched her mother walked into the room.

'No! I wasn't!' Rory made short pause and pressed hand against her forehead. She closed her eyes for one moment, obviously listened to him. 'No… I just… Would you just listen?' Rory increased her voice again and stopped in one place. 'Jess! We agreed that… You better be here as you promised or you'll make me do something that I don't want to!' Rory snapped and hung up the phone.

'Hi, mom!' Ayn greeted her with frowned face. 'What was that?'

'It's nothing!' Rory frowned too. 'Your father just has to learn to keep his promises!'

'But he keeps them!' Ayn watched her mother disappeared into the kitchen and followed her. 'What's wrong?'

'It's nothing!' Rory grabbed the edge of the table and smiled bitterly. 'Your father just won't make it for your birthday! Another meeting made him missed his flight.'

'Stop arguing with him, mom!' Ayn snapped and Rory crooked her face. 'One birthday! It's a big deal, really!'

Ayn really meant it. She hated when her parents were fighting over something and now this happened more often than usual. The thing was that Ayn was scared. She still remembered how she had almost lost her father. She still had nightmares at night, but she did not want anyone to know. She was a big girl after all.

Yeah, Jess was a little surprised when she jumped on his lap early in the morning and told him that she loved him. It was because she really loved her daddy.

Her mother Rory on the other hand, was too busy with her firs published book and the cares around the little children. Especially, Jake. He had some crisis while Jess was not around and Ayn could understand her mother's frustration, but not every time.

'It's not a big deal!' Rory snapped and turned her back to her. 'And how many times I have to tell you about your bag?'

'Mom, really!' Ayn got off the couch and went to her bag. She grabbed it and draped it on her shoulder. 'It's not the bag! It's daddy, and please stop arguing with him!'

'Ayn!'

'Jeez!' The young girl exclaimed and ran upstairs.

Rory just followed her with tired eyes and covered her face with her hands. She felt exhausted. Rory slumped onto the couch and started crying. It was not supposed to happen in this way. It was not supposed to happen at all. Why they just could not speak normal?

She hated when she had to argue with Jess. However, he became his old self again. One monosyllabic person, difficult to understand. That scared her and made her shout at him. He never shouted at her. He just listened and then in most of the cases just leaved the room without a word. There were times when he happened to tell her something. It was something to prove him right and her wrong. Rory shouted again and he just left – again.

She always found him with the children. He laughed and played with them. Jess felt good there and they were his shelter. Then Rory felt sorry about her behavior and joined at the family. Jess never argued with her after that. She just sat beside him and they both forgot about that bad period… until the next time.

The phone rang and pulled her out of her thoughts.

'Hello!'

'Uh, someone is not in the mood here!' Her mother's voice was too cheery.

'Not now, mom!' Rory leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes.

'You were fighting again?' Lorelai made short pause. 'Rory come on!'

'Mom!'

'What is it this time?'

'He won't be home for Ayn's birthday!' Rory almost cried and bit her lower lip. 'Can you imagine? He promised and he won't be home!'

'Rory…'

'He said he have one very important interview! What is it more important than his daughter?'

'Rory, stop!' Lorelai tried to interrupt her.

'And Jake had new crisis again.' Rory sniffed in the phone.

'Rory calm down!' Lorelai tried to calm her. 'I'm sure that Jess would do anything to be at home tomorrow.'

'Yeah…' Rory sniffed again.

They talked few more minutes and Rory hung up the phone. She ran fingers though her messy hair and went into the kitchen. She had to do something else than thinking of Jess and his inability of coming home tomorrow.

'Mom!' Ayn yelled panicking from the upstairs and Rory ran out the kitchen. Ayn would never yell like that without a reason. She found her in Jake's room. She was looking at her baby brother and his struggles to breathe.

Rory sat down on Jake's bed and took him in her arms.

'Hey baby. Mommy is here now.' She spoke calmingly and rubbed his chest. 'Ayn give me his pills, honey.'

Ayn rushed into the bathroom and came back with Jake's medications. She handed one glass with water to her mother and Rory helped Jake to take his pills.

'Mommy.' He cried and wrapped little arms around her neck.

'Sh-sh… It's okay, it's okay… Mommy is here.' Rory sang rubbing his back and her head rested on his. She looked at her daughter and saw her pale face. 'He is okay, honey. Don't worry.'

'Okay.' Ayn answered, but just stood there.

Few minutes later, Jake was in his bed and sleeping. Ayn and Rory left the room, but Rory left the door open. However, she had to calm her daughter now.

'You know that Jake has to pass through this.' Rory tried to explain it to her.

'I know, but I got scared every time.' Ayn shrugged.

'I know.'

'Like I was scared when daddy was sick.' She said and bit her lower lip. Rory swallowed hard. She remembered that too.

'Your daddy is okay now, honey.' Rory tried to smile. 'You know that.'

'Yeah.' Ayn shrugged. 'But I'm still scared.'

Rory tried to smile encouraging and then she hugged her daughter. Ayn hesitated just for one moment. She felt her daughter's arms wrapped around her waist.

'I love you mom.' She said and Rory felt nice warmth in her heart.

'I love you too honey.' She kissed the top of her head and then watched her walked into her room. Ayn, their first child. Rory smiled. She was Jess' copy and it was not only her face. She had his temper too. When she loved, she gave all her heart. When she suffered, she preferred to do that alone. Rory knew about her nightmares. She knew why Ayn rushed into the kitchen every morning and sat on Jess' lap. She knew why her daughter hugged him so tightly and why she searched him every time she got back from school. She was afraid of losing him. Honestly, Rory was afraid of that too.

It was raining when she woke up on the next morning, but she felt someone tickling her on her feet. Rory smiled when she heard two childish voices and opened her eyes.

'Got'cha!' she screamed and the twins jumped on her bed, laughing.

'Mommy!' Jess Jr. threw himself in her arms.

'Wake up, mommy!' Jane placed head on her belly.

They both laughed and Rory could not stop laughing too. The three of them went downstairs and right into the kitchen. Rory made few sandwiches and soon she saw Ayn walking into the room with Jake in her arms. He rubbed his eyes sleepily.

'Morning.' Ayn smiled. She put Jake on his seat.

'Birthday sis!' Jess Jr and Jane squealed and Ayn pinched their noses with smile.

'Thanks, _Huns_!'

Rory went and hugged her daughter.

'Happy birthday, honey!' She kissed her temple and Ayn looked at her with glowing eyes.

'Thank you, mom.'

They spent the morning together and Rory could not stop the thought that only Jess was missing in this picture. She tried to call him, but his phone was out of area. That made her frowned. He never was out of area. Jess's phone had always switched on.

When the morning turned into afternoon, Rory put the small children to sleep. It was Saturday and Ayn had birthday. She had many things to do. Therefore, she left Ayn in the living room. Her daughter just had switched on the TV. It was her birthday after all. She could do whatever she wanted.

'NO! DADDY!' Rory heard her terrifying scream few minutes later and rushed out of the kitchen. Ayn stared at the screen and Rory followed her look. She was watching the news. They showed the picture of a plane crash in New York.

'Ayn?' Rory frowned. 'What...?'

'They said that there are few survivors.' Ayn babbled. Rory saw her crying. 'Maybe he is there. Maybe he is there, mom.'

'Ayn!' Rory shook her shoulders. 'What are you talking about?'

'Daddy was there!' Ayn cried. 'He was in that plane, mom!'

'No!' Rory shook her head. 'He said he won't be back…'

'He called me and asked me to keep secret. He said he loves me and he won't miss my birthday…' Ayn sobbed loudly. 'He said he wanted to surprise you…'

Rory covered her mouth with one hand and felt the fear building up in her. This was not possible. This was not possible, right? Jess was still there, in LA and he was not at that plane. He was not.

'Daddy…'

Ayn cried loudly and Rory wrapped arms around her sobbing body. She hoped that Jess was not there. She hoped for some kind of a miracle.

They called her one hour later. Jess was at that plane.

'Where is he?' Rory almost whispered.

'He is in the hospital, close to the airport, Mrs. Mariano.' The woman's voice answered her.

'Is he…' Rory swallowed hard, trying to suppress her tears.

'He is alive, but you have to come here.' The woman answered again. 'I can give you the address if you want.'

'Sure!' Rory scratched the address of the hospital and hung up the phone. She looked at her daughter, falling asleep in her lap. Then Rory dialed her mother.

Few hours later, she was on her way to New York.


	2. Chapter 2 The news

_**A/N: Yes - it's me again! Yes - it's 'Secrets of the heart: The sequel.' It took me some time while I wrote the first chapter. I'm hoping that you're gonna love this sequel as well. **_

_**Grand rules: **_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of drama here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

* * *

**_Chapter 2 The news_**

When Rory arrived, the hospital was total chaos. It was full with people. Rory had to wait few painful minutes, while they called Jess' doctor. She looked around and saw that most of the people where relatives to the victims. That made her flinched.

'Mrs. Mariano?'

Rory heard her name and turned around. She saw one male doctor, rushing towards her. They shook hands and she swallowed hard before asking.

'How is my husband? Can I see him?'

The doctor crooked his face and Rory felt lack of air. Something was wrong. She knew that look. She had seen it too many times.

'Why don't you follow me?' He said and leaded her to the elevator. They went on the next floor. It was quiet here and Rory felt even more nervous.

They got out of the elevator and walked to one of the rooms of this floor. The male doctor stopped and faced her. Rory clenched her fists. She knew that he was trying to prepare her for something and one part of her did not want to hear it.

'Your husband is in coma. He had brain concussion and bruises all over his body. He had stuck between two seats. The paramedics barely reached him. We had to perform one surgery for his head and one to release the pressure over his lungs and heart. He is still bad, but we hope that he would get better. I cannot promise you anything. We did everything to safe his life.'

Rory felt on the verge of the collapse, but she just bit her lower lip and nodded towards the doctor. Her face was pale and she fought with her tears. However, she was not the important now, Jess was.

'He… He had problems with his heart before.' She tried to talk normally. 'I think you have to contact with his doctor.' Rory opened her purse and rummaged there frantically. 'Where I put the number? Damn it!' She cursed, but the doctor did not say anything. He just waited there. Finally, Rory found the card with John Waldorf's number. 'Here.' She handed the small cart to the doctor. 'My husband stopped with his medications just recently, but I want to make sure that this won't cause problems now. '

'Okay.' Jess' doctor nodded and took the card. 'I'll contact with Dr. Waldorf immediately.'

'Thank you.' Rory swallowed hard and looked at the white door hesitantly.

'You can see him now.' Jess' doctor spoke quietly. 'I'll be here if you need me. Just call for Dr. Mayson.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded and opened the door. Doctor Mayson left outside. He wanted to give them some privacy.

The room was light. Rory could see Jess immediately. He was lying motionless and she could see all the wires attached to his body. His head had wrapped in white material. One white sheet covered his body to his chest. Rory could see the bruises and the still fresh wounds there. Her heart ached and she stopped in the middle of her way towards him.

Just then she heard the beeping of the machine, measured his heartbeats. She looked there and saw the curves, announcing that his heart was still alive and beating. Something snapped in her and she rushed to his bed. Her purse fell on the floor and she slumped on the near chair.

Rory took his hand between hers and looked at his face. He was so pale. However, Rory had seen like this before. She had seen him too many times in this helpless condition. Her lips touched the back of his fingers.

'Why?' Rory whispered. 'Why now? Why you had to listen to me now?' She shook her head. 'If you had stayed there for that stupid interview… If you only had stayed there…' Her voice cracked and she sobbed again. 'You know that I have never would have hurt you! You know how much I love you! I am so sorry… I'm…'

Rory could not finish. The tears choked her. She still held his hand between hers. Rory knew how much Jess hated his weakness. He had told her that so many times in the past. However, he had to learn how to live with it. His weak heart and his illness did not allow him to live, as he wanted. Just as he got better and the last results ended up promising, that crash happened. Rory sighed and leaned head on his bed. Her eyes could not stop watching his face. Jess was alive. He had survived again.

John showed up later that day. Rory looked at him with hope and he touched her arm.

'I'm gonna check his results now.' He said and walked out of the room.

He did not show up whole day. Rory felt so alone now. Her hart ached every time she looked at Jess. Her only hope was that he would survive all this. He was her heart and she could not lose him.

When the door opened later that evening, Rory could not believe in her eyes. Luke rushed into the room and his eyes fell on her.

'Luke?' She looked at him with more than surprise in her eyes.

'Your mother stayed with the children. I had to be here.' Luke stared at Jess.

'He is alive.' Rory whispered. 'He survived again.'

'But…'

'He is in coma and they can't promise me anything.' Rory looked back at Jess. 'But he could breathe on his own and that is a good sign.'

'Yeah.' Luke ran fingers through his hair. 'Damn it!' He cursed and Rory knew that this was his way to fight with his tears. She was a woman. Moreover, she was in love with that man, lying in that bed and she could not be that strong.

Luke had to go one hour later. They allowed only one person in the room and he knew that Rory needed this more than he did. She promised to call if there were any news and he left.

The room went quiet again. She saw the free bed, little further, but she could not move right now. She refused to leave Jess' side. He needed her and she was sure that this was the only way that he could feel her. Rory leaned her head on his bed and stared at his face.

He had to survive all this. He had to do it for her.

'Please Jess.' She whispered. 'Please, do it for me and I promise that we will never argue again! Just live! Live for me!'

She knew that he would do that. He had to.


	3. Chapter 3 Come back to me

_**A/N: Yes - it's me again! Yes - it's 'Secrets of the heart: The sequel.' It took me some time while I wrote the first chapter. I'm hoping that you're gonna love this sequel as well. **_

_**Grand rules: **_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of drama here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 3**__** Come back to me**_

Rory was on the verge of her physical powers. She had spent one sleepless night beside Jess' bed, hoping for some miracle to happen. It was hard to accept that the person you love the most was lying helpless like this and you could do nothing to save him. She was thankful at least for the fact that he was breathing on his own. However, the brain concoction was bad enough. Rory tried to think positive. She hoped that he would wake up and just needed little time for that.

John came back on the next day. He told her that Jess' heart is fine for now. However, they would monitor him, just in case. Paris had come and talked to her for a while, trying to support her. Rory was thankful to the both of them, but her heart ached. No people in this world could replace Jess.

'I know that you are tired of this question, but how is he?' Luke's voice did not surprise her.

Rory turned around and looked at him. It was her fifth day here with no change. She tried to smile, but she did not have strength for that.

'The same.' Rory turned her look back at the man in the bed. 'How are the kids?' She asked weakly.

'Actually, I brought Ayn with me.' Luke coughed and Rory heard the door opened again. She turned around and saw her older child walking into the room. It was as if she was afraid to move further. Ayn stared at her father and suddenly froze. Her lower lip trembled and she burst into tears.

Rory got off her chair and hugged her daughter. Ayn hid head in her shoulder and her shoulders shook.

'Luke!' Rory looked up at him frowning.

'I'm sorry, but she wanted to see him. She could not stop crying at home and I thought that…' Luke frowned too, but Rory interrupted him.

'It's okay.' She then rubbed her daughter's back calmingly. 'It's okay honey. He is alive and that is the important now.'

'I'm sorry mom.' Ayn pulled back and sniffed. Rory reached out and wiped her tears with her thumb. 'I'm so scared.' The young girl admitted it and Rory knew what she felt. Her hazel eyes showed all.

'I know, honey.' Rory took her hand as when she was a little girl and took her to Jess' bed. Ayn stopped and stared at her father. Her shoulders shook again.

'It's my fault!' Ayn sobbed. 'He wanted to be home for my birthday! He said that he loves me and will be home soon… for me…' Ayn took his hand, crying. 'He is here, because of me! I am sorry, daddy! I'm so sorry!'

Rory wanted to cry too, but she could not when her daughter was here and needed her. She gulped her tears and turned Ayn with face to her.

'Ayn look at me now!' She spoke firmly, trying to calm her daughter. 'Look at me!' She shook her shoulders and her daughter finally listened to her. 'Your daddy would be fine, you'll see!'

'Promise?' Ayn sniffed. Rory threw one look at Jess.

'I can't do that.' Rory's voice softened. 'You know that, honey.'

'Hey, girl!' Luke knelt close to Jess' daughter. 'You know that you have to be strong now. You are one big girl and you have to do this. Your daddy needs you now.'

'But I'm scared.'

'We all are, Ayn!' Rory rubbed her arms. 'We all are scared.'

'But your father is a fighter. You know that, right?' Luke threw one look at Jess and then looked back at his daughter.

'I know.' Ayn sniffed.

'Then stop crying and you can hold his hand if you want to.' Rory tried to smile.

'Okay.' Ayn tried to smile too and Rory was thankful for that. She sat on the chair, close to Jess' bed and took his hand.

Rory looked at Luke and they both walked to the window. He studied her tired face.

'How are you?'

'I'm f-… good.' Rory quickly replaced the word and that made Luke smile with irony.

'Your mother warned me for that.' He tilted his head. 'Nice try though.'

'Yeah.' Rory tried to smile, but it did not work this time. Her face was pale and she felt dizzy. Luke caught her just in time. He helped her to her small bed in the room and Rory sat there with sigh. Luckily, Ayn did not notice.

'Are you okay?' Luke stared at her with worry into his eyes.

'Yeah. I'll be okay.'

'I'm asking only, because when Jess was in the hospital last time you were…' Luke coughed and blushed. 'Well, you were pregnant.'

'I can assure you I'm not pregnant now.' Rory whispered with bitterness and lowered her look to her laced hands in her lap.

'How can you be so sure?'

'I'm sure, because… we hardly even sleep in one bed.' Rory bit her lower lip. She knew that Luke cared about them. However, he was the last person needed to know this.

'I know about your problems, Rory.' He placed hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. 'Well, not in details, but your mother and I are concerned about you two.'

'My mother has a big mouth!' Rory frowned and Luke smiled lightly.

'You know she has.' Then his face turned serious again. 'We both think that you have to talk more.'

'I'm trying!'

'Not to yell, Rory!' Luke frowned and she felt offended.

'I'm not yelling! Jess told you that?'

'No.' Luke shook his head and looked at Ayn. She still held Jess' hand. 'She told me. You know that Jess won't do that.'

'Then I have to talk to my daughter!' Rory frowned.

'No!' Luke snapped and Rory stared at his angry face. 'You have to talk with Jess when he gets better. You have to stop arguing! She asked me to talk to you. Your daughter thought that you don't love her father.'

'What?' Rory hissed with surprise. 'She really asked you that?'

'Yes.' Luke nodded.

'I love him and you know that!'

'Then why is all that arguing is about?' Luke frowned. 'You have to stop with this! Both of you!'

'I promise I'll try!' Rory felt her lower lip trembled and she bit her. She could not cry in front of her daughter. 'Now I just want him to get better. I want him back!'

Luke hugged her and rubbed her arm with soft smile. He knew that they both were tough characters, but he also knew that they still loved each other. His look fell on Jess and his smile faded. He still looked bad and he still was in coma. However, Luke was sure that his nephew would fight for his life. Jess loved his family and he would do anything for them.

One week later, the situation was the same. Rory had lost any hope. She just stared at Jess, watching how his bruises healed. He looked better now, but he still could not wake up. She tried to be strong, but she felt that she could not take it anymore.

It was midnight and Rory could not fall asleep. She got off her bed and went close to Jess's. Her hand slipped through his hair in slow caress. Her lips touched his forehead and she pulled back.

'Why are you doing this to me, Jess?' She whispered and took his hand. 'Why don't you wake up? I promised you that we can talk this time.' Her lower lip trembled. 'I still love you! I have never stopped loving you! I hope that…' His fingers moved and Rory stopped abruptly. She looked at his face and saw his eyes fluttered. 'That's right…. Come on, Jess! I am here… Come back to me!' Her heart pounded.


	4. Chapter 4 Help me live again

_**Chapter 4**__** Help me live again **_

Jess fluttered his eyes and soon Rory was able to see his dark green eyes again.

'Jess?' She called him quietly, caressing his cheek. 'Jess, I'm here.'

His eyes wandered around the room and finally stopped on her face. Then she got scared. They were empty. Rory saw short pain in them and then – nothing. Her heart ached. He turned around his head, refusing to look at her.

'Don't do this to me!' Rory whispered, but just then, she saw one medical team rushing into the room.

Rory had to step back until they finished their job. She sat on her bed and hid face in her palms. He was angry. She had seen it in his eyes. Her shoulders shook. However, he was alive and that was the most important now. Rory just stared at him. Jess had closed his eyes again, but he was awake.

Few minutes later, they were alone again. Jess was lying with closed eyes and Rory was watching him from her bed. She was scared to go to him. Her emotions were too messy.

'Look at me!' Rory snapped suddenly. 'Look at me now! I'm tired of watching you like this!'

She was not expecting an answer, but Jess opened his eyes and looked at her. Rory wished he were not. They were empty again. Then she saw the pain and the anger building up inside of them. She flinched and licked her lips. Her legs shook, but she got off her bed and came closer to his.

'I know that you are angry now, but you have to listen to me!'

Jess avoided her eyes. He had not said a word from the moment he had woken up. It was as he was shutting her down again. Rory swallowed hard and felt weak at her knees. She fell on the near chair and hesitated before taking his hand in hers. Jess winced and she felt that, but he did not pull back. However, his eyes looked at the opposite direction.

'I'm sorry, okay?' Her nerves crashed and Rory cried. 'I'm sorry! You know that I would never fill these papers! I cannot just shut you out of my life! You know that I love you more than I love anyone! I was angry and upset about so many things. Jake, the other kids, my book… I'm sorry if I made you feel bad!'

Jess turned around and looked at her. Rory felt his fingers trembled in her hand. However, his lips stayed closed. He refused to talk with her. Maybe this time was too much. Maybe this time she had hurt him deeply than before.

Rory touched his fingers with her lips and saw his closing his eyes again. Rory knew she had hurt him. She was doing this again and the sad part was that she did not know why. He was the love of her life. He was her husband and the father of her children. She loved him with her full heart. However, she always found a way to hurt him. She did not want to, but it happened.

'Please forgive me…' She whispered and Jess looked at her again. 'I love you. You know that, right?' His reaction was only light tremble of his eyes. 'I promise that this will change. I promise you!'

Jess closed his eyes again and Rory thought that this was going to be one long fight.

She called Luke early in the morning. He was awake, because of his work. However, Rory knew that he was still in his home.

'Hello, Luke?' Rory coughed.

'_Rory?'_ She heard his anxious voice_. 'Is it something wrong?'_

'No, no!' Rory bit her lip, looking at Jess. He was sleeping. 'Jess is awake from his coma.'

'_But that is great!'_ Luke almost yelled.

'Yeah.' Rory spoke quietly, barely containing her tears. 'Yeah, that is great!'

'_Rory, what's wrong?'_ His voice turned anxious again. _'Is there something I need to know?'_

'No, no…' She rubbed her eyes.

'_I think it is.'_ Rory heard her mother's voice and her eyes widened immediately.

'_Lorelai!'_ Luke yelled this time.

'Mom!' Rory spoke little lower.

'_Come on, hun! Tell to your momma!_' Lorelai just ignored the shock in their voices. She always did that.

'Mom! I just…'

'…_lied?'_ Lorelai did not give up and Rory sighed. She threw one look on the bed and saw Jess still sleeping. _'Now tell us the truth!'_

'He is awake, but he refuses to talk to me.' Her lower lip trembled again. 'It's like he shuts me out all over again.'

'_Rory…'_ Luke tried to calm her.

'I'm scared.' Rory sobbed and squeezed the receiver. 'I'm scared that he won't let me close to him this time!'

'_Oh honey.'_ Her mother's voice was like a caress and Rory sobbed loudly_. 'Don't cry my child.'_ Lorelai spoke softly._ 'Look, we'll think of something okay?'_ She encouraged her.

'Okay.' Rory sniffed and tried to contain her tears. She took a deep breath. 'I have to go now.'

'_Luke will be there shortly. Right sniffy?'_ Lorelai asked her husband.

'_Sure.'_ He answered her. _'Don't worry, Rory. We can talk when I get there.' _

'Okay.' Rory sniffed again, but she was little calmer. 'Bye mom! Bye Luke!'

'_Bye Ror!'_ They answered in one voice and Rory hung up the phone.

When she looked back at the bed, she saw Jess just opened his eyes. They avoided her again and this time Rory did not have enough courage to come close to him. He was completely ignoring her.

They brought his breakfast few minutes later. Rory sighed and finally got off her bed, coming close to him. She hesitated, but she sat close to him on his bed. Jess stared at her with his empty look, but he did not pull back. Probably he was too weak to do that. However, Rory tried to smile and reached out to his food.

'You have to eat now.' She spoke quietly. 'I know you hate to feel weak, but now you are.' She took the spoon from the small table and looked at him. 'You have to eat and I'll help you.' Jess turned around his head again and Rory's heart ached. 'Please, Jess. If it's not for me, do it for your children. I know that we have to work over our marriage, but you love them right?'

Rory kept her breath. She could only hope that she could reach to Jess' heart now. It worked. He sighed and looked back at her. Rory released one smile and nodded. He let her fed him and soon after that, he fell asleep again. She stroked his hair and her lips touched his forehead.

Luke arrived few hours later. Ayn was with him again. Rory saw her look toward her father and looked up at look.

'You asked for help!' He shrugged. Rory just nodded. 'How is he?' Luke asked, while Ayn was sitting on the free chair, close to her father's bed.

'He is still weak.' Rory shrugged. 'But he is alive and he is awake and that is all that matters.'

'And he is stubborn, I see!' Luke frowned. Jess was better now and he could breathe easily.

'He is hurt, Luke.' Rory lowered her look. 'We fought just before the plane crash. I told him something that I would not do! I hurt him, Luke…'

Luke just frowned. Whatever had happened, it was between them, and he had no right to give advices. Jess shifted on his bed and took his attention. Rory looked at him too. He sighed in his dream and his eyes fluttered.

'Daddy?' Ayn took his hand and started at his face. 'Daddy, wake up! I'm here!'

Jess sighed once again and opened his eyes. He looked around the room and finally his look fell on his daughter. Then he smiled. It was a half smile, but it was enough to make Ayn burst into happy tears and rested head on his chest.

'Hey… princess…' His voice was weak and hoarse from his sleep. However, it was like music for Rory's ears.


	5. Chapter 5 Feel the pain in me

_**A/N: Yes - it's me again! Yes - it's 'Secrets of the heart: The sequel.' It took me some time while I wrote the first chapter. I'm hoping that you're gonna love this sequel as well. **_

_**Grand rules: **_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of drama here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 5**__** Feel the pain in me **_

_Two weeks earlier_

There was a lot of pain, surrounding him. Jess moaned, could not feel his body. All this had happened for a split second. He had not felt the impact. He just had felt something hard smashing his chest and sent him into the darkness. He had woken up just to feel that pain again. His last thought was about his family…

_Few hours earlier_

Jess hung up the phone and closed his eyes with frustration. She had done it again. Rory had called him, yelling on the phone. He was sitting in his hotel room, preparing for the next interview.

'Jess, we have to go!' His manager opened the door.

'I'm not going, John!' Jess frowned and pulled his bag out of his cupboard. 'Cancel the meeting!'

'What?' The silver haired man walked into the room. He looked angry. 'Jess, you have to do this!'

'No!' Jess shoved his clothes into the bag and zipped it. 'I have to go home!'

'No! Wait!' John tried to stop him and Jess looked up at him. 'Your future as a successful writer could depend on that interview!'

Jess smiled bitterly and grabbed his bag.

'My marriage depends on how quickly I can get back home!' He opened the door of the hotel room and looked back at his manager. 'I want you to call and arrange me one seat for the first possible flight to New York.' He said and closed the door behind his back. John was good of what he was doing and Jess was sure that he would have his ticket when he arrived at the airport.

An hour later, Jess was sitting on his seat. John had booked him first class ticket and Jess was not surprised. He closed his eyes and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He hesitated a bit, but then dialed the number.

'_Daddy_!' He smiled in the moment when he heard Ayn squealed like a little girl.

'Hey princess.' His voice was like a caress. 'How are you?'

'_I'm scared._' Ayn was honest and Jess's smile faded.

'Why, princess?'

'_Mom is upset_.' Ayn said quietly and Jess closed his eyes with pain. This was not something new. Rory was always upset about something. She was like that since the moment her book had published six months ago. The pressure in their house started building up since then. This time, Jess was sure that he was the reason. How and why he was not sure, but this time she had threatened him with something and she knew that it was going to hurt him. Jess sighed.

'Why she is upset this time?' Jess spoke quietly.

'_I heard you two talking on the phone._' Ayn sniffed and Jess felt her scare. _'I don't wanna lose you, daddy!'_

'Hey, you are not going to lose me, princess.' His voice was soft and his heart ached. 'Your mom and I just had little disagreement.'

'_Promise me you'll stay with us!_' Ayn sniffed again and that brought him back one old memory. She had told him exactly the same words when he was ill. She was little girl then, but now she was scared too. '_Promise me you won't go!_' She almost cried and Jess squeezed his cell, wishing he could hug his daughter.

'I won't go anywhere!' He promised, but was not sure if Rory thought the same. However, he was determined to do that. For once, Jess wanted to fight. He still loved her and he swore to make her remember her love to him. Maybe she still loved him too. 'Hey, smile now!' Jess tried to sound happy. 'I'm coming home tomorrow.'

'_Really_?' Jess felt her joy immediately and could even picture her smile. It was like his. That made him smile too. '_You are going to be here for my birthday?'_

'I wouldn't miss it for anything!'

'_I love you daddy_!' Ayn squealed again and Jess laughed lightly. One of the stewards made him sign that he had to close his phone. Jess nodded.

'Look, I'm in the plane now. I have to go, but let this be our secret! I love you my princess. Kiss your brothers and your sister from me.'

'_Okay. Bye daddy_!' He heard her sound kiss on the phone and hung up with smile.

Ayn was his first kid with Rory. She was his weakness. Jess loved his children equally, but Ayn was special for him, because she was the first one. No one could change that. He was not there for the first four years of her life. Maybe that was why he felt her so close to him. He wanted to compensate those missing years.

Jess leaned back on his seat and closed his eyes. He thought about Rory. What he had done and why she was acting in this way. His thoughts wandering and he soon fell asleep. He woke up just before the crash. People screamed panicking and he could see the engine at his side burning.

He did not feel the impact. He felt the pain. His last thought was with his family.

_Now days_

Jess woke up feeling strange. He opened his eyes and saw Rory leaning over him. His heart ached from the pain in her eyes. Then he remembered why he was here and what she had told him to make him caught that plane. Jess could not look at her. He avoided her eyes and heard her silent cry. Honestly, he did not care now. His eyes closed and he fell asleep again.

Jess watched her while she was sleeping. She looked so small in that bed. She sounded so scared that he wanted to hug her. However, he remembered her words and Jess felt the sick need to hurt her too. It was foolish and stupid, but he was too angry to think now. When she woke up, he quickly avoided her eyes. His head turned around and his eyes closed.

'Look at me!' Rory snapped suddenly. 'Look at me now! I'm tired of watching you like this!'

Jess opened his eyes and looked at her. They were empty again. He tried to hide his pain and sorrow there, but he was sure that she was noticed them. Rory flinched and licked her lips. Her legs shook, but she got off her bed and came closer to his.

'I know that you are angry now, but you have to listen to me!' Jess avoided her eyes again.

He had not said a word from the moment he had woken up. He wanted her to suffer, but he suffered along with her now. That was the problem when you love somebody. You could feel its pain.

'I'm sorry, okay?' Her nerves crashed and Rory cried. 'I'm sorry! You know that I would never fill these papers! I cannot just shut you out of my life! You know that I love you more than I love anyone! I was angry and upset about so many things. Jake, the other kids, my book… I'm sorry if I made you feel bad!'

Jess turned around and looked at her. His fingers trembled in her hand. However, his lips stayed closed. He refused to talk with her. Maybe this time was too much. Maybe this time she had hurt him deeply than before.

Rory touched his fingers with her lips and Jess closed his eyes again. He would give up if he continued looking at her. The pain in her eyes was too much for him.

'Please forgive me…' She whispered and Jess looked at her again. 'I love you. You know that, right?' His reaction was only light tremble of his eyes. 'I promise that this will not change. I promise you!'

Jess closed his eyes again. These three words touched his heart. She still loved him. That was for sure. Then why she had made him suffer like this? Why she had offered him the hell when they both loved each other? He was too weak now. Every move caused him pain and enormous effort. Jess fell asleep again.

When he woke up and Rory offered to feed him, he understood how helpless he was in fact. However, he allowed her to take care for him. He watched her and observed her emotions. Rory looked scared and that brought him sick pleasure. Jess hated to see her like this. He hated to see her as weak as she was now. However, he had suffered too much and honestly, he felt weak too.

When he woke up the next time, Jess was not alone with Rory.

'Daddy?' He could hear her voice even before he could open his eyes. Ayn had grabbed his hand. 'Daddy, wake up! I'm here!'

Jess sighed once again and opened his eyes. He looked around the room and finally his look fell on his daughter. Then he smiled. It was a half smile, but it was enough to make Ayn burst into happy tears and rested head on his chest.

'Hey… princess…' His voice was weak and hoarse from his sleep. It was the first thing he had said since two weeks.

When Ayn left the room along with her mother, Luke sat close to Jess' bed. He frowned.

'So, how are you, Jess?'

'Good.' Jess frowned too.

'Any complaining?'

'Nope.'

'Why are you such an idiot with Rory?'

'What?' Jess snapped and if he was strong enough, he could get off that bed and walked out of the room.

'She said you don't want to speak to her!'

'This is not of your business!' Jess growled.

'Monosyllabic brat again!' Luke murmured and Jess got angry.

'Shut up!' he hissed.

'Stop acting like a child!'

'She wanted divorce! And now I'm the bad guy here?' Jess shifted on his bed. He started to feel the lack of air, but ignored it. 'You don't know anything!'

'I know!' Luke scowled. 'I know that you two have to talk!'

'I am tired of… talking!' Jess shook his head, trying to suppress the pain in his chest. 'She is the one, who…'

'She loves you!' Luke frowned, seeing his nephew's pale face.

'I know!' Jess coughed. 'But she has to…' He did not finish, coughing furiously.

'Jess!' Rory screamed from the door and rushed to him. 'Jess calm down!' Her hand lay on his chest and started rubbing it in small circles. He closed his eyes and soon he felt the relief, covering his body. 'It's okay now… it's okay…'

Jess looked up at her and this time he could not close his eyes. That was Rory and he loved her. No matter how she made him suffer, he loved her and he had promised something to his daughter. He had promised to try.


	6. Chapter 6 Beginning of the battle

_**Chapter 6**__** Beginning of the battle **_

'You wanted divorce?' Luke's voice interrupted their stare. Rory flinched and pulled away from Jess. 'You wanted divorce?' He repeated and his face went red. 'Why Rory?'

'I…' Rory tried to answer, but Jess interrupted her.

'Uncle Luke!' He hissed. If he had enough air, he would yell right now.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Luke ignored his nephew. 'You let me yell at him and you said…'

'Uncle Luke!' Jess repeated, but coughed from the effort. Rory rushed to him, but Jess put up one hand. She stopped in one place. 'This is our stuff!'

'But…'

'Where is Ayn?' Jess asked without looking at Rory. She coughed and nodded to the door.

'She wanted to eat, so she is waiting for you Luke.' Rory saw his frowned face and winced.

'I'll be right back!' Luke hissed and looked back at Jess. 'I'm sorry Jess!' He said and left the room. Suddenly, everything became quiet again. Rory still stood at her place and Jess still ignored her.

'Don't do this to me.' Rory said weakly. She heard him took sharp breath. 'Jess…'

'You hurt me…' he hissed and Rory finally looked at him. 'You hurt me again and now you're expecting from me to do like nothing wrong has happened?'

'Jess, listen…' Rory looked at him with pleading eyes.

'No!' he snapped and shifted on his bed. 'You have to listen now! I am tired of you yelling at me! Do you hear me? I'm tired!'

He spoke low. His powers were on their limit and he felt the exhaustion slowly possessing his body. However, he fought with it.

'I know.' Rory whispered. His face crooked and Jess saw her tears, wetting her eyes. He clenched his jaw. She was always counting on him to cure her pain. It almost happened now too. Almost… Jess narrowed his eyes.

'You threatened me! You made me believe that you actually want that! Why? You sign the papers?'

'No!' Her eyes widened and she shook her head. 'I've never meant to do that! Never!'

'But you said it!' His eyes went heavy and he put all of his effort to stay awake.

'I didn't mean it!' Rory took his hand and Jess did not have enough power to pull it back. 'I swear Jess! I didn't mean it!'

'We… aren't finish!' He murmured before the sleep could possess him completely.

Rory watched his pale face and his calm breathing. She hung her head between her shoulders and felt sorry for all she had said to him. It was stupid and foolish, but she was too frustrated and nervous to care about then. Why she was like that then? Rory was not sure. The only sure thing here was that she still loved him and still wanted him in her life. He was alive and that was the more important thing now.

She fell on the chair. Her hand still held Jess one. Rory closed her eyes with pain. They had spent the last five years as one big and happy family. Everything started falling apart from the moment her book had published. Jess was always beside of her. He supported her efforts and her will to start writer career. He had helped her finding editors and the publishing company. He was beside of her in every step of the way. Then something had happened and even Rory did not know why. She started yelling and Jess stopped talking.

Their kids took his side. No one of them had told anything against Rory, but every time Jess spent the night at the living room, Rory could hear their quiet steps outside her room. She sneaked on the staircase and sat on the upper star. They could not see her, but she could see them. Ayn brought some book to Jess and Rory could see how her children sat around their father and listened to him while he was reading. Then Rory cried and ran back into her lonely room.

Jess had never said anything against her. Moreover, he supported her in front of their children. When she happened to be upset or something, he just smiled and said that mommy had a tough day and they all have to be supportive. He never yelled. He always listened to her and somehow, Rory knew that it was too much for him. She knew that he was doing this for his children. She knew that Jess wanted them to have one real family. However, that made her hurt him even more. It was unbearable lately and when they had called him for the book tour, Jess said that he had to go for some time. They had spoken and he said that maybe it is better for her in that way. Rory agreed, but that annoyed her even more. He had thought for her, not for himself. It was something that he did often these days. Jess was not like this when they were younger, but now, when they had their family, he had learned to do that.

Two weeks later, Rory felt that she would burst. Honestly, she missed him like crazy, but she was too proud to admit that. Therefore, she called and hurt him again. Her words had hit him and she knew that he had not expected that. She cried from the moment, she had hung up the phone. She wanted to hurt him, but she had hurt her too. They had not heard one week and then he had called with the news of that interview. That was when the hell broke and loose. Jess was not in the mood to keep quiet anymore. She yelled and he had growled. He had called her irresponsible and she did not know what she wanted. It was true and that mad her get angry even more. She yelled that he had to learn how to deal with his responsibility. Jess had hissed that she was the one she had to learn how to do that. They had fought for Ayn's birthday then and she had threatened him again. It was stupid of course. Rory never meant what she said. She loved him too much for that.

'He sleeps?' Ayn asked her and Rory turned around. Her daughter was in the room alone. Rory nodded and she took the other place next to Jess' bed. 'Now would you stop yelling at him, mom?'

Rory felt limp in her throat. Ayn was the kid, lived through the whole pain and suffering when Jess was sick. She was little then, but she remembered every detail. Ayn was the kid, took Jess' temper and hidden sensitivity. She looked like him inside and outside. Rory stared at her small face, feminine copy of her father's, and her heart ached.

'I promise.' Rory whispered. Ayn did not even look at her. Rory felt that she blamed her somehow. She blamed her for Jess' condition and somehow Rory could understand her. Rory felt guilty too. 'Ayn…'

'He promised me, mom.' Ayn stared at her father's face. 'He promised me he won't leave us.'

'No, he'll never do that, Ayn.' Rory shook her head. 'He loves you all too much to do that.'

'He loves you too, mom.' Ayn looked at her with Jess' eyes and Rory winced. 'Daddy loves you more than you know.'

'I know hun.' Rory looked at Jess' face.

'I doubt about that.' Ayn murmured and Rory winced again.

She looked more and more like her father these days. Her voice had the same nuances. Her eyes narrowed in the same way and she looked much older when she talked. When she happened to talk. Ayn had become one very quiet girl. Only Jess could talk with her sometimes. Rory felt difficulties to admit that, but Ayn became like this by the time Jess and Rory stated arguing with each other.

'Ayn…' Rory's voice cracked.

'Do not make him regret, mom.' Her daughter tilted her head.

'I love your father, Ayn.' Rory tried to contain her emotions. 'I would never…'

'Try harder.'

Rory gulped the bitter answer. Ayn was her daughter. She was Jess' daughter and had the full right to speak like that. Moreover, Rory felt it in the same way. She had to try harder.

'I will.' She whispered and her hand slipped over Jess's face. Now she had to fight for him again. It was not going to be one easy battle, but Rory had to win.


	7. Chapter 7 I still care about you

_**Chapter 7**__** I still care about you**_

The very first thing Jess saw on the next morning was Rory, sleeping on her bed. He sighed and tried to shift more comfortable on his bed. However, he was too weak even for that simple move and frowned with frustration. His doctors had told him that he needed rehabilitation. Jess was in coma for too long and now he needs special exercises to regain his muscle power. It was not only that, but John had visited him with the news for his heart meds. Jess needed them back, until his treatment was over. Rory went pale with that news and Jess had seen her falling on her chair. He had frowned, but had not said a word. Usually, Jess would say just few words to comfort her, but not now. Now it was not the time. She made it like this. Now she had to deal with it.

However, Jess was watching her sleep. She looked tired and on the verge of her physical powers. She slept less than he did. Luke had told him that on his last visit. Still, Jess had not said a word about it.

Jess closed his eyes for one moment and heard Rory sigh. Her breathing changed and he heard her got off the bed. His eyes stayed close. He could hear her soft steps, coming close to his bed. She sat on the chair and Jess felt her hand covered his. It was nice, warm touch and he put all of his effort to stay still. Her hand slipped through his hair and brought him the familiar feeling of been loved by her.

'I love you.' Her whisper was barely perceptible, but Jess could hear it. Yeah, he knew that Rory loved him. He was sure even without her words, but she had brought him suffering. She was the only person, capable of that. The reason was simple. Rory was the only person, holding his heart.

His eyes had still closed. Her fingers ran through his hair. Jess was almost ready to give up. Almost, but he stood still.

'How long are you going to punish me, Jess?'

His eyes snapped open with her words. Rory was watching him with pain in hers.

'I'm not punishing you!'

'Yeah! Keep saying that and I'm gonna believe you!' Her voice rose up and he chuckled bitterly.

'Here we go again…'

'What?' Rory frowned.

'Nothing.' Jess closed his eyes again. 'You keep talking and I'm gonna pretend that I'm listening.'

'Jess!' Rory squeezed his hand.

'I can't escape this time, so go on – yell!' He uttered.

'Jess, I'm sorry.' He heard her pleading voice, but he avoided her eyes.

'No – seriously.' He tried to shrug. 'Go on.'

'Stop it!' Rory hissed and he looked at her. 'Stop acting like this!'

'I'm acting?' Jess rose up his eyebrows. 'You really like the sound of your voice, aren't you?'

'Why are you doing this?' Rory hissed again. She got off her place. 'Why are you doing this to me?'

'Oh yeah.' Jess crooked his face. 'I got into that plane on purpose and I forced it to crush.'

'Stop!' Rory uttered and buried her hands into her hair.

'Fine!' Jess placed his hand over his chest. He felt the well-known pressure there. Rory knew how to deal with it, but he was not in the mood to let her help him now.

'Are you okay?' She had seen his move. Jess had frowned and rubbed his chest. 'Jess…'

'I'll be fine!' He snapped.

'Damn you!' She cursed and sat back close to him.

'Don't!' He hissed when she touched him.

'Too bad you can't fight with me now!' Her hand replaced his and her moves brought him relief. Jess sighed tiredly. Rory knew exactly where to touch him. She knew what pressure she could use over his wounded chest.

He closed his eyes and they stood in silence. The pain was gone, but her hand still massaged him lightly. It was too simple to left himself in her hands. It was too simple just to keep silence. However, Jess was not like this.

'You can stop now.' He whispered and felt her stopped. However, she did not remove her hand. 'Why are you doing this?'

'What?' Rory sounded confused. 'What am I doing?'

'Do you really want that marriage, Rory?' Jess opened his eyes. He looked tired and it felt in this way. Her hand trembled. Jess looked up to her face. She looked scared and her eyes fluttered. Jess knew that she was fighting with her tears now.

'Why are you asking me this, Jess?' She barely spoke. 'You're saying that I'm hurting you. What are you doing now?'

'I'm asking you honestly, Rory!' Jess shifted his head on the pillow. His eyes gazed at her. 'I can't understand you. Not anymore.'

'I love you, Jess.' Rory tilted her head and bit her lower lip. 'You have a doubt in that?'

'No.' Jess sighed. 'This is not our problem.' He released one bitter laugh. 'The funny thing is that I don't know what the problem is.' Rory tried to say something, but he was quick. 'Whatever. It does not matter. I just asked you something and I want my answer.'

'Ayn told me that you two talked about that.' Rory tried to suppress her sob. 'She said…'

'Forget about Ayn!' Jess hissed. 'I'm not gonna leave my children and you know that! I just asked you something! Answer me!'

'I want you!' Rory sobbed. 'I want you and our marriage!'

'It doesn't look like it!' He hissed again and tried to move, but it was hard for his state now.

He still felt weak in his legs. His upper body was absolutely immovable, because of his surgery. His doctors wanted to wait little before the start of his rehabilitation period. Therefore, Jess was lying on his bed and the only movable parts of his body were his hands.

'I meant it, Jess!' Rory insisted. 'I really want you and our marriage!'

She reached out and touched his face. Jess closed his eyes and suppressed the urge to lean on that hand. He clenched his jaw and refused to look at Rory. If he did this now, his whole strength would have gone.

'I'm tired.' He said instead. 'I have to sleep.'

'Okay.' Rory whispered and Jess felt her lips touched his forehead. 'I'll be here.'

His heart pounded and he felt good. That was her first warm touch since long time ago. It was her first sign that she still cared about him.

Rory watched him falling asleep. He did look tired and she was worried about his condition. She knew how fragile he was now and how he hated this state of his body. Rory sighed and bent over him. She buried fingers in his hair and her heat ached. He was so beautiful. Despite his pale face now, Jess was the most beautiful thing in her life.

'I'm not gonna lose you! I swear!' Rory whispered and kissed his lips. 'I'm not gonna lose you, Jess!'

Lorelai walked into the room in the moment like this. She saw her daughter, kissing her husband. Rory looked sad, but her eyes looked at him with love. Lorelai smiled. She had not seen her like this since long ago.

'That is something good to see.' Lorelai whispered and Rory looked at her with sad smile. She did not look surprised.

'It was about time.' Rory answered instead.

'Couldn't agree more.' Lorelai nodded.


	8. Chapter 8 Just a talk

_**A/N: **_

_**Grand rules: **_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of dramma here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 8**__** Just a talk **_

Rory and Lorelai walked out of Jess' room. Rory did not want to disturb his sleep when he needed it. They sat on the near café and Lorelai bought two cups, full with the bitter drink. She sat opposite her daughter and stared at her tired face. Rory took a hard sip and then leaned back on her chair with a sigh.

'Now, I need the full story here.' Lorelai leaned her elbows over the table. 'Don't tell me that it's nothing, 'cause I know about your problems.'

'We can make it, mom.' Rory took the cup into her hands and stared at the black liquid. 'I'm sure.'

'I know you can make it, hun.' Lorelai observed her face. 'You both love each other and that's the best thing here. I think it's the only best thing.'

'I'm sorry, but this is something private!' Rory hissed and placed the empty cup on the plastic table.

'Good. Now you're sounding just like your husband.' Lorelai tilted her head. 'You know that I won't buy it, right?'

'I don't care!' Rory snapped and crossed arms before her chest. 'I can't tell you anything!'

'We used to talk, Ror.' Her mother was sure that something had happened. The only problem here was that her daughter was too busy to hide it.

'I'm sorry mom.' Rory rubbed her eyes and released one tired sigh. 'I really am, but this is between Jess and me.'

'Luke told me about your ultimatum.' Lorelai frowned. 'He said you weren't serious about the divorce thing. Is it true?'

'Damn!' Rory chuckled bitterly. 'Now everybody knows!'

'Well?' Lorelai insisted.

'No! Okay?' Rory answered with frustration. 'I don't even think about it! I said that in a moment of anger!'

'So you want to keep your marriage with Jess?'

'I just said that!' Rory snapped.

'You don't need to be bitchy!' Lorelai frowned. 'I just want to help you1'

'I don't need your help, so stop trying!' Rory hissed.

'Okay, what is got into you?' Her mother looked at her with concern. 'You look so angry now. What's wrong?'

'My husband is lying there and he just cheated death again! Is that something little?' Rory shut her eyes and took one deep breath. 'I'm sorry mom, but I think that I have to go back to him.'

'Jess is sleeping, hun.' Lorelai tilted her head. 'You need some time for yourself.'

'I need to be with him when he needs me!'

Rory pushed her chair back and got off the table. Lorelai watched her quick steps towards the elevator. She did not try anything to stop her. Rory was too frustrated to talk. Lorelai took the last sip from her cup. Rory was nervous and her emotions were in full mess. Her mother hoped that Jess was patient enough for her. However, something told her that even his patience had its limits.

Lorelai knew about their problems. She was not blind. However, Jess and Rory kept it private. Their children on the other hand, were not discrete. That was how Lorelai had learned about the nights; Jess was spending on the couch. She learned how mommy yelled at daddy and he just calmed the children that she is little upset and soon she would be fine. Lorelai was surprised. She would expect from Jess to yell it back. He kept it quiet. He was patient. Lorelai knew that every patience had an end and she was sure that Jess is close of it.

When Rory came back to Jess' room, he was sleeping. He was sleeping a lot these days. His doctors had reassured her that it was normal for him to sleep more. He needed to restore his powers back. Rory sat on the chair close to him. Her hand lay over his on the bed and she stared at his pale face. Jess was a fighter; she had to admit that. He would never give up easily. Rory sighed and ruffled his hair gently. She could be glad for that.

Rory knew that everything had started in the moment they had stopped talking. Well, she had stopped talking and that had provoked the scandals. She yelled and he kept quiet. She wanted to challenge him, so he could answer her. However, Jess just kept quiet, and when the situation turned unbearable, he just had taken his blanket and went in to the living room.

Rory had called him coward one night. She had asked him why he was always running. Jess had clenched his jaw and she was sure that he would answer her properly. However, he kept quiet again. Only the door had slammed behind his back.

She heard him sighed in his dream and stared at his beautiful face. He looked pale and exhausted, but he was alive and they still had a chance.

Rory got off her chair and her lips touched his lightly. She felt his moved under her touch and her hand lay on his face. She kissed him once again and then pulled back, touching his forehead briefly.

'What are you doing?' Jess stared at her.

'I needed this.' Rory answered honestly.

'Why?'

'Why what?' She looked at him with confusion.

'Why are you doing this, Rory?'

'Do I need some reason?' Rory tilted her head and skimmed fingers over his face.

'Six months nothing and then you suddenly feel that need?' Jess rose up his eyebrows.

'How many times I have to say that I'm sorry, Jess?' Rory sighed, trying to contain her frustration.

'Not enough, damn it!' Jess snapped and Rory saw the old sparkle building up in him. 'You give me the Hell and now I want answers!'

'There are no answers, Jess!'

'Huh!'

'Don't sound so sarcastic!' Rory snapped and saw his sad smile.

'I know you! I know you better than anyone!' He sighed and shut his eyes for one moment. 'Don't tell me that there is nothing, because I know that it isn't true!'

'Now it's not the time, Jess!' Rory whispered and Jess could see the pain in her eyes.

'Did you…' He hated the thought itself, but he had to ask.

'There was not anyone between us!' Rory had read his mind. 'You have to be crazy to ask that!'

'Then what? What, Rory!'


	9. Chapter 9 I have to know

_**Chapter 9 **__**I have to know**_

Rory got off her chair and turned her back to Jess. It was hard subject for her and honestly, she was still in pain of it. Moreover, Rory was not sure if Jess was strong enough for it.

'Rory!' He sounded annoyed.

'It's too early Jess.' She whispered, but he heard her.

'Too early? Too early for what?' Jess snapped.

Rory sighed and rubbed her eyes.

'You have to save your strength now, Jess. We could talk when you get better.'

'But…'

The sound of the open door interrupted Jess.

It was John. He walked into the room and smiled at his patient.

'Hey Jess.' He nodded at Rory. 'Hey Rory.'

'John.' Jess frowned.

'I heard you're getting better.' John checked something in Jess' file. Obviously, he was satisfied and put it back on the nightstand. 'Your heart seems fine.'

'If you said so.' Jess threw one look at Rory, but she avoided his eyes.

'However, you have to proceed with your medications.'

'Why?' Rory frowned with concern. 'You just said that he is fine.'

'We have to be sure.' John nodded. 'He is fine, but I... we have to be absolutely sure that his heart is healthy.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded and tried to smile, but just crooked her face instead. 'We'll do what it's necessary.'

John looked at Jess and saw his tired expression.

'You have to sleep more. Your body needs that now.'

'I want to get off this bed!' Jess frowned slightly. 'I'm tired of just lying here.'

'Don't push it, Jess.' John tilted his head. 'You were injured very badly and now you need rest. '

'Yeah.' Jess closed his eyes. 'I just wish that it was fast.'

'I'm sorry, but you have to slow down now.' John looked at his watch and then looked back at Jess. 'It's late. I have to go now, but I'll be here tomorrow.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded and Rory walked him to the door. When she turned around, Jess was staring at her.

'Don't start now.' Rory hissed. 'We'll talk when you get better.'

'You want me to get better when I know that you hide something from me?' Jess asked ironically. 'Are you serious?'

'I'm not gonna tell you anything!' Rory snapped and ran fingers through her hair.

'So there is a problem!' Jess hissed. 'Damn Rory! Open your mouth and talk!'

'Look who's saying that!' She rolled her eyes. That pissed him off even more.

'Don't make me feel guilty about my past! That's who I was and I won't regret about it!'

'You brought that subject!'

'Me?' Jess frowned and rubbed his chest. 'You know what? Talk when you want! I'm tired now!'

'Don't be sarcastic, damn it!' Rory hissed and came closer to him. 'I just said that I'm gonna tell you, but not now!'

'Whatever!' Jess closed his eyes with tired sigh. 'Do what you want!'

'Jess…'

'Good night, Rory!' He snapped and she kept quiet. One bitter smile appeared on her face. That was one usual conversation between them. That was how they were talking with each other since long time.

She wanted to protect him now. She wanted to do what was the best for him and he just could not understand that. Rory sat on the chair close to his bed and ran fingers through her messy hair. Her elbows rested on his bed and she stared at him. He had not lied this time. He was sleeping. That only showed that she was right and she had to wait before the news. That would hurt him. Rory knew that for sure, because it hurt her. She leaned face on his palms and sighed tiredly. Her only wish now was for him to get better as soon as it was possible.

Rory leaned arms on the bed. She placed her head over them and closed her eyes. She fell asleep almost immediately.

Jess woke up in the middle of the night. He felt something, touching his left hip and tried to look there. He frowned. It was Rory. She had fallen asleep on her chair. His hand lifted up and he hesitated before he could touch her hair. His fingers slipped through the soft curls and Jess sighed painfully. He had not touched her like that since long ago. It was as if Rory was afraid to be touch by him. He did not know why and that confused him even more. Now she refused to talk. That was shocking, because usually, Rory was the talkative one between them. She initiated the conversation when there was a problem. Then suddenly she just shut down. It was strange and Jess tried to reach her. However, that was how all this had started. He wanted to talk and she did not. He wanted to share and she yelled instead. It was as if she blamed him for something and when Jess had asked her, Rory had burst into tears and slammed the door before his face.

She shifted under his hand and Jess stopped with his moves for one moment. Rory did not move again. Jess looked at her face, turned to him. She had watched him before she could fell asleep. He knew that she loved him. That was unquestionable. However, that was not enough now. Something had happened and Jess wanted to know what. He would try until she did not talk.

'Rory?' He called her quietly.

'Hm…' She mumbled and Jess suppressed one smile.

'You have to go to your bed now.'

'No.' she whispered and shifted under his hand.

'Come on.' Jess called her again. 'You'll be in pain tomorrow if you sleep here.'

'I'm fine.' Her eyes fluttered and she looked at him. 'I'm fine here.'

'I know, but I'll be better if I know that you are okay.' Jess pulled his fingers out of her hair. Rory sighed and lifted up her head. She stretched her back and looked at him.

'Are you okay?'

'I'm good.' Jess released his crooked smile. 'Go to your bed now. I wanna see you sleeping.'

Rory just nodded. She got off and pecked his lips. It was quick and Jess doubted that she even thought about it. He just watched her lay on her bed. She fall asleep right before his eyes. He frowned. He had to know what had happened. That almost had ruined their relationship. Therefore, Jess was sure that it was something very important.

Tomorrow, he thought. Tomorrow he would talk to her no matter what. He had to know.


	10. Chapter 10 Revealing the pain

_**A/N: **_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of dramma here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 10 **__**Revealing the pain**_

Jess woke up early. Rory was sleeping on her bed and it was the first time when he was awake before her. She really needed some sleep. No mater how angry he was, he still loved her. He still knew her better than anyone did. Rory had suffered. Jess could read her face. He could see the pain in her eyes. One strange feeling possessed his mind. He hoped that he was wrong.

'Jess?' She called him and he understood that he had stared at her. Jess blinked furiously and avoided her eyes. 'Are you okay?' Rory jumped off the bed. She lost her balance for one moment, but quickly restored it back.

'I'm okay.' Jess frowned. 'But we still need to talk!'

'I told you that we could talk when you get better!' Rory snapped, but sat close to his bed.

'And I'm telling you that I wanna know how!' Jess hissed.

'Jess!' Rory frowned.

'Good morning!' John opened the door in that moment. Rory got off her chair and smiled nervously.

'Morning.' She nodded. 'Could you excuse me for one second?' She babbled and walked into the bathroom. Jess frowned after her.

'What's going on?' John looked confused.

'She's just trying to drive me crazy!' Jess snapped and looked at John. 'Nothing new.'

'Save your nerves, Jess.' John frowned and looked at his file.

'I'm trying!' Jess sighed and shifted on his bed. 'When I could sit here?'

'Don't be such a rush!' John wrote something and then looked at his patient. 'We have to be completely sure; before we let you do this.'

'But I'm fine!' Jess snapped. 'And I'm tired of just lying here!'

'You weren't like this before.' John tilted his head. 'Why now?'

'Maybe just because that 'before'!' Jess frowned. 'I want to go home already! I have to see my…'

'Daddy!' The door snapped open and Jess saw his twins running to his bed. His face lightened.

'Hey!' He heard Lorelai's voice. 'Easy now!' However, it was too late. Jess Jr. and Jane were already on the both sides of the bed. Jess hugged him as tighter as he could.

'Daddy! We missed you!' Jane kissed his cheek and Jess closed his eyes for one moments.

'We are here to see you!' Jess Jr. announced and Jess ruffled his hair.

'Okay, Huns!' Lorelai called them and Jess smiled. 'Down now! There is someone else here.'

Jess Jr. and Jane jumped off the bed and Jess could see Jake holding Lorelai's hand. He looked scared and his heart ached.

'Hey Jake.' Jess spoke quietly and reached out one hand towards his baby boy. 'Come here. You don't have to be afraid.'

Jake hesitated just for one second. He dropped Lorelai's hand and climbed on Jess' bed. He snuggled in Jess.

'I love you daddy.'

Rory got out of the bathroom just to see that picture. Jess wrapped arm around Jake and kissed his temple.

'I love you too my boy.' He whispered. Jake smiled and Rory covered her mouth to suppress one sob.

'Mommy! Mommy!' The twins called her and she saw them running towards her. She knelt down and wrapped arms around them.

'My treasures.' She whispered and kissed their temples.

'Huns!' Lorelai murmured and Jess released one smile, ruffling Jake's hair. 'I left Ayn with my son. He is the treasure here.'

'So this is your family?' John asked and Jess nodded.

'This is my family.' He looked at Rory.

'Okay.' John nodded. 'I'll be back by the end of the day.'

'I'll be here.' Jess crooked his face.

'Are you okay, daddy?' Jake asked him and Jess tried to smile to his son.

'Daddy is okay. I just need some time here.'

'But you'll be back?' Jake looked at him with his hazel eyes.

'I'll be back.' Jess kissed his small head.

'Okay.' Jake sighed and snuggled in him again.

'How are you?' Lorelai asked her daughter. Rory was playing with the twins and she just threw one look at her mother.

'I'm good.'

'I think that you are fine!' Lorelai rolled her eyes, but Rory looked back at her children.

They spent the whole morning together. Jess felt tired by the end of the visit, but he was happy to see his little children. Rory saw his pale face and looked at her mother. Lorelai nodded as a response.

'Come on, Huns! Granny need to go now! Say bye to your daddy and let's go!'

'But…'

'Granny…' The children pouted.

'Come on! Daddy needs to sleep now!' Lorelai tried again and this time they listened to her. When the room was quiet again, Jess sighed tiredly and closed his eyes. He felt Rory's hand on his forehead and looked up at her.

'I'm good.'

'You will be if you can relax now.' She whispered and kissed his temple.

'We have to talk!' Jess whispered. 'You can't keep that secret forever.' His voice was thick.

'Sleep now.' She smiled, but her eyes remained sad.

'Rory…'

'Sleep, Jess.' She ran fingers through his hair. 'Sleep and get better.' The sound of her voice calmed him and he closed his eyes. 'Sleep and get better now.' He felt her lips touching his softly. 'I love you.'

That was how Jess fell asleep. He was weak. He could not fight with that. He hated it, but there was nothing, he could have done. However, when he opened his eyes again, his heart ached. Rory was sitting on her bed. She had folded her legs and rested knees over her knees. She was crying silently.

Jess could feel her pain as his. He always could. She looked so sad that he wondered how he did not notice that before. Her face was all wet and Jess swallowed hard. He wanted to get off that bed now. He wanted to wrap arms around her and banished her pain away. Damn his weakness! That was why he hated it!

'Rory.' He called her.

'Leave me alone, Jess!' She brushed her eyes rapidly. 'I'll be fine!'

'Come here.' His voice was quiet.

'No!' Rory sniffed and avoided his eyes. 'You don't have to worry about.'

'Rory.'

'Jess I…'

'I can't hug you if you are there and I'm here.'

'I don't want…'

'Stop lying!' He hissed and she looked at him just then. 'I can see you suffering right now! Why don't you let me help you?'

'I don't need…'

'Stop hiding your heart from me! Just stop!' He tried to sit, but slipped on his elbows. 'Jeez!'

'Jess!' Rory rushed to help him. 'Calm down.'

'Tell me Rory!' His eyes locked with hers. 'It's time to tell me.'

Then suddenly she burst into tears.

'I lost a baby...'


	11. Chapter 11 Learning to talk

_**Chapter 11 Learning to talk**_

Rory burst into tears and fell on his chest. The short pain showed him that this was not a dream. Rory had not lied to him this time. She had told him the truth. Her small shoulders shook in his arms. Just then, Jess noticed that he had hugged her. How and when that had happened, he could not remember. However, Rory had buried head in his arm and cried like never before.

'Jeez, Rory!' Jess whispered in her hair. 'Why didn't you tell me? Why you kept all this pain in you?' Rory could not stop crying in his arms. She had been through a lot. Jess clenched his teeth and buried fingers in her hair. He could only imagine her pain when this had happened.

'I'm sorry.' She sobbed and her tears wetted his pajama, but Jess did not care. He just held her close to himself. Rory needed this. 'I was so… confused and … and… angry!'

'Sh-sh.' He kissed her temple, cursing his inability to do more. 'I'm here now. I am here and you know that I love you no mater what.'

'I wanted to die then.' She sobbed and he felt her fist clutched onto his pajama. 'I was so angry. I just felt completely happy and that happened.'

'Why you felt anger?'

'I was anger at myself. I should've read the signs.' She burst into tears again. 'I should've read them! Why I was so careless? Why?'

'Sh-sh.' Jess clenched his jaw. Now he felt angry, because he was not there to help her. She needed him and he was not there. 'Calm down now. Calm down…'

'Then I wasn't the same. After I came back from New York and saw you with the kids, it hurt too much. It was too much for me to take.'

'Does anybody know about this?' He whispered, because honestly, his strength was over.

'No.' Rory shook her head on his chest. 'I kept it only for myself.'

'I think you took that thing from me.' Jess kissed her temple again.

'I never meant to hurt you!' Rory sniffed and felt his hand slipped down on her back and lying over her waist. He sighed.

'You hurt me more by hiding this.' He made short pause. 'You cannot even imagine my thoughts then. I thought that you stopped love me.'

'That's absurd.' Rory sniffed and looked up at his face. 'You know how much I love you Jess.'

'I wasn't sure then. You were like a foreign to me.' He tried to shrug, but crooked his face painfully.

'Are you okay?' Rory studied his face. She tried to get off his bed, but Jess pressed his hand over her waist.

'I'm okay. It hurts when I make a sudden move.'

'But…'

'Stay here.' Jess stared into her eyes. 'I want to hold you. It's been a long time since I held you like that.'

'Okay.' Rory sniffed once again and cuddled in him. She was careful with his wounds, but she felt good lying in his arms. 'I missed that.'

'I missed it too.' He leaned his chin on the top of her head.

'I'm sorry I didn't say anything, but I wasn't ready then.' Her voice was thick.

'I could only imagine how painful for you that was.' Jess closed his eyes and one tired sigh slipped through his lips.

'I'm sorry.' Rory said instead and her eyes closed too. She felt his steady breathing and knew that he was falling asleep again.

It was tough job sharing with him. However, she realized that she felt better now. Rory sighed. Jess was right. She felt good in his arms. She had missed that.

Nothing seemed different on the next morning. Well, jus one thing, but it was something Rory had missed it too. She woke up from a soft kiss. When she opened her eyes and saw Jess staring at her with love, her heart ached.

'Good morning.' She smiled shyly.

'Good morning.' Jess rubbed her back. 'I was wondering… when we get back home, can I come back in my own bed? My back hurts from the couch.'

'Your back hurts?' She looked at him with concern.

'I really meant the couch, Rory!' Jess frowned.

'Oh.' She released her breath. 'Okay.'

'Well?'

'Well what?'

'Can I come back?'

'I would love that.' Rory smiled and that was the first smile, touching her eyes from long ago.

'I love your smile.' Jess obviously had noticed that. 'You should smile more often from now on.'

'I'll try.' She hesitated, but her lips touched his.

'That's all I need to know.' Jess stared at her with love.

'Breakfast.' One nurse knocked on the door and Rory got off the bed blushing.

'You are such a girl sometimes.' He teased her while the nurse placed the try over his nightstand.

'Jess!' She hissed, but apparently could not hide her smile.

'We have four kids you know.' He looked at the nurse.

'Jess stop!'

'It's okay dear.' The nurse just smiled and looked at them. 'It's nice to see two young people so in love like you two.'

'Thanks.' Rory blushed again and saw the old nurse walked out of the room. 'Was that necessary?'

'You are so beautiful when you're blushing!' He teased her.

'Right!' She snapped, but she could not get angry with him today. Her face faded.

'Rory, what's wrong?' He looked concerned.

'I'm sorry I kept that secret from you, Jess.' She went back to him and sat on his bed. Jess took her hand.

'We have to share more, Rory.' He nodded. 'Look how long we are together and we still can talk to each other as it necessary.'

'Look who's talking?' She smiled nervously.

'Yeah, strange right?'

'No.' Rory stared at him. 'It's not strange. I think it is wise. We have to talk more.'

'Agreed.' Jess nodded.

'It's so nice to see that picture.' John walked into the room with smile.

'Why? You have more good news?' Jess asked carefully.

'I have.' John nodded.


	12. Chapter 12 Old friends

_********__A/N:_

_********__Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of drama here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

* * *

**_Chapter 12 Old friends_**

Rory grabbed Jess's hand and he looked up at her. She was more worried than he was. He smiled with irony. She was always worried.

'I have great news actually.' John looked at the couple. 'You could sit already.'

'And that's the great news?' Jess crooked his face.

'Jess.' Rory squeezed his hand.

'No.' John smiled. 'We can start with your rehabilitation tomorrow morning.'

'Really?' Rory looked at him with hope.

'Really.' John nodded and went to Jess' bed. He showed them how to lift up his upper body. 'You could try with just sitting at least for today.'

'Thank you.' Rory smiled brightly and looked at Jess. He was sitting. Well, with the help of the bed. However, he was sitting and that made her happy.

'Don't push it to hard, okay?' John tilted his head.

'How long it'll be that rehabilitation period?' Jess asked impatiently. He felt little dizzy, but that was normal. He was lying on that bed too long.

'Two weeks maybe.'

'Can't we shorten a bit? I want to go home already.' Jess threw one playful look at Rory. She blushed. 'I want to sleep in my own bed.'

'Okay.' John laughed lightly. 'I can't release you from here until two weeks. Then you can go home, but you have to follow some prescriptions.'

'I can't wait!' He still looked Rory and she felt nice warmth in her belly. Jess had not looked at her like that since long ago.

'Hey.' They heard Paris' voice and saw her walking into the room. 'Can I come in?'

'Sure.' John answered her and gave her small kiss on her lips. 'We just finished with the formalities.'

'Oh Jess!' Paris smiled. 'I can see you sitting? That is good! Rory was worried about you!'

'Well, Paris smiled at me and that's a thing!' Jess winked at Paris and looked at Rory. 'Why didn't you tell me that Paris was here?'

'She was here when they… well…' Rory coughed and her face faded. 'She was beside me at the beginning. When you were in coma.'

'Thank you.' Jess turned serious and looked back at Paris. 'Thank you for being here with her.'

'She is my friend, Jess.' Paris shrugged.

'I'm glad she has such friends.'

'Talking for friends…' Paris coughed and looked at the door. She nodded and they saw Lane walking into the room.

'I can't believe this!' Rory's eyes widened.

'Hey Rory!' Lane hesitated, but then hugged Rory and she responded to her. 'It's been a long time.'

'I haven't heard you since…'Rory waved with her hand when they pulled apart. 'Four years?'

'Give it or take it…' Lane shrugged. 'I was busy at home you know. 'Have another kid and my husband is on tour with his band. That's why I'm here.'

'You have a kid.' Rory tried to smile. This subject was still painful for her.

'Yeah.' Lane grinned and Rory felt her heart ached. 'I have one little daughter. Her name is May, because she was bourn in that month.'

'That is… great.' Rory looked at Jess and searched for his hand. She felt him squeezed her hand.

'Are you okay?' Paris looked at her carefully.

'She is tired.' Jess answered instead.

'Oh and how about you?' Lane frowned when she saw him on the bed. 'You are in the hospital again!'

'Yeah…' Jess crooked his face. 'I just love the atmosphere here.'

'Ha-ha very funny!' Rory murmured. She was better and Jess sighed with relief. He hated to see the sadness into her eyes.

'What?' He clicked with his tongue. 'Look, the food is great!'

'You haven't eaten yet!' Rory frowned.

'I know, but I'm not hungry.' Jess shook his head.

'You have to eat!' Rory insisted.

'I have to agree with her.' John nodded.

'And we have to go now.' Paris had understood her husband.

'Yeah.' Lane nodded. 'I will be here whole month, so…'

'Okay.' Rory nodded with smile. 'Bye guys.'

'I'll be back tomorrow.' John said before he could close the door.

The room went quiet again. Rory went and took the tray with Jess' breakfast. She put it on the small table on his bed and stared at him. Jess sighed and took the spoon. He frowned when he saw his breakfast. It was gruel again.

'I need real food.' Jess murmured when he took the first bit.

'You have to cope with this one.' Rory smiled and sat on the bed, looking at him. 'You want me to call your uncle and tell him about the rehabilitation?'

'Nope.' Jess swallowed the food in his mouth and frowned. It was not tasty. 'I prefer to wait and surprise him.'

'He'll be here tomorrow, Jess.' Rory touched his thigh. 'My mother said that he'll be here with Ayn.'

'Then we'll tell them tomorrow.' Jess nodded.

'Okay.' Rory lowered her eyes. 'I have to talk with Ayn again. We had little fight while you were sleeping the last time she was here.'

'What?' Jess stared at her.

'Yeah.' Rory smiled sadly. 'I have to tell her few more things. I think I hurt her.'

'You hurt her?' Jess put the spoon on his tray. 'I can't believe this!'

'But I did it.' Rory looked at him. 'It wasn't exactly an arguing, but I hurt her with my attitude towards you.'

'Oh.' Jess leaned back. 'If you want me I can talk to her.'

'No.' Rory replaced the small table with the try and put it on the nightstand. 'I have to fix that alone.'

'Okay.' Jess took her hand. 'But if you need help, I'm here.'

'I know.' She leaned and kissed his lips. 'I know.'

.


	13. Chapter 13 Revive the memories

_**Chapter 13**__** Revive the memories **_

When Rory woke up on the next morning, Jess was still sleeping on his bed. His breathing was steady and Rory smiled. They had spent the night talking. She loved to talk with him, but they had not talked that much lately. Rory sat on her bed and stretched her back. She ran fingers through her messy hair and went into the bathroom. When she walked out from there, her hair was moist and she had changed her clothes. Rory felt a lot better. She put the dirty clothes in her bag and stared at Jess. One thin smile appeared on her lips. He was sleeping. Her Jess was sleeping.

'He looked a lot better, don't you think?' Luke had entered into the room. Rory turned around and looked at him. Ayn was standing close to him and her eyes gazed her father.

'He looked a lot better.' Rory confirmed. 'We have some wonderful news!'

'Oh, I can see the smile on your face.' Luke smiled too. 'Something different?'

Rory looked at her daughter.

'Jess and I talked and we are good now.'

'You've tried?' Ayn looked up at her mother. 'You talked to him?'

'Yes.' Rory nodded. 'We talked and I want to apologize to you.'

'To me?' Ayn looked surprised. 'You don't have to apologize for anything to me mom.'

'No.' Rory shook her head. 'I was… strange through all these months. I was bad and nervous.'

'It's okay mom.' Ayn smiled and Rory could see Jess' smile on her face. She sighed with relief. 'I knew that you still love daddy! I knew it!'

'Oh honey.' Rory hugged her daughter and Ayn hugged her back.

'That's a nice look.' They heard Jess' voice and looked at him. He was awake and looked at them.

'Oh the sleeping beauty is awake.' Luke teased him.

'Yeah.' Jess crooked his face. 'Rory?' He looked at her and Rory rushed to help him with the bed.

'Daddy!' Ayn exclaimed. 'You are sitting!'

'Jess?' Luke smiled widely. 'Since when?'

'John was here yesterday.' Jess nodded and took Rory's hand.

'He said that Jess would be out of here after two weeks.'

'I can't wait!' Ayn squealed like a little girl.

'Hey!' Jess laughed. 'So I think that you are happy?'

Ayn ran to his bed and Jess wrapped one arm around her.

'I'm so happy daddy.'

'Okay.' Rory smiled, but then looked at her watch and frowned. 'They are late with your breakfast.'

'We can see why.' Ayn suggested and Rory nodded with smile.

'Sure. Let's go.' She leaned and kissed Jess on his lips. 'I'll be back soon, okay.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded and watched her as she left the room along with their daughter.

'I think that something is definitely changed here.' Luke clicked with his tongue. 'So you are better now?'

'A lot better.' Jess nodded and shifted on his bed. 'We talked and well… we talked.'

'And you won't tell me a thing about it, right?' Luke rolled his eyes.

'You are damn right. I won't.' Jess looked at him stubbornly.

'Well now I'm sure that you are in perfect shape.' Luke cocked his head and sat on the chair, close to Jess' bed. 'You are the same pain in the ass as before.'

'Thanks, but I need to work a little more.' Jess frowned and looked at his legs. 'I have to pass through rehabilitation period.'

'You'll make it Jess.' Luke snapped into serious mode. 'Come on, you survived that crash. It was a nightmare to even watch it on TV!'

'You saw… the crash?' Jess spoke quietly. 'I can't remember anything.'

'I saw the pictures and saw what was left form the plane on TV.' Luke swallowed hard. 'We don't let the children to see that.'

'Thank you.' Jess sighed. 'So… I want to see that pictures.'

'You don't have to revive this, Jess. I'm sorry that I even mention it.'

'I want to see it Uncle Luke!' Jess snapped. 'Even Rory don't talk about it!'

'Why are you so stubborn to see it?'

'I want to know!' Jess lowered his voice. 'I remember only the landing. Then some sudden explosion and I saw one of the engines burning. When the next explosion came in… I can't remember anything after that, except the pain.'

'The plane split in two.' Luke avoided his eyes. 'You can't recognize the plane anymore. It was pure mess.'

'I want to see it!' Jess insisted. 'It was full with people. Damn it! It was full with people!'

'I'm sorry Jess.' Luke swallowed hard once again. 'You got lucky and…'

'How many survived the crash?' Jess narrowed his eyes.

'The statistic showed only few people, Jess.' Luke avoided his look. 'You are among these few.'

'Jeez!' Jess snapped and ran fingers through his hair. 'So many innocent lives! What is the reason?'

'They don't know yet.' Luke shrugged.

'Here is the breakfast.' Rory and Ayn entered in to the room. Rory placed the tray over the special table and placed it over Jess's body on the bed. 'Are you okay?' She asked when she saw his darken face.

'Yeah.' Jess touched her forearm and pulled her to him. He placed his other hand on her cheekbone and forced her to look at him. 'I'm so lucky.' His eyes caressed her beautiful face. 'I just understood how lucky I am.' His lips touched hers and their daughter smiled. Ayn was happy, because she could see the love between her parents was real. She could see her family getting whole again.

'I want to see the newspapers, Uncle Luke.' Jess asked once again, before his Uncle could leave the room along with his daughter.

'What newspapers?' Rory asked with confusion, but Luke nodded.

'I'll see what I can do. Bye Jess.'

'Bye daddy.'

Luke and Ayn left the room and Rory looked at Jess.

'What newspapers, Jess?'

'From the crash.' Jess frowned.

'Why?'

'Just want to!'

'There is no need to remind you about this Jess.' Rory took his hand in hers.

'I have to know.' His voice was low, but Rory knew that she had no choice. She had to accept his decision and just to be beside him.


	14. Chapter 14 First day

_**Chapter 14**__** First day **_

The first day of rehabilitation went painfully for Jess. They had to revive the muscles of his legs and that was slow process, required long time, and patience. Rory just watched the exercises and memorized everything.

Jess was on his own bed, and one rehabilitator worked with him. He got tired quickly, but Rory knew that he could not say anything about it. Jess usually had some extra room with power. This time, Rory could see him using it.

'Okay. I think we are fine for now.' The rehabilitator said and looked at his watch. 'One hour is enough for the first day.'

'I can do more.' Jess mumbled, but Rory shot him one look.

'We don't have to push it.' The rehabilitator said. He looked at Rory. 'We could add one extra hour every day.'

'Okay. Thank you.' She said and watched him walked out of the room. 'What was that?' She looked at Jess again.

'What?' He frowned and shifted on his bed.

'You can't do more. You are too weak, Jess. I know that you want to get out of here, but be patient!'

'I'm tired! Jeez!' Jess snapped and rubbed his eyes. 'I want to get back home!'

'I know, Jess.' Rory rubbed his arm. Jess looked up at her. 'But I'm here and I'll be here until we get out of this hospital.'

'You miss the kids, Rory.' He frowned. 'I can see you in your eyes.'

'Of course I miss them.' Rory shrugged. 'You miss them too and this is normal.'

'But you can get back home if you want to. You are here for over a month.' Jess reached out his hand and Rory bent over so he could touch her face. 'You can get back home if you want to.'

'No.' She leaned on his palm. 'I won't leave you here.'

'But…'

'You can't make me Jess.' She sat on his bed and took his hand in hers. 'You can't make me go away. You need me here and I need to be here beside you.'

'You are so poetic right now.' He tried to smile.

'Maybe, but I am serious.' She kept her eyes on his face. 'I'll stay here with you and we'll get back home together.'

'You still a despot, you know that?' Jess felt tired and sleepy. He suppressed one yawn, but Rory noticed.

'I have to be.' She reached out her hand and ruffled his hair. 'I'm married to you.'

'Very funny.' Jess smiled sleepily.

'You are tired.' Rory whispered and saw him closed his eyes. 'Sleep now. I'll be here.' Jess just nodded at her words and she felt him completely relaxed under her hand. Rory sighed and got off his bed. She went to the window and gazed outside, without seeing anything. Her thoughts wandered. She thought about his sudden wish to look the photos of the plane crash.

Rory closed her eyes and swallowed hard. She did not want to see them. From the moment, she had seen the burning plane on the national TV, Rory refused to watch any pictures from the crash. She had taken some pills then. Ayn had cried in her arms and constantly repeated Jess' name. Rory had tried to calm her, but she could not remember what she had said to her daughter. Her only hope then was that Jess would call. When they had called her from the Hospital, Rory hoped that he was alive.

Why he wanted to see these photos? He did not need any more pain in his life.

Rory folded arms before his chest and turned around to look at him. He was alive and he was among the only few survives from that plane. Her lower lip trembled and Rory bit it. He was going to revive that nightmare all over again. She was going to do the same.

They added one extra hour in his rehabilitation process. Rory could see the pain on his face. She could see how he bit his lower lip and tried to follow the instructions. He never complained. However, he looked better than the previous day.

Luke came in just few minutes after Jess' rehabilitation was over. He was relaxing in his bed.

'Can I come in?' Luke knocked on the open door.

'Uncle Luke?' Jess opened his eyes and Rory nodded at her bed. 'You are here again. You forget something?'

'Yeah.' Luke crooked his face. 'I have one nephew here somewhere.'

'Your nephew will be out of here in less than two weeks.' Jess smiled, but then he turned serious again. His face faded. 'I asked something from you.'

'I have them here.' Luke pulled the package out of his bag.

'Give me them!' Jess reached out his hand, but Luke hesitated. 'Uncle Luke…'

'I don't think that you have to do this, Jess.' Luke frowned. 'You don't want to do this!'

'It's funny!' Jess narrowed his eyes. 'I thought I asked you for these papers!'

'He is right, Jess.' Rory got off her bed and went to him. 'You do not need this, especially now…'

'I want to see them!' He snapped. 'Now!'

'Don't be so stubborn, damn it!' Luke frowned.

'You just… don't understand.' Jess lowered his voice. 'I have to know. I need this!'

'Why?'

'Because I survived the crash and so many died in there.' Jess closed his eyes. 'I want to know the reason why I'm alive!'

'Jess…' Rory grabbed his hand and Jess looked up at Luke.

'Give me the newspapers… please.'

'Fine.' Luke hesitated once again, but put the thin package in his hand. 'But I have to warn you – it's awful!'

'Thank you.' Jess nodded and Rory helped him to lift up his bed. Jess pulled the newspapers out of the paper bag and Rory took his hand again. He sighed and looked at the first article.


	15. Chapter 15 Stand by you

_**Chapter 15 Stand by you**_

Jess stared at the first article and could not believe in his eyes. The mess on the picture was not the plane. It could not be. It was just some strange mix of the melted steal. The front part had completely melted. Then his breath hitched and Jess covered his mouth with his hand.

'Jess! Jess, what?' Rory squeezed his other hand.

'I was… here.' He nodded at the picture.

'Where?' Luke came closer.

'Here.' Jess pointed the second part of the plane. 'I was right next to the burning engine. I saw it… through the… window…' His breath hitched and Rory placed hand on his chest. She started slow circular moves.

'It's okay Jess. It's okay.' She looked at Luke over his head. Her face faded and Luke looked worried.

'You don't have to look at this Jess!' He reached out and grabbed the papers. Jess did not have enough strength to fight with his Uncle.

'I… needed to know.' He panted and Rory put the bed down, so he could lie more comfortable.

'Okay, but you have to relax now, okay?' Rory tried to smile. 'Come on now, try for me.'

Jess closed his eyes and took a deep breath, following her soft voice. Rory could see him trying to normalize his breathing. She looked back at Luke. He stared at his nephew with concern.

'You need some help, Jess?' He asked carefully. 'I could call someone.'

'I have… help.' Jess whispered and opened his eyes just for one moment. He looked up at Rory. 'She knows… what to do.'

'Yeah.' Rory smiled at him and his eyes closed again. Her smile faded immediately. 'We know what to do. But if you have any pains, we could call your doctor.'

'No.' Jess shook his head. 'I'll be fine.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded although he could not see her. 'I'm just saying.'

'I'm okay.' He whispered after few minutes. 'I'm just… tired.'

'Sleep then.' Rory pulled her hand out of his chest and buried fingers in his hair. 'Sleep.'

'Okay.' He mumbled and fell asleep before her eyes. Rory bent over his head and kissed his forehead. She nodded at Luke and they walked out of the room. They sat on the bench opposite the room and Rory leaned back on the cold wall. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for one moment.

'I hate these moments.' Rory whispered and covered her face with her hands. 'I hate them!'

'Rory…'

'I know what to do.' Rory slid down her hands. 'Don't get me wrong. I know what to do to help him when he feels like this. However, every time is getting more difficult for me to do it. It hurts me too, you know?'

'I know that it's hard for you.' Luke spoke low. 'I mean - Jake has the same condition, right?'

'Yeah, but we have hope that he is going to get better when he grows up.' Rory smiled tiredly. 'If we are careful with him and he takes his pills regularly, there is a big chance that his illness will disappear when he enters in his teenage years.'

'Who told you that?'

'Mel.' Rory nodded. 'We have to take Jake to her once in two months.'

'So everything is good for him?'

'Yeah.' Rory shrugged. 'He needs some attention when he has crisis, but that's all.' Suddenly her face changed. 'He didn't have crisis soon, did he?'

'Not when I was with him.' Luke shrugged. 'You have to talk to your mother, but I'm sure that Jake is completely fine now.'

'Okay.' Rory sighed and tried to smile. 'Jake is good so I have to take care for his father.'

'So you and Jess are okay then?' Luke coughed and folded the papers in his hands. He shoved them in the small paper bag.

'We are okay.' Rory smiled again. 'We talked and we are okay now.'

'I'm glad to see that.'

'He won't give up, you know?' Rory nodded at the paper bag in Luke's hands. 'He would want to know everything that happened.'

'You think?'

'I'm sure.' Rory nodded again. 'This is Jess after all.'

'Yeah.' Luke rolled his eyes. 'This is my nephew.'

'So we could help him, you know? One step at the time.' Rory coughed. 'This is not pleasant experience for me, but it's important for him, so I have to support him.'

'He has all of his family behind his back.' Luke nodded. 'Don't worry.'

'Have you heard anything from his parents?' Rory asked. 'I mean, I know that Jess preferred them away from his life, but I thought they would try to support him too this time.'

'Well, his father called and asked me for him.' Luke answered seriously. 'He said that he doesn't want to disturb him now and I think that Jimmy is clever this time.'

'What about Liz?' Rory frowned. 'Do I want to know?'

'Liz is on Clinic.' Luke frowned too. He ran fingers through his hair. 'Jess doesn't know yet and I don't want to upset him with that news.'

'I thought that she promised last tome. She promised to stop.' Rory sighed and looked at the Jess' door.

'Yeah, like Jess said – she promised every time.' Luke snapped. 'The boy has been through a lot when he was with her.'

'Jess told me that he was the adult at home.' Rory shrugged. 'She stole his childhood.'

'And he was willing to try again.'

'I think he gave her enough of his life and his nerves.' Rory snapped and got off the bench. Luke followed her. 'We have to take care for him now! I would appreciate if you keep quiet about this.'

'Sure I will!' Luke nodded. 'We want him to get better soon.'

'As soon as it possible.' Rory nodded. 'They said that his rehabilitation runs well.'

'That's good.' Luke smiled. 'I'm happy to hear that.'

'I know.' Rory tried to smile too. 'We'll make sure that Jess is okay and he will be okay.'

'Don't worry, Rory!' Luke tilted his head. 'We all are with you. I have to go now. Lorelai is waiting for news and it's not only she.'

'Okay then.' Rory reached out and touched his arm. 'Good bye, Luke. Send our, Jess' and mine love to our children.'

'Sure.' Luke nodded. 'Bye Rory and take care of him.'

'You know I will.' Rory nodded and walked into Jess' room.


	16. Chapter 16 Soothe me

_**Chapter 16**__** Soothe me **_

Jess changed after he had seen the pictures.

Rory could catch him staring at the window with pensive look. When she asked him what was wrong he just smiled and answered that there was nothing and he is okay. However, he was not. She could feel it. He was sad and distant. Rory was not sure was he trying to protect her from his suffering or just preferred to suffer alone.

Two days after Luke had brought him the newspapers; Jess had his first nightmare about the crash. Rory awakened from his screams. She jumped off her bed and saw him tossing his head on his pillow. He was sweat and his breathing was unsteady. His features expressed enormous pain and he fisted the sheet.

'Jess.' Rory touched his face and got scared. It was wet. 'Jess wake up!'

'No!' He babbled and frowned in his sleep. 'No… I … cannot get out… She won't… forgive me… she won't…'

'Jess!' Rory increased her voice and grabbed his shoulders. 'Jess! I am here! Wake up!'

'Rory!' He screamed and her blood ran cold.

'I'm here, Jess!' She cried out, hoping that he could hear her voice and woke up. 'Jess!'

Suddenly his eyes snapped open. He breathed heavily and looked around the room. Finally, his look fell on Rory and his eyes widened.

'You… are here!' He gasped.

'Yes, I'm here.' She buried fingers in his hair and massaged his scalp. Her moves had meant to calm him.

'I thought that I won't see you again!' The pain in his eyes were more that she could take, but she swallowed hard and tried to be stronger for him.

'I know, but I'm here now, Jess.' She leaned and kissed his sweat forehead. 'I'm here and you are here. You are okay and we'll be home soon.'

'Okay.' Jess closed his eyes and Rory saw his breathing normalized again. She called for help and few nurses came to change Jess' sheets. Soon he was sleeping again on his clean sheets.

'What happened?' One of the nurses asked Rory and she sighed, rubbing her eyes.

'He had nightmare for the plane crash.'

'We could give him something for his sleep.'

'No!' Rory shook her head. 'He can't take such pills. His condition doesn't allow him.'

'Okay.' The nurse nodded. 'Call if you need any help.'

'I will.' Rory nodded and watched how the nurses walked out of the room. She sat on the chair close to Jess' bed. She sighed and took his hand. His face was calm now, but Rory knew that that was not going to be the last time.

Something in that picture had awakened the nightmare for the plane crash in Jess' mind. She could only imagine what was there. However, Jess was and he had started to realize that just now. Her touch calmed him and Rory sat there until the early hours of the morning. Then she fell asleep with head on his bed.

Jess woke up with the feeling of something soft under his hand. He opened his eyes and saw Rory sleeping on the chair. Her head rested on his bed and Jess' hand was over it and had buried into his hair. He frowned, trying to remember what had happened the last night.

'You had a nightmare.' Rory's voice surprised him and he looked at her once again. She was awake and looked at him.

'Really?' Jess frowned once again, trying to remember.

'Yes, really.' Rory lifted her head up and Jess' hand fell on the bed. She stretched her back and looked at him. 'How are you?'

'Good… I guess.' Jess looked at her with confusion.

'You can't remember anything, can you?' Rory took his hand again.

'No.' Jess shook his head, but then suddenly some images popped up into his head. 'Wait! I think I can!'

'Good.' Rory stared at him. 'What you remember?'

'I remember the crash.' Jess narrowed his eyes and his free hand lay on his chest. His breathing hitched again. 'The flames… and the screams… and the heat. Jeez! It was so… hot… there!'

'Calm down now.' Rory jumped off her chair and took his face in her hands. She forced him to look at her. 'You are okay now and you are with me.'

'I know.' Jess closed his eyes, trying to calm his pounding heart.

'Why did you have to look at these photos anyway?' She mumbled and her hand buried into his hair. 'Look what they did to you!'

'I had to look at them. I have to know.' Jess opened his eyes and stared at her face. 'I thought that I'd forget about this, but I can't, Rory! I thought that the last time we fought on the phone would be the last time…'

'Jess stop!' She hissed and her tears wetted her eyes.

'I thought that was going to be the last time we spoke and I felt sorry, because we fought. I felt bad, because I thought that I'm gonna die and you'd think that I hate you.' Jess continued and Rory could not stop the tears rolling down on her face. 'I've never stopped loving you and I wanted you to know that.'

'I know, Jess.' Rory bit her lower lip. 'It was my fault! All! My fault!'

'What?' Jess frowned and looked at her strangely. 'What was your fault?'

'You were in that plane, because of me! If it wasn't for me, you…'

'Hey!' Jess reached out his hand and touched her face. 'If you what to blame yourself, you could do it, but not for this! Yes, you had to talk to me about your problem, but it was not your fault about me getting in that plane!'

'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Jess!' Rory sobbed and her head fell on his shoulder. Jess closed his eyes and his hand covered the back of her head. His fingers buried into his hair and he tried to soothe her.

'It's okay.' His voice echoed close to her ear. 'It's okay…'


	17. Chapter 17 I don't want to hurt you

_**Chapter 17**__** I don't want to hurt you**_

Jess had lost his sleep. He could not take any pills, because of his previous condition. These, who he could take, were too weak for him. However, he had tried everything, but he still could not sleep. It was not only this, but his appetite was gone too. Rory looked more and more concerned every day. It was as if Jess had shut her down again. He spent whole hours staring at one point in silence. Then all of a sudden, he started to talk about their lives before the crash.

That was how he split his life now – before and after the crash. Last time he had done such thing was when he was sick. Rory was scared for him now. Not about his rehabilitation. It ran pretty well. However, his psyche was other thing. When she had spoken with John, he had told her that Jess had post-traumatic disorder. He said that it would pass with time. John had told her that the best thing for Jess now was to talk. Therefore, Rory just listened to him, but her nerves were tensing to the breaking point. She did not let him see her like that. She thought that he had enough cares now then cared about her nerves.

The last few days at the Hospital came with the nice surprise.

'I think we should put you on the moving path.' His rehabilitator told him and Jess looked at him strangely.

'Are you sure?' Jess looked at Rory, but she just grabbed his hand.

'Well, your muscles are already fine. I think that it's time.' The young man nodded and nodded at the wheelchair. 'Come on. I'll help you to get there.'

Jess just nodded and got off the bed slowly. Rory supported him and held his waist while he was sitting on his bed. His legs hand over it, but he felt his head dizzy. Jess closed his eyes for one moment and then leaned on his rehabilitator. The young man helped him to sit on the wheelchair and then nodded at Rory.

'You can come to if you want, Mrs. Mariano.'

'Sure.' Rory hoped for that invitation. She stood behind Jess' wheelchair and looked at the man. 'We can go now.'

'Okay.' He nodded. 'Follow me.'

'Do you remember the last time we did this?' Jess looked up at her while they passed through the hallway.

'Yeah.' Rory nodded and looked at him. 'It was after your second brain surgery.'

'Yeah.' Jess nodded and lowered his head. Rory could not look at his face, but she knew that his dark thoughts were back again. 'I thought it would be the last time I'm sitting in the wheelchair.'

'You know that you can't say anything for sure.' Rory said quietly.

'I know, but still.' Jess shrugged and they did not have more time for conversations. Jess' rehabilitator opened one door before them and let them enter first. It was the rehabilitation room and Rory looked around. It was not big, but it had everything necessary for one rehabilitation practice.

Rory sat on the bench, close to the wall and just watched Jess. He was trying to walk. It was not even a walk; he still struggled to restore the strength in his legs. Jess made just few steps and then grabbed the shanks of the walking path and breathed heavily. That was short pause and he tried again just a minute later.

They finished with the exercises an hour later. Jess looked completely exhausted, but his rehabilitator took him in the near room, meant for bathroom. He explained to Rory that Jess would have muscular fatigue if he did not relax after the exercises.

Twenty minutes later, Jess was lying in his own bed and looked refreshed. The exercises and the relaxation bathroom obviously had reflected well on him and he looked a lot better than the morning.

'Are you tired?' Rory asked him when she saw him closed his eyes for a moment.

'Nah.' He smiled and looked at her. 'I'm good.'

'Not fine?' She tried to joke.

'Good.' Jess even nodded.

Rory sat close to his bed and took his hand.

'Just few more days and we will be home Jess.' Rory said quietly.

'Yeah.' Jess tried to smile, but Rory saw that it was effort for him. She frowned.

'What is it Jess? I thought that you are eager to come back home as I am!'

'I am, Rory.' He shrugged.

'Then what?'

'It's going to be hard.' Jess whispered and placed hand on his chest.

'Why?'

'Because I'm different.'

'No, you're not!' She leaned to him and her face almost touched his. 'There is nothing different in you. I still love you. You still love me. Besides, our children want you home already!'

'Yeah, I know.' Jess smiled again and his smile touched his eyes this time. 'I miss them already.'

'They miss us too.' Rory released his hand and placed her palms at the both sides of his face. 'It's time to go home, Jess. Why are you so afraid of doing this?'

'I'm not afraid!' He frowned, but it was hard to avoid her eyes.

'Yes, you are and you don't want to admit that! You and your stupid pride! You do not have to hide anything from me! You can be yourself with me, Jess. Do not be afraid. Tell me, what is the problem? Can I help you?'

'I don't have a problem, Rory!' He snapped and his hands lay on her waist. However, he could not push her away this time. She did not let him.

'You have, Jess! You are afraid of something! Talk to me!' Rory insisted and Jess closed his eyes not to look at her. Rory sighed, but she did not pull back. She wanted to know this time. She wanted to be close to him and helped him with his fears. 'No! You will not do this again! I want you to talk to me! Talk!'

'Jeez, Rory!' Jess snapped and opened his eyes again. 'I told you already – there is no freaking problem!'

'There is!'

'Fine! You win!' He hissed and looked her at her eyes. 'I don't want to hurt you again!'

'What?' She looked at him surprised. 'What are you talking about?'

'You heard me!'

'Then explain it to me, why you're going to hurt me?'

Jess sighed and looked at her.


	18. Chapter 18 We’re going home

_**Chapter 18**__** We're going home**_

Rory was staring at him and could not believe at his words. He just had said that he was going to hurt her. She could not believe that his old fears rose up again. He had told her that right before they got back together the last time.

'What are you talking about Jess?' Her hands still covered his face and Rory stared at his eyes. He looked sad.

'Look at me!' Jess hissed, hiding his sadness behind his anger. 'Look what I've become?'

'What you've become, Jess?'

'I'm… this!' His hands dropped onto the bed and he fisted the sheets. Rory did not let go of him.

'What are you?' She forced him to look at her.

'I am so weak, damn it! I cannot stand this! And you? You are stuck here with me instead of having your own life and…'

'Stop! Stop it now!' She hissed angrily. 'Don't say that! You know why I am here Jess! You know why I am always going to be here with you! I cannot otherwise! I love you and I'm not going to stop!'

'Rory…'

'No! I know that you hate your weakness and all, but this is a temporary thing so stop with these words okay?'

'It's not that simple!' Jess lowered his voice and closed his eyes. Rory grabbed his shoulders and shook him lightly.

'Don't do this! Don't you dare run away from me again, do you hear me?'

'I'm not running away!'

'Then what? What is that pain in your eyes? Why you keep silence about this? I am here Jess! Don't run away, please!' Rory saw his eyes opened and sighed tiredly. 'I know that you want to deal with this alone, but you are not alone. Not anymore.'

'I know that I am not alone, Rory. It is just… it is too hard for me to talk about this.' Jess whispered and stared at her face.

'About what?' Rory tilted her head. 'About the crash?'

'I don't what to talk about this!' He hissed and closed his eyes again. 'I'm tired and I want to sleep now!'

'Jess!'

'No, Rory! I said – no!'

Therefore, she let him. She let him fell asleep again and she knew that his nightmare was close. He had not had a good night since that first one. His nightmares were constant every night and Rory preferred to stay awake so she could help him deal with it. She knew how stubborn Jess could be. She knew that she could not fight with his temper. The only thing left for her was to make sure that he would be okay.

Just an hour later, his nightmare showed up again. His body tossed on the bed and he waved his hands before his face as if he wanted to protect himself. His screams made her blood ran cold and Rory fought with her own fear. She went to him and shook his body. She screamed until he did not open his eyes and did not recognize her.

When they came and changed his sheets, Rory watched his efforts to calm his breathing. She knew that this is lost fight. Therefore, she just went to him and her hand slid over his chest. Jess looked up at her and sighed when she started with her slow massage. When he had calmed enough, she helped him took his pills. The nightmare, made his heart beat fast and he needed his old medications. John had left her some and had told her what to do after Jess's nightmares.

'See?' His cracked whisper took her attention. 'That's what I'm talking about, Rory.'

'What?' Rory looked down at his face. His eyes had closed. 'What are you talking about?'

'I'm hurting you like this.'

'You aren't hurting me!'

'I'm one mess now.' Jess opened his eyes. 'One big mess.'

'And I love that mess.' She leaned over his face. 'I love every piece of it.' Her lips touched his. 'Now I'm going to let you sleep.'

'No!' He grabbed her hand and Rory looked at him. Jess swallowed hard and whispered. 'Stay with me tonight.'

'I don't want to disturb you, Jess.'

'I need you now.' His voice lowered and Rory knew how hard it was for him to say this.

'Okay.' She did not hesitate more and carefully lay close to him. Her head rested on his shoulder and his hand was lying on her hip.

'That's better.' She heard him murmured and one smile appeared on her face. If Jess needed her like this to get better soon, she was ready to do it.

Jess slept well that night and even ate his whole breakfast in the morning. His rehabilitation ran well and when the night fell again, Rory was on his bed. She was lying in his arms and was listening his steady breathing. He was calm and she was calm too.

Two days later, Jess was about to leave the Hospital. They ran some final tests and Rory fill the forms for his discharge from hospital. Luke and Lorelai were there. They were waiting for them by the car.

'So, you finally decided going home huh?' Luke teased his nephew, while they were leaving New York.

'Um yeah.' Jess crooked his face and tried to sit more comfortable on his seat. 'I thought that this is good idea.'

'You want to use me as a pillow?' Rory touched his thigh and he looked at her.

'In a bit.'

'How are you feeling, Jess? Better I hope?' Lorelai turned around to look at him.

'I'll be okay.' Jess nodded and rubbed his eyes.

'He needs bed rest and walks. I'll make sure of it.' Rory ruffled his hair and Jess smiled.

He was still weak and she nodded at him to lie on her lap. Jess sighed and placed his head there. She buried fingers in his hair and saw him closing his eyes. When she saw his steady breathing, she knew that he was falling asleep.

'He is tired.' Luke threw one brief look at them.

'It's normal for him now. Just remember that he was on that bed over a month.' Rory answered quietly.

'You look tired as well.' Lorelai noticed.

'When we'll get home everything will be okay. You'll see.' Rory smiled and looked down at Jess. 'I'll make sure of it.'


	19. Chapter 19 The hoodlum is home

_**A/N: **_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of drama here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 19**__** The hoodlum is home**_

Luke turned off the engine and looked at the backseat.

'We are home kids.' He said little louder than it was necessary. Rory just smiled and ruffled Jess' hair. He had slept in her lap through the whole way home.

'Jess?' She called him quietly and saw his eyelashes fluttered. 'We are home. It's time to wake up.'

'Home?' he murmured sleepily and opened his eyes.

'Home.' She whispered and helped him sat back on his seat. He stretched his back and looked around.

'Jeez! It's dark already.'

'Your Uncle was turtle, what can I say my boy.' Lorelai rolled her eyes and undid her seatbelt.

'I was careful!' Luke frowned and undid his.

'Yeah right!' Lorelai teased him and looked back at her daughter. 'Ask Rory!'

'She is your daughter! She'd take your side!' Luke snapped.

'I think it's time we should get out of here.' Rory whispered at Jess and he nodded with light smile.

'Hey!' Lorelai called after her daughter when Rory got out of the car. 'Where are you going?'

'I thought we are home.' Jess crooked his face and looked at Lorelai. 'We have to get out of the car.'

'Ready, Jess?' Rory asked him after she opened his door. He nodded and she supported him when he put his foot on the ground. 'You think you can do it?' She looked at him carefully and he nodded.

Jess put his other foot on the ground and got out of the car completely. Rory held his arm for support and he was thankful for that. He was able to walk alone, but his walking was still unsure and he felt little dizzy.

'You need my help Jess?' Luke just locked the car and threw one look at his nephew.

'No thanks.' Jess hissed through his clenched teeth. 'I think we are good here.'

'We are.' Rory smiled and supported his walking towards the house. When they finally opened the door, Jess was already tired. He knew that his body needed time for recovering. However, he hated his weakness already and he was eager to be strong again. Rory helped him cross the living room and he sat on the sofa with tired sigh.

'Hey!' Sookie called them from the kitchen. 'You are home!'

'We are little late!' Lorelai coughed and looked at Luke. He frowned again, but did not say a word.

'Hey Jess!' Sookie went to him and touched his shoulder. 'It's good to be home huh?'

'Yeah.' Jess tried to smile. 'It's good to be home again.'

'Daddy!' They heard Ayn's voice and saw her running into the room. Jess smiled for real this time and hugged his daughter when she reached him. 'I missed you so much!'

'Wow!' Lorelai rolled her eyes. 'The hoodlum's reunited!'

'Huh?' Rory frowned.

'You know what I meant!' Lorelai teased her daughter. 'Ayn is another hoodlum in the house after you Jess.'

'Nice to hear that!' Jess took the challenge.

'The twins and Jake are sleeping already.' Ayn said and sat at Jess' other side. 'It's late.'

'And I can see that you are not wearing your PJ.' Jess frowned. 'I thought that you are at school tomorrow?'

'I am, but I wanted to wait for you! I wanted to see you daddy!' She pouted, but Jess kept his serious face.

'I know that you wanted to see me and I wanted that too, but it's late and you have to go to bed now!'

'I'm not a kid anymore!' Ayn frowned this time, but Jess knew her temper.

'Ayn, I'm tired and I don't have enough strength to argue with you! Go in the bed! Now!'

'But daddy…'

'You heard him, Ayn.' Rory tried with soft voice. 'You can see him tomorrow after school, okay?'

Ayn sighed and got of the sofa. She hesitated, but she hugged first Jess and then Rory.

'Good night.' She said finally and ran upstairs.

'Jeez!' Luke whistled and rolled his eyes. 'Nice touch!'

'Thanks!' Jess tried to smile again, but he looked tired.

'You want something to eat?' Sookie asked him, but Jess shook his head.

'No, thanks.'

'He needs rest now.' Rory looked at Luke and he nodded.

'Come on, Jess. Let's get you upstairs.'

'Okay.' Jess sighed and Rory watched as they climbed up the staircase.

'He is bad.' He looked at her mother and Lorelai frowned.

'Why? I thought that he is better now.'

'He let Luke helped him.' Rory sighed and got off the sofa. 'I'm just saying that he needs cares now.'

'But he'll be alright Rory.' Sookie touched her arm with smile. 'We all are going to help you.'

'Thanks.' Rory smiled and followed Luke and Jess upstairs. She went to see her children first. The twins were sleeping peacefully in their beds and Rory gave them one kiss. She closed the door and went to see Ayn next. Her daughter was already in the bed and smiled when she saw her mother.

'Night, mom.'

'Night, honey.' Rory smiled and switched off the lights.

When she opened the next door and saw the bed empty, Rory frowned. Then she felt someone touching her shoulder.

'Jake is with his father.' Luke told her and Rory nodded. 'Night, Rory. We'll see in the morning.'

'Night Luke.' Rory smiled and got into her bedroom. She saw Jake snuggled in Jess in the bed and one light smile appeared on her face.

'We are home right?' She whispered and went to her husband.

'We are home.' Jess crooked his face with attempt of a smile and hugged his son. Rory lay close to them and hugged him too.


	20. Chapter 20 Just one cigarette

**_Chapter 20 Just one cigar_**

Things should have got better.

Jess thought that once he got back home the nightmares should end. They were not. They were more intensive. Even when Rory was sleeping into his arms. Even when he had spent his whole day, playing with his kids. He even tried to write again, but nothing happened. He had lost his muse and his hands were too weak to type again.

Jess cursed his luck every day. He hardly even smiled when someone was in the room with him. He really tried when his kids were there, but the smile was unnatural. The little ones id not notice, but Ayn was old enough to see that her father's smile did not reach to his eyes. She went sad again. As if, Ayn was exact copy of what Jess was feeling in this moment. Rory knew that her big daughter was extremely sensitive according to her father. She knew how much Ayn cared about him and wanted him to be fine. However, something did not work. Jess did not feel well. His appetite was gone again and his mood was gloomy. He was angry with every one around him, including her.

Rory suffered in silence, but the situation did not get any better. It was quite the opposite – it got worse every single day and she was afraid for Jess. He sank into his depression and refused to talk with anyone. He just lay on his bed and the only time when he was on his feet was when he pretended in front of his children.

Rory was eager to help him, but she did not know how. She even suggested him to see psychologist, but Jess simply cut her off. He said that he was fine and he was not going it. His reaction was so furious that she did not talk about that again.

Luke had noticed Jess' behavior and had tried to talk with his nephew, but Jess refused to talk with anyone. One day when Rory came back home from Luke's Diner, Jess was not there. Their children were at school and kindergarten. The house was quiet and Rory was sure that when she went upstairs, she would found the bedroom empty. However, she did exactly that. She was right.

She opened the wardrobe and saw that his clothes were there. His cell was on the nightstand and his pills were in the bathroom. Rory did not lose time. She ran out of the house and went to look at him. It was early afternoon and the town was still quiet.

Some strange feeling leaded her and she followed strict direction.

Then she found him. Jess was sitting on the bridge. His legs hung over and almost touched the water. He had stared at his reflection and he was holding cigarette in his fingers. He looked so distant, but Rory swallowed her sharp words and sat close to him.

'So now you're gonna lecture me about my smoking, right?' He hissed challengingly and rolled the smocking cigarette between his fingers.

'I am not going to lecture you.' Rory stared at him. 'Just… why are you doing this?'

'I thought that you just said that you are not going to lecture me?' Jess rose up his eyebrows and placed the cigarette between his lips. He sucked the smoke and then exhaled it. Rory frowned, but kept quiet. Jess had seen her face and frowned too.

'Why you are here?'

'I came to take you home.' She answered quietly.

'Because I'm not strong enough, right?' He mocked her and Rory clenched her fists. He was trying to provoke her, but she did not want to fight with him. Jess did not need that now. 'Right?' He snapped.

'No, because I want you home.' She answered quietly.

'Ah, you want me home…' He lagged the words and threw out the fag-end right in the middle of the lake. 'Is that it?'

'I just told you!' She snapped, but regretted in the minute.

'I am not deaf, Rory!' He snarled. 'I can hear you pretty well you know!'

'Then come back home, Jess!' She tried to touch him, but he pulled back. Rory stared at him. She had seen the sadness in his eyes. If she were not, she would have left him here by now. 'Please.'

'I will come back home, when I am ready to come back home!' He snapped and got off the bridge. Rory followed him.

'Jess, please!' Rory tried to touch him again. 'It's time for your pills…'

'Let go of me!' He pushed her back and she almost lost her balance. Something in his eyes scared her. It was as if he was complete stranger.

'Jess!'

'No! I do not want to come back home! I need some fresh air!' He frowned and Rory would believe him if she had not seen him smocking.

'Listen to her, Jess!' Luke's voice surprised them both and Rory turned around to see him, coming closer to them.

'Well, well!' Jess smiled ominously. 'You are taking her side now?'

'Don't be like this!' Rory grabbed his hand again. 'Jess, please…'

'I told you to let go of me!' He pulled back and she almost fell over the bridge.

'Jess what's got into you?' Luke snapped and rushed to help her.

'This is not of your business!' He hissed. 'This is not… Jeez!' He grabbed his chest and bent over, trying to catch his breath.

'Jess!' Rory rushed to him and this time he could not fight. 'Breathe please!' Her hand replaced his on his chest. 'You have to calm down.'

'I'm… so… sick of… this!' He uttered. 'Helpless…'

'I know.' She rubbed his chest. Her eyes met Luke's and he nodded. 'Just calm down now.'

Luke grabbed Jess arm and they helped him to his way back home. He did not say a word more, but Rory was sure that he was not good. When they put him on the bed and Jess closed his eyes, she sat close to him and Luke left them alone.

'I am tired, Rory.' Jess whispered and her hand lay on his chest again. She knew what he meant.

'I know Jess, but you have to be patient.' Her voice was like a caress and he looked at her.

'How can you love me?' He asked and Rory smiled lightly.

'Because you love me too.'

Her answer made him smile and that was the first smile, reached his eyes since one month.


	21. Chapter 21 Feel alive

_**Chapter 21**__** Feel alive **_

Rory sighed and left him to sleep. She walked out of the room and went downstairs. Luke was waiting for her in the living room. He was sitting on the sofa, but he got off when he saw her walking into the room. Rory saw his dark face and prepared for one long conversation. Luke was Jess' closest person after her in this family. However, he trusted her the most and Rory knew that.

'How is he?' Luke asked and sat back, when he saw her sitting on the near armchair.

'He is sleeping now. I gave him his pills and he fell asleep.' Rory sighed and leaned back with closed eyes. 'I have never thought that I am going to see him smoking again.'

'He was frustrated. Do you know why?'

'I know why.' Rory lowered her voice and closed her eyes. 'Jess hate to feel weak. He needs something to feel better and there were not so much good things lately. He just needs to relax.'

'I know that he hates his weakness, but this is his life now. He's get better in time and he'd be better again.'

'You know that this is not true, Luke.' Rory looked at him seriously. 'His life would never be the same. His heart won't allow him to be the same as before.'

'What are you talking about?' Luke frowned. 'I thought that his heart is fine. You told me back at the hospital and I spoke with John. He said that Jess would be okay. Did he lie to me? Is that it?'

'No!' Rory shook her head. 'He didn't lie to you. He just told you whet he said to me. Jess would be fine as long as he takes his medications. We have to keep him away from the stressful situations for now and hope that he will get better soon.'

'Hope?' Luke frowned. 'Rory, is there something you are not telling me?'

'They found him barely alive in that plane, Luke.' She spoke quietly, trying to suppress her tears. 'The front seat almost squashed him and they… the paramedics pulled him out just in time, but his organs were barely functioning.'

'Oh my!' Luke rubbed his face.

'They told me that Jess had passed two surgeries, before my arrival.' Rory swallowed her tears. 'Some piece of a metal had hit him hard to his head and… and that's why he was in coma.'

'Jeez! Why did you hide this from me?' He asked her frowning.

'What is the difference here?' Rory frowned. 'He is at home now and he is alive!'

'The difference is that you two keep hiding secrets from us! You just don't want us to help you get through this!' Luke snapped.

'We are allowed to have secrets Luke!' Rory snapped too. 'Jess didn't want you to know and he asked me not to tell that to you, because that would upset you! He was right and by the way he is my husband and my love to him is enough reason for me to support him, okay?'

'You don't need to get defensive here! We are in the same team!' Luke frowned again and leaned back on his chair. 'Okay, so Jess was in pretty bad shape then. What that does something with his heart?'

'You know about his childish syndrome.' Rory tried to explain. Luke nodded. 'His injury provoked some crisis while we were at the hospital.' She made short pause and looked at Luke. 'His recovery will slow down, because of it. He is feeling weak now and that is why he is so nervous. Besides, you have to add the Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and you could have the full picture.'

'Jess has a depression?' Luke looked surprised. 'You know about his father, right? They told me that his condition could be inherited.'

'I know about Jimmy and his attempts of suicide.' Rory nodded. 'Jimmy said that he didn't have for what to live. Jess has a family and he knows that we love him. He could feel that and I can tell you that he is more frustrated then having suicidal thoughts.'

'Hope you are sure of what you're talking about.'

'I am.' Rory nodded. 'You saw him back at the lake. He just wanted to smoke and that was his way to show his frustration to me. Not that I'm not seeing it every day.'

'Maybe you need professional help for him.' Luke suggested, but he already knew the answer.

'I need some alone time with him. I need to make him talk, not yell. Jess needs to open his heart to somebody. You know better than anyone that he won't do that in front of the psychiatrist, right?'

'I know.' Luke sighed and got off the sofa. Rory got off her armchair too. 'Believe me I know better than anyone, how stubborn he might be.'

'I doubt it.' Rory crooked her face and Luke smiled as a response. 'I live with him after all and he even called me a despot!'

'Aha.' Luke suddenly laughed. 'Jess told me about that. He says that there is one ruler at his home and that is you.'

'He says that?' Rory rolled her eyes. 'Well, I'm going to remind him that the next time he refuses to throw out the trash.'

'You better do that.' Luke smiled, but suddenly his face went serious. 'Take care of him okay?'

'I always do that.' Rory nodded and walked with Luke to the door. She closed the door after him and went upstairs to see Jess. Their children would be backing home after an hour so she still had time.

She saw him lying with closed eyes, but she knew that he is awake. One knowing smile appeared on her lips and Rory took off her shirt. She knew what to do to make him feel alive again.

'Jess?' She called him quietly and he opened his eyes immediately. She saw the green in them went black in the moment he saw her only in her underwear. 'Have I told you that I love you today?' Rory whispered and walked to him.


	22. Chapter 22 Honest is a brave word

_**Chapter 22**__** Honest is a brave word **_

Rory threw the last piece of clothing on the ground and when she reached the bed, she had completely exposed before Jess' look. She saw him swallowing hard and sat on the bed. She crawled on it and sat on his lap. Her hands rested on his shoulders and Jess could not stop watching her.

'What are you doing?' His voice was thick, but Rory felt his hands on her waist.

'What do you think I'm doing?' She murmured and leaned to kiss him.

'I thought that we can't do that.' Jess uttered under her lips.

'We can.' She kissed him once again. 'We can and we will, because I missed you too much!'

'Are you sure?' Jess pulled back slightly and looked at her. 'Are you sure that you want this?'

'Jess!' Rory frowned. 'I'm naked, sitting on your lap and trying to seduce you! Do you think that I don't want this?'

'I'm just checking.' Jess mumbled and grabbed her face, kissing her furiously. Rory let herself in his hands. She let him lead her in this. She had missed him, but he had missed her too.

When Jess bushed her back onto the bed and her body covered hers, Rory could not suppress her smile. He did not even hesitate on this. He had needed it and she was right. His kisses became even more furious. His breathing was erratic and she tried to calm him. He hands slipped up and down on his back and helped him took off his blouse. Her hands buried into his hair and she finally succeeded. His lips slid tenderly down on her neck and she felt his soft kiss on her collarbone.

'I really missed you.' Jess whispered close to her ear and Rory tried to suppress her tears. She just let him kiss her again and he was careful this time.

He was careful when his body possessed hers and she felt it as their first time in his apartment in Philadelphia. Jess had showed to her that there was different way of making love. He had showed to her that it could be pleasure for both and not only egoistic satisfying on your needs like with Logan.

Jess was the same careful and gentle man as he was then. He was so tender that he brought tears in her eyes and when she felt him moving inside of her, she grabbed his shoulders and whispered how much she loved him. When she came, he was with her and Rory felt like her other part was finally with her. She felt whole again.

'Are you alright?' Jess asked as he pulled back and could see her face. 'Rory?'

'That was so…' She could not find the exact words and Jess smiled kissing her nose. He pulled back completely and lay on his one side. Her hand resting on her face and Rory looked at him. 'Are you alright?' It was her turn to ask and saw his smile. Her heart ached. It was the second real smile since he was in depression. She could see it touching his eyes.

'I'm good.' He nodded and moved his head closer to hers. 'Can't you see it?'

'I can see it, but I wanted to be sure.' Rory nodded and covered his hand with hers. 'I really missed this. It's been a long time, Jess.'

'Yeah.' Jess shrugged and wrapped his hand over her waist. 'I guess we needed some time, huh?'

'Yeah, I guess you are right.' Rory lay on her left side so she could look at his face. 'But I think we should talk more now. We have to do this Jess.'

'Okay.' His eyes narrowed and Rory felt him, trying to escape from this subject.

'We agreed with this every time and every time we are doing the same mistakes!' She whispered. 'I don't want to do them anymore, Jess. I want to be honest with you.'

'Then be honest.' He leaned and kissed her.

'I'll try, but you have to promise the same to me.' Rory insisted and placed hand on his face.

'I'll try too, but I can't promise anything.' Jess frowned and lay back on his pillow. 'You know me, Rory. You know who I am and what I am.'

'I know that I love you and I want to help you, but you don't let me!' Rory bit her lower lip. She did not want to cry now. Jess did not need her tears. He needed her strength.

'When I realize what is wrong with me, I'm gonna tell you.' Jess sighed.

'You don't know?' Rory spoke carefully. That was the first time when he opened to her after the crash. She wanted him to talk through all this time. Now he was talking.

'I'm… I'm confused.' Jess whispered. 'I'm confused and I'm angry, but I don't know why I'm so angry.'

'You are confused about what? Your future or something else?' Her hand lay on his face. Jess sighed again.

'I told you that I don't know!' He said little frustrating and she changed her voice.

'Okay. Would you tell me when you understand?'

'I will.' Jess made short pause. 'I can promise you that.'

'I trust you!' Rory looked at his green eyes and her heart trembled. He was honest with her so she had to be honest with him too. She had to show it to him that he still had her trust.

'Thank you for that!' Jess smiled and Rory saw him closing his eyes. He sighed and fell asleep in front of her eyes. She smiled too and her thumb skimmed over his cheekbone. She had made him feel again. She had made him to talk to her. That was a start, she thought, staring at his beautiful face. That was a great start and Rory could only hope that he would get better under her cares. She was sure that her love and her cares would help him to get out of his depression. She would fight and she would determinant to win this battle too.


	23. Chapter 23 Her two fragile boys

_**Chapter 23 Her two fragile boys**_

He was strong again. Well, sort of. His hands got better and he could type, but the thing was that he did not have inspiration for it. It was as if everything had gone away. His agent called him to ask for another tour, this time in Central America. Jess refused that offer. He did not even talk about it with Rory. They were in one special phase of their marriage now and Jess did not want to ruin it.

The connection with his children had built up again. Jess walked them to the school and the kindergarten. Jake was staying at home most of the time. He needed special cares and his parents were more than happy to provide them.

Rory had left her work over her new book and started writing critics for the local newspaper. She was happy just to stay home with her family. Jess had told her that she could work in the newspaper, but she preferred to work from home.

They still shared the bedroom and most of the nights were fill with pleasure for both of them. Jess' mother still was in that clinic, but nether Luke or Rory said a word about that. Jess did not know and they thought that it was better for him in this way. He still had crisis and Rory still felt scare every time she witnessed someone. However, she was beside of him.

Month after Jess had come back home, they were at their traditional Friday Dinner. Rory had cocked and Jess had complemented her that she was getting better. She had smiled and he had mocked her that she was blushing.

'You look a lot better than yesterday, Jess.' Luke just had finished his dinner and pushed the plate aside. Lorelai and Rory were at the kitchen for the desert.

'Well, I am.' Jess nodded and looked down at Jake, who was sitting on his lap. He was very sensitive these days. He had a crisis that day and he got scared. Therefore, Jess was holding him now and the boy looked calm. 'You want more, Jake?' Jess asked him and Jake shook his head.

'No daddy.' He answered with weak voice and Jess' heart ached.

'Hey Jake.' Ayn called him and he looked at his big sister. 'Do you want to show mom and daddy the pictures you drew today?'

'Yeah.' Jake smiled and nodded furiously.

'C'mon!' Ayn got off her chair and Jess carefully placed his son on the ground. He grabbed Ayn's hand and they ran upstairs.

'Can we show you ours, daddy?' Jess Jr. and Jane said in one voice.

'Sure.' Jess smiled.

'Yay!' The twins squealed and ran upstairs as well.

'So, you're feeling good?' Luke studied Jess' face.

'Yeah.' Jess nodded. 'I just told you, Uncle Luke.'

'I can see that something is bothering you.' Luke frowned and Jess frowned as well.

'It's not me, so you can relax!'

'So there is a problem.' Luke's face changed.

'Jake was not good today.' Jess sighed and leaned his elbows over the table. 'I know that he has to pass through this until he gets better, but it's hard for me to look at him like this.'

'I can't even imagine what you feel.' Luke patted Jess' back. 'And this is your child. I mean, my Nikki is one healthy boy, but I'm worrying too.'

'Yeah, but it looks like he is with Lorelai wherever she is.' Jess teased his uncle and Luke crooked his face.

'She spoiled him too much.'

'But you love him, right?' Jess smiled lightly.

'There is no question about it.' Luke smiled as well. 'I've never thought that I'd have children with Lorelai and Nikki came as nice surprise in our lives.'

'I have four nice surprises.' Jess tilted his head. 'I thought that I won't have children at all. You know why.' His face faded and his uncle nodded with understatement. 'Then I understood about Ayn. She was everything to me, until the others came in too… I love them all; you know that? I was scared to be a father. I didn't know what to do or how to act with them.'

'But you are a wonderful father now.' Luke smiled and then coughed, avoiding Jess' eyes. 'Talking about fathers, Jimmy called few times while you were in the hospital.'

'Oh.' Jess looked surprised. 'Why didn't he come to see me?'

'He thought that it's better this way and you need time to recover before you can see him.' Luke shrugged. 'But he called almost every day while you were there.'

'What a nice surprise.' Jess whistled. 'And what about Liz?'

'Liz?' Luke looked down at his hands. 'She…'

'Daddy! Daddy!' The twins squealed and Jess turned around to look at them. They pleased two drawings before him and Jess smiled. 'Look! This is you, mommy and us!' They pointed the stick figures and Jess nodded at their enthusiasm.

'That's really good!' He gave them one hug and they took the drawings to show them to their mother.

'Here is our drawing.' Ayn said and Jess looked at her. She was holding Jake's hand and he was holding his piece of paper.

'Let me see it.' Jess said softly and took his son, placing him back on his lap. Jake placed his drawing onto the table and Jess smiled when he saw the same stick figures as before, but this time, there were a house also. 'What is this?' Jess asked and pointed the picture.

'This is us.' Jake sang with his childish voice and pointed the four figures. 'And this is our house.'

'That's beautiful Jake.' Jess ruffled his hair.

'It's for you.' The boy smiled shyly and Jess saw his smile on his son's face. His heart melted.

'I'm going to put this on my nightstand so I could see it every morning.' Jess smiled.

'I love you daddy.' Jake snuggled in him and Jess smiled under his head, wrapping arms around his delicate body.

'I love you too, my son.' He kissed the top of his head.

Rory walked out from the kitchen just in this moment. Her eyes went teary in the moment she saw them. However, it was happy tears this time. Her two fragile boys, but they were so strong at the same time...


	24. Chapter 24 The things between us

_**A/N:  
**_

**_Let's skip the misunderstanding: English is not my first language, but I'm really trying here. So, if you think that it's hard for you to read - just don't read it! The reason I'm in this alone it's because I have updates every day. I love my readers and I want to pleased them in that way. If you love my story - the first part - this would be a nice sequel for you. 'Nice' is not fluffy with me though. :P Expect lots of drama here, but also - you know you can trust me. *love*_**

_**Now the plot: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**Review if you like...  
**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 24**__** The things between us**_

Rory thought that they were fine. She thought that this nightmare is finally behind their backs. She was wrong. The relationship between them was still intense and full with pressure. Yeah, they were trying to rebuild the trust at each other. They both knew that they loved each other, but sometimes, the pressure was too much.

Rory was still upset about her lost baby and she hid it this from Jess. She was trying to protect him from more pain in his life now. He was fighting with his own daemons and her sadness could only get things worse. However, that was something she could not hide forever.

One evening after he had taken cared of the kids, Jess had found her looking at their family album and crying over Jake's baby picture. He got scared. Rory had not cried since long time. Not before him anyway. She always looked strong and he was thankful for that. Therefore, her tears were something very disturbing for him.

Jess closed the door of their bedroom and went to her.

'Rory?' He wrapped arm around her shoulders and she cried even more. 'Rory, what's wrong? You're scaring me!'

'Why I'm so careless? Why?' She sobbed. 'Why I didn't notice? It would've been alive now!'

'Rory…' Jess rubbed her arm, could not find the right words. He knew how sensitive Rory was now. He was afraid that he could tell something out of place.

'I could've held it now! I could…'

'Rory, stop!' Jess pressed her body close to his and kissed her temple. 'You know that this is not your fault!'

'It is!' She insisted, sobbing even louder.

'It isn't and you know that!' He grabbed her chin and lifter her face up so she could see him. 'There was nothing you could've done!'

'I could have been more careful, Jess! I could've stayed at home!'

'Then what?' He frowned. 'If you had stayed at home, what?'

'I could…'

'Stop feeling sorry, okay?' Jess was little harsh than it should be, but he knew that it was the only way to reach her. 'Think about all the children we have and how wonderful they are, because of you.'

'I wanted this one too.' She sobbed again and Jess released her chin with a sigh. She leaned her head on his shoulder. 'I wanted it so much. I thought that I'd die after I lost it!'

'Don't you ever talk like that, do you hear me?' He snapped, feeling her weakness. 'You have a lot to live for! You have me, your mother, your children… Not to mention your friends!'

'You can't understand me…' Rory sniffed and Jess pulled back to look at her face.

'You're damn right, I can't!' He frowned. 'You have a life, Rory! You have so many people that love you and you just wanted to die? Wait a minute!' He narrowed his eyes. 'Did you really feel that need?'

Rory avoided his eyes, remembering the pain she felt when they had told her that she had lost her baby. She had cried that night and had stared through the window. When she had come back to her hotel room and walked out on her balcony, Rory had not thought at all. She just had stared at the empty space bellow. It was high enough and she could end that quickly.

She did not know what had stopped her that night. She was not sure what had dragged her back from that balcony. However, she had fallen asleep and when she woke up on the next morning, Rory was different.

'No.' she answered, but she lied and Jess knew it. He frowned even more and got off the bed, cursing furiously.

'You are lying to me! I know that you are lying to me right now! Why are you doing this?' He ran fingers through his hair and chuckled bitterly. 'I can't believe this! You are asking me to be honest with you and you're doing this?'

'What have I done?' Rory spoke quietly. 'I thought that it'd be better for you if you don't know! I thought that I could spare you that pain!'

'Jeez, Rory! I have never asking you this! I thought that we could be honest with each other!'

'I know!' She nodded. 'I just thought that I could do it alone.'

'You are not alone!' Jess knelt before her and took her hands in his. 'I'm here! I am here for everything that you need! Suicide is not the answer! Ask my father! It's the worst thing you could do for your family!'

'It hurt, Jess!' She crooked her face, trying not to cry again.

'I know that it hurts! I know how much you wanted that baby, but the life goes on and you have to think about for yourself!' He made short pause. 'You have to think about us and our future together.'

'I know that.' She released one of her hands and touched his face. 'I wish I could stop that pain. I wish I could do something to make it better, but it's still in me, Jess.' She whispered.

'Then talk to me!' Jess smiled and touched her face too. 'I'm here. I am better now and you could talk to me every time you feel sad. You were the one that told me this, remember?'

'I remember.' Rory tried to smile. 'I'll try.'

'That's the thing between you and I.' Jess sighed and sat on the bed, taking her in his arms. 'We're always trying.'

'I know what you're meant.' She sighed and looked up at his face. 'But I am really going to try this time.'

'Okay.' Jess smiled and leaned to kiss her. She moaned under his lips and soon there was something more than a kiss. There was a passion.


	25. Chapter 25 Life is not a fairytale

_**Chapter 25**__** Life is not a fairytale **_

Rory looked good after that night. She smiled and looked in the same way as before, but Jess knew her well enough to know that she was hiding her feelings again. He looked concerned and was careful with her. Rory could feel that, but she pretended that nothing had happened. She pretended that everything is good and perfectly fine. Jess knew what she was doing this. She was doing this for him. He had told her that he is better than before, but Rory was still trying to protect him.

One morning, a week after their heartbreaking conversation, one surprising visitor shook her supposedly cool behavior. It was lunchtime and only Jake was with them. He was at the kindergarten only four hours in the morning and the reason was in his illness. However, Jess and Rory wanted him to attend to the kindergarten. They wanted him to have friends among the children there. Still, Jess and Rory were careful with him. He was very delicate and sensitive child.

Rory was playing with him at the living room and it was just after they had lunched together. Rory was helping him with some childish puzzle and Jess was trying to write. However, he could not concentrate over his book. His look had fixed over the mother and the son. One light smile played on his lips.

'Yo!' They heard Lorelai's voice from the door and Jess frowned. 'Nice to see you, family!'

'There is one thing, called '_bell'_ right next to the door, mom.' Jess spoke quietly, careful with his voice.

'I know, but where is the fun?' Lorelai shrugged with smile and went to them.

'You could've caught us naked.' Jess smirked lightly.

'Well, luckily for me, little Jake is here.' Lorelai shrugged again and sat on the free armchair.

'Hey mom.' Rory looked up and smiled to her mother. 'I am sorry, we are little busy over here.' She nodded at her son.

'Where I have to put this, mommy?' Jake sang with his childish voice, holding one piece of the puzzle.

'Here baby.' Rory pointed one unfinished part of it and Jake placed the piece there. 'Good boy!' Rory kissed the top of his head and Jake smiled happily.

'Man! Jess he is just like you!' Lorelai rolled her eyes playfully and Jess closed his laptop. 'Don't you have any shame?'

'Nope.' Jess shrugged and tilted his head playfully. 'Rory wanted to be in this way.'

'Oh yeah.' Lorelai smiled teasingly. 'Maybe your next one would look like Rory.'

Jess's smile faded immediately and he threw one quick look at Rory. Her face had not changed, but he noticed the change in her body. It tensed immediately. Jess knew that ever talk for babies would upset her.

Lorelai had noticed the sudden change in their mood and looked at them suspiciously. There was something more here. Rory's face remained calm, but Lorelai knew her daughter well enough to know that something had happened here. She was curious to find out, but then she looked at Jess' face. He looked extremely concerned. Maybe now it was not the time.

They heard someone ringing on the door and Jess got off the sofa. He glanced at Rory one final time and went to open. He prepared his smile and opened the door.

'Wow!' Lane tilted her head. 'Jess Mariano is smiling to me? Man!'

'Ha-ha!' Jess crooked his face and opened the door widely. 'Come on in Lane.' Then his look fell on the seat, she was holding in her hand. Her baby daughter was sleeping there and his face faded again. Lane had not noticed his look and walked into the house.

'Hey Rory!' She greeted her friend and Rory smiled to her. She got off her place on the sofa and went to hug her, but her look fell on the sleeping baby. Her smile faded and she placed one fake smile on her face.

'Hey Lane.' Rory tried to sound normal.

'Are you alright? You look pale.' Lane came closer to her friend, but Jess was faster. He had reached to Rory and now had wrapped one arm over her shoulders.

'Our Rory was too busy with Jake to eat properly this morning.' He shrugged and Lane nodded, accepting his explanation. She went to greet Lorelai and Rory used that moment to look up at Jess.

'Thank you.' She whispered and buried face in his collarbone just for one moment.

'Anytime.' He whispered and kissed her temple.

'Mommy! Mommy!' Jake called her and Rory smiled, before looked at him.

'Yes, baby?' Jess and Rory went to their son and sat at his both sides.

'Where I should put this?' Jake looked at the big puzzle with confusion.

'Why don't you try it here?' Jess pointed him one place. Jake bit his lower lip and placed the piece there. It fitted perfectly. His small face grinned.

'So how are you Lane?' Lorelai asked Rory's friend and Lane smiled, looking at her baby daughter.

'My mother looks over the twins and I'm with that little missy here.' She shrugged.

'She is so cute.' Lorelai smiled and looked at the small baby. 'Where is your husband?'

'He's traveling and he has to be here soon.' Lane answered and Lorelai kept talking with her.

She did not notice how Rory's face suddenly darkened and she tried not to look at Lane's baby daughter. Jess was playing with his son, but his eyes kept looking at her from time to time. He knew that this situation is very painful for her. Rory hid it well and when Lane finally left the house; Jess could see the sign of relief on Rory's face. He was not surprised when she excused herself and ran upstairs.

'Take care of Jake.' Jess murmured to the confused Lorelai and followed his wife. He found her sitting on the floor in the bathroom and crying, hiding face in her hands. His heart ached, but he swallowed his own tears and sat close to her.

'I can't! I… I just can't… do it!' Rory sobbed and Jess wrapped arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. He kissed the top of her head and felt her fisted his shirt. She cried in his arms again and he could feel her pain.

'Sh-sh…' Jess closed his eyes and held her tight. Her shoulders shook and he could feel his shirt soaked from her tears. However, he did not move. He was there, but it killed him that he could not do anything more to help her.

When he was sick, the thoughts of her lost baby had put aside. However, now when he was better, the old ghosts and pain rose into the surface. He was fine and now she was the one that needed him.

Jess sighed and his lips touched her hair again. Her sobs were quiet now, but he was still holding her in his arms. Her fists still clenched his shirt.

'I can't… Jess.' She whispered and her arms wrapped around his neck. Her head rested on his shoulder and Jess took her in his lap. He rubbed her back calmingly.

'I know.' He whispered and his lips touched her temple.

'It hurts…' She sobbed.

'It's okay. It's okay now…' He whispered again and suddenly looked up, just to see Lorelai standing by the door of the bathroom.


	26. Chapter 26 Love is what we need

_**Chapter 26**__** Love is what we need **_

Lorelai was standing by the door and looking at her crying daughter. She still did not know what had happened, but must have been something serious. Rory did not like these moments of weakness. She was just about to ask when a quiet childish voice stopped her.

'Mommy?' Jake had followed her upstairs and now looked at his mother with crooked face. 'Why are you crying, mommy?'

Rory snapped her head towards that voice and looked at his son. Jake was standing before her and Jess released her from his embrace. She tried to smile and reached out hands towards her son. Jake went to her and sat on her lap, hugging her over her neck. Rory wrapped arms around him and cradled him carefully.

'It's okay honey.' Rory sang and kissed the top of his head. 'Mommy is okay. She just needed to hug you.'

'I can stay here all day!' Jake said in with face in her hair and Rory smiled softly.

'Okay.' She whispered and looked at Jess. He stared at her with concern. 'I'm okay.' Rory nodded at him and he nodded at her back. 'We'll stay here awhile.' She smiled and he understood her.

'Okay.' Jess got off the floor and nodded at Lorelai to follow him. She was speechless for once and Jess would smile if the situations were not that serious. He just wondered how he was going to explain this to her.

They went back downstairs and Jess fell on the sofa. Lorelai sat at the opposite armchair. She frowned and her eyes glared at him.

'What the Hell is wrong with my daughter, Jess?' She snapped finally and he frowned, was not sure if he was the one to tell her.

'I'm not sure.' He lied. This was the easiest thing for him and they both knew it.

'You are lying to me, Jess and I don't like it.' Lorelai frowned too. 'I want the truth and I want it now! I have not seen Rory like this before. Well, I lie little. I saw her like this when you were ill and she thought that you…' Her eyes widened. 'Are you alright Jess? You are not sick again?'

'No.' Jess shook his head. 'I am okay, if you do not count my little heart problem. I hope that would get better soon too.'

'Are you sure?' Lorelai studied his face. 'Yes, you are. You are telling me the truth.' She nodded.

'You can never be sure with me, mom.' Jess tilted his head. 'You can't read me.'

'I can be sure that you want to make my Rory happy.' Lorelai tilted her head too. 'I'm sure that you won't do anything to hurt her. You were though a lot and I think you learned your lesson.'

'I did.' Jess nodded with light frown.

'So that leads us back to the first base.'

'First base?'

'I want to know why my daughter looked like that! Now!' Lorelai snapped.

'You can't speak to me with this voice, Lorelai!' Jess narrowed his eyes. 'I'm not your little kid! You got it?' Jess had clenched his jaw and had clenched his fists close to his body.

'Now I'm Lorelai?' She tilted her head, but tried to keep her voice steady.

'That's right!' Jess snapped.

'It's okay Jess.' They heard Rory and looked at her. She walked into the room and sat close to Jess. 'I'll tell her.'

'Are you sure?' Jess wrapped arm around her shoulders and squeezed her tightly. Rory nodded with pale face.

'She is my mother. She has to know.' Her voice cracked and she placed hand on his thigh.

'Rory…' Lorelai called her and she looked at her. Rory's face was pale and still teary. 'You are scaring me! What happened?'

'I… ' Rory sobbed and tried to control her voice. 'I lost a child.' She burst into tears once again and Jess hugged her tightly, wrapping his other arm around her too.

'Oh my!' Lorelai was shocked. Rory had hid that pretty well. 'When did that happened?'

'When she came back from New York.' Jess tried to explain. Rory was too emotional to do that.

'That's why she was so nervous.' Jess rubbed her back calmingly, trying to soothe her. 'She just tried to protect me from that news.'

'But… but… I didn't have to.' Rory sniffed and lifted her head up. She looked at him with her wet eyes and his heart ached. 'We had to talk.'

'We had to talk and we will from now on.' Jess loosened his embrace around her and she looked at her mother.

'We will try.' Rory sniffed.

'I hope you'll succeed.' Lorelai nodded.

'It was too much and now…' Rory sniffed again, leaning her head on Jess' shoulder. 'When I saw Lane's daughter… My baby had to be on the same… age…' She sobbed.

'Shush.' Jess rubbed her arm. 'Calm down now.'

'I'm such a bad person!' She shook her head. 'I hated her… for having… that baby.'

'You are not a bad person Rory!' Lorelai frowned. 'You are a woman and it's normal to feel like this.'

'I know, but…' Rory shrugged. 'I just can't look at that child!'

'You want to tell Lane about that?' Lorelai asked her carefully. 'Maybe if you talk to her, she won't bring her daughter here.'

'No.' Rory shook her head. 'This is my problem.'

'Our!' Jess interrupted her and Rory looked at him, touching his face.

'This is our problem and we could deal with it.'

'Well call if you need help.' Lorelai tilted her head.

'We will, mom.' Jess nodded and saw her smile.

'Oh, I'm back to 'mom' mode?' She rose up her eyebrows.

'Sorry for you.' Jess gave her a light smirk.

'I can live with that.' Lorelai nodded. 'Where is Jake?'

'I put him to sleep his afternoon nap.' Rory explained and looked up at Jess. 'He took his pills and he is good.'

'Okay. That is good to hear.' Jess nodded. 'I have to take mine after an hour.'

'I know you will.' Rory rubbed his thigh.

'That's how I want to see you both.' They heard Lorelai and saw her smiling. 'To love each other.'

'We do.' Jess kissed Rory's temple and she smiled against him.


	27. Chapter 27 Keep me whole

_**Chapter 27**__** Keep me whole **_

The love was never a problem between them. They always knew that it was there, even when they had split apart. It was strong feeling and no one could deny it. The problem was in their talking, in communication and sharing the problems. However, they always tried to protect each other from the pain.

Jess watched her in her sleep and his hand stroked her hair. Rory was sleeping and that was her first normal sleep since two days. She was upset since the moment Lane had left their house with her daughter. She was trying to pull it together, because of their children of course, but Jess could see her struggle. Rory was in pain and it hurt him even to look at her like that. She was so strong and joyful person before all that could happen. He sighed and watched her beautiful face. She was sleeping on her left side with face turned to him. Her right hand had buried under her face and her left rested on his chest. Jess smiled and ran fingers through her hair.

Rory stirred in her dream and he pulled the blanket over her shoulders. His hand rested on her waist and he just looked at her calm face. Her eyes were sore and Jess knew why. She had cried again and she had hid that from him as usual. Jess knew that she only wanted to spare him her pain, but she did not know that she could not do that. The reason was simple – when you love someone, like Jess loved her, it was hard not to suffer when that person suffered. Just because he was trying to give her from his strength, it did not mean that he did not suffer too. That was his child too, but he knew that Rory suffered a lot more than him. She was a mother and he knew how hard it was for her. He knew how difficult all of her pregnancies were. He also knew that Rory continued blaming herself about what had happened in New York. She still thought that she could prevent it. Jess tried to convince her in the opposite, but without any result.

He looked at the dark window and wondered what time it was. It was early in the morning, but honestly, Jess did not care. Rory just had fallen asleep and he had lost his one. His time had spread between Rory and their children. She was not in good shape and she did not want her children to notice that.

Therefore, Jess had to care about them these days. Rory was lying in their room and just stared at the window. He had tried to talk to her, but every time he tried, she just hugged him and cried on his shoulder. Jess hugged her back and they did not talk, but just stayed like that.

Jess had even called Lorelai. She came and tried to talk with her daughter too, but Rory just refused to talk with her. That was when Jess had scared for real. Rory had never refused to talk with her mother. Lorelai looked concerned too. She had suggested professional help, but Rory had refused it when Jess had mentioned it before her. She insisted that she needed only him.

He sighed and closed his eyes finally falling asleep. Rory moved closer to him, as if she wanted to be sure that he were here beside of her. Jess smiled and kissed her temple, pulling her closer.

When he woke up, Rory was missing. He got off the bed and went downstairs, looking for her. It was late morning and all of the children were gone to school. Jess heard her, washing dishes in the kitchen. He walked in quietly and sat on one free chair, just staring at her back. He leaned his elbow over the table and rested his face on his palm.

She looked better. Well, he wanted to think that she looked better. She was up at least and had taken care for the children.

Rory turned off the sink and brushed her hands on the near towel. She turned around and saw Jess looked at her. She smiled and Jess already knew that she was not good. She struggled inside. However, she was up and that was the important thing here.

'Morning.' She greeted him and placed one cup of coffee before him. 'You just missed them.'

'The Huns?' Jess tilted his head and saw her smile, or attempt of a smile. He took a sip from his cup and looked at her.

'Yeah, the Huns.' Rory smiled and shrugged. However, her eyes were sad. She was trying at least. 'Mom came here earlier. She had job in the Inn.'

'Oh.' Jess watched her sitting close to him and took her hand. 'Then we have to go and pick up Jake later.'

'Maybe you could do it alone.' She lowered her look to their clasped hands.

'No!' Jess shook his head. 'We are going together.'

'I don't think I feel good.' Rory looked at him. She looked weak and his heart ached. She did not have to feel in this way. His Rory did not have to suffer like this. She was the last person that deserved it. Jess gulped his pity. She did not need it. She needed his strength now.

'I know that you don't feel good and I'm sorry for this!' He spoke low, trying to reach her. 'I wish I could do something for you and save you from this pain. I wish I could do something and make it mine, but I cannot. I could only try to let you out from here. You have to get out from here!'

'I'm not ready, Jess!' Rory tried to pull back, but he held her tightly.

'We are going to take Jake together!' He snapped. It hurt him talking with her like that, but he had to do something.

'Jess...' She looked at him with plea in her eyes.

'No! I'm tired of seeing you like this!' He narrowed his eyes. 'I know that it hurts you! I know that you suffer, but you have people that love you! Do you remember what were you talking to me back in the Hospital? You were telling me not to give up, because I have family to care about. I have people that love me!'

'You heard me?' She looked surprised.

'I was weak, but I could hear you.' Jess nodded and tilted his head. 'I'm asking you to hear me now!'

'I could try I guess.' Rory tried to smile.

'You could make it! I'm sure!' Jess leaned and grabbed her chin. He moved closer to her and his lips touched hers in soft kiss. 'I'm here and you have me!'

'Yeah.' Rory touched his face. 'I have you and that is the only thing that keeps me whole now.'

'See?' Jess whispered and squeezed her hand. 'This is a beginning.'


	28. Chapter 28 Just us

_**Chapter 28**__** Just us **_

Jess was really good when he was trying to distract her. They spoke for all kinds of subjects. That was the thing with him; Rory could always find something in common to talk. Jess and she had the same blood type when it came to the common subjects. They talked for everything except the main problem now. Jess knew that this was a mistake and he knew it from personal experience. However, he could not bear to see Rory suffer like that.

When they had to go out and pick up Jake from the kindergarten, Rory felt all her confidence went away. She looked at Jess with pleading eyes, but he did not give you place for retreat.

'You have to do this!' He insisted and she sighed, putting on her spring jacket.

It was cool outside and it was reining, but it was nice and warm in the car. Jess switched on the radio and smiled when he heard the song they played. Rory looked at him strangely and Jess smiled even widely.

'I give you ten seconds.' He said suddenly and she looked at him with confusion.

'Ten seconds for what?'

'What is this song?' Jess looked at his watch. 'Starts… now!'

'Jess!'

'Nine, eight, seven…' He looked at the road and his watch at the same time.

'This is ridicules!' Rory frowned.

'Six, five…'

'Jess!' However, she listened carefully. 'Okay – it's _Clash _song.'

'You are so weak!' He teased her. 'Which _Clash _song?'

'I don't…' Rory frowned even more.

'Four, three, two…' He rose up his eyebrows.

'Jess you really have to… uh-oh… _Guns of Brixton_!' Rory clapped with hands and Jess smiled at her enthusiasm. That was her first smile since they had left their home.

'Nice, my young paduan.' He glanced at her. 'Your education is complete.'

'You are such a bad boy sometimes.' Rory shook her head, but the smile remained on her lips. She leaned back on her seat and felt his hand squeezing her thigh lightly.

'No, I'm not.' Rory felt that he looked at her and met his gaze. 'Thanks to you.'

'Jess Mariano, noble family man?' She teased him with smile. 'I can't believe it!'

'Don't look at me like that, or we could get late for Jake's kindergarten.' He grunted out and turned his look back on the road. Rory laughed lightly.

'Behave!' She teased him and heard his quiet laugh.

'I can't promise anything!' Jess tilted his head and heard her laughing too; he threw her one brief look and smiled secretly. That was Rory, Jess wanted to see. That was his Rory and he had not seen her since long ago.

'Here we are.' Rory looked at Jake's kindergarten and saw her son standing by the front door with his teacher. She was holding his hand and talking to him something. Rory frowned. Jake looked pale.

'Wait here.' Jess turned off the engine and got out of the car. Rory saw him walking to his son. He took him in his arms and Jake wrapped arms around his neck. His teacher told Jess something and Jess nodded.

Rory frowned even more. Something had happened. She could see Jess talking something to Jake while they coming closer to the car. Jake nodded furiously and Jess kissed his temple.

'Hey mommy!' Jake sang in the moment, Jess put him on the backseat. Rory turned around and Jake gave her one kiss on her cheek.

'Hey honey.' Rory tried to smile. 'How was your day?'

'_Fine_.' Jake shrugged and sat back on his seat.

'Hey Jess!' Rory looked at him when he got back in the car.

'What?' Jess looked at her and started the engine.

'Jake is _fine_?' Rory rose up her eyebrows. 'Something to tell me over here?'

'He is okay. Right big guy?' Jess looked at his son in the mirror.

'Yes, daddy.' Jake nodded furiously again.

'Then what?' Rory narrowed her eyes.

'Our Jake had one small crisis today, but he is okay now.' Jess said carefully, looking the road before him.

'Crisis?' Rory's eyes widened and she turned around to look at her son. 'Are you okay now honey?'

'Yes mommy.' Jake smiled with Jess' smile. 'It was scary, but I'm okay.'

'Hey… What about some cake when we get back home?' Jess tried to change the subject.

'Yay!' Jake clapped with hands and Rory looked back at Jess. He just shook his head silently. Everything was under control now.

When they came back home and finished the cake, Jake went into his room for his afternoon nap. Jess and Rory stayed in the living room and Jess switched on the TV. However, Rory could not concentrate over the movie and Jess felt her nervousness. He looked at her and saw her pale face.

'He is okay, Rory.' Jess tried to calm her. 'You know that he will get better!'

'I know, but I am still concerned Jess!' Rory shrugged. 'I am his mother after all. If I'm not worried about his health, who would be?'

'Well…' Jess wrapped arm around her shoulder and Rory leaned her head on him. 'I think I will.'

'I know.' Rory sighed and snuggled in him. 'But I'm scared every time!'

'I know that feeling, Rory.' Jess kissed that temple. 'But we know that he will be okay. He is okay now and he is here with us. You don't have to worry anymore.'

'Yeah.' Rory closed her eyes, trying to stop bad thoughts coming in her mind. 'I guess you are right.'

'I am and you have to listen to me when I'm talking to you.' Jess teased her playfully.

'Yeah, right.' She patted his thigh and Jess sighed. 'You are my teacher.'

'You want a lesson now?' His voice went thick and Rory looked up at him.

'Jake is here.' She hesitated, but looked at his face.

'Jake is upstairs and he is sleeping.' Jess pushed her onto the sofa and hovered over her.

'This is so wrong.' She murmured, but wrapped arms around his neck and pulled his face closer to hers.

'I know.' His lips almost touched hers. 'But that's me.'

'Us…' Rory whispered before his kiss. 'Just... us.'


	29. Chapter 29 Learn to talk

_**A/N:**** 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

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**_Chapter 29 Learn to talk _**

It was good to run from your problems even for a little while. Rory sighed and opened her eyes just to notice that she was lying alone in the sofa. Jess was gone and she sighed, looking around. What surprised her even more, she was with her clothes back on her. He had taken care for her. Rory blushed and ran fingers through her messy hair. Even after six years of marriage and four children, he could make her blush as a young girl.

Rory heard voice coming from the kitchen and got off the sofa, fixing her hair. She pushed the door lightly and saw that all of her children were at home. They helped their father to cook. Rory smiled at that picture.

'Where is the chicken, Junior?' Jess asked his older son and he giggled.

'In your hands, daddy.'

'Right!' Jess rolled his eyes. 'How could I forget?'

'It comes with the age.' Ayn teased him and everybody laughed.

'What I have to do now?' Jess shoved the pan into the oven and closed the small door.

'You have to be a pirate daddy!' Jane squealed. She was sitting on the table and swaying her legs over its edge.

'I'm too old.' Jess coughed and everybody laughed again.

'You are the best dad in the whole world!' Jake giggled. He sat next to Jane and swayed his legs from the edge of the table.

'Really?' Jess widened his eyes. 'This is such an honor!'

'We should tell mommy!' Jane nodded furiously.

'Mommy is here.' Rory called from the door and her eyes glowed to them. Jess looked up at her and his eyes studied her face. 'What are you cooking?' She walked into the small kitchen.

'Mariano Pirate's Chicken.' Ayn answered and she dragged one chair for her mother to sit. Rory nodded and sat close to her daughter. Ayn was smiling. 'Do you remember?' She asked her mother.

'Oh I remember.' Rory smiled at the memory and looked at Jess, who now was playing with his younger children.

'I was at their age.' Ayn nodded at her brothers and sister. 'I think it was right before your second wedding.'

'You remember this?' Rory looked surprised.

'I remember many things, mom.' Her daughter looked at her. 'I even remember things that I don't want to. I was not so little. I know that daddy was very sick when he came back to us and I was staying late at night, just hoping that he would be here when I wake up.'

'Oh honey.' Rory stroked her hair with sad smile.

'What's the problem?' Jess had seen them talking.

'Nothing.' Rory looked up at him. 'We are just talking about the past.'

'Past huh?' Jess frowned.

'Yeah.' Rory nodded.

'Daddy!' Jess Jr. called him and Jess turned around just to see the smoke coming from the oven.

'The chicken!' Jane squealed and Jess laughed as he rushed to check it.

'It's burning!' Jake joined her.

'It's not burning!' Jess pinched his nose. 'It just needs low temperature.'

'What is low temperature?' Jake looked confused.

'It's…' Jess waved with his hands.

'You like to drink cold water, right?' Rory took Jake's attention and he looked at her.

'Yes.' He nodded.

'The water you like to drink has low temperature.' Rory smiled.

'And the pancakes have… high?' Jake bit his lower lip. 'Because I like them hot?'

'Yes, baby.' Rory nodded.

'I think I know now!' Jake smiled with his father smile and Rory's heart melted. She could not resist on that smile. She never was.

'Good boy!' Jess ruffled his hair.

When the dinner was ready and all was sitting around the table, Rory thought that this was one of their best evenings. She loved and enjoyed on every second of it. After the dinner, the small children went in the living room and Rory saw them spreading their favorite puzzle. It has 1150 pieces and it represented Disneyland. She smiled when Ayn joined them and they all laughed when they were trying to put it together. Rory watched them, standing close to the kitchen's door.

'Nice, huh?' She felt Jess' hands, slipping on her waist from behind.

'Oh yeah.' Rory sighed and placed head on his shoulder. He kissed her neck and she closed her eyes for one second. It was good feeling and she enjoyed it,

'I'm glad that you are okay.' Jess whispered.

'I am now.' Rory stirred in his hands, trying to suppress the sad thoughts, crossing her mind.

'I know that this won't pass so easily, but I want you to know that I'm here.' He laced his fingers on her stomach and pulled her closer. 'I'm always here if you need to talk to someone.'

'Same here.' Rory answered quietly.

'What?' Jess lowered his voice.

'We both have problems and we both don't want to talk about it.' Rory shrugged.

'I'm okay now.' Jess answered quietly.

'I know that you're trying because of me and I would be happy if you really are.' Rory shifted her head and looked up at him. 'I can see that in your eyes Jess.'

'I know, but I'll be okay.' He shrugged and she followed his look to his children. 'They are my cure now. You are my cure.'

'I know.' Rory snuggled in him. 'I know that we have hard time now and we had it before, but I hope that it'll pass quickly.'

'Wounds need time to heal, Rory.' Jess answered thoughtfully. 'They need time and patience.'

'Wow!' One light smile appeared on her face. 'That was good.'

'And that is the truth.' Jess shrugged and kissed her temple.

'You have to write again.' She said and felt his body tensed behind her back.

'I will when I can.' Jess murmured and his face faded.

'Jess…'

'I will Rory.' He insisted and looked back at his children, gathering around the large puzzle.

'I know.' She followed his look again. Seeing her children laughing and enjoying together, Rory could not help but smile. Jess was right. They were the best possible cure for them now.


	30. Chapter 30 Best wishes

_**A/N:**** 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

**_

**_Chapter 30 Best wishes _**

Jess and Rory tried to live normally. Although they promised to talk about their problems, none of them was strong enough to do it. Therefore, they just stopped talking about Jess's plane crash or Rory's abortion. They just tried to ignore these themes and turned them into taboo.

The days turned into weeks. They celebrated twins' birthday and the life looked good. Jess was not ready for his new book and Rory preferred her children instead of her writing. Lorelai and Luke were happy that Jess and Rory looked happy and did not say a word about it. Moreover, Jess still did not know about his mother. Luke kept it secret from him. He thought that it was better in this way. Jess just had recovered from his crash and did not need any more problems. However, the life had other plans.

'I think it was good idea for making the extension for the house.' Jess looked at Rory. They were sitting in the living room and looking some trashy movie.

'And you're telling me this now?' She looked at him strangely. 'We did that, two years ago.'

'I was thinking.' Jess shrugged. 'I thought we could buy some cradle.'

'And put it where?' Rory pulled slightly and looked at him with confusion.

'We have big yard and three little children.' Jess shrugged once again.

'And we have one big girl too.' Rory tilted her head.

'She told me what she wants with one of the extra rooms.' Jess smirked.

'She told you?' Rory looked surprised.

'Yeah.' Jess nodded. 'We have to buy some shelves and make a library.'

'Ayn wants a library?' Rory released one smile. 'Are you kidding me?'

'Nope.' Jess shook his head. 'She told me she wants a library in her house. Therefore, we could stash all the books we have in the attic.'

'But Ayn is sitting all day before her laptop.' Rory shook her head. 'Why is that sudden wish for that library?'

'She writes poems.' Jess whispered with smile and Rory opened her mouth for one moment.

'Are you kidding me?' She uttered when she could speak again.

'Nope! I am serious. She asked for my opinion about some rime.' He frowned this time. 'You know my love for the poetry, right?'

'Right.' Rory laughed at his crooked face.

'I told her to ask you, but she said that she want to surprise you.' Jess rolled his eyes. 'She is true Ayn Rand, you know?'

'You are so funny sometimes.' Rory laughed even lauder.

'What is the funny here?' Jess crooked his face playfully. 'Our daughter is turning into a poet and you are laughing?'

'It's her choice.' Rory shrugged. 'Besides it comes with the name.'

'Yeah.' Jess pushed her onto the sofa and Rory giggled. 'I have a question though.'

'Shoot.' She buried fingers in his hair.

'Why did you name her Ayn Rand? I mean there is Jane Austin or…' Jess waved with his free hand. 'I don't know. Just… Why Ayn Rand?'

'Because I was mad at you at that time.' Rory went serious. 'And I remembered our talk in the lake.'

'Aha.' Jess lowered his head and his lips almost touched hers. 'I understand.'

'You do?' She licked her lips.

'You bet I am. Maybe someone of our others children could choose the right genre.'

'The right genre?' Rory felt his hands on her waist.

'What were we talking about?' He murmured staring at her eyes.

'I don't know.' She uttered. 'You were just about to kiss me.'

'Right.' He did not hesitate more and his lips covered hers.

It was weekend so all of their children were at Lorelai's house. She thought that Jess and Rory needed some time alone. Therefore, they had certain weekends in the month when all of the children were with Lorelai and Luke.

When Jess woke up, he found out Rory still sleeping in his arms on the sofa. He looked at her small face and his index finger traced her parted lips. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Sometimes, he was lying in the bed and just watched her in her sleep. She was his and he was happy to have her in his life. That was priceless.

'I like to stare at me.' She murmured.

'I thought that you were sleeping.' Jess was not surprised when she opened her eyes and looked at him.

'I was sleeping.' She murmured and smiled before him.

'I love to watch you.' Jess shrugged. 'It makes me feel real.'

'I am real and you are real.' Rory placed hand on his shoulder and squeezed him lightly. 'If it wasn't you I don't know what I would have done.'

'I am here.' Jess kissed her once again.

'I know and I'm thankful to life for that.'

'You are talking about my illness?' Jess frowned.

'Yeah and I wish I can forget this time, but I cannot.' She shrugged. 'I was so scared all the time. I was afraid of loosing you.'

'I know that feeling.' Jess shrugged too. 'I thought that I can forget it, but I don't.'

'You don't?'

'I don't want to.' Jess stared at her eyes. 'I want you in my life and I want to remember this time when I almost lost you. That makes me love you even more.'

'Well, I'm here and I love you too.' Rory ruffled his hair.

'Jeez! We are back in our mushy mode!' He tried to joke.

'And we are so mot mushy!' She crooked her face.

'Yeah.' He lowered his face and kissed her again. Just then, his phone rang and he moaned with frustration. 'Remember that thought.' Jess kissed her nose and got off the sofa. He grabbed his cell from the table and picked it up. 'Hello?' Rory saw how his face went serious. 'Yes. I got it.' He said shortly and rubbed his eyes. 'Okay. Bye.'

'Who was it?' Rory asked him after he threw his phone onto the table.

'It was TJ.' Jess frowned and looked at her. 'My mother is in coma.'

'What?' Rory put her shirt on and got off the sofa. She looked concerned.

'They found her in her room in the clinic she was.' Jess snapped. 'She was in clinic and I didn't know! Why I didn't know about this?'

'Jess…' Rory lowered her look. Her mouth was dry.

'You knew?' Jess grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. 'Tell me Rory! You knew?'

She just stared at him.


	31. Chapter 31 I want to protect you

_**Chapter 31**__** I want to protect you**_

Jess was sure that his life was never being normal. He just had found that piece of normality again and now that phone call had brought him into the reality again. On the top of that, Rory had been lying to him about his mother. He could see that in her eyes and that made him angrier.

'You knew?' He squeezed her chin between his fingers. 'Tell me!'

'Yes. Luke told me when you were in the Hospital.' Rory looked straight in his eyes and Jess was sure that she was telling the truth now.

'Jeez!' He snapped and released her. 'I thought that you would tell me! Why didn't you?'

'You were sick, Jess!' She grabbed his forearm. 'How could I tell you something like this in the condition you were?'

'I'm still sick!' Jess hissed. 'In case you don't know it, I'll never be alright again!'

'Why are you talking like that?' Rory uttered and she felt numbness in her fingers. 'They told me that you are in complete health.'

'Then why am on pills?' Jess hissed once again and released his arm from her grip. 'If I was okay, I wouldn't take those pills!'

'You know that you will get better.' Rory lowered her look.

'Ah, you are feeling guilty now?' He snapped. 'That's nice!'

'I'm not guilty!' Rory clenched her fists and looked at him. 'I just wanted to protect you! Luke wanted the same! You could've gotten worse if we had told you about your mother!'

'But she is my mother, Rory! I want to know!' Jess rubbed his chest. 'You know that I care about her. I do not want to talk to her, but she is my mother and I am not… incapable of feelings.'

'I know, Jess.' Rory took a deep breath, trying to calm her pounding heart. 'I just wanted to spare you from this!'

'I know, but I had to know, Rory!' he uttered and sat back on the sofa. His hand was still on his chest. 'I have to call Luke.'

'Then call him.' Rory passed him his phone, but it slipped through his fingers and fell onto the ground. 'Jess!' She stared at him with concern. 'What happened?'

'Nothing!' He frowned and leaned back on the sofa. His eyes had closed. 'I'll call him later.'

'You don't look good.' Rory bent down and took the phone. 'You want me to call Luke instead of you?'

'I'm alright!' Jess sighed. 'Give me just one second.'

'Do you want me to bring you something?' She sounded worried. 'Water or… something?'

'No.' He shook his head, but she did not move from her place.

'Please, I have to help you somehow! I have to do something!'

'I told you that I need only a second, okay?' He opened his eyes and looked at her. 'And do not call anyone, okay?'

'Okay.' She just nodded and placed the phone onto the table. Her heart pounded and she still had worried about him. Jake had the same look on his face before his crisis. However, Rory just sat close to Jess and kept quiet. Her eyes had focused over his face and every change of it. He was trying to normalize his breathing. That was good only if he could do that.

'I can feel your look, you know?' Jess murmured and that made her frown.

'What? I can't look at you now?' She sounded frustrated.

'You can, but I don't want you to worry about me.' His voice was low and that concerned her even more.

'You know that this is impossible.' Rory reached out and touched his face. Jess did not pull back. He could not. 'I want to help you, Jess. Just let me!'

'I…'

'I know that you'll be okay, but please.' Rory whispered. 'I told you that I'm always here for you. You can count on me!'

'Okay.' He finally nodded and she got off the sofa. 'Where are you going?' He opened his eyes.

'I'm going for your pills.' She tilted her head. 'You could try and lie down on the sofa.'

'I don't need…' Jess frowned.

'Yes you do need!' She spoke carefully and saw him following her instructions with a frowned face. 'I'll be back.'

Rory ran upstairs and rummaged through his cupboard in the bathroom. She knew where to look and soon she could find his pills. One sad smile appeared on her lips. Her only wish was to protect him and now this happened.

When she came back into the living room, Jess was lying on the sofa and his eyes had closed. His breathing was steady, but Rory was sure that he was awake. She knelt close to him and touched his arm.

'Jess?' Her voice was normal, but her face was pale. She was worried.

'Yeah.' He sighed and opened his eyes. 'Ah, thank you.' He nodded and took the pills and the glass from her.

'You are welcome.' She watched him how he was taking his pills and then took the glass back from him. 'You have to feel better now.'

'Not now, but soon.' He frowned and lay back, looking at her. 'Why did you hide such thing from me? I thought we talk about no more secrets between us.'

'I told you that I was only wanted to protect you, Jess.' Rory slipped fingers through his hair and watched his face. 'Look at you now? They told me that you have to be calm and that news only made you anxious.'

'You have to understand!' He frowned. 'She is my mother, no matter what she did! She is my blood.'

'I know.' Rory nodded. 'We can go and see her when you want!'

'I'm not sure if I want to do that now.' Jess closed his eyes.

'Why?' Rory spoke carefully. 'You just said that she is your mother and you care about her.'

'I do care about her, but…' Jess shrugged. 'I'm so confused now, Rory!'

'What did they told you?'

'They told me that she is in coma and they don't know when she will wake up.' His voice cracked. 'I'm sick of hospitals, Rory! I don't want to go there again!'

'We don't have to decide now.' She placed her other hand on his chest. 'You're going to tell me when you are ready.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded. 'Could you please give me the phone now?'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, I am.' He covered her hand on his chest. 'Thank you for being here.'

'Always for you.' She tried to smile and reached out for his phone. Jess' face faded when he dialed up his Uncle.

'Hey Uncle Luke.' He spoke with low voice. 'I have to tell you something. Could you come here please?'


	32. Chapter 32 Weakness and strength

_**Chapter 32**__** Weakness and strength**_

Luke came into Jess's house as soon as he could. He found his nephew pale and leaning on the back of the sofa. He looked tired and angry.

'Jess?' Luke called him when he walked into the room. Rory just nodded at him and went upstairs. She did not want to interrupt them. That was not a good sign. She was always here.

'Tell me why exactly you didn't tell me about my mother?' Jess frowned and his uncle looked at him with narrowed eyes.

'Who told you about Liz?'

'I asked first!' Jess snapped.

'I wanted to protect you!' He slumped onto the near chair.

'You hide it?'

'Damn it Jess! Don't twist my words!'

'I'm not twisting your words!' Jess crooked his face with annoyance. 'I just thought that you would be honest with me!'

'Well, forgive me then!' Luke snapped. 'I didn't tell you that your mother is in clinic again! Are you out of your mind? You were in so bad shape then, Jess! Anything could cause you another crisis! I thought that this would be the last thing you needed to know then!'

'I had a right!' Jess hissed. 'Liz is my mother!'

'Yeah! She was your mother big time!' Luke murmured. 'She almost ruined your life!'

'Uncle Luke.' Jess frowned.

'If she wasn't my sister I would never talk to her again!'

'Uncle Luke!' Jess interrupted him again and this time he looked at him.

'What?' He scowled.

'Liz is in coma!' Jess admitted huskily.

'Liz is what?' His uncle looked shocked.

'She is in coma and they don't know how much is going to take this time for her to wake up.' Jess spoke carefully, rubbing his chest.

'When they called you?' Luke had noticed his moves.

'This afternoon.' Jess frowned. 'We had a little chat with Rory after that.'

'I see.' Luke nodded thoughtfully. 'You took your pills?'

'Yes, I took my pills!' Jess narrowed his eyes. 'And we are not talking for me right now!'

'Yeah! We're talking about Liz.' Luke scratched the back of his neck. 'Do you wanna go and see her?'

'I'm not sure.' Jess shook his head.

'Why?' Luke put up his hands. 'I'm just asking!'

'I'm not sure if I want to do that.' Jess shrugged and rubbed his eyes. 'I'm sick of Hospitals, you know?'

'I wish that was the problem here.' Luke murmured again.

'What?' Jess frowned.

'You are not honest with me again!'

'You bet I am!'

'Yeah, like with the swan thing!'

'But it was a swan!'

'Yeah, right!' Luke rolled his eyes.

'Whatever!' Jess waved his hand. 'It's been a long time ago!'

'I know!' His uncle smiled. 'Good times, huh?'

'I don't think so!' Jess crooked his face. 'I've done so many mistakes that I'm not sure that I want to remember!'

'About Rory?'

'About her, about me…' Jess shrugged. 'I was such an idiot, you know?'

'I know.' Luke rolled his eyes again.

'But it was a swan.' Jess insisted.

'Okay.' Luke released one smile.

'I swear! It was vicious bird!'

'If you're saying…'

'Fine!' Jess snapped. 'The point is, I do not want to go to her. I'm not ready.'

'Aha!' Luke nodded with smile. 'There you go!'

'What?' Jess looked at him with surprise.

'You could've told me this from the beginning.' His uncle leaned back on his chair. 'Not telling me these stories about hating Hospitals and stuff.'

'But I do hate the Hospitals!' Jess frowned again.

'I know, but this is not the real reason here.' Luke shrugged. 'Well, I'm going to see her. I have to do that, because she is my sister.'

'That makes me look bad.' Jess smiled bitterly and rubbed his chest again.

'No.' His uncle shook his head. 'That makes you look like you care about your health.'

'What?'

'Rory?' Luke increased his voice. He was sure that Rory would hear him.

'What the Hell are you doing?' Jess frowned with confusion.

'Yes, Luke?' He was not mistaken. Rory showed up just seconds later.

'Take care of your husband.' Luke got off his chair.

'Sure.' Rory nodded and went to Jess.

'Hey!' Jess scowled and his uncle looked back at him. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm going home and I'm going to visit my sister tomorrow.' Luke nodded.

'But…'

'Take a rest, Jess.' His uncle smiled. 'You need one and don't worry about your mother. I will tell you everything when I come back. Bye, kids!'

'Bye Luke.' Rory nodded and watched him walking out of the house. She looked back at Jess and saw his pale face. 'Now, let's get you upstairs.'

'I'm not a cripple, Rory!' he snapped, but leaned on her when he got off the sofa.

'I know you're not Jess.' She nodded and helped him went upstairs. He sat on the bed with a tired sigh and looked up at her.

'I wish I was better.'

'You will when you relax.' She touched his face and he pulled her down to sit on his lap.

'I know, but I wish I wasn't like this.'

'You hate your weakness and I know how much.' Her thumb skimmed over his lower lip. 'But it'll pass, you know that.'

'Yeah, I know.' He nodded. 'Maybe it will be quicker this time.'

'Maybe.' Rory wrapped arms around his neck and buried her face in his soft hair. If she had to be honest, she was thankful just to have him. The scare of almost losing him was still alive in her mind. Now she could feel him. She could feel his arms wrapped around her. She could feel his breath, ruffling his hair. That was all she wanted now. That was all she needed and she was glad to have him.


	33. Chapter 33 Old couple

_**Chapter 33**__** Old couple **_

Rory was sitting in the Luke's Diner. Her children were out to school and she thought that she could take a little break. Jess had suggested that. His uncle were out of the town and Jess was running the Diner instead of him now. This was not for the first time and Luke loved to say that he did not trust to anyone else to do that. Jess looked better than last night and that was the only reason for Rory to agree with all this.

Her look wondered around the full diner and she stopped it repeatedly on Jess. He gave her smile in the moment he caught it. Rory could not help but wonder what was in his mind now. She knew about his inner struggle to go and see his mother. She knew and why he did not want to do that. However, Jess was Jess. He had changed, but not too much. He still was scared to show his emotions, but he would never admit that.

Luke had called later last night and had asked from Jess to run the diner for one day. Jess had accepted immediately. He did not ask why or for how long. That was the different in him now. He was more responsible than before.

'Hey, Rory.' Lane's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up to her friend. She was alone this time and Rory felt more comfortable than before.

'Hey Lane.' Rory nodded at the free chair and Lane took it. 'You want something to drink or eat? It's on me.'

'No.' Lane shook her head. 'I just wanted to see you and talked to you.'

'Well, I'm here.' Rory smiled. 'I thought that you would come again after the last time we've met. I heard about your husband's tour and your vacation here. I thought that you could call me again.'

'I thought you need time.' Lane tilted her head and lowered her voice. 'I've never wanted to hurt you, Rory.'

'What are you talking about?' Rory's face faded.

'I know.' Lane studied her face. 'You don't have to lie to me. I know what happened to you.'

'Lane…' Rory bit her lower lip and avoided her friend's eyes.

'It's okay if you don't want to talk about this.' Lane's voice was still low. 'I want you to know that I'm here for you.'

'I'm okay.' Rory tried to smile.

'I can see that.' Lane murmured and Rory looked at her. 'You have to talk, Rory. Talking helps.'

'How would you know that?' Rory frowned.

'I know, because I've been through the same few years ago.' Lane shrugged. 'I was pregnant in the fifth month. I fell over the stairs and I lost my baby.'

'I'm so sorry Lane.' Rory touched her arm.

'Ah, it's okay.' One sad smile appeared on Lane's lips. 'They told me that I wouldn't have more kids and I thought that the world is end for me.'

'Lane…'

'It's okay.' Lane shrugged. 'It's still hurts sometimes and you have to know that this pain won't end. It could become more bearable, but that's it.'

'I know.' Rory's face faded again. 'It's struggle ever day.'

'When I got pregnant with my daughter Lily, I was scared that I'd never love her as the other baby. I felt guilty for having her.'

'I don't know if I want to have more kids.' Rory shook her head. She looked at Jess behind the bar and one sad smile appeared on her lips. 'We have enough and the child I lost… I was so worried to share that news with him. I thought that he could get angry or something.'

'And when you lost it, you felt angry to Jess?' Lane nodded.

'No.' Rory shook her head again. 'It was not only him. It was I too. Then we got into fight, many fights actually. Our marriage almost ended, because of my inability to talk for this.'

'Oh Ror!'

'I know.' Rory shrugged and another sad smile appeared on her face. 'Then the crash happened and Jess almost died there. You know? He was the last one saved from the plane.'

'I've heard.' Lane nodded. 'That's why I came to see you in New York.'

'Thank you.' Rory nodded. 'Then we had to deal with his Posttraumatic stress disorder and that kind of pushed this problem behind.'

'You just suppressed it.' Lane smiled with understatement. 'But you have to talk about it. You have to have someone to talk about it.'

'I have.' Rory looked back at Jess and this time he caught her look. He smiled at her and she smiled at him back.

'Ah, Jess?'

'Yeah.' Rory looked back at her friend. 'We talk about a lot these days.'

'So he is better?'

'He is… fine.' Rory's face faded again.

'Is there any problem?' Lane asked carefully. 'I don't want to be rude.'

'No.' Rory shook his head. 'You are not rude, Lane. You never were. It is just… something we have to deal every day.'

'Huh.' They heard Jess' voice and saw him sitting close to Rory. 'I've heard you're talking about me, so I thought I come here and check out.'

'Hm…' Lane rolled her eyes. 'You are really cocky, mister!'

'Yeah?' Jess looked at Rory. She smiled and touched his face.

'Yeah.' She nodded. 'But I love you in this way.'

'Ah!' Lane laughed. 'Now you two are like a real old couple!'

'We are couple, but I can protest against the word _old_ here!' Jess frowned.

'Okay…' Lane rolled her eyes. 'If you're saying…'

They laughed and Jess wrapped his arm over Rory's shoulders. Lane had to agree with him. They did not look old – just worried.


	34. Chapter 34 Father’s fears

_**Chapter 34**__** Father's fears **_

Luke came back from his sister later that day. He saw his nephew sitting and talking with his wife and one smile appeared on his face. Jess looked happy now. He had found what he had looked for. He had fought it back and now he looked better than ever. Well, Luke ignored his tired look, because he knew that Jess needed time for recovery. His nephew had suffered enough for a lifetime. However, he did not complain. Jess never complained. He just fought with the problem. Sometimes he was not as clever as Luke wanted him to be, but that was Jess. That was he and his temper. There reason was simple; Jess still learned how to express his feelings towards the people he loved. He still learned to be the person, he wanted. Luke knew how hard his life was. Now he wanted what it was the best for him. Jess deserved his piece of happiness as much as everyone else did, even more.

'Hey kids.' Luke greeted Jess and Rory and sat on the free chair.

'Uncle Luke.' Jess nodded and Luke noticed how his whole body tensed. He tried to hide that as usual, but Luke could see the signs. Jess was worried.

'Any news?' Rory frowned.

'Well, Liz is still in coma, but they told me that the prognoses are good.' Luke scratched the back of his head.

'So she will wake up?' Jess lowered his voice.

'It's a medically induced coma, Jess.' Luke tried to explain to him. 'They need to give her body some break for her cleaning.'

'Cleaning?' Rory rose up her eyebrows.

'From the drugs and alcohol.' Jess explained to her and rubbed his forehead.

'Yeah.' Luke hesitated. 'She was pretty bad when they found her.'

'I could imagine.' Jess frowned and lowered his look. He still remembered the time when he was a child and he had found his mother lying on the floor in their small apartment. Jess was the one who had to take care for her. He was the only one she had then. Moreover, she was his mother. Jess could not just let her deal on her own.

'Are you alright?' Rory covered his hand on the table and he gave her his light crooked smile.

'I'll be fine.' He got off his chair. 'I'll grab something from the kitchen and we can go home if you want.'

'Okay.' Rory smiled back and watched him walking into the small kitchen behind the bar.

'I don't think that he'll be fine.' Luke shook his head. 'I thought I knew my sister and I thought I knew her well, but the way she treated him as a child? I've never imagined it.'

'I know what you're talking about.' Rory sighed and put his vest on. 'Liz stole his childhood. I'm sorry, I know that she is your sister and you love her, but I still can't forgive her about Jess.'

'His arriving here is probably the best thing happened to him.' Luke frowned. 'I know that he is much older now, but he is still suffering for his mother.'

'You are right, but he'll never admit that.' Rory shrugged.

'Jess is a fighter, but the life created him like this.'

'You meant his parents, right?' Rory tilted her head. 'When I was pregnant with the twins he was afraid of what father he could be.'

'He is a great father and I could tell that by the way your children looked at him.' Luke smiled.

'Yeah, he is a natural talent.' Rory smiled too and saw Jess walked out from the kitchen.

'Are you ready?' He asked her, but she was already on her feet. 'Bye, Uncle Luke.'

'Bye kids.' He nodded and watched them as they left the diner.

It was cold outside and Rory stirred in her thin vest. Jess noticed that and frowned.

'Why you are not in your coat?'

'I thought that it's not that cold.' She shrugged and opened her door of their car. Jess shook his head and sat behind the wheel.

'Have you seen the weather?' He asked her and started the engine.

'Yeah, I saw it.' She buttoned her seatbelt.

'Okay.' He rolled his eyes. 'I don't want any complaining when you catch a cold.'

'Gee, thanks!' Rory stuck out her tongue.

'You are such a kid sometimes.' Jess shook his head and made her laugh.

They took their children first. Lorelai had taken them from their kindergarten. Ayn had came back home earlier. She was old enough to do that alone.

'We're home!' Rory called from the front door and saw her daughter sitting in the living room. She was reading some book.

'Hey!' She got off the couch. 'Where are the Huns?'

'Your father deals with them.' Rory nodded at the door and Ayn saw her father walking into the house with Jake in his arms. The twins were following him.

'Can we play now?' Jane pursed her lips.

'I don't want to sleep.' Jess Jr. whined.

'In the beds! Now!' Jess frowned.

'But daddy…'

'Now!' He growled and the twins went upstairs almost running. Jess put Jake down on his feet. 'Go now.'

'Okay daddy.' Jake nodded and followed his brother and sister.

'Is he okay?' Ayn asked her parents.

'Yeah, he is okay.' Jess took off his black coat and threw it onto the cupboard. 'He is just tired.'

'He looks tired a lot more these days.' Ayn shrugged.

'I know, but what we can do?' Rory exchanged look with Jess. 'Maybe he should stay home for a while? Take a break from his kindergarten?'

'We have to speak with Mel about this.' Jess nodded. 'Maybe he has to take new pills?'

'You have the same problem, but you take the same pills as before.' Rory frowned.

'I'm different and you know that.' Jess went into the living room and fell over the sofa. He ran fingers through his hair. 'I haven't been treated right.'

'Yeah, I know.' Rory and Ayn followed him and sat at his both sides. Rory placed her hand on his thigh. 'He will be fine, right?'

'He will be okay.' Jess released his crooked smile. 'We'll take care of him.'


	35. Chapter 35 Bad days

_**Chapter 35**__** Bad days **_

Rory woke up with an enormous headache. She cursed through her clenched teeth and got off the bed. Jess was right. She had caught a cold. The mirror in the bathroom told her the same. She looked awful. Her eyes were sore and fluffy.

'Nice.' Rory moaned and sneezed immediately.

'Huh.' She heard Jess's voice and saw him standing by the door of the bathroom. He had crossed his arms before his chest and looked at her.

'Come on.' Rory placed hand on her forehead. It was burning. 'You can say it – I told you so!'

'I won't do that.' He smirked and she felt the need to slap him now.

'Why?'

'That means that I have to kick you, while you are on the ground.' He shrugged. 'Where is the fun in that?'

'Nice to see you having fun!' She snapped and passed him on her way back to the bed. She sneaked back between her sheets and sighed tiredly. 'Where are the kids?'

'School.' Jess sat close to her with thermometer in his hand. 'Open your mouth now.' She frowned, but listened to him. 'Good girl.' He ruffled her hair. 'Jake is sleeping in his room. He is with us today. I thought that it'll be good for him.'

Rory just nodded and listened to him. He looked at his watch and pulled the small thermometer out of her mouth. Rory saw his frown.

'Yeah.' He sighed. 'We'll have two kids in the house today.'

'Very funny!' Rory crooked her face. 'I have a headache!'

'You have flu.' Jess got off the bed. 'It'll makes you think twice next time when you go out without your coat.'

'I would slap you, if I have enough strength!' She murmured.

'Rest now. I'm going to make you some soup.' Jess clucked with his tongue and left the room. Rory cursed again and closed her eyes.

He came back few minutes later with her soup. Jake walked behind him. He dragged his teddy bear over the floor and rubbed his eyes.

'Morning mommy.' He sang and Rory could not help, but smile. She sat on the bed and Jess put the tray on her lap. The smell of the hot vegetable soup hit her in her nose. It was nice actually.

'Morning sweetie!' Rory reached out and touched Jake's face.

'Is mommy okay?' Jake looked at her upset.

'Mommy caught a cold yesterday.' Jess sat on the bed and took his son on his lap. 'She'll be fine, but she has to stay in her bed today.'

'Why?' Jake looked curious now.

'Because, mommy refused to listen to daddy.' Jess ruffled Jake's hair. 'She has to wear her coat when is cold outside.' Rory almost choked with her soup.

'I have to brush my teeth now.' Jake nodded and Jess released him.

'Go brush them and then we could have a good breakfast!'

'Okay daddy.' Jake ran out the bedroom and Jess looked at Rory.

'You have to keep the bed today.' He fixed her hair behind her ear. 'I'll take care for Jake.'

'It sucks!' She pouted and passed him the tray.

'I know.' He laughed and helped her lay back on the bed. 'You want some aspirin?'

'Nah.' Rory yawned and closed her eyes. 'I want to sleep now.'

'Okay.' Jess kissed her forehead and fixed the blanket around her. 'Sleep now and call if you need anything.'

'Uh – oh…' She murmured and he smiled, walking out of the room

Jess spent the rest of the day with his son. They played in his room with his toys. Jess had bought him one electrical train and they both laughed, watched it moving over the small tracks. Jake looked happy and Jess was happy for him. He was fine all day and looked better than the day before.

When it was time for Jake's afternoon nap, Jess put him to sleep and kissed his small forehead. Jake smiled at him with his cute crooked smile and fell asleep. Jess watched him sleep for a while and then left the room. He found Rory, shivering in the big bed. Jess sighed and went to her. He touched her forehead and noticed that she has a fever.

'Rory?' He called her and saw how her eyes opened. 'You want the aspirin now?'

She just nodded and Jess went for her medicine.

Few hours later, she was okay and her fever was gone, leaving her without strength. She refused to have any contact with her children, because the flu could caught them. Lorelai came to see her on the next day, but Rory was already fine. She could sit on the bed. Just felt little dizzy.

'Why didn't you call me?' Lorelai looked concerned. 'Mommy could take care for you!'

'I have Jess for that work.' Rory coughed. 'He was with me the whole day.'

'Ah?' Lorelai clucked with her tongue.

'Yeah.' Rory tried to smile. 'Jake was also here.'

'How is he?' Lorelai went serious.

'Jess told me that he was okay yesterday.' Rory coughed again. 'I think he needs a little break from the kindergarten.'

'You have to bring him to Mel soon?'

'Yeah.' Rory nodded. 'After two days. Jess went to talk with Jake's teacher.'

'It's done.' Jess showed just in this moment. Lorelai and Rory looked at him. He was not alone. Jake was in his father's arms. 'Jake will make us company one week.'

'Hey hun!' Rory smiled at her son. 'You happy?'

'Yeah! Daddy promised to play with me!' Jake smiled.

'Okay. That's good, but you have to sleep now, okay?' Rory smiled again.

'I'll take care of him.' Jess ruffled his son's hair. 'Say bye to mommy now.'

'Bye mommy!' Jake sang and Jess walked out of the room with him.

'He is so cute!' Lorelai looked back at her daughter.

'Yeah.' Rory grinned. 'He is a real treasure.'

'I know, that's because he is the little one here.'

'Yeah.' Rory repeated, but this time her smile faded. 'He is the little one.'

'What now hun?' Lorelai touched her hand. 'I said something wrong?'

'No, no.' One sad smile appeared on Rory's face. 'Everything is alright.'

'I don't trust you!' Lorelai frowned. 'You are my daughter and I can understand when you are lying to me!'

'I'm okay, mom. Really…' Rory whispered, but her eyes went teary.

'Oh! You thought about the other…' Lorelai bit her lower lip. 'I'm so sorry, hun!'

'I just told you that everything is okay.' Rory shrugged. 'I have to learn how to deal with that.'

'You talked with Jess?' Lorelai rubbed her arm.

'Yeah, we talked.' Rory nodded. 'We talk a lot these days.'

'That's good, Ror!' Lorelai nodded. 'Have you thought about one more kid? Maybe it'll help you to…'

'No!' Rory snapped and wiped her tears. 'I don't want to replace one kid with another!'

'But maybe…'

'No!' She coughed and lowered her look. 'I don't think I can do it.'

Rory looked so sad and so devastated that Lorelai felt the need to hug her daughter. She did not do it. Lorelai knew that Rory needed her strength now, not her pity.


	36. Chapter 36 I don’t need recommendation

_**Chapter 36 I don't need recommendation **_

Her flu was over, but she still felt weak.

Rory barely succeeded to get off the bed. Jess was highly concerned about her and called their family doctor to see her. He told them that Rory is okay and this was just a side effect from the flu. He recommended strong food and vitamins. Jess was about to push the poor man out of the door on his way out. He had not told him anything new. Jess needed some answers, not recommendations. He was furious and barely contained his urge to slam the door after the doctor.

'Jeez!' He grabbed his head and tried to contain his anger. Rory should not see him like this. Jess frowned.

'Calm down Jess!' Lorelai placed hand on his shoulder. She was following him downstairs and Jess turned around to look at her.

'How can I do that? Huh?' He snapped and entered into the living room. 'I thought that she will be okay today! I thought that this old skunk would give us some answers!'

'Take it easy Jess!' Lorelai watched him slumped onto the sofa. He leaned hands over his knees and glared at the empty space. 'Have patience! You heard him, she is alright!'

'She is not alright, damn it!' Jess snapped. 'I can feel it!'

'What?'

'I'm telling you!' He snarled and laced his fingers. 'I know that something is wrong here!'

'I'm worried too, but you can't let her see you like this!' Lorelai frowned. Jess' words concerned her too. However, she could not let herself to be weak right now. Jess was too emotional and Rory was too weak. They both were not in shape now. 'Jess!' She called him, but he avoided her eyes. 'Jess look at me!' He finally did it. 'Pull it together now!'

'Excuse me?' He frowned.

'Your children are upstairs! They cannot see you like this either!' She grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the sofa. Jess narrowed his eyes against her, but Lorelai was not a person that he could scare her that easily. 'Now! I know that you can do it easy! You can lie with one blink of your eye! Do it now!'

'You want me to lie to Rory?' Jess almost whispered.

'I want you to be strong in front of her! I do not care how you are going to do this! Just do it!' She frowned, but Jess released his arm abruptly.

'I don't need you to tell me how to act around my wife!' He snarled.

'Good!' Lorelai smiled. 'This is a nice change!'

'What?' Jess looked at her with confusion. 'Are you crazy?'

'I wanted you to come back to your senses.' Lorelai shrugged. 'Rory need you like this.'

'Rory needs me in general.' Jess frowned again. 'I'm worried about her, mom.'

'I know Jess and don't ask me how I'm feeling.' Lorelai sighed and frowned too. 'But if your doctor says that there is nothing to worry about, then…'

'It's not about her physical condition, mom.' Jess closed his eyes for a moment. 'She looks upset these days. She's trying to hide it, but she really is.'

'You do know why she is upset Jess.' Lorelai lowered her voice and threw brief look at the staircase. 'I spoke with her one week ago. We talked about Jake and I told her that he is the little one. She cried and I felt awful.'

'I cannot believe that it last that long.' Jess shook his head. 'I thought that it'll pass with the time, but it's only getting deeper.'

'She told me that you two talked about this.'

'We did and we talk when she wants to talk.' Jess shrugged. 'I don't want to push her. She is too weak these days.'

'I know.' Lorelai looked at him carefully.

'I wish I could help her somehow, but I don't think I can.' Jess ran fingers through his hair.

'Maybe if you have new baby?' Lorelai spilled without thinking.

'What?' Jess hissed and looked at her as if she was crazy.

'Maybe that'll help her…'

'Are you insane?' Jess snapped. 'How would you even think about that?'

'It's just an idea!' Lorelai frowned. 'She needs something, Jess.'

'We have four kids, mom!' He narrowed his eyes. 'I won't put her passing through this again!'

'You are scared?'

'You damn right I'm scared!' He was furious. 'You know how dangerous every pregnancy is for her! Besides I think that she won't agree too.'

'You are right.' Lorelai murmured. 'She wasn't.'

'What?' His eyes widened. 'You told her?'

'Yes. I did.'

'I can't believe this!' Jess snarled.

'I had to do something!' Lorelei crooked her face. 'Don't look at me like I've done some crime!'

'Sometimes I think I know you…' Jess shook his head.

'No chance my boy.' She patted his shoulder. 'No chance.'

'Daddy?' Ayn called him from the staircase and Jess looked at her. 'Can I use your PC? I have to finish my paperwork for tomorrow and mine crashed.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded. 'Ask your mother. She'll tell you where it is.'

'Okay. Thanks.' Ayn smiled and hid upstairs.

'Man, she grows up quickly!' Lorelai exclaimed.

'Tell me about it!' Jess rolled his eyes.

'I have to go now.' Lorelai tapped his shoulder and went for her coat. 'Call me if you need help, okay?'

'I will.' Jess opened the front door before her. 'Greet Uncle Luke from me.'

'Okay.' Lorelai waved and Jess closed the door behind her back. He sighed and went upstairs. Rory was lying on the bed and looked at him in the moment he went in.

'Ayn took your PC.' She smiled weakly and Jess' heart ached. 'I heard that you have fun with my mother.'

'Yeah.' Jess sighed and joined at her in the bed. He took her in his arms. 'Your mother is a very funny person.'

'Yeah. I know.' Rory nodded at his chest. Her head rested there.

'Feeling okay?' Jess rubbed her back.

'I will soon I hope.' Rory yawned. 'I think I might sleep.'

'Okay.' Jess kissed the top of her head and his face faded. 'Sleep now. I'll be here.'

He hoped to find some answer soon. He did not need recommendations.


	37. Chapter 37 Talk to me

_**Chapter 37**__** Talk to me**_

She was crying…again. He pretended that he did not hear her. It was harder with every night.

Rory was fine until the moment she got sick. Jess thought that she had gotten over it, but it turned out that she had not. She had a lot of time to think about it and that was bad. Jess had caught her several times, crying over Jake's baby album. Then she had these nightmares and as if this was not enough, she had lost her appetite.

She started crying at night. He thought that she was sleeping and this was one of her nightmares, but she was awake. He had seen her face and her open eyes and her effort to hide this from him.

This was the third night and Jess's temper was close to show up. He kept quiet of course. Rory did not need more cares. She suffered a lot and he was not able to help her with this. However, Jess swore that it would be the last night he would let her suffer like this.

The morning came and he opened his eyes without even a thought of a sleep. He had lost his sleep these days and just watched over Rory. He knew when she fell asleep and when she woke up.

'Morning.' He looked at her, sure that she was awake.

'Morning.' She smiled, but her smile did not reach her face.

'It's Saturday.' Jess tried again. 'The kids are here. Do you want to get out for a little walk?'

'It's cold.' She stirred and looked at him. 'And it's snowy.'

'Okay.' Jess clenched his jaw, trying to suppress his temper. 'How about something else? We could watch some movie and eat popcorn.'

'With the kids?' Rory rose up her eyebrows. 'Are you sure?'

'Yeah.' Jess got off the bed and put his back to her. 'It's still early so I could prepare something for breakfast and then we could watch the movie.'

'I'm not hungry.' Her weak answer made him shut his eyes and swallowed the harsh words.

'Maybe you will when I get ready with the breakfast.' He answered instead and got out of the room before her new answer.

Jess went downstairs and prepared her favorite meal since she had become a mother – pancakes. She used to joke with him that their kids had forced her like the pancakes. That was their favorite breakfast too. Jess placed the ready pancakes on the table and covered them with a clean towel. He took the tray and put the dish with Rory's pancake on it. Then he switched on the coffee machine. That was the only thing that she liked to drink now. Jess knew how much she loved her coffee.

When the tray was ready, he sighed and took it on his way back to the bedroom. Jess knew that it would be a battle to make her eat it all. This time he was determinant to win.

'Here we go.' He walked into the room and saw her sitting on the bed. Her legs had stretched out and her head rested on the headboard. Jess placed the tray on her thighs. He did not miss her frown.

'I told you I'm not hungry.'

'I heard, but I don't care anymore!' He snapped and sat close to her.

'What?'

'You have to eat even if I have to feed you by myself!' His eyes narrowed.

'I'm not a child!' She frowned too.

'I bet you're not, but you're acting like one!' He grabbed the fork from the tray and shoved it in her hand. 'Eat!'

'No!' Rory's answer made him angrier.

'Fine!' He took the fork again. 'Then I'm going to feed you!'

'What are you doing Jess?'

'I want you to eat and your refusal continued much longer than my nerves!' He sliced one piece from the pancake with the fork. 'What is your answer?' His voice was the thing that made her reconsider her appetite.

'Fine!' She grabbed the fork back and shoved the piece of the pancake in her mouth.

'Don't eat it too fast!' He warned her after her third piece.

'Now I have to listen to your lection how to eat?' She frowned again and shoved another piece.

'Your stomach won't agree with this. I'm cool.' Jess watched her closely how she ate her whole pancake and then reached out for her coffee.

'Happy now?' She looked at him over the cup.

'If you not throw up in the next few minutes I'll be thrilled.' He just finished his sentence and saw how her face crooked. 'I told you!' Jess murmured, watching her running to the bathroom. He followed her and helped her got off the ground. Her face was pale and her look accused him.

'It's your fault!' She murmured, but he took her in his arms and carried her back to the bed.

'It's not my fault that you ate so quickly.' He placed her back on the bed and fixed the blanket around her. 'I told you to be careful, but you refused to listen.'

'I wasn't hungry.' Rory frowned. 'I told you that and you made me…'

'I made you eat, Jeez!' Jess threw her an angry look. 'You are too thin and keep getting thinner, just because your lack of an appetite! I can't just sit here and do nothing!'

'I'm sorry, but that's how I feel.'

'I don't know how you feel, because you're hiding that from me.' Jess sat close to her and took her hand.

'I'm not hiding anything, Jess.' She avoided his eyes.

'Now you're lying to me and you promised me not to do this anymore!' He snapped and Rory flinched from the sound of his voice.

'I'm sorry.' She bit her lower lip, but still did not look at him.

'Talk!' He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. 'Just talk to me! What is the problem now? I can help you.'

'You can't.' She shook her head.

'Try me!' He frowned.


	38. Chapter 38 Stop it now!

_**Chapter 38**__** Stop it now!**_

…_She could hear it crying…_

_It was a child. It was her child and it would never see the light. It would never be born. _

_Rory cried and looked around for it. It was her baby and she loved it, but she had lost it. She had lost it forever and she would never see him running around her. The cry was so shrill that she wanted to cover her ears with something. She could not, because she wanted to hear it. That was the last thing left her from her child. Its cry that made her wanted to find it. Therefore, Rory kept going through the darkness. The child's cry mixed with her own and she finally fell on the ground. _

'_I'm sorry!' She cried out. 'I'm so sorry!' Her cry turned into sobs. _

'_Rory!' She heard someone called her name and looked around. There was not anyone. 'Rory!' It was the same voice again and this time she recognized it. _

'_Jess.' She whispered and started crying again._

'Rory!' Jess shook her shoulders and she finally opened her eyes to look at him. 'Rory wake up!'

'Jess.' She uttered.

'Okay this continues far too long!' he hissed and released her from his grip.

'I'm sorry!' She sniffed and sat on the bed. Her hands covered her face and she tried to calm after that nightmare.

'You're simply refusing to get through this!' Jess hissed and went into the bathroom. He came back, holding a glass with water. 'Do I have to be sick or something?'

'What?' Rory looked up at him and took the glass from his hand. 'What are you talking about?'

'When I was bad you was fine with it!' Jess sat close to her. 'When I got better, you felt the pain again. I'm just asking!'

'You are insane!' Rory shook her head and too a sip from her water.

'If that'll help you…' Jess frowned and lagged his words.

'Shut up and stop calling the devil!' Rory glared at him. 'You just got better and I just stopped worrying about you.'

'When you're doing that you aren't thinking about the other thing.'

'Don't call it 'a thing'!' Rory snapped. 'It was a child! Our child!'

'It wasn't, Rory!' Jess hissed and got off the bed abruptly. 'You keep saying that, but it was just a fetus.'

'No!' She snapped and her breath hitched from anger. Jess could not understand her. 'It was not just a fetus, Jess! It was a child! It was a human being! And it was my fault that I lost it! My fault!'

'It's not anybody's fault, Rory!' Jess sighed. 'As soon as you understand that it'll be better for you.'

'I won't get better, don't you understand that?' She increased her voice and got off the bed. 'You don't know how I feel about it.' She placed her hand on her stomach. 'I feel so empty that you can't imagine. The guilt is keep haunting me and I just can't live like this anymore.' Rory gasped. 'How can it be so hard for you to understand me?'

'Maybe this is just was not meant to be, Ror.' Jess frowned. 'Try to think in that way.'

'Shut up!' She hissed. 'How could you be so cold about this?'

'Because I love you and I hate to see you like this!' Jess grabbed her arms. 'You've been in this condition far too long! It is time to wake up, Rory!'

'Don't you think that I don't want that?' She cried. 'It feels like hell and I want to run away, but I can't!'

'You don't want to, Rory. This is the difference.'

'You simply can't understand me.' She shook her head.

'I'm trying, but it keeps getting harder!'

'It's simple really.' She whispered. 'I'm guilty.'

'No, you are not, damn it!' He shook her hard. 'Do you hear me? You are not guilty for anything!'

'I am and I know it.' Her voice lowered. 'I just have to live with that.'

'You aren't trying to live.' Jess shook his head. 'You're just giving in desperation. When our kids asked me how you are, I have to lie to them. I don't want to do it Rory!'

'Then don't!'

'You have to help me with this.' Jess released her and rubbed his forehead. 'I can't do this alone.'

'I can't lie to them too.' Rory felt her lower lip trembled.

'Then get better.'

'I can't that quickly!'

'Jeez!' Jess frowned and grabbed his head, buried his fingers into his hair. 'You have to try, because I'm tired already! If you are not doing this for you, then do this for them. Do this for your children.'

'Jess…'

'I don't want to hear any excuses! I'm done with it!' He put up his hand and hid in the bathroom.

Rory stayed there for a little while. She just stared at the empty space. It was hard. How could be so cold about it? How he could be so hard to understand? Rory sighed tiredly and got back into bed.

Jess walked out of the bathroom and saw her lying on the bed. His anger rose up again. This was not Rory. This was not his Rory. He cursed under his lips and grasped her blanket, throwing it onto the floor.

'What the hell are you doing?' Rory glared at him. 'I want to sleep!'

'No! You can't sleep now!' Jess snapped. 'You have children to take care about.'

'I'm here.' Rory frowned. 'I just don't feel better.'

'You are alright!' He crossed arms before his chest. 'Get up!'

'No!'

'Now Rory!'

'I said, I don't want to!'

'You are going to do it, or I am going to make it for you.' Jess tilted his head. 'Choose!'

'Fine!' Rory got off the bed again. 'Now what?'

'Now let me help you and stop pushing me away.' His voice lowered and Rory looked at him carefully.

'I'm not pushing you away, Jess.'

'Yes, you do.' Jess closed his eyes for a moment. He released a tired sigh and then he looked back at her. 'I told you that you can speak with me. You can tell me everything that it hurts you, but you don't do it.'

'Jess…'

'If not me, then let your children around you.' Jess released his hands and touched her arm. 'They miss you, Rory. I know that you are sensitive now, but you cannot push your children away. You just can't.'

'I'm not pushing them away, Jess.' Rory tilted her head. 'I just do not want them see me in this way.'

'Then you have to try and forget.' He rubbed his temple this time and Rory frowned.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah. I am okay, but you have to try.' His lips curled in a light smile. 'Go take a shower now. It's almost time for breakfast.'

Rory tried to smile too.

'Okay.' She nodded and walked into the bathroom. She took off her clothes and stepped under the flowing water. Her eyes closed and she let herself on the nice feeling. It was good and she had to admit that Jess had right for some questions.

'Rory!' He called her just as she reached out for her robe.

'I'm coming!' Rory called back and looked at the mirror. She smiled at her reflection and just then, her look fell over the top shelf above the sink. Her blood ran cold – _Codeine_.


	39. Chapter 39 Tell me the truth

_**Chapter 39**__** Tell me the truth**_

Rory stared that the phial with the Codeine as if it was some kind of a monster. She knew that if Jess used it, the situation was serious. He kept quiet again.

'Rory!' He called her with impatience in his voice. 'The kids are up soon!'

'You go! I'll follow you!' She called back and surprised of herself. Her voice sounded normal, but her heart pounded in her chest.

'Okay.' Jess called back and she heard how he closed the door behind his back.

'Damn it!' Rory shook her head and shoved the phial into the cupboard above the sink. 'He lied to me again!'

She sighed and went to put some clothes on. Her hair was still moist when she he came downstairs. Rory could hear the laugh from the kitchen and knew that her kids were there. Jess had not lied to her when he had told her about the kids.

'I have to go so I need my sandwich first!' Ayn pouted when Rory walked into to the kitchen. Jess frowned.

'What I told you about this behavior?'

'I would be grounded!' Ayn pouted once again. 'But I'm not a child anymore.'

'Really?' Jess crooked his face and place Jake's sandwich before him. 'You look like a child to me. Especially now!'

'But…'

'Hey!' Rory decided to interrupt and everybody looked at her. Jess Jr. and Jane already ate their sandwiches. They just smiled against her and continued with their eating. 'Need help?' Rory went to Jess and placed hand on his back.

'Nope, but thanks for the asking. Here!' Jess placed the plate with the sandwich in front of Ayn.

'I'm not hungry anymore!' She frowned and crossed arms before her chest. Jess rubbed his temples with frustrations. Rory did not miss that move.

'Ayn, eat or I'm gonna take your pocket money for the day!' He snapped.

'It's not fair!' She whined.

'I don't care if it's fair or not! You have to learn that everybody here, are equal!' Jess frowned and turned to the sink. 'Eat now!' He snapped and took another slice of bread.

Ayn started to eat and the room went quiet. Rory helped Jess to prepare their sandwiches too. However, she observed him closely and could see his pale face with clenched teeth. Jess was annoyed and that was another symptom, which showed that he was in pain. He had not complained at all and that made Rory felt guilty for her behavior earlier this day.

'You want me to make the coffee?' She asked politely and he looked at her strangely, but he shrugged.

'It's ready.' He nodded at the table. 'We have to eat first.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded too and they took their places around the table. The children talked with each other and laughed in their jokes. It was nice atmosphere and Rory wondered how she could forget how good it was to be with her family. Jess laughed too, but she knew that it was only because of the kids. He did not want them to see him sick.

'Kids?' Lorelai called them from the living room.

'Here?' Rory called back and soon Lorelai was peering through the door.

'It's time for education!' She clapped with her hands.

'Bye mommy!' Jane and Jess Jr. went to hug Rory. 'Bye daddy!' They repeated the same hugs with Jess.

'Bye guys!' Jess ruffled his son's hair and watched how the twins rushed out of the room.

'Jake would be here today?' Lorelai rose up her eyebrows. 'Too cool for school huh?'

Jake giggled and took a sip from his orange juice.

'Yeah.' Jess looked at his son. 'We have to take him to see Mel today.'

'Aha.' Lorelai nodded. 'What about Ayn?'

'I'm coming granny!' she got off her chair and went to her father, giving him a kiss on his cheek. 'Bye daddy!'

'Bye princess!' Jess smiled.

'Bye mom!' Ayn kissed her mother too.

'Bye hun!' Rory smiled too. 'Where is Nikki?' She asked her mother. 'I want to see him sometime soon.'

'Sure.' Lorelai nodded. 'I'll bring him here after his school with your Huns.'

'Hey! My children are not Huns!' Rory frowned.

'Fine, if you say so.' Lorelai rolled her eyes. 'Bye now, the kids would be late.'

'See ya.' Jess nodded, but Rory noticed his frown when he thought that she did not watch him anymore.

'Can I watch TV, mommy?' Jake looked at her and Rory smiled.

'Sure baby. Daddy and I are here if you need anything.'

Jake grinned and walked out of the room. Soon they heard the sound of some cartoon. Rory got off the table and gathered the empty plates, placing them into the dishwasher machine. Jess filled two cups with coffee and put them on the table.

'Thanks.' Rory took her cup and sat beside him. She took a sip, watching him closely. He looked pale, but his jaw had not clenched. The pills started working.

'Why are you staring at me like that?' Jess frowned. 'What I did this time?'

'Nothing!' Rory snapped, but her face remained frown.

'Are you sure?'

'You tell me?' She tilted her head.

'What I have to tell you now?' Jess sighed with frustration.

'How are you?'

'I was good last time I've checked!' He snapped, but avoided her eyes.

'I saw the pills!' Rory spilled.

'What?' Jess lowered his voce and placed the empty cup on the table.

'You heard me!'

'So now you are back to the cool mode, huh?' He scowled.

'What are you talking about?'

'You think that I'm bad and that makes you forget about your problem!'

'This is not true!' Rory narrowed her eyes.

'It is!'

'Jess!'

'Stop it, alright!' He hissed and lowered his look.

'I want to know!' Rory touched his arm.

'What? How I feel?' He shook his head.

'Yeah, that would be good.' She bit her lower lip. 'I know the truth. Now it's up to you, are you going to lie to me?'

'Fine.' He sighed. 'I've had a headache, but I'm better now.'

'Since when?'

'Since when, what?'

'You are having a headache?' Rory frowned.

'For the first time after the crash.' Jess shrugged. 'But I'm good now.'

'Okay, but I want you to be sure, okay?'

'You want me to call my doctor?' Jess frowned again. 'Rory, you are overreacting.'

'Just in case, okay?' She looked at him. 'Do it for me.'

'Fine.' He covered her hand on his arm. 'I'll call after our meeting with Mel today.'

'It works with me.' Rory smiled.

'We have to go though.' Jess nodded at his watch.

'Okay.' Rory sighed. 'I'll take care for Jake.'


	40. Chapter 40 Learn your lesson

_**Chapter 40 Learn your lesson**_

Rory and Jess took the little Jake to the Hospital. It was time for his regular check. Mel smiled from the moment she saw them. She had not changed since the first time she got here. He was the same smiley and positive person she was before. Jake liked her and that made him feel comfortable with her.

'My favorite family is here.' Mel exclaimed and got off her chair behind the desk. 'Nice to see you.'

'Hi!' Jake greeted her shyly.

'Hey, Jake.' Mel went to him. He was standing between his parents. 'Are you ready?'

'Yup.' He nodded and looked up at his parents.

'He is s brave boy.' Jess ruffled his hair.

'Like his father.' Rory confirmed and met Jess' eyes. He sighed and shook his head. Jess hated to be the center of the attention. It was strange, giving his background, but it was a fact.

'Good.' Mel nodded and reached out her hand towards Jake. 'Well, shall we?'

'Yeah.' He nodded and took her hand. Jess and Rory followed them in Mel's medical room. She lifted their boy on the small bed and he leaned back.

'Anything new?' Mel asked Rory and Jess while she took care of him. 'Any crises?'

'Two, but they were small.' Jess answered and Rory looked at him carefully. She felt guilty, because she did not even know about them. 'Jake was brave and took his pills alone.'

'You did it?' Mel smiled at her small patient.

'Yes.' Jake nodded furiously. A tiny smile appeared on his face.

'Good boy.' Mel ruffled his hair.

She checked his blood results and put some changes in his new recipe. Jess took his son in his arms and they followed Mel in her consulting room.

'He is okay.' Mel sat on her chair. Jess and Rory took the seats opposite her. Jake was sitting in Jess' lap.

'He is okay?' Jess frowned.

'His crises are normal. The good thing is that he looks a lot better than the previous time.' Mel scratched something in Jake's file. 'I put some changes in his recipe. You will see. No need of new pills. These work fine with him.'

'That's good.' Rory tried to smile.

'Yay!' Jake giggled.

'He is happy!' Mel smiled and shook her head.

'I think he is.' Rory rolled her eyes. 'But it's good that he is better. That makes me feel hope.'

'I know.' Mel smiled again and got off her chair. Jess and Rory followed her and Jess put his son on the ground. 'We'll see with you the next month.'

'Sure.' Jess nodded and took the recipe. 'Bye Mel.'

'Bye.' She nodded at them all.

When they got back home, Jake had put to sleep his afternoon nap. Jess and Rory did not want to risk it yet. Jess went out to buy his meds and Rory had left alone in the quiet house. She sighed and went upstairs. She took her laptop from the nightstand and sat on the bed. She tried to focus over her new book. She wanted to write again, but somehow that made her feel guilty every time she tried.

'What I have to do now?' She whispered and closed the laptop.

It still hurt. Rory knew that it had happened so long ago, but she still could not get over it. She knew that Jess was doing everything in his power to make her feel good. She did not want to disappoint him. Moreover, she had neglected her cares about her other children. That was something that she could not imagine that she could do it. However, it still hurt.

Rory sighed once again and leaned on the bed. She curled up in two and slid hands under her pillow. She gazed at the empty space and listened to the silence. Her eyes closed, but she could not fall asleep. Her thoughts and feelings were in total mess. Rory sobbed quietly. She cried a lot this year. Honestly, she felt tired of it. However, she could not stop either.

When Jess came back home, he saw her sleeping on the bed. He frowned when he saw her wet face and he was sure that she had cried again. Jess hated to see her like this. He knew that she was weak now. The problem was that her weakness last too long for his taste.

He had seen her trying this day. She finally had opened to the world. Her smile was not as shamed as before. Jess had felt it. Her eyes were still sad, but she somehow had managed to be strong for her son. Jake needed her. Their all kids needed her around.

Jess sat on the bed close to her and his hand lay on her hip. He stared at her delicate face. The irony was that she felt better in the moment he felt sick. Rory always put him on the first place when it came between them. He had tried to explain to her that thy both were equal, but with no result. He felt sick today. His head hurt like Hell and he was not sure if he would get better. He was and that was calming. His pills had worked once again. However, Rory had found them and now he had to keep his promise to call his doctor. That would not be hard. He lived in Stars Hollow with Mel. They had married since four years. Mel had new last name now. She was Mrs. Walter Smith.

Jess called his doctor from the downstairs. He explained to him the situation. Dr. Smith listened to him carefully and sat him an appointment. Jess thanked and closed the phone, sitting on the sofa in the living room. He thought that Rory overreacted, but he wanted to please her now. There was nothing bad on it.

'You called?' She asked him when she came downstairs.

'You cried again?' He answered with question.

'I'm not important.'

'Fine.' Jess sighed and put his hands up. 'Whatever.'

'What now?' Rory frowned. She stood in front of him. 'You are angry again?'

'I'm not angry!' he snapped, proving her right.

'Yes you are and I want to know why!'

'You want to know why?' Jess got off the sofa and stood before her. 'I'll tell you! We are equal, Rory!'

'You are the one that is not good now, Jess!' She crossed arms before her chest.

'We still don't know that.' He murmured.

'Hope I'm wrong!' She tilted her head. 'But if I'm not then you are going to need me.'

'You need me too, but you don't talk with me!'

'Not again!' She hissed.

'Yes – again!' Jess frowned. 'When you learn to talk with me, I'll talk with you too!'

'What is that supposed to mean?' Rory frowned too.

'That means – you have to be more open!'

'Look who says that!'

'I have learned my lesson.' Jess placed hands on her shoulders. 'The question is – would you?'


	41. Chapter 41 Hidden in the word

_**Chapter 41**__** Hidden in the word**_

Lorelai and Luke came for the traditional Friday dinner. They brought their son Nikki with them this time. Rory had not seen him since a long time. She was happy to see him again. Nikki was a smiley and contact boy. He looked like Luke, but had Lorelai's temper. His ability to make people smile was obvious and he brought only laugh when he went.

When Nikki and Rory's children went upstairs to play, Lorelai noticed that Jess and Rory acted strange around each other. Jess had snapped back into his monosyllable mode and Rory tried to avoid his eyes. Lorelai leaned back on her chair and placed hand over Luke's thigh. He looked at her strangely. She nodded at the couple from the other side of the table and he followed her look. Then, because he was Luke, he just shrugged. Lorelai rolled her eyes and sighed with annoyance. She dropped her fork onto the table. Rory and Jess looked at her with surprise in their eyes.

'Are you okay mom?' Rory asked her with confusion.

'Oh, I'm perfect.' Lorelai leaned hands on the table and her fingers raped on it repeatedly. 'But you two aren't!'

'We're fine!' Jess shrugged.

'Guess I'm right then?' Lorelai narrowed her eyes.

'Jeez! It is just a word! Get over it!' Jess snapped and got off the table. 'I'm going to make some coffee!'

He hid into the kitchen and they heard him switched on the coffee machine. Lorelai looked at her daughter. She was nervous and she could not hide it.

'Rory?' Lorelai called her. 'You have something to say?'

'Nope.' Rory smiled, but Lorelai knew her daughter well enough. She looked pale and her eyes avoided hers.

'Yes you are!' Lorelai insisted. 'What is it? Is it something serious? You are not pregnant again, are you?'

'Mom!' Rory cried in pain.

'I'm sorry honey!' Lorelai felt regret for even mention it. 'Your mom is just stupid sometimes!'

'I couldn't agree more.' Jess came back from the kitchen. He balanced with four cups of coffee. Rory helped him place them on the table and Jess took his place beside of her.

'Careful with your mouth, boy.' Luke frowned.

'I'm not a boy anymore in case you didn't notice that.' Jess snapped.

'What is going on here?' Lorelai narrowed her eyes. 'You are acting weird the whole evening!'

'Nothing!' Jess snapped once again.

'You're lying, aren't you?'

'What if I am?' Jess clenched his jaw. 'I'm in my house! I can do whatever I want!'

'Jess!' Rory rubbed his thigh calmingly.

'If there is a problem maybe we could help you.' Lorelai tried once again.

'If there is a problem, it is between me and Rory! We have to deal with it!' Jess made short pause. 'And I'm not saying there is!'

'Right!' Lorelai frowned. 'I believed you right away!'

'I don't care.' Jess snapped and placed fingers on his temples. His face crooked and he got off his chair. 'I'll be right back.'

Rory followed him with concerned look. He ran upstairs and she sighed, tried to hide her eyes from her mother. Lorelai was very observant person. Moreover, she knew Rory well. She could recognize the pain in her eyes.

'Rory?' She called her, but Rory took her cup of coffee. The hot liquid burned her throat and she coughed furiously. Luke sighed and poured her glass of water.

'Here.' He placed it in her hand. 'Drink slowly.'

'Thanks.' Rory coughed and followed his advice.

'It must have been something bigger!' Lorelai rolled her eyes.

'Enough!' Luke intervened. She pouted, but looked at her husband. 'They don't want to share! Leave them alone!'

'Luke!'

'Now I'm Luke and not sniffy?' He rolled his eyes.

'You are Luke, cos I'm angry with you!'

'Yeah, yeah…' He shook his head.

'I swear. I'll never talk to you again!' Lorelai pursed her lips and Luke just laughed.

'I wish, but never happen!'

'You'll see!' Lorelai frowned.

Jess came back, but his face was pale. He took his seat and Rory's eyes did not miss him. Jess sighed and took a hard sip from his cup. He was bad, not worst, because he was still here and not in the bed. Still, his eyes had slightly narrowed and Rory noticed his struggle to look normal.

'Are you okay Jess?' Luke asked him.

'Sure.' Jess tried to smile and put the cup back on the table.

'Fine, cos you don't look good!'

'I just said that I'm good, okay?'

'There is no need to yell!'

'Then stop asking me! Jeez!'

'Fine, but you are going to tell me sooner or later!' Luke frowned.

'Stop arguing with the kids, Luke!' Lorelai rolled her eyes. She sounded sarcastically. He had told her almost the same just few minutes ago. 'If they want us to know, they will tell us.'

'Nice catch!' Luke growled.

'Thanks!' Lorelai shrugged coyly.

'Did I miss something?' Jess looked at Rory. She crooked her face with confusion.

'They just act strange I guess.' She answered.

'Look who's telling this!' Lorelai murmured.

'Jake is fine by the way.' Jess tried to intervene, another awkward conversation. 'Mel told us that he is doing great and he'll take less aggressive pills from now on.'

'That's good news.' Lorelai smiled. She knew that Jess and Rory worried about Jake too much these days. He was staying at home more than he was in his kindergarten. Jess took care of him when Rory could not. Lorelai knew that he still felt guilty about him. Jess was very sensitive about his son. The reason was simple. He still remembered his decision to sacrifice him when Rory was pregnant and she was in danger. He had suffered every step of her pregnancy after that.

When Jake was still a baby and they had told them about his sickness, Jess felt guilty once again. He had not told anybody, even to Rory. However, Lorelai knew. She had spoken to Rory. She had told her that Jess did not like to talk about that, but she knew about his feelings.

'I think that it was the best news we have since long time ago.' Jess smiled. This time the smile reached to his eyes.

'I agree.' Rory smiled too. 'We felt relief.'

'That's good!' Lorelai nodded. 'Now could you please tell me what the problem here is?'

'Ask your daughter!' Jess's face faded again.

'What?' Rory frowned.

'She has to learn to talk!'

'You too!'

'I see.' Lorelai sighed. 'This is never-ending conversation.'

Jess and Rory frowned at her.


	42. Chapter 42 Make me forget

_**Chapter 42**__** Make me forget**_

Lorelai sighed and looked at the angry faces of the couple opposite her. Jess and Rory were angry at each other just a seconds ago, but now they looked angry with her. She shook her head and stared at them.

'I thought that you are able to talk after five and a half years of marriage.' She said finally.

'We can talk!' Jess frowned.

'When the moment is right.' Rory supported him.

'Sorry if I'm missing something, but you two almost divorced because of your lack of communication.' Lorelai narrowed her eyes. 'I think that's a valuable lesson that you both should learn.'

'We are fine now!' Jess snapped. 'And before you could say something, 'fine' is just a word!' He rubbed his temples. 'Got it?'

'You are not fine Jess!' Luke frowned. 'Even I could see that!'

'Jeez! That's a something!' Jess exclaimed.

'You don't need to mock with me!' Luke frowned.

'Huh.' Jess rolled his eyes and hissed quietly. Only Rory heard him. When she looked at him, her eyes were full with concern.

'Maybe you should take a rest?' She asked him quietly.

'Maybe not.' Jess shrugged. 'I'll be fine soon.'

'Okay, I can see that you are in pain!' Luke sounded concerned too. His eyes studied Jess's face and saw how pale it was. 'Jess…'

'I just have a headache. It's not biggie.' He shrugged.

'Headache?' Lorelai increased her voice. 'Did you call to your doctor? What did he say?'

'I'm going to see him tomorrow.' Jess answered with annoyance. 'Chill people!'

'We're gonna chill when you are fine.' His Uncle frowned. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Because it happens today.' Jess took his glass and gulped some water.

'Really?' Lorelai stared at her daughter.

'Really.' Rory nodded. 'Jess called today and we're gonna see his doctor tomorrow morning.'

'I'll go alone.' He snapped.

'I'm coming with you!' Rory insisted. 'No matter of the facts!'

'I told you that there is no point…'

'I'm going Jess!' Her face was stern and he frowned again.

'See? That's what I'm talking about! When it comes to me, you are all strong! When it comes to you, you are too weak for fight!'

'What now?' Lorelai looked at them with curiosity.

'This is not right!' Rory snapped.

'It is!' Jess hissed.

'I'm sorry, but I can't fight with my emotions, Jess! I am a woman and it's different with me!' Rory sighed with frustration.

'It's different how exactly?' He crossed arm before his chest. 'How many times I told you that you can talk with me for everything. Tell me. How many times I told you that?'

'It's painful Jess.' Rory lowered her voice.

'What is painful?' Lorelai had some idea, but she wanted to hear it from them.

'Losing a child is different for a mother.' She spoke quietly.

'You have to learn to live with it, Rory.' Jess massaged his temples and his face crooked. 'There has been so much time.'

'I know.' She nodded. 'But I still can't do that. I'm not ready!'

'And when you'll be, Rory?'

'I don't know!' She almost cried.

'Jess stop!' Lorelai tried to intervene.

'No! No, I won't!' He snapped. 'I won't stop, because I can't look at her like this! It's time to stop with this Rory!'

'Why don't you try and have another kid?' Luke's words brought silence into the room. He continued. 'Did you think about that?'

'I told them the same.' Lorelai looked at her husband.

'We have enough kids, Uncle Luke!' Jess frowned. 'Besides, you do know that Rory's pregnancy won't be easy.'

'I know, but you could try.'

'No! I'm not gonna put her into this again!' He frowned and got off the table. 'Excuse me!' He murmured and hid in the bathroom.

'I really think that one baby here could help you.' Luke mumbled, staring at the closed door at the bathroom.

'Hun!' Lorelai frowned.

'Well, excuse me!' He rolled his eyes. 'Maybe I'm an idiot, but still think the same. And what's going on with Jess?'

'He had a headache early today. This is the second one.' Rory frowned too. 'I'm concerned.'

'You should have been when Jess.' Luke murmured. 'Please call me after your visit to the doctor.'

'I will.' Rory nodded.

Luke, Lorelai, and Nikki left early. Little Nikki had to sleep. Jess and Rory put their children to sleep and went in the bed too. None of them was sleepy. They both lay in silence.

'How are you?' Rory whispered in the darkness.

'I am fine and my head is fine too if that is you are asking about!'

'That's good.' Rory bit her lip and turned with face to him. Jess was lying on his back with closed eyes. His arm rested on his face. 'Jess?'

'Mh-mm?' He mumbled.

'I'm sorry for today.'

'It's okay.'

'It's not okay!' Rory popped up on her elbow. 'I was hurt and you know how I act when I'm hurt.'

'I know, Rory.' Jess sighed and put his arm back down on the bed. 'I know and that's why I'm telling you, that's okay.' He lay on his right side and his look fell on her face.

'I wish I was different and I could be as strong as you are.' She smiled sadly.

'I'm not as strong as you think.' Jess placed his hand on her face. Rory closed her eyes for one moment. 'I can be scared too, you know? You should know me.'

'I know you.' She covered his hand with hers. Her eyes opened and she looked at him. 'But I really feel pain every time when I remember what happened few months ago.'

'I know, Rory.' His face closed to hers and he gave her a kiss. 'Felling better now?' He whispered seconds later.

'Mh-mm.' she placed hands at the both sides of his face. He kissed her again and his upper body covered hers. 'Much… better…' She gasped when she felt his hands followed the curves of her body.

Rory knew what he was doing. He was making her to forget the pain. When she felt his hands slid under her thin nightgown, Rory knew that she would try again. For him.


	43. Chapter 43 Fine or not fine

_**Chapter 43**__** Fine or not fine **_

Jess and Rory were sitting in front of Doctor Smith's consulting room. Rory looked nervous. Actually, she looked more nervous than Jess. He still thought that she overreacted, but he agreed to do that examine, because of her. She needed calmness now. Therefore, they were here that day and waited for Doctor Smith to call them.

'We should have been there already!' Rory threw an angry look at the door. Her fingers trembled as she fixed the hem of her black skirt.

'Rory?' Jess called her quietly.

'Um… yeah?' She looked at him and he could see her pale face. Jess could understand her fear completely. He was witness of how much she had suffered when he was sick.

'Relax.' He took her hand and placed soft kiss over the back of her fingers.

'I'm trying.' She smiled nervously.

'I know, but there is no reason to be nervous now.' His other hand lay on the left side of her face. 'It's too early. We don't know if there is a reason to worry about, okay?'

'Okay.' She smiled, but her lower lip trembled and Jess skimmed his thumb over it.

'That's my girl.' He leaned and kissed her. When he pulled back, his other hand did not let go of hers. Jess knew that she needed his touch now. He needed her too.

'Good morning.' Doctor Smith opened the door and greeted them few minutes later. 'Come on in, Jess.'

'Thanks.' Jess nodded and walked into the consulting room. Rory followed him and Doctor Smith closed the door after them. He pointed them the seats opposite his and they sat there. He took his chair and put his glasses on.

'Now. What is the problem?' He asked carefully and looked at Jess. His hands rested on his desk.

'Well, few months ago I was in a plane crash.' Jess started his story. 'I was badly injured and I think I had brain concussion.'

'Why didn't you call me?' Doctor Smith frowned. 'You know that we have to observe your brain after every more serious injury!'

'They told me that it was fine.' Jess shrugged. 'I felt good.'

'That doesn't matter, Jess.' Doctor Smith sighed. 'We have to observe it closely, you know that!'

'I just told that I had no complaining.' Jess frowned.

'Then he had two bad headaches yesterday.' Rory added. 'I thought that it would be better if he called you.'

'So I did.' Jess nodded. 'I think that's nothing, but…'

'No, it's good that you called.' Doctor Smith sighed and picked up his phone. 'Now I have to call and you have to pass the MRI. Then we have to check your blood for any changes and we'll see after a week for the results.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded and got off the seat. Rory followed him.

'What if he has another headache?' Rory asked with fear in her voice and Jess took her hand.

'If you have another headache, took your pills and lie down.' Doctor Smith nodded. 'I can't tell anything until results.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded again.

They walked out of the room.

Two hours later, they were in their car for their way back home. Rory was driving and Jess was sitting on the passenger seat, close to her. He had leaned back on it. His eyes had closed and his hands rested on his knees. His face was pale, but Rory knew that it was from the blood samples.

'How are you feeling?' She asked quietly, careful not to disturb him.

'I think I need chocolate.' Jess crooked his face. 'Or something with lots of sugar on it.'

'Okay.' Rory smiled. 'We could stop to Luke's and pick up something. What would you say about that?'

'Perfect!' Jess looked at her lazily.

'Alright then.' Rory nodded and stopped the car in front of Luke's Diner. 'Here we are.'

'Wonder what they have for desert toady?' Jess rolled his eyes and undid his seatbelt.

'We'll see.' Rory shrugged and they got off the car.

The bell rang joyfully in the moment they went in the diner. It was empty by this time of the day and Luke fixed some toaster. He cursed under his nose and then he heard Jess' voice.

'You're making it worse!'

'Jess!' Luke smiled when he saw his nephew. 'I'm sorry, but I think I know what I'm doing!'

'Well, I doubt that!' Jess shook his head. 'Give me something sweet and I'm gonna fix it for you.'

'Sweet?' Luke frowned with confusion. He looked at Rory, but she just smiled and shrugged under his look.

'With lots of sugar on it.' Jess leaned on the bar. 'What do you have today? Chocolate cake maybe?'

'It's Saturday.' Luke rolled his eyes. 'Of course we have one.'

'Give me some and I could help you with this thing here.' Jess nodded at the broken toaster.

'Fine! It's a deal!' Luke smirked and walked into the kitchen. Jess shook his head with a smile.

'He still doesn't know how to fix these things.'

'He has to be thankful to have you here then.' Rory sat close to him and placed hand on his back. 'Feeling better now?'

'Little bit.' His eyes shone against her. 'Don't worry too much.'

'You know that I can't do that Jess.' She shook her head.

'Fine then, but at least try for me?' He rose up his eyebrows.

'I will.' She nodded with a smile. He knew that she was telling this only for him. Yes, she would try, but Jess was sure that she would be still worry for him.

'Ah!' Luke showed up from the kitchen. He held a plate with an enormous piece of chocolate cake on it. 'Here you go, Jess.' He placed it before his nephew; along with the two forks, he held in his other hand.

'Thanks.' Jess nodded and took his first bite. 'Mh-mm… precious.' He mumbled.

Rory smiled and shook her head. She took her fork too.

'So you were at the Hospital?' Luke went serious.

'Yeah.' Rory nodded and looked at him. 'We'll have the results the next week.'

'But I'm fine though.' Jess mumbled, chewing his food.

'We'll see my boy.' Luke frowned. 'We'll see.'


	44. Chapter 44 True moments

_**A/N: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' take a place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**__**

* * *

Chapter 44**__** True moments**_

Lorelai came with the kids just two hours later. They all rushed into the diner among laughs and squealing. Only Ayn looked serious. She was the bigger one and she thought that she is too old for this. Jess smiled looking at her. Her long black hair hung over her shoulder and her long bang covered almost half of her face. She looked annoyed and Jess thought that he probably looked the same at her age. She was almost thirteen now and she was almost a teenager. Tough ages. Jess sighed and took a sip from his coffee. Rory caught his look and followed it. She smiled too.

'She grew up quickly.' Rory touched his hand and he looked at her.

'Yeah.' His eyes rolled. 'Too quickly for my taste.'

'I know.' Rory nodded. She looked back at her daughter. Ayn was coming closer to them. She smiled and sat close to Jess.

'Hey.' She greeted her parents.

'Hey.' Jess and Rory smiled at her.

'You went for the Hospital today?' she asked straight. Jess and Rory exchanged confused looks. However, Ayn looked sure in her words. Someone had told her this.

'I told her.' Lorelai came near them and stopped before her daughter and Jess. She threw one brief look to the other children. They had taken one free table and babbled to each other.

'You should've told me.' Ayn insisted.

'We don't want you to worry about that, princess.' Jess frowned. 'The results are not ready.'

'Still, I think I have the right to know.' She frowned too and looked at her father. 'I want to know such things. You used to talk with me before, when I was little. I remember when daddy had to go in to the hospital for his second surgery. You talked with me!'

'You remember this?' Rory looked surprised. 'You were so little, hun!'

'I remember everything.' Ayn shrugged. She tried to look brave, but Jess looked in her eyes and saw the fear. She was afraid for him. His heart ached. 'I remember every time when daddy was in the hospital. I was sad and that's the only memory I have.'

'I'm so sorry, princess.' Jess ruffled her hair. 'I wish things were different. I would do anything to spare you from this. You know that, right?'

'I know daddy.' Ayn nodded and smiled. It was fake smile. Jess could recognize it, because he used it too. Ayn was the kid that had inherited his emotions. She was like his woman mirror.

'It is okay to be worried, hun.' Rory tried to smile too. 'We all are, but that's why we have to wait and see the results first. There is no need to feel sad now.'

'You're going to tell me when the results are up?' Ayn looked at her parents.

'Yes.' Jess nodded. 'You can trust me.'

'Okay.' Ayn nodded and jumped off her chair. 'I'm going to check up the Huns now.' She rolled her eyes and smiled again. Jess and Rory watched her joined to the other kids. They looked at each other and then at Lorelai.

'Why did you do that?' Jess snapped. 'I don't want her to feel in this way now!'

'She is big enough to know, Jess!' Lorelai frowned and took the empty chair at the bar. It was close to Rory's one.

'She is a frightened kid now!' Rory shook her head. 'I can't blame her, but she doesn't have to worry. Not yet anyway.'

'I'm sorry, but she asked me why I have to pick her up after the school.' Lorelai answered. 'I told her the truth.'

'Mom!' Rory sighed. 'Sometimes, keeping a secret is a good thing.'

'I didn't know that I have to keep that as a secret!' Lorelai frowned. 'I thought that you two are too old for this!'

'What?' Jess snapped.

'Nothing!' Lorelai murmured.

'Just because I don't want my daughter to suffer, doesn't make me the bad guy here!' Jess tilted his head. 'We would tell when the time is right!'

'I doubt that!' Lorelai murmured.

'What?' Jess hissed.

'Never mind!' Lorelai answered, frowning.

'But…'

'Hey Lor!' Luke appeared from the kitchen.

'Hey sniffy!' She grinned against him.

'Jess fixed my toaster today!' Luke went to her and gave her a short kiss.

'You did it again?' She rolled her eyes towards Jess.

'I don't know what you're babbling about.' He mumbled and hid his face behind his cup of coffee.

'Don't be so modest Jess.' Rory rubbed his arm with a smile.

'Yeah. Whatever.' He mumbled again and went to see his kids.

'He looks upset.' Luke noticed.

'Mom told Ayn for our visitation at the hospital.' Rory watched Jess talking with his children. His face shone.

'Lor!' Luke snapped.

'What! I just wanted her to know the truth!' Lorelai frowned. 'Go and punish me now!' She jumped off her chair and hid in the kitchen. Luke shook his head and looked at Rory. One thin smile appeared on her lips.

'She still thinks that Ayn is just like me.' Rory murmured.

'What?' Luke looked her with confusion and Rory shrugged.

'My mom and I were very close when I was young. She used to tell me everything.' Rory laughed quietly. 'She was very open person and wanted me to be the same.'

'And you think that she thinks Ayn would be the same as you?'

'I think that she still doesn't know that Ayn took a lot from her father.' Rory looked at her daughter and Jess. They were sitting close to each other. 'She even took his temper.'

'Oh Jeez!' Luke exclaimed. 'You are in trouble.'

'Yeah.' Rory smiled. 'I know, but I don't mind.'

Ayn laughed, so did Jess.


	45. Chapter 45 Not an option

_****__**A/N:**** 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

* * *

Chapter 45 Not an option

Jess was fine. He thought that all this had happened by accident. All of his headaches and stuff. They were nothing but the accident. He was sure that Rory was overreacting. However, he could feel that it was something wrong in his life. There was something like a poison in his body. Every time he felt little better, or he thought that with hospital's visit were over, something happened. Moreover, he felt the need to run then. His fight with his weak heart and his previous illness with his head had exhausted him. The last thing he wanted was to disturb his family.

Therefore, when Doctor Smith called him with the results one day earlier, he went alone. It was silly and childish. However, he did not wake up Rory. She just had fallen asleep when he had sneaked out of the bed. He looked at her beautiful body sometime. They had spent a pleasant afternoon and he had to admit that he had enjoyed in every minute of it.

Jess sighed and put on his clothes. The headache stroked him just as he went into the car. He leaned hands on the wheel and tried to breathe normally. It was short, but strong pain and soon passed away. Jess took a deep breath and started the engine.

He was at the local hospital few minutes later. Then it happened again and he had to stay in the car for another few minutes, before all could pass again. Jess rubbed his temples and tried to easier his breathing. His pills with Codeine were not here now and he had to deal with that pain alone.

When he finally got out of the car, his face was pale and his eyes had narrowed. He could be thankful that Rory was not there at least. The last thing he wanted her to see was he, having these periods now. Jess sighed and went into the building, straight to Doctor Smith's consulting room. He knocked on the door and his doctor answered him to come in.

'Hey Jess!' Doctor Smith nodded, but then saw his pale face and rushed to him. 'You have to sit now!'

'I'm fine!' Jess uttered, but let the doctor help him to sit.

'I can see that.' Doctor Smith murmured and took his seat, opposite Jess.

'So I guess I'm not good.' Jess touched his temples again.

'Um, how can I say this? You are not good, but you are not bad either.'

'What?' Jess frowned. 'Could you explain this to me now?'

'Sure.' Doctor Smith coughed. 'I saw small spots in your MRI. 'I think you need certain treatment. It will be medicament. We cannot risk with another surgery. 'He scratched something in his notebook.

'Why?' Jess rose up his eyebrows. 'What's wrong now?'

'It is your brain, Jess.' The Doctor looked at him seriously. 'You had been operated too many times for the small amount of time. That is not good for your brain. It's a delicate zone and like I said, we'll proceed with medications only!'

'Okay.' Jess shrugged. 'Whatever you say.'

'Here.' Doctor Smith passed him his new recipe. 'You have to take these and you could always use your painkillers when the pain is unbearable.'

'For how long?' Jess frowned.

'I can't say.' Doctor Smith tilted his head. 'But if you are serious about this and took your pills regularly, maybe it'll be sooner.'

'Fine.' Jess clenched his jaw and released his fake smile. 'I'll try.'

'I know you will.' Doctor Smith nodded. 'Bye, Jess.'

'Bye.' Jess got off his seat and left the room. He shoved his new recipe in the pocket of his jeans and got off the building. His car had parked outside and few minutes later, Jess was on his way home.

When he finally reached his destination and turned off the engine, the house was full of light. He thought that his kids were at home already. A sad smile appeared on his cracked lips. His kids. He never thought that he could have even one and now he had four. His life was full of surprises.

Jess got off the car and just as he had stepped at the last step of the porch, the pain hit him again. He barely reached the bench beside the front door and sat there. He needed just few minutes to calm down. Then he had to get in there and lied again.

'Jess?' The front door opened and he could hear her voice. So far with the lies. He could not lie to her. Not now. 'Jess!' He could hear her fast steps and then she sat close to him. Her hand lay over his back and rubbed it calmly.

'Give me a minute!' Jess uttered. He had leaned his elbows on his knees and his head rested on his hands.

'Okay.' He heard her soft voice close to his ear. 'I am here and do not worry about the kids. They are in their rooms and preparing for the dinner.'

'That's good.' Jess took a deep breath and finally looked at her. 'I'm sorry.'

'Sorry for what?' Rory tilted her head. Her look fell on the small piece of paper, peering through his pocket. 'You went for the results today?' She frowned. 'Why didn't you call me?'

'Because I thought that I could handle with this by myself.' Jess shrugged. The pain went away and he was good again. 'I thought that I could handle it and spare you from this.'

'I won't say that I'm surprised.' Rory buried fingers in his hair. 'What Doctor Smith told you?'

'He said that I have to pass through certain treatment.' Jess buried hand in his pocket and pulled the recipe out. 'He gave me this.'

Rory took the paper and she frowned.

'Lots of pills.'

'He said that a surgery is not an option. Not anytime soon.' Jess shook his head.

'I see.' Rory nodded and helped him got off the bench. 'Let's go inside and we could talk more.'

'Thank you.' He stopped for a moment.

'For what?' Rory released a thin smile.

'For being here.' Jess shrugged.

'I'm always here Jess.' She tilted her head and they got into their house.


	46. Chapter 46 Secrets in the family

_****__**A/N:**** 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

**__****_

Chapter 46 _**Secrets in the family **_

Jess and Rory walked into the house. Rory helped him through the staircase to their room. He lay dawn on the bed and Rory watched him falling asleep. She placed a soft kiss over his forehead and just then, she heard the voice of her older daughter.

'He is bad, isn't he?' Her voice trembled.

Rory turned around and looked at Ayn. She wore her usual clothes – loosen sweater and black jeans. Her black hair covered her shoulders and her hazel eyes narrowed toward her mother. Rory lowered her look to her hands and saw that she still held Jess recipe. She coughed quietly and walked toward her daughter.

'Let us go to your room, hun.' Rory placed hands on her shoulders. 'Your father needs one good sleep now.'

'Okay.' Ayn nodded and they walked out of the room. Rory closed the door quietly and followed Ayn into her room. She sat on the bed, close to her daughter. Ayn looked at her and Rory could see her internal struggle not to cry.

'Your father just came back from the hospital, Ayn.' Rory spoke quietly. 'He needs to take his pills and his doctor told him that he'll be alright.'

'But he looked bad.' Ayn insisted. 'And you are not lying to me, right?'

'No. I'm telling you the truth.' Rory nodded. 'He looked bad, because of his headache. Now he needs his sleep to be okay.'

'I'm scared mom.' Ayn admitted with trembling voice. She clasped her hands in her lap and her look fell there. 'I'm scared for him.'

'I know hun.' Rory covered her hands with hers. 'Let hope for the better this time, okay. Maybe we will have luck this time.' She smiled, trying to soothe her daughter. Ayn looked at her mother and her eyes shone. Rory's heart ached. 'It's okay, hun. You can tell me if there is something, which bothers you. You can feel scare.'

'But I have to be strong, mom.' Ayn frowned. 'My sister and my brothers were too small to understand then. They were too young to remember, but I remember everything! You looked so scared and I wanted to help you when daddy was sick.'

'Oh, Ayn!' Rory wrapped arms around her daughter and pulled her closer. 'I'm so sorry, hun.'

'I'm scared now too.' Ayn cracked under the pressure and sobbed in her mother's arms. 'I'm so scared that we could lose him! I don't want to lose him, mom!'

'Sh-sh.' Rory whispered and tried to hide her own tears. 'Everything will be alright, sweetie! You will see. Everything will be alright!' She cradled her daughter in her arms.

When Jess came down for the dinner, Ayn was different. She smiled and laughed, teasing her brothers and sister. Rory watched her carefully and could see her struggle to stay strong in front of her father. She looked so much like him right now. Rory could see that clearly. Jess could be proud of her.

However, Jess had noticed. He and Rory were in the bed and the house was quiet. Then suddenly, she heard his voice.

'Ayn knows.'

'What?' Rory turned around and looked at him.

'Ayn knows about me.' Jess whispered.

'How could you know?'

'Her eyes were sad, Rory.' Jess shrugged. 'She is just like me, but she still can't control her emotions. Her eyes betrayed her.'

'Yeah, she knows.' Rory nodded and placed hand on his chest. 'She saw us when you came back from the Hospital.'

'Ah.' Jess smiled with sadness. 'She caught you and you told her the truth.'

'I think that she deserves to know… at least part of it.' Rory bit her lower lip. 'I'm sorry Jess, but she is old enough and we can't hide some things from her.'

'I know, Ror.' Jess covered her hand with his. 'I think she deserves our honesty, but some things have to stay hidden, just between us.'

'I know.' She nodded. 'I just… she cried in my arms, Jess.'

'She is scared and I know how much she is suffering right now.' He frowned. 'I wish I could do something for her.'

'Talk to her.' Rory suggested him. 'I know that it's going to be hard for the both of you, but you have to try and do this. She can't stop scare about you, but maybe this talk will help her somehow.'

'That's a great idea.' Jess nodded.

'Okay.' Rory touched his face with her free hand. 'Then you have to talk with your uncle too.'

'Jeez!' Jess closed his eyes for a moment. 'This is going to be difficult.'

'He cares about you Jess.'

'Let's see how the thing goes and then we can talk.' Jess murmured. 'I don't want to upset him yet.'

'Fine.' Rory shrugged. 'Then you have to tell your daughter to keep quiet.'

'I will.' Jess released her hand on his chest and pulled her in his arms. Rory sighed and snuggled in him. She loved to feel him beside of her.

'So, there is no surgery?'

'No, not anytime soon.' Jess whispered in her hair.

'I'm still scared you know.' Rory placed soft kiss in his bare chest. 'You want me to be honest with you, right?'

'Right.' She felt his hands rubbing her back calmingly.

'Okay then.' Rory closed her eyes and fell asleep in his arms. Jess could not. He stayed awake. His thoughts wandered around his wife and his family. They needed him. They all needed him and he only made them suffer.

Jess knew that they all loved him. He knew that they could not stop worried about him and part of him was thankful for that. It was good to feel the love around you. It was good to have your family, worrying about your well-being. Jess had not had easy childhood, but he had his new family now. His children and his wife were giving him all the love he had missed as a child. If only he would better. If only he would make it this time too. He had to fight and he had to do it for them. Therefore, when he felt his headache built up again, Jess took his pills and lay back close to his Rory. She did not wake up. He did not tell her either.

'


	47. Chapter 47 My daughter

_**Chapter 47**__** My daughter**_

Jess woke up early on the next morning. He had slept just few hours and thought about his situation now. He would crack if it were not his family. Jess was a realist and knew that well. He had cracked the previous time and had given up from his life. That was the time, when he thought that he had nothing to fight for it. Now he had and that thing had saved his life. It was Rory, she and their family. It was only Ayn then, but that was enough for Jess to have a will for fight.

He sneaked out of the bed and went into the small bathroom. He took his pills and washed his face. When he got out there, Rory was still sleeping. She looked calm and her breathing was steady. Her hand rested on his pillow and Jess smiled. She sought for him even in her sleep. Jess shook his head to banish his dizziness and walked out of the room. He stopped in front Ayn's door and knocked quietly.

'Yes?' She answered him despite the early hour. Jess frowned with surprise and pushed the door open. Ayn was sitting in her bed. She still wore her dark blue pajama and her laptop was in her lap. She was writing something. Jess could tell that from the moment he saw the open Word Document. Ayn closed the laptop immediately and looked at her father. 'Morning daddy.' She nodded and watched him sitting on her bed.

Jess smiled and studied her face. She reminded him of himself when he was at her age. Her black hair hung over her face and she did not bother to fix it. Her eyes watched him carefully and Jess was sure that she was fighting with her emotions now. If he had read her right, she thought that showing her emotions is a definition of weakness.

'We have to talk, Ayn.' Jess tilted his head. 'I mean – serious talk.'

'I have test today.' She lowered her look.

'I could write you a note and you know that.' Jess took her chin and lifted her face up so he could see her eyes. 'Just a talk and you could skip the school just for one day. It's not biggie.'

'What if I don't want to talk?' Her voice was still normal, but Jess could catch the light tremble on it. He smiled. Yeah, Ayn was the kid that had inherited almost everything from him. Not only his face, but his attitude too.

'Then I will talk and you can listen.' Jess released her chin. 'Your mother and I talked last night and I think that she is right. You and I have to talk, princess.'

'Okay.' Ayn finally agreed. Jess leaned and kissed her forehead. Then he got off the bed and looked at her.

'I can prepare some breakfast and we can talk after we sent your brothers and sister to school.'

'I'll be ready.' Ayn nodded and Jess left her room.

He prepared some sandwiches just in time. His little kids rushed into the kitchen and gave him kiss for good morning. Jess smiled, watching them eat their breakfast. He was sitting in his chair and could not stop the thought of how great was to have them near him.

'Jess, are you alright?' He felt Rory's hand on his shoulder and smiled with sadness in his eyes. He had not noticed her coming in.

'Yeah, I'm good.' He shook his head and kissed her hand on his shoulder.

'You look… sad?' Jess opened his arms and pulled her into his lap.

'I'm not sad, just… thoughtful.' He kissed her bare neck. 'Come on, grab a sandwich or they'll be finish without you even notice.'

Jess said that aloud so the kids laughed at his words. Rory released one smile too and took her sandwich, still sitting on his lap. Rory had wrapped her free arm around his neck and ruffled his hair.

That was how Ayn saw them. Her mother just had finished her breakfast and had wrapped her arms around her father's neck. She kissed his temple and hid her head at the crook of his neck. Jess rubbed her back and whispered her something. Rory just nodded on his shoulder.

Strangely, but that was the last sign Ayn needed to understand that her father was not good. She had seen her parents acting like this in daily basis, but there was something today. There was something in a way they acted around each other. It was familiar to her and brought her the memories of her early years and her father being sick. She felt tears built up in her eyes. However, Ayn clenched her jaw and fought with that feeling. She walked into the kitchen and they saw her coming.

'Hey sis!' Jess Jr. called her. 'You're gonna be late for school!'

'Nope little guy!' Ayn ruffled his hair, trying to smile. 'Daddy wants me home today.'

'Really?' Jane widened her eyes towards her parents. 'Can we stay too?'

'Oh no!' Jess shook his head with a smile. 'You have to go to school.'

'But why?' Jane whined. 'She could stay.'

'Ayn has to help me with something and you should go.' Jess continued.

'But…'

'C'mon, kids!' Lorelai showed up at the kitchen door. 'Time for school!'

'They are ready!' Ayn got off her chair and helped her brothers and sister. 'Let's go, Jake.' She took his hand.

'Bye!' He waved at his parents.

'Bye, hun.' Jess and Rory waved at him and at their other kids.

Ayn walked out of the room with her brothers and sister, but Lorelai stayed. She looked at the hugging couple and frowned. There was some aura around them. It was as if they were alone in the room.

'Okay.' Lorelai frowned. 'I don't have time now, but I know that your results had to be ready until yesterday. Seeing you like this it makes me think that you two are hiding something again.'

'Granny!' Ayn called her from the living room and Lorelai sighed.

'Your daughter saved you, but we have to talk when I came back later!'

'Okay.' Rory shrugged and watched as her mother left the room. Her fake smile faded and she looked at Jess. 'What are you going to tell Ayn?'

'I'm going to tell her the truth.' Jess shrugged. 'I think that she is old enough for that.'

'Are you sure?'

'Well, I'm going to tell her what my doctor said, no more no less.' Jess crooked his face. 'This is not a lie.'

'No, it's not.' Rory leaned and kissed him. She knew that this talk would be hard for him. Jess hardly opened his heart to anyone. Moreover, this was his daughter and that was new for him.


	48. Chapter 48 Fathers and daughters

_**Chapter 48**__** Fathers and daughters**_

Jess and Ayn walked to the bridge. It was still cold outside and it was snowy, but he wanted to spend some time with her. She was his daughter after all and he thought that he had to spend more time with her. Moreover, he wanted to be alone with her when he told her the news. They walked in silence.

'Here we are.' Jess coughed when they reached to the bridge.

'Yeah.' Ayn mumbled. 'We are here.'

'You know that your grandpa pushed me in the lake when I was seventeen?' Jess laughed at the memory. 'I suggested that to your mother, but she thought that it was not that funny.'

'Grandpa told me this.' Ayn nodded.

'He did?' Jess looked surprised.

'Yes.' Ayn nodded, staring at the frozen lake. 'When I was little. He told me to be good or he would push me into the lake like he pushed my father.'

'That's good!' Jess laughed again.

'So why did you bring me here?' Ayn looked up at him. 'You have something to tell me?'

'We have to talk.' Jess looked at her seriously. 'You know that you are old enough and we could talk seriously.'

'Yeah.' Ayn coughed and fixed her hair. 'We have to talk for what?'

'You know that I was at the hospital yesterday.' Jess looked at his daughter. 'You know for what I was there.'

'Sorta.'

'Okay.' Jess smiled with his crooked smile. 'You don't have to be afraid of me, Ayn.' He placed hand over her shoulder. 'You can talk to me when you feel need for that.'

'I am not afraid of you, daddy.' She shook her head and looked down at the frozen lake. 'I'm afraid of losing you.'

'Oh, Ayn.' Jess squeezed her shoulder lightly and forced her to look at him. 'Look, you don't have to be afraid of that now. My doctor told me that I just have to take some pills. I'm not going to surgery.'

'I know, but…' She bit her lower lip. 'You can't stop me of being afraid, daddy.'

'I know.' Jess smiled. 'It's like I'm listening your mother now.'

'She is afraid too?'

'Yeah.' Jess nodded. 'And she told me that she can't stop, just because I'm telling her not to.'

'It's hard.' Ayn tried to smile. 'But you… I still remember, you know? I was little, but I still remember the last time when you were sick. I remember every time.'

'Okay…' Jess bit his lower lip and shook his head. 'Actually, it's not okay. I know that I'm asking too much from you, but I don't want your brothers and sister to find out about this.'

'Daddy!' Ayn frowned. 'You can't…'

'Ayn look!' Jess closed his eyes for a minute and took a deep breath. 'I'm trying to do what is the best for our family here. I am trying to spare him all this suffering. You just told me how bad you're feeling when you remember this!'

'I know, but that doesn't mean that you have to lie to them!' Ayn clenched her small fists. 'It's not fair to hide such thing from them!'

'It is and if you think about it, I'm right!' Jess frowned. 'Jake is too fragile for such news and the twins…'

'They are fine!'

'But if I tell them, they are going to tell Jake!' Jess snapped. 'I don't want to risk his health, okay? He is just getting better!'

'It's wrong!' Ayn looked at him stubbornly and Jess sighed, feeling the first signs of the upcoming headache. He rubbed his forehead subconsciously.

'I don't want to discuss this!' He hissed. 'I do not want them to know and that's period!'

'Fine!' Ayn frowned too and they came back home in silence.

Rory saw Ayn running up the staircase and the Jess following her with slow steps. Rory frowned and followed them just in time to hear slamming door. She saw Jess stood still for a moment and the hid in their room. Rory looked at Ayn's door, but then followed Jess in their room. She saw him entered into the bathroom and she sat on the bed, waiting for him. He appeared few minutes later. His face was pale and tired.

'Hey.' He crooked his face and joined her in the bed. Rory had stretched out her legs and had leaned her upper body on the headboard. Jess sighed and rested head on her lap. Rory buried hands in his hair and heard his quiet whisper. 'We're going to have problems with her.'

'How so?' Rory uttered and her hands massaged his scalp. 'I thought that you two talked.'

'We did and I asked her to keep secret in front of her brothers and sister.' Jess made short pause. 'I don't want to disturb Jake. He's just getting better.'

'And she didn't like that?' Rory felt him relaxed under her fingers.

'Nope.' He sighed. 'She didn't like that.'

'I'm going to talk to her too.' Rory ran fingers through his hair. She felt his hand resting on her knees. 'Maybe she'd listen to me.'

'Don't.' Jess uttered. 'She won't tell a word.'

'How can you be so sure?'

'Because I asked her.' He lagged his words and Rory understood that he was falling asleep. 'I asked her and she will not… say a word.'

'Sh-sh… sleep now.' She whispered and leaned her head on the headboard, looking at his face.

'Mom?' Ayn's voice surprised her and Rory looked at her daughter. She was standing by the door and looked at her parents. 'Is he alright?'

'Come in.' Rory nodded and Ayn walked into the room. Her face was pale. 'Your father is fine now, but I don't want you to upset him anymore, okay?'

'I'm sorry!' Her voice trembled, but Ayn did not cry. Rory saw her small fists pressed to her thighs. 'I did not want to upset him, mom!'

'I know sweetie.' Rory smiled. 'He told me what you think about his idea. You do know how concerned he is about Jake, right?'

'I know and I'm sorry if I made him to feel pain.' Ayn's look fell on her father and she swallowed hard. 'I didn't mean it! I swear!'

'It's okay.' Rory tilted her head and watched how her daughter walked out of the room.

Ayn went straight at her room and sat before her laptop. She sighed and wiped her tears. Then she opened the Word Document she had worked through the whole morning. It was a beginning of a story. It was a story, inspired of her father.


	49. Chapter 49 Let me in

_**Chapter 49 Let me in**_

When the phone rang early in the afternoon, Rory felt that something went wrong. Her children were still at school and Jess was still recovering after his headache earlier at the day. She was in the living room and picked up the phone immediately.

'Ror?' It was her mother and her voice did not sound good.

'Mom!' She got off the sofa. 'Mom, what's wrong?'

'You have to calm down now and don't panic!' Lorelai's voice trembled and that made Rory even more alert than before. She squeezed the receiver and swallowed hard.

'Mom, tell me what happened?' She cried on the phone.

'It's Jake.' Lorelai spoke quietly. 'We are in the hospital right now.'

'Oh no!' Rory exclaimed and fell on the sofa. Her hand trembled and she almost dropped the phone. 'I'm coming right away!'

'Ror…' Lorelai called her, but Rory had hung up the phone. She grabbed her head, trying to think. However, it was hard when your child was in danger. Just as she got off the sofa again, she saw Jess standing in the middle of the room, staring at her. He had heard. He knew. She could see that in his eyes.

'Jess!' Rory rushed to him and sank into his arms. He wrapped arms around her and kissed the top of her head. 'Our boy! Our little boy!' She cried and could not stop the tears coming. 'I can't lose him, Jess! I can't…'

'Sh-sh…' He swayed her in his arms and his voice was calm. However, Rory could swear that he was far away from being calm. 'Let's get our coats and go see him, okay?'

'Okay.' She sniffed and watched him went upstairs. He came back with Ayn. She was ready to go too. Her face was blank, but her eyes were wet. She was crying. 'Come on, Ayn!' Rory reached out her hand towards her daughter. She hesitated just for a second, before she took it. 'Let's go!' Rory nodded at Jess and he nodded.

They traveled to the hospital in silence. Rory had not expected from Jess and Ayn to be talkative in such situation. If she wanted to be honest, she was not in such mood too. Jess called her mother and Lorelai told them where she was. Luke had stayed in the kindergarten to pick up the other kids.

When they got to the hospital, Jake was still in the emergency. Lorelai had sat on the bench before the emergency room, waiting for news.

'Mom!' Rory called her and she got off quickly. Her face was sad and she was crying. 'Mom? How is he?'

'He is still there.' Lorelai nodded at the white door. 'They still are with him.'

'What happened?' Jess asked, wrapping his arm around Ayn's shoulders.

'We were just about to go home and he felt bad.' Lorelai's voice trembled. 'I gave him his pills, but he didn't feel better!'

'It's gotten worse?' Jess lowered his voice and Rory covered her mouth with her hand.

'Yes.' Lorelai nodded. 'He fell in my hands and I brought him here.'

'He fell?' Jess frowned, trying to think. 'You mean – passed out?'

'Yeah.' Lorelai's voice went weak. 'It's bean an hour already!'

'Is he going to be alright?' Ayn looked at her grandmother and Lorelai tried to give her a brave smile.

'Sure, hun.' Lorelai nodded.

'Never promise something you can't fulfill!' Jess snapped quietly. Ayn looked up at him, but he clenched his jaw and walked away.

'Mom?' Ayn's lower lip trembled and Rory knelt before her daughter. She sank into her arms. Rory watched as Jess leaned hands on the closest wall and closed his eyes, trying to regain his self-control.

'It's okay, honey.' She talked to her daughter. 'You know that your father is upset now. We all hope Jake will be better.'

'I'm scared.' Ayn sniffed in her hair. Rory did not move her eyes from her husband.

'We all are, Ayn.' She whispered, squeezing her daughter in her arms. 'We all are.'

Jess remained silence. He kept distance from all of them. Rory, Ayn and Lorelai sat on the bench and Jess just leaned on the wall. His eyes gazed the white door of the emergency and his face remained blank. Rory had hugged her daughter and Ayn had leaned her head on her shoulder. Lorelai had lowered her look and kept silence.

Rory watched Jess's behavior. She could almost hear his thoughts now. His face might be blank, but his eyes were a mirror of his soul. They looked sad. They looked guilty and that was what scared her. She could read him now as if she could read the open book. Therefore, Rory caught her mother's look and nodded at Ayn. Lorelai nodded back and wrapped her arm around her granddaughter. Rory kissed Ayn's temple and got off the bench. She went to Jess and stood before him. Her hands lay at the both sides of his waist.

'It's not your fault!' She whispered, trying to catch his look, but his eyes avoided hers. 'Jess…'

'It is…' His voice cracked. 'Jake is there, because of me! He is there because I have…'

'Your condition is not inherited!' Rory insisted. 'The chance he could have it is 1:100. He is just that 100.'

'But he has it, because I have it, don't you get it!' Jess hissed, but Rory knew that it was his self-defenseless mechanism. 'It's my fault! It's all, my fault!'

'Jess!' her voice cracked too and he finally looked at her. 'Jess please, listen to me! I'm scared as hell right now! '

'You have to be. It's our son there.'

'I'm scared not only for him!' Rory touched his face. Her tears rolled down on hers. 'I'm scared for you too. I just… it is too much, okay?'

'You don't have to…'

'Don't tell me what I have and what I don't have to feel okay?' She cried and saw him clenched his jaw. 'Forget for you pride for once and let me in!'

'Rory.' He sighed, but the hesitation was clear on his face.

'Jess, please!' Her voice cracked again. 'Please…'

He had not said a word. His arms wrapped around her and she rested her head on his chest, crying. He had let her in, but now they have to wait for the news. They both had scared for their son.


	50. Chapter 50 Time of the truth

_**Chapter 50 Time of the truth **_

Jake was there two hours. Rory was on the edge of her patience, so as Jess. He held her in his arms and he had leaned his back on the cold wall. Ayn had snuggled in Lorelai and watched her parents. That brought her some calmness. Seeing them like this was not something new for Ayn. She just wanted them like this more often. Jess and Rory were always close, but this year was tough for all of them.

Just then, the white door opened and Mel walked out of the ER. She pulled down her white mask and rubbed her neck. She looked tired.

'Mel?' Rory had seen her. Jess released her from his arms and they both walked towards her. Rory grabbed Jess' hand and looked at Mel. 'Well? How is he? What's wrong with him?'

'Well, he is good now.' Mel looked serious. 'He is resting and he has to stay here couple of days at least.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded. 'What else?'

'I think he just need more rest than usual.' Mel bit her lower lip, trying to explain. 'See, Jake has malformation to his heart. You know that, right? He has been born with it. We still cannot understand why he received that crisis. I am going to run some blood tests and we will see what exactly got wrong with him. Jake was fine the last time we checked him.'

'Okay.' Rory uttered and leaned back to Jess, searching his protection. He squeezed her hand. 'Can we stay with him?' She swallowed hard.

'He is a minor.' Mel nodded. 'Of course you can. And I don't expect him to be here more than two days.'

'Sure.' Jess nodded too.

'He'll soon be transferred to his room. I'll call you when we're ready, okay?' Mel smiled and touched Rory's arm. She walked back into the ER and Rory practically fell in Jess' arms.

'Rory!' He caught her in time and brought her to the bench. Jess sat there and placed her in his lap.

'Daddy?' Ayn looked scared.

'Go bring some water.' He said to his daughter and Ayn rushed through the corridor.

'Jess?' Lorelai sat closer to them. 'What happened?'

'It's been too much for her.' Jess whispered. He stared at Rory's pale face.

'Here!' Ayn came back with a plastic cup of water. Jess wetted his palm. He then skimmed it over Rory's face and soon her eyes fluttered. She took sharp breath and coughed, looking around.

'Jess?' Her eyes met his and he crooked his lips in attempt of a smile. 'What happened?'

'You just passed out, Rory.'

'Here mom.' Ayn handed her the plastic cup of water. It was half-full. Rory took it and took a hard sip. Jess helped her sat on the bench and stroked her hair with concern. Her face was still pale. 'Are you okay now?' Ayn asked with trembling voice.

'Sure hun.' Rory touched the face of her older daughter. 'I just felt weak for a moment.'

'How is Jake?' Lorelai asked her and Rory's face faded.

'Jake is fine now. They'll keep him for observation for few days.'

'But what happened?' Lorelai looked at Jess. She saw him frowned.

'That's what they'll try to find out. Mel said that the last time he looked good.'

'Okay.' Lorelai nodded. 'So you two have to stay here. Am I right?'

'Yeah.' Rory nodded and placed hand over Jess' thigh. 'He'll need us when he wakes up.'

'He will.' Ayn nodded. 'I remember when I was in the hospital. I think I was at Jake's age. And it was after…' She shook her head as if she wanted to erase the bad memories. 'Anyway… When I woke up and saw you two standing by me I was not scared anymore. You have to stay!'

'You are twelve, right?' Lorelai asked her, frowning and Jess smiled proudly. He ruffled Ayn's hair.

'She is my big girl!'

Mel called them soon after that. Lorelai promised to take Ayn home with her. She also promised to come back with Jess' pills. Rory had insisted.

Jake's room was on the same floor and it was light. Jess and Rory sat at the both sides of his bed and touched his small hands. Jake was breathing by himself. They just had attached some wires to follow his heartbeats.

'He is so little.' Jess whispered. Rory looked at him. She could see the guilt in his eyes and her heart ached. 'He is not supposed to be here, Rory.'

'Be strong, Jess!' she uttered and he looked at her. 'Jake needs you strong!'

'Um… yeah.' Jess leaned elbows on Jake's bed. 'I still can't realize how that could happen!'

'It could and it's not your fault!' Rory moved her look back on Jake's face. 'You don't have to blame yourself for something, which is not in your powers to fight with!'

'I know, but I'm keep thinking about this, Ror…' Jess shook his head and his hands touched his temples. 'Jake is not supposed to be here! It's just… not fair!'

'Don't be like this!' Rory frowned, seeing his moves. She got off her place and stood behind him. Her hands lay on his temples and she pulled him back, so his head lay on her belly. 'Relax now.'

'You are so strong, Rory.' Jess uttered, but let her massaged his temples.

'I'm not strong.' Rory felt him relaxed under her hands. 'I just passed out in your hands and you're telling me that I'm strong?'

'You are.' Jess mumbled. 'You are when you have to, but you are a mother after all.'

'And you are his father.' She leaned over and kissed the top of his head. 'You are his father, who are sick and have to be careful.'

'Sure.' Jess shrugged, but Rory knew that he was thinking for her and Jake right now.

Jake shifted on his bed and his eyes fluttered. Jess and Rory stared at him and Jess squeezed his hand. Jake opened his eyes and blinked sleepily. Rory's heart melted.

'Mommy! Daddy!' Jake crooked his face, but Jess touched his cheek.

'Sh-sh… It is okay. You are okay now.' He smiled softly.

'We are here my boy.' Rory stood beside Jess and touched Jake's arm. 'You do not have to be afraid now. You are okay…'


	51. Chapter 51 Tell me what the feel is

_**A/N:**** 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 51**__** Tell me what the feel is **_

Rory looked at Jess. He was sleeping on the small bed, opposite Jake's. She had fought with him until she made him lay down for a while. He was tired however and he could not fight any longer. Her mother just had brought his pills and thanks to them Jess was sleeping now. Rory saw him sighed in his dream and she tilted her head. Jess was sick. She knew that and he knew that. It was something they had not talked for awhile. Jess refused to talk about it. He could only think about his son now. Rory knew how important Jake was for him. She also knew his guilty feeling towards him and tried to help him got through this. He just had smiled and told her that everything was okay, but Rory could see the pain in his eyes. She could see his struggle to make her sure that he was fine with it. She did not buy it.

Her look fell on Jake. He was sleeping too. It was late at night, but she did not feel like she was falling asleep. Her eyes could not close now. She looked at the monitor, following Jake's heartbeats and then at his pale face. Her hand ruffled his hair. Jake sighed in his dream and Rory bit her lip, trying to contain her tears. Her son looked so small and fragile under the blankets. She remembered the time when he was a baby and how small he was even then. Jake was her baby boy.

Rory sniffed quietly, despite her efforts. She covered Jake's hand with hers. She wanted him to feel her presence and feel calm. Jake sighed again and shifted over his bed. Rory ran fingers through her hair and leaned her elbow over Jake's bed. She stared at him and tried to stay strong. She could not stop the tears in her eyes, but she could try to be strong for him. Her eyes moved on Jess. She could try to be strong for the both of them.

Jess woke up in the middle of the night. He sighed and looked at Jake's bed. Then he saw Rory sleeping there, rested head close to Jake's hand. Jess smiled and got off his bed. He looked at his son and saw that he was sleeping too. It was early in the morning and Jess could see that, thanks to the clock, hung on the opposite wall.

He went to Rory and touched her shoulder.

'Ror?' Jess leaned and whispered close to her ear. She just murmured something and Jess smiled again. 'Ror?' He shook her lightly and she finally opened her eyes.

'What?' Her first look was towards Jake. 'Something wrong?'

'No.' Jess rubbed her back calmingly. 'Why don't you go and sleep more comfortable?'

'I'm fine here.' She shook her head and tried to smile. 'You should take the bed.'

'Rory, please.' Jess frowned. 'You'll have pain in your back at the morning.'

'I'll be fine Jess.' Rory stretched her back. 'You need rest and you have to sleep. I'm good.'

'Ror! Bed – now!' He snapped and she looked at him strangely. His face darkened.

'But…'

'You don't want me to get emotional, do you?' His question was rhetorical. He took her hand and helped her got off her chair. 'We don't have to argue about this!'

'You are stubborn and impossible!' She murmured.

'You're starting to repeat yourself.' Jess watched her lay on the bed.

'Yeah, yeah!' She mumbled and closed her eyes with a yawn.

Jess just shook his head and took her seat close to Jake's bed. He looked at his pale face and his smile faded. Jess moved his look on the monitor and his eyes darkened. He could not know if his son's result were good or not now. He could only hope for the best.

Jess took his hand and his lips touched his son's fingers.

'I wish you wouldn't take this from me.' He whispered. 'Sometimes I think that this is my punishment for my mistakes.' Jess tilted his head. He knew that no one was listened to him, but he needed to say this. 'But why you? Why you have to suffer for me?' Jess looked at his son's face. He looked so like him now. 'It's just not fair! I hate this! I just… I hate this!' He uttered and fought for his weakness. 'I wish I could take your pain! I wish I was lying here instead of you!'

'Daddy?' Jake whispered in his dream and his eyes fluttered open.

'Hey…' Jess whispered too with smile on his face. 'You want something my boy?'

'Water?' Jake blinked sleepily.

'Sure.' Jess nodded and helped him to drink some water. 'Better?'

'Yeah.' Jake nodded on his pillow.

'How are you feeling?' Jess asked his son and fixed the blanket around him.

'I'm scared.' His childish voice mad Jess flinched, but he kept the smile on his face. Jake did not have to see that his father is scared too.

'It's okay to be scared, Jake.' Jess whispered and ruffled his hair. 'But you'll have to stay strong for your mommy, okay?'

'Sure.' Jake nodded and Jess sighed, trying to contain his will to cry. He had to be the stronger here. He had to remain calm and focus. However, how could he be strong when his son was lying on the hospital bed? Jess shook his head.

'You have to sleep now and be strong okay?' He leaned and pressed a soft kiss on Jake's forehead. Jake smiled to him. 'Good boy.' He uttered with proud in his voice.

'When we can get back home, daddy?'

'Soon. Just few more days, okay? Sleep now.' Jess sat back on the chair and took Jake's hand. 'You have to sleep and get better.'

'You'll be here when I wake up?' Jake blinked sleepily.

'Sure.' Jess smiled and nodded at sleeping Rory. 'Mommy and I will be here when you wake up.'

'I love you daddy!' Jake yawned and closed his eyes. Jess swallowed hard.

'I love you too, my son.' He whispered and rested his chin on Jake's bed. His eyes stared at his son's face. He was falling asleep again. That was good, because Jess knew how tired he could feel now. He knew that from his own experience.


	52. Chapter 52 Find the reason

_**Chapter 52 Find the reason**_

When Rory woke up, she saw Jess, sleeping with the head on Jake's bed. She smiled and got off her bed, stretching her back and frowned from the short pain there. Jess was right the previous night – it was bad. She sighed and her feet touched the ground. She walked quietly and her first look was to Jake's monitor. Everything looked quite normal and Rory smiled with relief. She went to Jess and touched his shoulder.

'Hey…' She rubbed his folded arm and he murmured something in his sleep. 'Jess? It's morning.' Rory placed hands on his shoulder. 'Wake up.'

'Mh-mm…' He murmured sleepily. 'What time is it?'

'It's almost eight.' Rory whispered. She saw him blinked and then his eyes stopped at her. 'Sleep well?'

'I did.' Rory nodded. 'You?'

'He woke up right after you fell asleep.' Jess leaned back on his chair and frowned, stretching his back.

'Really?'

'Yeah.' Jess nodded. 'I gave him some water and he fell asleep again.' He frowned. 'Jake needs his sleep now.'

'I know.' Rory nodded and bit her lower lip, suppressing her will to cry. 'He has to be strong.'

'He is scared and I can understand him.' Jess stared at his son. 'Jake is so little, Rory. He is so fragile. I wish I could help him somehow. I know what he feels right now and that make me feel even more powerless.'

'Don't ask me that, Jess.' Rory shook her head. 'I don't know the answer. I wish I have it.'

'Yeah.' Jess sighed and looked up at her. 'Go take the bathroom first.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded and Jess watched her walked into the small bathroom. He sighed and looked back at his son. Jake looked pale, but Jess knew that it was from his sickness. He sighed once again and got off his chair. The sudden lost of balance made him grabbed his chair.

'Jess!' Rory rushed to him, but he put up his hand.

'I'm fine.' He tried to smile and touched her arm. 'I'm fine, don't worry.'

'Okay.' She frowned, but it was obvious that she did not believe him. Sleeping on the chair was not good idea, especially for his illness. She just watched him hid in the bathroom.

'Mommy?' Jake's whisper made her look at him. She smiled and touched his small hand.

'Hey my boy!' Rory kissed his fingers. 'How are you?'

'Where is daddy?' His question surprised her.

'He is here. He is just in the bathroom right now.' Rory answered him.

'He promised me to be here when I wake up.' Jake shifted on the bed. 'I just thought that he's not here.'

'He is my boy.' Rory ruffled his hair.

'Hey!' Jess just had showed up. 'Look who is awake!'

'Daddy!' Jake's eyes glowed. Rory could not help, but smile. There was something in Jess, which made all of his children lit up when he was in the room. 'You are here!'

'I promised you to be here.' Jess nodded. 'Are you hungry?'

'No.' Jake shook his head.

'But you have to eat and you have to be strong.' Jess sat at the other side of the bed. One nurse appeared with Jake's breakfast and placed it over the small table at the down side of Jake's bed. Jess and Rory thanked her and she walked out. 'Come on now.' Jess rolled the small table onto the bed and Rory helped with the lifting up Jake. He was leaning on his pillows, but he pouted.

'I'm not hungry.' He declared once again, but Jess tilted his head.

'You promised me that you'll be strong last night, remember?'

'Yeah.' Jake nodded.

'I promised you that your mother and I will be here when you wake up.' Jess put the small fork in Jake's hand. 'Now keep your promise as I keep mine.'

Rory watched with interest Jess 'methods to make his son to eat. Jake finally sighed and took the first bite of his breakfast. Rory hid her smile behind her hand. She saw Jess smirked with pleasure and watched his son eating.

'I'm done.' Jake declared and pushed his empty plate away.

'Good boy.' Jess nodded and ruffled his hair.

'I can see that you're eating your whole breakfast?' Mel's voice surprised them. She was standing by the door, holding Jake's file in her hands.

'Yes we are.' Rory tried to smile, but she looked nervous.

'That's a good sign.' Mel stepped into the room and stood beside Rory. 'I have to tell you something about his medications now. We found out what the problem is.'

'You do?' Jess looked surprised.

'Yeah.' Mel kept the smile on her face. 'Jake would you mind if I steal your parents for a minute?'

'Steal?' Jake looked at his father. 'That is bad, right daddy?'

'Sure it is.' Jess leaned and kissed his son's forehead. 'But your mommy and I will be here. We'll leave the door open if you are afraid, so you can see us.'

'Thanks daddy.' Jake nodded with a smile.

Mel walked out of the room. Jess and Rory followed her. Rory grabbed Jess' hand and looked at Mel. Her face was serious now.

'So?' Jess was the one that asked.

'He is allergic to some of his new meds.' Mel spoke with firm voice.

'Allergic?' Jess frowned.

'Jess was allergic too.' Rory uttered. She looked up at his face. 'I almost lost him, because of that! Are you saying that Jake…?' She could not suppress the tears this time. 'I don't want to see this again! It was painful even to look at…'

Jess wrapped arms around her shaking body. He just held her close to himself, trying to soothe her with his presence. He knew what she was feeling now. She had told him and Jess knew how scared she was then.

'It's okay Rory.' Mel tried to calm her. 'We find out the problem on time and we'll turn back to the old meds. Jake will be fine soon and you could take him home.'

'Are you sure it is safe?' Jess asked, because Rory still cried in his arms.

'It is.' Mel nodded. 'We'll monitor him this night and tomorrow, you can take him home. I have to warn you that he should be on bed rest for couple more days. Then he has to take it slowly. We have to be very careful with him right now.'

'We know.' Jess nodded.

'Thank you and I'm sorry for this.' Rory sniffed and looked at Mel.

'It's okay.' Mel nodded. 'Jake is your child and it's normal for you to feel like this.'

'Thanks' Rory tried to smile.

'I'll see you tomorrow then.' Mel nodded at them and walked away. Jess sighed and looked down at Rory. She was calmed.

'Are you okay now?' He asked her.

'Sure.' She nodded. 'I'm sorry, but I just remembered that time and I couldn't…'

'It's okay.' Jess stroked her hair. 'Now smile and let's tell Jake the good news. We are going home!'


	53. Chapter 53 Read me stories for goodnight

_**Chapter 53**__** Read me stories for goodnight **_

Jake had released on the next day.

Jess and Rory took him home with the new prescription from the doctor. Jake looked better than the moment he had entered into the Hospital. His face was not pale anymore and he looked fully awake. The day he came back home was Ayn's birthday. Jess and Rory remembered that on time and bought a nice book with poetry to their daughter. However, Ayn was happier to see her brother in home than any presents. She was smiley from the moment Jess and Rory walked into the house with the little Jake in Jess arms.

Luke and Lorelai were there too. Luke had prepared a festive dinner and they all sat and talked around the table. Ayn smiled all the time, but Jess could not been fooled so easily. She walked into the kitchen for something and Jess followed her.

'Okay, what is the problem now?' He asked his daughter.

'Nothing.' She shrugged and took the tray with the glasses. 'I'm fine!'

'Hey, put the tray down and look at me!' Jess frowned and placed hands on her small shoulders. Ayn did what he asked from her, but she lowered her eyes. 'This is me princess.' He took her chin and forced her to look at him. 'You can't fool me!'

'I'm fine daddy.' Ayn smiled and Jess frowned even more. 'Really!'

'You are not fine and I want to know why. Is there any problem and I do not know about it?'

'No.' Ayn shook her head. 'I'm really fine.'

'Okay… Let me guess.' Jess squeezed her shoulders. 'Um… Is it about Jake? He is alright and you know that.' Ayn frowned. 'Okay, it's not him.' Jess looked at her eyes and saw her lowered her look again. 'Ah, I think I know.' His voice changed. 'It's because of me, right?'

'Daddy…'

'Last year?' Jess rose up his eyebrows. 'You remember the last year, right? My crash?'

'I just don't want to talk about that.' Ayn clenched her jaw, but Jess did not stop.

'You are scared about me?' Jess tilted his head. 'Is that it? You are scared that something might happen, just because is your birthday?'

'I hated it!' Ayn snapped angrily and Jess looked at her with surprise. 'I hated that day since the moment they took you into the hospital the first time. It was my fifth birthday and granny told me that you and mom were on a vacation. Then I found out about you being in the hospital and it happens just around my birthday! The last year was the crash and I am so afraid now! I hate that day!'

'I know what you are feeling Ayn!' She tried to hide her face from him, but Jess held her tight. 'I know that feeling of being powerless to change things! But this is your birthday and it's not only you here!'

'What?' Ayn frowned.

'It's your mother's day too.' He stared at her. 'She gave you birth on this day. She was in pain for so long just to have you, so please try to be happy for her.'

'This is not the point…'

'It is!' Jess snapped. 'You do know that your mother's pregnancy was hard. She had not complained at all! Se told me how happy she was when you came into her life. She did not tell me about her pains. She told me only about how happy she was!'

'I know, but I can't feel happy!'

'You have to try!' Jess released her shoulders and took the tray. 'Your mother suffered enough in the hospital now and I want to see her happy just for a moment this evening!'

'But…'

'Try to pretend at least!' Jess hissed. 'I know that it might take great efforts from you, but you have to make it, okay? Do it for her!'

'Fine!' Ayn murmured and they got out of the kitchen.

Rory threw them a strange look. Jess looked upset and Ayn was with smile on her face. She looked happy, but she was not that good as Jess. He could lie about his emotions any time. He could even hide it behind his eyes. Ayn could not. She looked sad and angry in spite the smile on her face.

'Hey sis, you want our present?' Jane squealed and ran to her sister.

'Sure.' Ayn nodded and Jane grabbed her hand, dragging her to the table. Jess Jr. handed her a drawing, made by them. It was sloppy and colorful, but Ayn smiled and kissed her twin brother and sister. 'Thank you guys. I'm going to put it on my desk.'

'Yay!' Jess Jr. and Jane squealed.

'Can I give our present, mommy?' Jake whispered in her ear and Rory smiled. He was sitting on her lap and now smiled at her.

'Sure.' Rory nodded and put her son on the ground. 'Go get it, but be careful honey. Don't run.'

'Okay mommy.' Jake nodded and went to take the small package, left on the table. Jess sat close to Rory and smiled to her. She took the opportunity and asked him.

'What happened in the kitchen?'

'Huh?' He avoided her eyes and poured himself some water.

'Don't play dumb, I know you aren't!' Rory frowned. 'Ayn looks upset!'

'Ayn has to learn few lessons.' Jess frowned. 'Don't worry. Just my daughter and I had a little chat about what is important for the family!'

Rory crooked her face, but did not ask more. She was sure that he would not tell her. Jake brought the present to Ayn and she smiled, hugging him. Just then, she looked at her parents.

'I have a surprise for you too.' She smiled and this time her smile reached to her face. 'Wait here!'

Jess looked at Rory, but she just shrugged. They both looked at Luke and Lorelai.

'Someone knows something?' Rory asked them.

'I have no idea.' Lorelai shrugged.

'Same here.' Luke crooked his face.

'Here!' Ayn came back from the upstairs. She was holding a notebook and handed it to her father. 'I wrote you something and I want you to read it when you have time.' She blushed.

'You wrote something?' Jess felt proud of his daughter, but narrowed his eyes. 'Please just tell me that it's not a poem!'

'Nope – it's a small story actually.' Ayn smiled nervously. 'They are three of them actually – you'll see.'

'Okay.' Jess took the notebook and hugged his daughter. 'I can't wait to see it!'

'It's nothing, but I want your opinion.' Ayn nodded at her parents.

'Okay honey.' Rory nodded too.

'Great!' Lorelai rolled her eyes. 'You see Nikki?' She looked at her son, sitting close to her. 'We have another writer in the family!'

'We'll see.' Ayn shrugged and sat back on her chair.

It was later the same evening when Luke and Lorelai went away along with their son. Jess and Rory took care of their children and then went into their bedroom. Jess sighed when his head touched the pillow. He looked tired and he felt in this way. Rory just looked at him, but he kept silence. She lay close to him and Jess wrapped arm around her, placing the notebook in her hands.

'Read.' He whispered and his lips touched her temple. 'Let's see what our daughter prepared for us.'

Rory opened the notebook.


	54. Chapter 54 My daddy

_**Chapter 54**__** My daddy **_

Rory had fallen asleep.

Jess looked at her. Her head rested on his chest and her hand lay over his stomach. Jess smiled and opened Ayn's notebook again. Rory might be tired, but he was not. He was curious to read his part. His daughter had written him a story and he was eager to read it. Seeing her beautiful handwriting made him smile.

_I have never thought that I would have my own daddy. I was five years old when he showed in our town and we went for our first ice cream. I was so happy when he told me that he is my father. I was happy that I'm going to be like the rest of the kids in my kindergarten. I loved my mom, but it was not enough. I just needed him. When he finally came in, I truly believed that the miracles could happen. My mom was happy too, but there was some saddens in her eyes that I could not understand. She __cried a lot and she thought that I could not see her. But I saw her. I still remember it. It was like yesterday._

_When I was turning five, something happened and I was thinking that I was going to lose my daddy again. This time he would not come back and I knew it. He was sick, very sick. When they took him away and my mom went with him, my granny said that my parents were on a trip. But I knew it. I knew it that it was not a trip. I was too little to understand what was going on exactly, but I knew that my daddy was in danger._

_They took me to see him. I was so scared. He was sleeping and my mom was trying to be brave in front of me. But she was scared too. Her face was pale. Her hand, holding mine, trembled. _

_My mom loves my daddy, you know. I always knew that. I could not remember a time when she did not love him. When he was gone, and I was asking about him, my mom was telling me that he was a great man and she loved him very much. She never lied to me about him. She never lied to me how she felt about him. _

_Therefore, when she took me to see him in that hospital I was sure that she was scared. That made me scared too. It meant that my daddy was seriously ill and we both got scared for his life. I cried and asked him to wake up. I asked him to come back to me, to us. I was not sure if he would listen, but I was sure that I want him back. My mom and I wanted him back. _

_There was nothing that could replace his hug when he finally came back home. He hugged me and I was sure that it was he. He had listened to me and he had come back. My mom looked happy. She was so happy then. _

_Then we had my twin brother and sister, I love them so much, by the way. We were happy. Then daddy got worse again and I was kidnapped. It was hard times, but we pulled it off. We were strong. Our family was strong and we could count to each other. _

_Daddy was shot and had to get to the hospital again. I was scared. My mom was terrified. I knew that. I just needed to look at her and I could say that in a heartbeat. When he got better from the shoot, we found out that his heart was bad. No, nobody told me. I overheard that one night when my mom and daddy talked at the living room. I remember sitting on a step at the staircase and listened to their talk. I could not understand then. I just realized that it was something bad. When they told me that daddy had to go to the hospital again, I knew that it was really bad. _

_He went, but this time he came back quickly and I was so sure that he would never go there again. I was so sure that nothing bad would happen anymore. But then my mom got pregnant again and she had to stay in the hospital too. My brother Jake was in danger and I was scared for her. I was so scared that I hated my little brother for causing this to her. My daddy was scared too, but he held back his fear and asked of me to be strong. He asked of me to love and support my mom. She loved my brother Jake as she loved me, so I had to do it._

_Jake had born and he was sick. I thought that part of his sickness was my fault. I did not want him and I thought, with my childish head, that I caused this to him. My daddy spoke to me and tried to explained to me everything, He was scared, but he cared about me enough to take a time and made sure that I could understood everything. I did and that was the reason to feel happy again. _

_These five years after that were good and I felt truly happy to the moment when my parents started fighting. My mom was nervous and my daddy was calm. He was unusually calm. When we, my brothers and sister, asked him what was wrong, he just smiled. He just smiled and explained to us how our mother was having a bad day and we had to be careful with her. So we did. But there was a time when I thought that I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream to her. She was my mother and stuff, but I loved my daddy too. I just felt it something wrong in her attitude towards him. I wanted to protect him from her. I know, it's stupid, but I thought in this way then. _

_When the crash happened, I blamed her. I put all the blame on her and I knew that if something happened to my daddy, I would never forgive her for that. I know what my daddy would tell me. He would tell me that she is my mother and I own her my love and respect. He would tell me this, because he loves her. Yeah… he loves her too much and he cares about her to the point when he will do anything to keep her safe. _

_He woke up and he was fine again. I was right. He asked of me to stay strong and to love and forgive to my mother. I did it. I gave her another chance. I told her that I asked my daddy to stay with us. I asked of her not to make him regret for this. She kept her word and she is now with him. She loves him so much and I can see how happy my parents are around each other. But my daddy is sick again and I'm scared – again. I could ask only one thing from him now – the same. I would ask him to stay with me – with us. I know that he loves us so much and we all love him. _

_Today is my birthday and this is my birthday wish daddy. _

Jess finished the story and closed the notebook. He looked back at Rory and ruffled her hair. She sighed in her dream and stirred in his arms. Jess smiled. He had never thought that he would have family like this someday. He had them now and he was happy.

'Jess?' Rory stirred in her dream.

'I'm here, Ror.' Jess kissed the top of her head. 'I'm here.'


	55. Chapter 55 Dates

_**Chapter 55 **__**Dates **_

Jess was the first to wake up. He got off the bed and just stared at sleeping Rory for a while. Then he took his pills and went downstairs to prepare the family's breakfast. It was Saturday, so everybody was at home. He loved these days and in spite the fact that there was going to be the full house, Jess enjoyed them.

Ayn was the first one that showed downstairs. Jess just had switched on the coffee machine and put his mug there.

'Morning daddy.' Ayn smiled and took her seat. Jess did not miss her careful look towards him. He knew that look. Rory gave it to him every time when she felt doubt that he was alright.

'Morning.' Jess greeted her and took his full mug from the coffee machine. He sat opposite Ayn and stared at her face with a smile. She looked nervous and he knew why. 'I've read the story by the way.'

'Really?' Ayn smiled shyly. 'And? I know that it sucks, but I'd really want to know…'

'It is good.' Jess surprised her and saw her face flushed red. 'I have to tell you that I'm impressed.'

'Thanks.' Ayn shrugged and lowered her look. 'I wrote what I feel.'

'That's good.' Jess agreed. 'When I wrote my first book, I thought that it's a full crap! My first book actually expresses my inability to talk about myself!'

'But…' Ayn frowned.

'It's confusing, I know.' Jess laughed. 'You're gonna read it someday. Now it's not for you.'

'Okay.' Ayn shrugged.

'The point is that I saw my style in your writing now.' Jess smiled with proud. 'Keep going and you are going to be better than me.'

'You think?' Her eyes glowed and Jess felt proud of her.

'Yeah.' He shrugged. 'I can see a lot of potential in you.'

'I could work harder.'

'Don't.' Jess shook his head with a smile. 'If you work harder, it won't work. Just let it comes to you. When you get the inspiration, you'll know that is the right moment for you to write.'

'Ok.' Ayn nodded. 'Thanks daddy!'

'No problem.' Jess shrugged and took a sip from his cup. 'Can I ask you something? Why are you calling me daddy now? I mean – you are a teenager and stuff. It could embarrass you in front of your friends. You are not being cool anymore.'

'I could care less to be cool.' Ayn answered coyly.

'Ah, remind me where I've heard that?' Rory walked into the kitchen. She ruffled Ayn's hair as she passed her and then sat close to Jess. He poured her some coffee and gave her, her morning kiss.

'It sounds familiar?' Ayn frowned.

'Yeah.' Rory smiled. 'Your father and I talked about that, years ago. I think it was about his decision to skip the college.'

'And I don't regret!' Jess nodded.

'Can I skip it too then?' Ayn looked at her parents. 'I know that I am not…'

'No!' Jess and Rory said in one voice.

'Okay, okay…' Ayn put up her hands. 'I've tried.'

'You're going to college.' Jess frowned. 'You just have to pick what you want to study. But you have to go, okay?'

'Okay.' Ayn nodded again.

'It's too early though.' Rory smiled and touched Jess' hand, lying over the table. 'She is still our little girl.'

'Yeah.' Jess sighed and touched his temples. 'She is.'

'Are you okay?' Rory looked at him with concern.

'I'm okay.' He smiled and then looked at his daughter. 'I really am.'

'Good.' Rory touched his face. 'I trust you.'

Jess only smiled and moved his head to kiss her palm.

They spent a quiet morning as a family. The small kids wanted to get out and play in the snow. Rory frowned, looking at Jake. Jess had calmed her that he would watch over him so now she was on the porch, looking at them. They were laughing and playing at the front yard. Jess was sitting close to her.

'You think that they could get cold?' Rory looked at him and saw his light smile.

'I think that they spent enough time in home, Ror.'

'I know, but I just want to keep them safe.'

'I want that too.' Rory tilted her head and suddenly her eyes went wet. 'It supposed to turn one year now.'

'What?' He frowned.

'Our last…' Rory bit her lower lip. 'Never mind.'

'Rory!' Jess looked at her and saw her sad face. She tried to avoid his eyes, but he caught her chin between his fingers. 'You thought about the kid that you lost? Is that it? Is that why are you sad?'

'Yeah.' Rory nodded and her voice cracked. 'I know we have children Jess and I'm happy to have them all, but the absence of this one keep haunting me.'

'Do you want to talk about it?' He asked her gently.

'Just hurts. That's all.' She smiled, but Jess saw the tears in her eyes. 'I just can't stop thinking about it.'

'Daddy! Look at this!' Jane giggled and Jess looked at her direction. All the kids had built up a snowman. Now they were jumping around it. Jess smiled.

'Good!' He looked at Ayn. 'It's time for hot chocolate.'

Ayn just nodded, understood his message and she walked inside the house along with her brothers and sister. Jess and Rory left alone.

'I'm sorry.' Rory whispered with weak voice. 'I'm such a baby sometimes.'

'You are not a baby! You suffered a lot and you just need time!' He nodded.

'I don't think that I've ever going to do that Jess.' Rory shrugged. 'I just keep counting the days and mark some of them in my calendar. I know that it's stupid, but I just can't stop the thought that today he or she would be at one year.' She sobbed. 'Can you imagine? And I just could not hold that child! I could not tell it how much I love it! It's… like a giant hole, here in my heart!' Jess pulled her into his arms and she sobbed loudly. 'It'll never see it! Never…'

He heard her and he knew that, there was nothing, he could do. That was killing him. The thought itself was killing him. Jess hated feel in this way. He so wanted to help her now, but he could not do anything to cure her pain.

'I'm here, Ror.' He just whispered, kissing the top of her head. His hands rubbed her back. 'I'm here, with you and I'm going to do anything that you ask me for!'

She just nodded on his chest and fisted his coat. Finally, he eyes went dry and she calmed enough to walk into the house with him. Jess took her hand and helped her get off the small bench. The kids were at the kitchen, so Rory could go upstairs unnoticed. Jess followed her with narrowed eyes and then went in to the kitchen.

'Ayn?' He called his daughter and she went to him. Her face was serious and Jess was surprised once again. She was so grown up for her age. 'Your mother needs me, so I'm going with her. Call me if you need help, okay?'

'Okay daddy.' She nodded and looked at her brothers and sister. 'I'll call you if I need help.'

'Thank you, princess.' Jess touched her shoulder and went out of the kitchen. When he opened the door of his bedroom, he saw Rory lying over the bed and staring at the window. Her eyes were dry, but she still looked sad. He crawled over the bed and lay beside of her. 'Everything will be okay, Rory!' Jess whispered and she snuggled in him. 'Everything will be alright.'

'I want it, Jess…' Her voice cracked. 'I want it here.'

'I know.' He whispered in her hair. 'I know…'


	56. Chapter 56 Sharing thoughts

_**Chapter 56**__** Sharing thoughts**_

It was rainy day.

The house was empty and Rory was still in her bed. Her eyes gazed the rainy drops, falling outside the window. The atmosphere did not help her much when she had to be strong. It was the beginning of March and the spring was almost here. Another year, she thought and closed her eyes.

Jess was out to make sure that his uncle was okay. Luke had caught a cold and Jess thought that it would be a great idea to visit him. He had asked Rory, but she had told him that she did not feel well too. Jess had frowned and had gone out. Rory knew that if he had stayed they would fight again. He hated to see her weak, but Rory was in this period. Besides, she did not lie to him. She did feel weakness all morning.

'Can I come in?' Lorelai's voice surprised her and Rory looked at the door. Her mother was standing there with frowned expression. Rory just nodded and waited for her to come in. Lorelai sat on the bed, close to her daughter. She reached out her hand and touched Rory's forehead. 'How are you feeling?'

'Tired.' Rory shrugged.

'Jess said that you don't feel well, so I came here to look at you.' Lorelai stroked her daughter's hair and then placed her hand on her lap. 'I think that the flu is a normal thing by this time of the year.'

'You think?' Rory tried to smile.

'Yeah.' Lorelai nodded. 'But I think that you don't have flu.'

'I don't know.' Rory shrugged again. 'I just don't have a will to get out of here.'

'You don't have a will?'

'I'm not sure I want to do something today.' Rory sighed. 'My kids are at school and Jess would be back soon.'

'So you could do some kissing-kissing thing huh?' Lorelai teased her, but Rory frowned. 'I'm sorry kiddo, just joking!' She put up her hands.

'Why are you always kidding with that?'

'And why are you so depressed now?'

'I'm not depressed.' Rory snapped. 'I'm not in the mood and that's different!'

'Jess is worrying about you!' Lorelai frowned.

'It's hard to believe that he told you that!' Rory murmured.

'He didn't, but I could see it in his eyes!' Lorelai hissed. 'He tried to hide this, but it's obvious!'

'It is?' Rory rolled her eyes and sat on the bed. 'Jess is pretty good of hiding his emotions, mom!'

'I know, but you have to realize how serious all this is when I can see it!'

'I know, but I'm fine and I'm going better!' Rory shrugged and ran fingers through her hair. 'Just having a bad period, that's all.'

'This bad period continues over a year, Ror!'

'It'll end when it's time to end!' Rory snapped. 'You don't know how I feel mom! You don't have any idea! I appreciate your efforts to make me feel better, but you just don't understand me!'

'And Jess does?'

'Jess is here and he's trying to support me! He is here and that's enough!'

'I wish you could talk about your loss, Rory.' Lorelai's voice softened. 'Maybe that could make you feel better.'

'I talk about my loss!' Rory narrowed her eyes. 'I could talk about it, but it wouldn't help much! It wouldn't bring me back my child! So, what is the point of the talking?'

'You are hurt…'

'I was hurt!' Rory's voice trembled. 'I'm trying to heal now, but… I just cannot stop thinking about that! I cannot stop looking at the calendar and marking the days of 'today it'd be his/her birthday'!'

'Oh, Ror…' Lorelai touched her shoulder.

'And this is the easy part.' Rory smiled bitterly. 'The difficult part comes when I have to wake up every morning and have to tell myself – today is the first day it won't hurt! Because, mom, it hurts! Every day! Every hour!'

'Rory?' Jess called her from the door. Rory looked up at him and tried to smile, but it did not work. 'What happened?' He rushed to her and took her in his arms. Lorelai got off the bed and looked at them.

'Nothing.' Rory uttered close to his ear. Her head rested on his shoulder.

'There is something!' Jess frowned and looked at Lorelai. 'You said that you're going to comfort her! What did you do?'

'It's okay.' Rory sniffed on his shoulder. 'I'm okay.'

'No, you are not okay!' He pulled back and looked at her glossed eyes. 'Tell me what happened.'

'She tried to talk for her loss, Jess.' Lorelai answered instead of her. Jess looked up at her with frowned expression. 'She just tried to explain it to me how she feels.'

'This is not comforting!' He murmured.

'I know, but Rory has to talk, Jess!' Lorelai frowned. 'Talking helps!'

'Says who?' He narrowed his eyes. 'I don't want her to suffer more than she already did!'

'Jess.' Rory touched his face. 'I'm fine and you know that I'll be better soon.'

'I just hate to see you like this.' He frowned again.

'I know.' She tried to smile. 'It'll pass, but right now I need something strong to drink.' She touched her temple. 'Or… something with lots of sugar in it.'

'I'm going!' Lorelai rushed out of the room.

'How are you feeling?' Jess touched her face, but she did not have a fever. 'I thought that you are okay this morning.'

'My head swims!' Rory frowned. 'I don't know why. Maybe it's from my blood pressure.'

'Yeah. You are right.' Jess studied her face. 'You look pale too.'

'Here comes the hot chocolate!' Lorelai walked into the room. Jess looked at her with strange expression on his face, but Lorelai just handed the mug with the hot drink to Rory. 'This is the next best thing I can do.'

'And the first thing?' Jess teased her.

'Coffee…' Lorelai murmured and they all smiled at her dreamy expression.


	57. Chapter 57 I wish I knew

_**Chapter 57**__** I wish I knew **_

Rory had fallen asleep. Lorelai and Jess watched her as she snuggled under the blankets and sighed in her dream. Jess looked at Lorelai and nodded at the door. She nodded back as a sign that she understood what he meant and they left the room.

The house was quiet. The kids were still at school and they could talk normally in the living room. Lorelai sat on the sofa and Jess took the free armchair. He ran fingers through his messy hair and looked at Rory's mother.

'What's wrong Jess?' Lorelai asked him with confusion. 'You want to talk with me?'

'Yeah, kind of.' Jess sighed. 'I know that we all want what is the best for Rory.'

'Sure.' Lorelai frowned.

'I don't want anyone to push her unnecessary.' Jess rubbed his temples. 'She will be okay if we just let her pass through this.'

'I'm her mother, Jess.' Lorelai watched him with concern. 'I know that you love her, but I think that her depression continues way too long!'

'She lost a child, mom.' Jess sighed and frowned under Lorelai's look. 'You know how hard she could take this! Moreover, she hid this from me for too long and I think that she deserves to mourn now! She deserves all the support we can give to her!'

'I know, but I don't want to watch her like this.'

'I hate to see her like this, but I'm here and I'll give her all the strength she needs.' Jess stared at Lorelai. 'Please, try and do the same.'

'You mean, I have to watch her suffer and do nothing?' Lorelai frowned. 'I want to help her, Jess! I want my daughter to be happy again!'

'I know that you love her and you want to help her, but trust me – this is not the way!' He snapped and got off his armchair. 'She has been through so much. First this, then my crash, then Jake and now me again…'

'Wait! You?' Lorelai frowned again. 'What's wrong with you? Are you okay?'

'It doesn't matter!' Jess waved with his hand. 'She is the important now! I'll be fine!'

'I know you'll be fine, but I want to know how you are!' Lorelai narrowed her eyes. 'Tell me!'

'I was to see my doctor.' Jess shrugged and buried hands in his pockets. 'He told me that I have to pass through certain treatment.'

'Again?' Lorelai looked at him with concern. 'What now?'

'Something in my head.' Jess shrugged again. 'He saw something at the MRI and gave me some pills I have to take.'

'Surgery?'

'Nah.' Jess shook his head. 'He said that it's dangerous now. Plus my other problem… it would complicate things.'

'Yeah.' Lorelai looked at him carefully. 'And Rory knows?'

'She knows.' Jess stared at Rory's mother. 'I can't hide that from her and I don't want to.'

'Luke?'

'He is sick now.' Jess frowned. 'Let him get better.'

'What about your kids?'

'Ayn knows.' Jess smiled bitterly. 'I have to tell you – there is so much strength in that girl. She is worrying, but I thing that she takes it surprisingly good.'

'You know, when she was born, Rory told me that she looked just like her father.' Lorelai smiled at the memory. 'I didn't know that it was you then, but she was so happy when she said that. Her face glowed.'

'Yeah.' Jess smiled too. 'I'm sorry I missed that moment, but my life was difficult then. Plus, Rory and I, we did lots of mistakes until we get to here.'

'Tell me about it.' Lorelai rolled her eyes and Jess smiled again. 'You know that I didn't like you, right?'

'Oh yeah, it was pretty obvious.' He murmured.

'But I can see clearly now.' Lorelai made short pause. 'You just didn't know what the love is.'

'I know now.' Jess nodded. 'Rory taught me well.'

'I can see.' Lorelai laughed and got off the sofa. 'I have to go now, because my baby is waiting for me at home.'

'But Nikki is at school.' Jess frowned.

'Luke, my son!' Lorelai crooked her face.

'Ah!' Jess smiled. 'I get it! Then you better go.'

'I know! I know!' Lorelai tapped his shoulder as she passed him. 'Take care of Rory, okay?'

'I will and just think about what I told you!' Jess opened the door before her.

'I will.' Lorelai nodded and turned to leave, but then turned around and looked at him. 'I was wondering if it's right to tell you this now, but… I think you have to know. Your mother is already in consciousness Jess.'

'What?' Jess looked shocked.

'They called Luke.' Lorelai spoke seriously. 'She asked for you, but Luke wasn't sure if you want to know this.'

'Thanks for telling me.' Jess nodded, but his face darkened.

'I am sorry, my boy.' Lorelai touched his shoulder. 'I know you have lots in your head now.'

'No, thanks for telling me.' He tried to smile. 'I'll think about it.'

'Take care of yourself.' Lorelai studied his pale face. 'My daughter needs you!'

'Okay. Bye and send my best to Luke.' Jess smiled.

'I will. Bye.' Lorelai nodded and left the house. Jess closed the door after her and went upstairs to check Rory. She was sleeping and her hand rested over his pillow. Jess looked at her for some time. Then he took his notebook.

_My daughter asked me to stay here. She asked me to fight and I will, but I just want to give them more. I just want to be the father and the husband they all deserved. I love my new family. In fact, this is my only one. I have never had a family before them. I have never known the love. I have never known that it could be real. _

_I just need to smile now and that smile could be real. I have to do that and I have to do that for them. They all love me. I should feel happy. I am happy, but my life is something that I was never easy. Never been and never will be. _

_I wish I could do more. I wish I could cure my wife's pain. I wish I had the key for doing that. If only I knew the way… I keep telling myself that it will pass and the time could cure her. It has been over a year since then. She is still suffering and I am still trying to find the way to help her._

_Maybe my uncle is right, but I am still scared. I am scared that I could lose her. We both know that her pregnancy could threaten her life, but again – what if this is the only way she could feel alive again. What if this is the only way she could smile for real? _

Jess closed his notebook and placed it at the nightstand. He sighed and looked at Rory. Her face was pale, but she snuggled in him now. Her hand touched his thigh and she sighed in her dream.

'I wish I knew how to help you…' Jess whispered and touched her face. His eyes caressed her face. 'I wish I knew…'


	58. Chapter 58 Old friend

_**A/N: Okay, let me just explain it to you something. When I wrote the first chapter of this sequel I wanted to put something personal in it. I know I should not tell you this and stuff, but I think I have too. There is something in me I put in Rory's character. It's a personal drama that I don't want to share, but writing it - helps me a lot. I just had a not so good year this one. Now, I'm going to give to Rory something I thought I will have this year and by this time. It wasn't written for me, but... Hope you will support me in this. And by the way - thanks to all of you who follow this story. It is the most personal one I've ever written! Thank you for being with me!  
**_

_** Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 58**__** Old friend**_

Lane came to visit Rory few days later. She was alone. Her husband was at home with their kids, so she had some time alone. Therefore, she came to visit her best friend. Rory welcomed her with a smile. She led her in her living room and they sat on the sofa.

'This is a nice surprise!' Rory smiled. 'I thought that you are at home already.'

'Oh, I was.' Lane rolled her eyes. 'But I'm back again. My mother helps me with the children while my husband is on tour.'

'He is on tour?'

'No.' Lane shook her head. 'He will be soon.'

'Ah.' Rory nodded. 'Okay.'

'And where is yours by the way?' Lane looked around.

'He went to help Luke in the diner.' Rory smiled. 'Jess is there while his uncle is sick and is recovering.'

'But he still writes?'

'Yeah.' Rory nodded. She had noticed that Jess had returned to the writing. His notebook was n his nightstands. That meant that he worked a lot. 'I think that he is working over something now.'

'That's good.' Lane smiled. 'What about you?'

'No.' Rory shook her head. 'I have one book and that's for now.'

'Any plans for doing other?'

'Nope.' Rory shrugged. 'Maybe I'm too lazy, but I'm not in the mood for writing.'

'Got it!' Lane crooked her face. 'When the muse strikes you, huh?'

'Yeah.' Rory coughed and got off the sofa. 'You want something to drink?'

'Just water – thanks.' Lane nodded. She watched her friend hid in the kitchen and came back seconds later.

'Here you go.' Rory handed her the bottle.

'Mommy!' Jake's voice echoed from the staircase and she looked there. He was running down the stairs and Rory frowned.

'Jake! Slow down, honey!' Rory knelt and he literally threw in her arms.

'Sorry.' He apologized.

'It's okay.' Rory got off the ground and ruffled his hair. 'I want you to meet someone.' She nodded at Lane. 'She is my best friend and her name is Lane.'

'Hey!' Jake murmured shyly and hid behind Rory's legs. She smiled softly.

'Hey you.' Lane smiled too. 'So he is the little one?'

'Yeah.' Rory nodded. 'Jake is the little one.'

'I couldn't find my pills mommy.' He whispered and Rory looked down at him. She took his hand.

'You couldn't find them? Let's go!' she turned at Lane. 'Just a sec.'

'It's ok.' Lane nodded.

Rory came back few minutes later. She looked at Lane and sat on the armchair. Her face was pale and she looked worried. Lane frowned.

'Is there something wrong, Ror?'

'No.' Rory shook her head and closed her eyes. 'It's nothing unusual.'

'What's wrong with Jake? Is he catching a cold too?'

'I wish!' Rory murmured and ran fingers through her hair. 'Jake is sick.'

'Oh no!' Lane looked terrified.

'Yeah.' Rory looked at her friend. 'He has heart condition.'

'Like Jess?'

'It's a similar, yeah.' Rory nodded. 'Have I told you about Jess?'

'Yeah, you did. I think it was the last time I was here.'

'Oh.' Rory shrugged. 'Okay. I just can't remember.'

'It's difficult, huh?' Lane said carefully. 'To have a sick child.'

'It's unbearable!' Rory smiled with sadness. 'It hurts me to watch him like this. But we know how to care about him, so…'

'He has to take his pills?'

'Yeah.' Rory nodded. 'He has to take his pills and rest more.'

'Is there any signs for getting better?'

'We'll see after his twelve birthday.' Rory smiled again. 'We could only hope.'

'And how's Jess dealing with this?'

'Jess is… he looks good, but I know that he prefer to hide his real feelings. He thought that I'm the important one between us.' Rory frowned. 'I've talked so much and he is still the same.'

'You are lucky to have him.' Lane meant to tease her, but Rory looked at her seriously.

'You have no idea how lucky I am!'

'Oh, Ror.' Lane had seen the pain in Rory's eyes. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'It's okay.' Rory tried to smile. 'Everything is fine now.'

'You don't look okay, though.' Lane studied her face. 'And I'm not going to apologize by saying this.'

'I'm fine.' Rory sighed. 'Just skipped the breakfast this morning.'

'Ah.' Lane looked at her closely. 'Or, you have e flu!'

'I already had!' Rory pouted and Lane laughed. 'It's not funny!'

'Sorry, Ror.' Lane put up her hands. 'But you should've seen your face. You looked like your son.'

'It's not fair! And plus – Jake looks more like Jess.' Rory shrugged with the last line.

'And you look so proud.' Lane shook her head.

'I am.'

'That's good.' Lane nodded and turned serious. 'Seriously Ror, you have to go and see your doctor.'

'I'm fine!' Rory snapped. 'Don't worry!'

'Okay. I'm just saying…'

'Thanks!' Rory snapped.

'Don't get angry now!' Lane frowned with concern. 'You know that I care about you.'

'I know and I'm sorry.' Rory sighed and tried to smile. 'Hey, I have an idea. We should go and see Jess.'

'Sure.' Lane nodded. 'That would be nice.'

'Okay. Just let me prepare Jake for the walk and we can go.' Rory got off her chair and came back soon with her younger son. He had put him his warm jacket. It was March, but it was still cold outside.

'We are ready.' She announced and put on her jacket too.

'Is she coming with us?' Jake took her hand and asked shyly.

'Yeah.' Rory smiled. 'She is my best friend and she is coming to see your daddy with us.'

'Okay.' Jake smiled and Lane laughed quietly as they left the house.

'He is Jess' copy by the way! You were right!'

'I told ya!' Rory winked at her friend.

They laughed and continued their way to the diner. Lane noticed that Rory walked slowly. She was careful with her son. He did not have to get tired. Jake was walking beside of her and was looking around. He was shy boy and Lane could not help but smile of how cute he was.

They soon reached the diner and walked inside. It was almost empty by this time of the day. Jess was behind the bar and working over one of the toasters.

'Daddy!' Jake squealed and took his attention. Jess smiled and knelt on the ground. His son threw in his arms. Jess took him in his arms and got off.

'Hey.' He looked at Rory and Lane. 'What are you doing here?'

'We just came to visit you.' Rory smiled.

'Is there something wrong?' Jess looked at her carefully.

'No.' Lane answered instead. 'They just wanted to see you.'

'That's good.' Jess calmed.

'Yeah.' Rory nodded and tried to smile, but she suddenly lost her balance. She grabbed the edge of the bar.

'Rory?' Jess quickly placed Jake in Lane's arms.

'I'm…' Rory shook her head, but her ears rang. 'I'm…'

'Mommy!' It was the last thing she heard and she felt in Jess' arms, losing consciousness.


	59. Chapter 59 The first sign

_**A/N: It was heavy for me to write that and the next chapter, so please be kind with me. I know - lots of drama, but... keep reading and you know that you can trust me. This story hits close to home for me and I hope that you still like it. Anyhow - keep reading and enjoy!  
**_

_** Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 59 **__**The first sign **_

'Mommy!' Jake screamed and burst into tears. Rory lay motionless in Jess' arms. 'Mommy, wake up!'

'Take him out of here!' Jess hissed to Lane. He looked up at her and took Rory in his arms. 'He doesn't have to see her like this!'

'Jess…' Lane squeezed hard the crying boy. He was trying to reach to his mother, but Lane held him tight.

'Calm down!' Jess looked at his son, trying to master his voice. 'I'm gonna take your mommy into the hospital and she'll be fine, okay?'

'No…' Jake cried once again.

'Lane, please.' Jess looked at Rory's friend and she nodded.

'Come on, Jake.' She talked to the scared boy. Jess looked back as he walked out of the diner with Rory in his arms. Jake had hid his head in Lane's shoulder and still cried. Jess swallowed hard and looked back at Rory. Her face was pale and her breathing was shallow.

'Hold on, Ror!' Jess talked to her as he rushed to the car. She did not react. He did not expect that.

When they arrived at the hospital and Jess took her hack in his arms. He saw her wet face. She was sweating. Her hear was wet too. Jess stirred, but rushed into emergency. He placed her over the near stretcher, calling for help.

'Jess…' He heard her weak whisper and looked down at her. She licked her cracked lips and looked up at him. 'What…'

'Sh-sh…' Jess took her hand and looked at her pale face. He gritted his teeth not to cry. 'They will help you.'

'No!' Her head tossed over the stretcher and her body arched. 'Hurts…'

'Rory!' Jess widened his eyes, watching as they took her away.

He grabbed his head and slid down on the white wall. His hands covered his face and his shoulders shook. He finally gave up on his emotions. Rory was in danger. She was sick and he had not even noticed that.

'Jess?' Lane's voice made him look up and he saw her rushing through the corridor. She had followed them with Jake in her arms. He looked sick too. Jess got off the floor and took his son in his arms. 'He said that he couldn't breathe.' Lane explained.

Jess just nodded and sat on the nearest bench He placed Jake in his lap and pressed his small back to his chest.

'Come on, Jake.' He whispered to his boy. Jake looked scared and breathed heavily. It was obvious that he felt pain with every breath he took. His lower lip trembled, but Jess placed his hand on his son's chest and rubbed it slowly. 'Follow my breathing, okay?' Jess talked to him as his son tried to follow his instructions. 'I know it's hard and it hurts, but you have to do it, okay?'

Jake just nodded and followed Jess' moves. Soon his breathing became normal and he relaxed in his father's arms. Jess hugged him and laid his back on the bench. His eyes gazed the white door of the emergency.

'How is she?' Lane asked with concern.

'I don't know.' Jess looked at her and then down at Jake. His son soaked his every word. 'Your mommy will be fine.' Jess tried to smile.

'You promise?' His son looked at him with his big hazel eyes. Jess almost flinched from emotional pain. He could tell him the words Jake wanted to hear. He could lie to him. But Jess was not like this.

'I…' he hesitated but Jake had felt that. His face crooked.

'I want mommy!' He cried and wrapped arms around his father's neck. 'I want mommy now!'

'I know. I know.' Jess repeated and rubbed Jake's back. His heart ached, but he knew that he could not do anything. 'Calm down, please. You know that you have to be strong now, okay?' Jess babbled incoherently. It did not matter what he was saying – the only important thing now was to make his son stop crying. Jess knew that this emotional experience was not good for his son's heart. He had to protect him.

Just as Jake calmed in his arms, Jess saw one of the doctors, accepted Rory, walked out of the emergency. Jess got off quickly and placed his son in Lane's arms. He whined, but Jess calmed him with few kind words.

'How is she?' Jess asked the doctor.

'She was very bad.' The doctor sighed and Jess frowned. 'I think that is a complication from strong emotional shock. It happens sometimes. Her body was too fragile and couldn't react on the stress properly.'

'How is she now?' Jess was afraid to ask, but he did it anyway. He had to know the answer.

'We controlled the fever and the seizures.' Rory's doctor was not happy though. That made Jess even more nervous. 'We want to keep her here for observation for the next week or two. The fever may cause complications and her blood picture shows some sort of infection.'

'Infection?' Jess whispered.

'I am afraid so.' The doctor crooked his face. 'We'll keep her here on respirator. She needs pure oxygen now. Then we have to follow her blood picture and we'll see.'

'Can I…' Jess coughed. 'Can I stay with her?'

'Sure, Mr. Mariano.' The doctor nodded. 'She'll need all the help she could get.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded.

'We'll call you when she is ready.' The doctor nodded and walked away. Jess shook his head and tried to control the pain in his chest. He took deep breath and turned to his son. Jake watched him carefully. Jess crouched and made sign to Lane. She released the boy from her arms and Jake went to his father. He stood before him and looked at his face with his big hazel eyes.

'Your mommy is okay, Jake.' Jess tried to smile. He touched his son's arms. 'We just have to stay here some time so the doctors could cure her completely.'

'Is she's going to be alright, daddy?' Jake crooked his lower lip and Jess hugged him.

'She will.' He whispered. 'I'll take care of that.'

'You want me to call Lorelai?' Lane came closer to them and Jess nodded.

'Could you?' He looked at her over Jake's shoulder. 'I have to stay here.'

'Sure.' Lane nodded. 'I'll take care for Jake too.'

'I want to stay here! I want to see mommy!' Jake pouted and Jess pulled back to look at him.

'You will see her tomorrow, I promise.' He looked at his eyes. 'Now your mommy has to sleep and rest so she could be strong, okay?'

'Okay.' Jake nodded reluctantly.

'Now, I want you to be a good boy and listen to Lane.' Jess rubbed his son's arms. 'I want you to be strong and careful, okay? We talked about that.'

'I know, daddy.' Jake nodded. 'I promise!'

'That's my boy!' Jess smiled and ruffled his son's hair.

When Jake and Lane left the hospital, the smile left Jess' face. He followed the nurse, waiting for him, in Rory's room. His heart ached again and he rubbed his chest subconsciously. The sight of Rory, lying on this hospital bed was too much for him. She looked so small and fragile. Her hands rested over her stomach and fisted the blanket. The oxygen mask over her face made her face look even smaller.

Jess sighed and sat close to her. Rory opened her eyes and tried to talk when she saw him, but she was too weak even for that. Jess tried to smile and took one of her hands.

'It's okay.' Jess calmed her. 'Just rest now and everything will be okay.'

Rory just nodded over the pillow. Her eyes closed for a moment, but she squeezed his hand. Jess sighed and looked at her back. She did not deserve that.

'Good, I can see that you are here too Jess. Rory is going to need you!' Mel's voice surprised him and Jess turned back to look at her. She was the last person he had expected to see here. She looked at them with blank face, but her eyes betrayed her. Mel was worried.


	60. Chapter 60 Choose me

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**__**

* * *

Chapter 60**__** Choose me **_

Mel looked worried. She went to see Rory's results.

'What's wrong Mel?' Jess asked finally. His voice trembled, but he had to know. 'Why you are here? Did someone send you?'

'You don't know?' Mel tilted her head.

'What we have to know?' Jess asked carefully. He felt Rory squeezing his hand. She was scared too.

'I'm sorry, but I think that we have to perform an abortion.' Mel finally spoke. 'The infection spread…'

'No!' Rory hissed and reached trembling hand to her oxygen mask. She had strength just to pull it down. Her hand rested over her chest.

'She is pregnant?' Jess was still in shook.

'But I'm afraid that we have to perform that surgery.' Mel frowned. 'I can't see other way to stop that infection in her body.'

'No.' Rory gasped. Jess looked at her and put the respirator on her face again.

'What are you doing?' He tried to hide his fear behind his steady voice. 'You need that to help you breathe.'

Rory shook her head over the pillow and her eyes went teary. Jess swallowed hard and caressed her hair. He knew how she felt. He knew how she was feeling now. His only wish now was to know how to help her. Rory took deep breath and closed her eyes. Her hand still held his and Jess was scared to move. He sat back on his chair and looked up at Mel. His thoughts were in full mess, but he had to make sure that everything would be fine now. He had to take care of Rory.

'She had an abortion already.' He spoke quietly. 'It was the last year and she's still suffering about it.'

'That explains the internal wounds around the placenta.' Mel looked at sleeping Rory. 'The infection started from there and then it spread all over the place. I'm afraid that her life is in danger now.'

'Are you sure?' Jess rubbed his chest, trying to easier the pain there.

'If she receives new seizures it would be very dangerous for her life.'

'Can we at least think about that?' Jess ran fingers through his hair.

'You could, but we don't have much time.' Mel frowned.

'Please.' Jess' voice cracked.

'Okay – you could think about it since tomorrow morning.' Mel shook her head. 'But I think that it's too risky for her to keep the baby. It's only complicating her condition.'

'Thank you.' Jess nodded and watched her leaving the room. His eyes fell back on Rory's face. She was pale and he could see the black circles under her eyes. Then he looked down at her free hand, resting above her stomach. He felt the well-known tense in his chest again. It was too much. It was too much for her and for him in that matter.

'Jess?' Lorelai's voice surprised him and he looked at the door. Rory's mother rushed into the room and her look fell on her sleeping daughter. 'What happened?' She cried quietly.

'She collapsed in my arms when we were at the diner.' Jess whispered and rubbed his chest again.

'Is she okay now?' Lorelai took the free chair at the other side of Rory's bed.

'She is stable.' Jess shrugged and crooked his face.

'And how are you?' Lorelai stared at Jess.

'I'm good.' He answered, but his pale face said completely the opposite.

'Here.' Lorelai rummaged in her purse and Jess saw his phial with pills in her hand. 'I thought you're gonna need it.'

'Thanks.' Jess did not hesitate and took the phial. He was surprised that Lorelai had thought about him.

'You are my child too now.' She shrugged as if she had read his thoughts.

'Yeah.' Jess murmured and took his pills without water.

'So what's wrong with her?' Lorelai looked back at her daughter. 'Why's she wearing a mask? You said that she is stable!'

'She is pregnant.' Jess rubbed his chest again, but this time the pain was not so hard.

'What?' Lorelai looked shocked.

'And Mel recommends abortion.' Jess sighed.

'Why?'

'Rory has an internal infection that could cost her life.' His voice was weak.

'Oh no!' Lorelai covered her mouth. She shook her head in disbelief.

'I am afraid so.' Jess frowned. 'I wish I knew what to do now!'

'We have to think about her life. This is your answer!' Lorelai snapped.

'But I have to think about her too!' Jess frowned. 'Can you imagine how devastate she will be if she lose another child.'

'I prefer her alive, Jess!' Lorelai frowned.

'And I don't want to see her hurt again!' He hissed. 'Don't you understand? This pain could kill her!'

'I know, but…' Lorelai sighed and looked at her daughter. Rory's hands were lying above her stomach. 'Damn, you are right!'

'I don't know what to do.' Jess' voice cracked again. 'What I have to do now? What?'

Lorelai left few hours later. Jess had not moved from his place. He just looked at Rory and his thoughts were full mess again. He had to make an impossible choice. He knew that and it hurt him even more. He felt in the same way when he had to choose between Rory and Jake, when she was pregnant with him. Jess was sure that his choice would be easy now if Rory had not lost a child. But she was and that complicated situation even more. His head fell on her bed and Jess fell asleep, holding her hand.

He woke up from a scream.

'No!' It was Rory's voice and he got off his chair. Her eyes widened and she breathed heavily. Her hands grasped the blanket and she arched her body.

'Rory!' Jess screamed in panic. He hit the blue button over her bed.

'N-no!' She gasped and she looked at him. 'I… won't… ' Rory coughed and grasped his hand. 'I won't… lose this! No!'

'We have to…' Jess shook his head. 'Rory, please…'

'No!' she screamed again and her cry cut through his heart.


	61. Chapter 61 Fight for you

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**__**

* * *

Chapter 61**__** Fight for you**_

Rory woke up in a hospital room. She was confused and she still wore the respirator on her face. A slight frown passed through her face as she felt Jess' head resting his head on her bed. She had difficulties to realize what she was doing here. Then she remembered and her body stirred.

Mel had told her. She had told them about Rory's pregnancy. Then she had mentioned the abortion and Rory felt the old scare built up in her chest. Her face went blank when she thought about it. The news about her pregnancy was absolutely unbelievable. It was a shock to her and then the abortion…

Rory took a deep breath and tried to control her emotions, but it was useless. She was scared. She could tell that Jess was too, but he was good artist. Her Jess was able to do anything to protect her from suffering.

Just then, she felt it. Her face crooked and her body tensed from the pain down in her belly. She was not sure what it was, but she was sure that it was something bad. Something bad was happening with her child. Her eyes went teary with the thought that she was going to lose another baby, another piece of her heart. She was sure that this time, she would not make it.

'No!' Rory cried out when the pain became unbearable. She squeezed the blanket over her belly and her eyes widened, when she felt another throe built up inside of her stomach. It was like a beast, ruffling her insides.

'Rory!' Jess screamed in panic. He got off his chair and hit the blue button over her bed.

'N-no!' She gasped and she looked at him. 'I… won't… ' Rory coughed and grasped his hand. 'I won't… lose this! No!'

'We have to…' Jess shook his head. 'Rory, please…'

'No!' she screamed again and her cry echoed in the small room. 'No! No! No!'

Her heart ached and her whole body was in pain now. She saw the medical team rushed into the room and closed her eyes, trying to focus on something. She could not. She could think only for the baby. That was her care now

'Rory?' She saw Mel's face bent over her and forced her eyes to stay open. 'Rory, you have bled and we have to make that surgery, okay? It is necessary and…'

'No!' Rory hissed through the mask with all the strength left in her. She grabbed Mel's hand. 'Save… my baby! Now!'

'This could cost your life Rory!' Mel frowned.

'I want… my baby!' Rory moaned the last word and her body tossed on the bed. 'I want it!'

'Rory…' Mel tried again, but Rory was not able to answer. She cried out in pain and her hands dropped on the sheets at the both sides of her body. She fisted them and closed her eyes. 'Okay…' Mel sighed and that was the last thing Rory heard before she fell unconscious again.

The hardest thing was to open her eyes again. The room was quiet and she could feel Jess's hand, covering hers. Rory took a deep breath and felt the respirator on her face too. She looked around and finally met his eyes. She was afraid to ask and she was so weak that she could not even move her finger.

Jess looked bad too. His eyes stared at her with pain. His hands were holding her right one. He took a deep breath in the moment when he saw her opened her eyes. That was not a good sign. It was like the last time when he told her that he had chosen her over Jake.

'Why do you make me do this, Ror?' Jess tilted his head. 'Why?' She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. 'I know that you are scared now.' His voice was weak and Rory looked at him again. 'I know what I have to do to save you, but I can't! I know what this could cause to you and I just…' He shook his head. 'I need strength for this! I need your approval.'

Her eyes widened and Rory shook her head over the pillow. She felt tears built up in her eyes.

'Sh-sh!' Jess got off his chair and bent over her. His hand touched her face. 'I know, Ror.' He tried to smile. 'I know what you want and I'm going to do it, okay? I'm going to fight for you when you can't, so please calm down now.' He made short pause. 'You are in the second month and they will try to save the baby and you, okay?'

Rory just nodded, staring at his face. A giant relief possessed her body. Her baby was okay and they would try to save him along with her.

'I am not…' She coughed and reached out to e respirator. Jess helped her and she looked at him. 'I won't… lose it… this time.'

'We'll try Ror.' Jess smiled but she coughed again and put the respirator back on her face. She squeezed his hand.

'Please.' She uttered.

'I know.' Jess leaned and touched her forehead with his lips. Rory closed her eyes under his touch. 'I know and I'm going to fight for you!' He whispered and she heard him. Their eyes met and she was sure that he was telling her the truth.


	62. Chapter 62 No idea

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**__**

* * *

Chapter 62**__** No idea**_

When Rory received the pains again and Mel looked at him, Jess knew that he could not do it. He knew what she was asking from him, but he just could not say the words letting her do this. Jess knew that it was probably the right thing for Rory now. He knew that she was risking her own life for this child. However, he could not say the words.

'Jess!' Mel stared at him, but Jess shook his head.

'No!' He hissed. 'Do what Rory told you to do!'

'She was in delirium!'

'She wants that child!' Jess looked at the small woman in the bed. The medical team just had done with his job and now changed the sheets of her bed. Jess looked back at Mel. 'If there is any chance for that child to be saved, I want you to do it!'

'Jess, be reasonable!' Mel frowned. 'Rory has better chances with the surgery.'

'It'll break her to lose another child, don't you get it?' Jess ran fingers through his hair. 'You should've seen her when she finally admitted it to me!' He shook his head. 'She was trying to move forward, but she failed every now and then.'

'She couldn't think reasonable now.' Mel lowered her voice. 'Please, Jess! Think about the abortion! I know that it sounds bad, but…'

'I know it's the right thing! Don't you think that I don't know? Damn it!' He cursed and rubbed his chest. 'I want her to be happy and healthy! That's all I want! But I'm not the important here – she is and she wants that baby!' Jess sighed. 'Just do whatever it takes okay?'

'Okay, but we are not sure how exactly.' Mel sighed. 'Her constant fever is what concerns me.'

'I've noticed that she still has it.' Jess nodded.

'We could try with medications.' Mel looked at Rory. 'But her pregnancy is another problem here. We could start treatment, but the medications are dangerous for the baby.'

'Try it.' Jess looked at Rory too. 'Maybe we'll have luck this time.'

'We could use something to suppress possible contractions.' Mel murmured. 'It's never been used before, but I'll try.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded. 'Our children will be here soon.'

'Take it easy okay?' Mel frowned. 'She needs all the rest she could get now.'

'I will.' He nodded again and watched her leaving the room.

Rory woke up later this morning. She looked scared, but Jess calmed her that he was going to fight for her and for the baby. She calmed immediately and he was surprised how much she trusted him now. It was not like this before. It was different, but they both had changed.

Jess welcomed Lorelai and his kids an hour later. Rory had fallen asleep again. She was too tired to stay awake for too long. Therefore, when the door opened quietly and Jess saw his kids walked into the room, he just put his index finger before his lips. They all nodded. The little ones looked scared and he knelt on the ground to hug them. The twins were first.

'Hey Huns.' Jess tried to sound normally. 'You want to see mommy now?'

'Is she alright?' Jess Jr. looked at his mother.

'When she's coming home daddy?' Jane rubbed her eyes and Jess was sure that she was about to cry.

'Come.' He avoided the answer and led them to the bed. 'You could sit here in my place and keep quiet, okay?'

'Okay daddy!' The twins answered in one voice.

Jess smiled and turned around. He saw Jake holding his older sister's hand. His eyes were red and sore. He was crying. Jess took him in his arms and squeezed him tightly. He just rubbed his small back, without saying anything.

'How is she, daddy?' Ayn asked him straight and this time Jess could not lie.

'Your mother is sick, but they said that they'd try to help her.' He frowned when he felt Lorelai's look over him. 'She just need more time now.'

'Why?' Ayn asked him again. 'Why she needs more time?'

Jess bit his lower lip. He was not sure what to answer. When Rory was pregnant the last time, Ayn had not wanted the baby. Her reaction had mirrored his then. He was scared, so was she. What about now? What about this new situation? None of their children knew about the lost baby. Rory did not want them to know.

'Your mother is pregnant.' Jess finally answered. He watched Ayn's reaction. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands. 'I know that you may not be happy about it, but please…'

'No!' Ayn shook her head. 'I've learned my lesson.' She looked at Jake in Jess's arms.

Jess understood. He knew that look well enough. Ayn still felt guilty about Jake's sickness. She was convinced that part of it was her fault. It was childish thinking and Jess had tried to talk to her about this. No results.

'How is she now, Jess?' Lorelai asked with concern.

'They'll try to save the both.' He looked at Lorelai.

'Is there something you want to tell me?' Lorelai studied his face. Jess nodded and placed Jake on the ground. He ruffled his hair and nodded at his mother's bed.

'Why don't you go there and sit?' Jess smiled calmingly. 'You could touch your mommy's hand if you want to.'

'Can I?' Jake hesitated.

'Sure.' Jess looked at Ayn and she took Jake's hand. They both went close to the Rory's bed.

Jess sighed and got off the ground he nodded at Lorelai and they both went to the window. Lorelai frowned. Jess' face did not look good.

'What's wrong?' She whispered. 'There is something and you can't hide it from me.'

'I won't!' He ran fingers through his messy hair. 'Mel told me that keeping the baby could be dangerous for Rory. Mel asked me for permission to do the procedure.'

'And you agreed, right?' Lorelai looked at him, but she already knew his answer. He shook his head with frowned face. 'What? Why?' Lorelai hissed. 'You know that this could save her life!'

'I know.' Jess rubbed his eyes tiredly. 'I know also that she loves that baby!'

'But…'

'Enough!' He hissed and looked at his children. They had focused their attention over their mother. 'I'm tired and I'm scared like hell! Just get over it okay?'

'Okay.' Lorelai frowned and looked at her daughter. 'I hope you know what you're doing!'

'I have no idea!' Jess shook his head. 'I'm doing what she wants! Just hope for the best…'


	63. Chapter 63 Willing to fight

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**__**

* * *

Chapter 63**__** Willing to fight**_

Jess watched how the nurses removed Rory's respirator. Her lungs had finally gotten better. That was the first god news since she was in this hospital. Rory was sleeping again, but that was because of her medications now. Mel had started a treatment and Jess could see the results immediately. It started with removing respirator. Mel was an optimist that the fever would be over soon. Jess had seen the doubt in her eyes, but he knew the alternative. She had told him that if they performed the surgery and removed the placenta, along with the baby, Rory would get better immediately. If he had thought as a selfish man, he would allow that surgery. He knew he had the right to do that as Rory's husband. She was not in the condition of taking decisions and he had to do it.

Jess had chosen the option that Rory would choose too. He was sure of that and he was sure that this was a great risk for her. However, he was willing to do that, because of her. He had suppressed his own fears and had chosen the only right thing at the moment – saving the both.

The nurses checked Rory's vitals and then left the room. It was quiet and Jess could hear the sound of the machine following Rory's heartbeats. He sighed and sat on his place, close to her bed. She was sleeping peacefully and her breathing was normal and steady. A light smile appeared on his face. Rory had told him that he was the fighter in their family. He was willing to disagree – she was the one. She was the fighter, because she never stopped fighting.

He rubbed his tired eyes and looked at the clock, hung on the wall. It was little after 8 PM and he was already sleepy. Jess frowned and looked back at Rory. The time here was frozen. He had not seen daylight since the moment he had entered here with her.

'Jess?' She whispered and that launched him off the chair.

'I'm here.' He whispered back and saw her open her eyes. She frowned and looked around with confusion. Then she reached out and touched her face.

'What happened?' She looked at him.

'You don't need the respirator anymore.' He buried fingers into her hair.

'And I think I'm little stronger than before.' Rory tried to smile.

'Yeah.' He tried too.

'And… ' her eyes widened and her hand fell on her stomach. 'You kept your word, right? There was no surgery?'

'I'm keeping my word, Ror.' Jess covered her hand. 'You have to relax now. That's all we need from you.'

'We?' She shifted over the bed.

'Yeah, we.' Jess leaned and touched her lips with his. 'Our family. The kids were here to see you yesterday.'

'Oh.' This time she smiled for real. 'And how are they? Jake is good, isn't he?'

'Jake is good.' Jess nodded. He did not tell her about his crisis when she was in the emergency. Rory did not need that now. 'He is doing great. The Huns were little scared, but you know them – they just needed to touch you and felt better.'

'You're keep calling them the Huns.' Rory tilted her head.

'Because they are, Ror.' Jess crooked his face and that brought another smile on her face. 'Ayn was here too and I have to say that I'm proud of our daughter. She was so cool and took care of her brothers and sister.'

'She said something about this baby?' Rory whispered and Jess sighed. He knew what she was thinking.

'She said that she is happy for it.' He answered, looking her straight at her eyes. 'She said that she would love it as she love her other brothers and sister.'

'You are telling me the truth right?' Rory frowned.

'Sure I am.' Jess smiled. 'I wouldn't lie for such thing.'

'Okay.' Rory sighed. 'That's good.'

'You have to sleep now. Don't get too tired!'

'Not before you're telling me about the prognoses!' Rory yawned, but tried to stay focus. 'I want to know the truth!'

'Okay.' Jess sighed and his hand touched her face. 'Mel will try a special treatment to control the infection and make sure that everything with the baby is okay.'

'Is it safe?' She looked worried.

'This is the only alternative, Ror.' Jess did not want to lie to her. 'Mel said that she would prefer the other treatment.'

'No!' Her eyes widened and she grasped the blanket over her stomach. 'I want to keep that baby! I don't want that surgery!'

'I know! I know! Just calm down now, okay?' He rubbed her arm calmingly. 'You wanted to know the truth and I just told you the truth.'

'Okay.' She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 'I'll do anything just to keep that baby safe!'

'Sh-sh.' His voice was like a caress. 'Just sleep and relax now. I am here and I will keep my promise. You sleep and get better.'

'Okay.' She smiled and nodded at him to com closer. Jess did that and she took his face between her palms. 'Thank you for being here.' She whispered and gave him a kiss. It was tender and full of love. When he pulled back, Rory just smiled and closed her eyes again. She fell asleep, holding his hand.

Jess gritted his teeth not to scream. He was too emotional these days and this was too much for him. He was not like this before. His heart had closed and he did not let anyone in. He had opened it just once – for Rory. Jess had suffered enough after that, but when he had came back in Stars Hollow and had seen Rory again, he knew that he had no other choice but to do it again. His life was complete after that. Jess had understood that loving someone was not a weakness. It was strength. He was strong now, because he loved. He loved Rory and their family. They were his world and he was willing to fight for them.

Mel showed with the results on the next morning. Rory was sleeping, but Jess was awake. He stared at Mel with hope in his eyes.


	64. Chapter 64 Some good news

_**Chapter 64 Some good news**_

Jess looked at Mel. He could read her face and now she was worried. She had not had different face since the moment they had chosen to proceed without the surgery. He sighed and looked back at Rory.

'What now?' His voice was quiet.

'So far so good.'

'Then what is the problem now?'

'Well, the temperature is dropping and her vitals seem good.' Mel shrugged. 'We have to check the baby now. '

'You are worrying about the baby?' Jess shot her a look.

'I'm worrying in general, but I want to check the baby later today. Just to be sure.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded.

'And you could use some sleep you know?'

'I'm fine.' Jess snapped. 'Just tell me when you're going to be here.'

'Around noon.' Mel sighed. 'I don't want to wake her now.'

'Okay then.' Jess nodded and looked back at Rory. He heard the door closed after Mel and sighed tiredly. He could only hope that Rory's results were good this time. She deserved that and it was about time for them to receive some good news.

Jess looked at the small bed close to Rory's. He had not slept well last night. His nightmares kept haunting him. Jess had to admit that Mel was right. He did not look good. Rory would worry about him if she saw him in this way. Jess hesitated but finally took the bed. He closed his eyes and fell asleep from the moment his head touched the pillow.

Rory sighed in her dream and her eyes fluttered open. She looked around the room and saw Jess sleeping on the other bed. She would smile if she could. He looked like a boy now. Rory sighed again and her hand lay over her stomach. He had spent the whole night awake and close to her. Rory knew him well enough to know that. Jess always put her before him. She had tried to talk to him about that, but Jess refused to listen.

He looked tired now and the black circles under his eyes were visible. But he was here and he was keeping his promise. Rory was surprised how much he was changed. When she was pregnant with Jake, Jess was afraid of losing her. He had chosen her over his son. Now he was scared again. This time, however was different. He had put her wishes before his. Rory could only imagine what that had cost to him. But he was here and he was with her. She was sure that everything would be different without him around.

Rory sighed and closed her eyes again. She was constantly tired. Jess had told her that was from her new medicine. They were trying to fight with the infection and keeping the baby. A light smile appeared on her face. She was trying to stay calm and being realist. But the baby, grown inside of her womb made her feel happy again. She was scared and she was afraid to believe still, but that baby brought her smile.

'This time would be different.' She whispered with closed eyes. Her hand slid over her stomach. 'I'll protect you and I'll keep you safe.'

She smiled once again.

'Rory?' The sound of his voice made her open her eyes again. Rory saw him bent over her. 'You have to wake up now.' Jess touched her hair.

'Wake up?' She looked at him with confusion.

'Yeah.' He smiled. 'It's almost noon already.'

'Oh.' She yawned. 'I must've fallen asleep again.'

'You were awake?' Jess looked surprised.

'Yeah and I saw you sleeping.' She nodded.

'Okay.' Jess looked at the door and then back at her. 'Mel is here to check our baby.'

'Why?' Her eyes widened. 'Is it something wrong?'

'No and calm down.' He tried to calm her. 'She just want to see it, okay?'

'Okay.' Rory nodded and Jess stepped aside to make a room for the ultrasound machine. They could not move Rory now. She had not had contractions since two days and Mel had taken that as a good sign.

'Hey Rory!' She smiled brightly and prepared her for the ultrasound. 'I'm glad to see that you are smiling again.'

'If my baby is fine…' Rory shrugged lightly.

'Okay – here let me see now.' Mel took squirmed some gel onto Rory's stomach and took the affix. She moved it and watched the monitor closely. Her face had not changed. She had focused and moved the affix slowly. 'Good!' She said at the end and Rory released her breath. 'We have some progress here.'

'That's good.' Jess answered from the other side of the bed.

'I think we should proceed with the treatment.' Mel nodded and cleaned Rory's stomach. She helped her with her hospital nightgown and the blanket. 'The baby looks fine after the new medications.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded. 'Can I ask something?'

'Sure.' Mel nodded.

'You said that I'm in the middle of my second month. Why I don't have a morning sickness?'

'Because of the meds.' Mel smiled. 'Once we stopped them, you will.'

'Oh.' Rory shrugged. 'Not that I'm complaining or anything. I just want to know.'

'You just relax and let us help you, okay?' Mel touched her shoulder and left the room. She took the ultrasound machine with her and closed the door.

'I'll do anything to keep it safe.' Rory murmured.

'I know, Ror.' Jess rubbed her arm.

'I felt the same pains the last time.' Rory bit her lower lip.

'What?'

'When I was in New York.' She tried to control her breathing. 'When I… lost…'

'Sh-sh!' Jess leaned and kissed her forehead. She had lost the battle with her tears. 'It's okay now.'

'But it was not then and I…' Rory sighed. 'I wish I was more careful…'

'It wasn't your fault okay?' He tried to soothe her. 'You are safe now. I'm here with you.'

'I know.' Rory nodded and looked at his eyes. 'I know you are here and I thank you for it!'

'I love you.' Jess smiled. 'I have no other choice.'

'I'm tired.' Rory yawned again.

'I know.' Jess nodded and caressed her face. 'Sleep now.'

She gave him another smiled and closed her eyes again. Jess sat back on his chair with a tired sigh. He looked at her pale face. She was a fighter; he had to admit that once again. Rory was strong when she had to and Jess respected her for it. He ran fingers through his hair.

'I think you need some serious break!' Luke's voice echoed from the door and Jess snapped his head up.

'Uncle Luke?' He said with surprise. 'What are you doing here?'

'I got better and came here to visit you.' His uncle walked into the room.

'I'm fine.' Jess snapped.

'Yeah.' Luke rolled his eyes. 'I can see.'


	65. Chapter 65 Just fine

_**Chapter 65**__** Just fine**_

Luke opened the hospital door quietly. He saw his nephew sat by Rory's bed and held her hand. He held back a sigh. Jess had not changed at all. Luke had watched him these past few years. Jess was devoted to his family. Yeah, he was a successful writer. He could be anywhere he wanted. He could be anything he wanted. But Jess had chosen this life over his career. He had chosen the family life. Luke had thought that his nephew was a lost cause. When he was younger, Jess was full mess. He was so confused and Luke could not blame him. Liz was not the mother Jess deserved it. Jimmy was not beside his son. Jess had played the role of the parent over his mother. She had not given him the opportunity to be a child. But Jess had learned from that. His children had a great family. Even when Jess and Rory had problems, they always managed to make it through. The reason was simple – they loved each other and their children could feel it.

Jess ran fingers through his hair and Luke had the opportunity to see his profile. Jess looked tired. His face was pale and the black circles under his eyes were visible. Luke sighed and shook his head. If he knew his nephew well, Luke would say that he had not slept at all.

'I think you need some serious break!' Luke's voice echoed from the door and Jess snapped his head up.

'Uncle Luke?' He said with surprise. 'What are you doing here?'

'I got better and came here to visit you.' His uncle walked into the room.

'I'm fine.' Jess snapped.

'Yeah.' Luke rolled his eyes. 'I can see.'

Jess frowned and Luke prepared to fight. Jess was as stubborn as he was sometimes.

'I'm fine!' Jess furrowed his eyebrows. 'I'm taking my pills regularly! Never miss a doze!'

'That's good.' Luke took the other chair, at the other side of the bed. 'But did you sleep… I mean at all?'

'Yes.' Jess clenched his jaw. 'I'm sleeping enough, why?'

'You look like crap.' Luke tilted his head.

'Why don't you ask me about her?' Jess nodded at Rory. She was sleeping and he could see her steady breathing. 'She is in the hospital. Her life was in danger and I'm not sure if it's not still.' His voice cracked.

'I know she is fine. Her mother told me.' Luke still looked at his nephew.

'Mel was here today.' Jess looked at his uncle. 'She checked the baby with the ultrasound.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. She said it's fine for now and the infection did not hurt it.' Jess skipped a beat. 'For now.'

'I thought that she was a pessimist since from the beginning.' Luke frowned. 'Are you too?'

'I'm just hoping for the best.' Jess shrugged.

'Jess…'

'What?' Jess scowled. 'You know me well, right? You know what I think! But this is not me – this is Rory. She would be devastated if she lost another baby! As long as it concerns me – I won't let that happen!'

'I know how much you love Rory, Jess.' Luke frowned. 'I know that you can't watch her suffer. But you have to think about for yourself. You have to be strong…'

'I am strong!' Jess snapped. He saw Rory shifted in her bed and nodded at the door. His uncle followed him outside of the room. 'Why you are here now?' Jess crossed arms before his chest.

'I just wanted to make sure that you are ok.' Luke frowned. 'The funny part was that I knew you are not!'

'Stop talking bullshit now!' Jess snarled. 'You were sure that I'm not okay? Then why are you even bother to come here at all?'

'Jess.' Luke did not yell. He could and he had done that before. Now he knew that this behavior was just self-defending mechanism. Jess used it when he was scared of something. He just did not want to look weak. He hated that. Luke knew that now.

'What?' Jess clenched his jaw.

'I know that you are afraid.' Luke spoke quietly. 'I know that you are scared of losing Rory.'

'But…'

'You have to understand that…'

'Jess!' Rory's scream made Jess rushed back in the room. He saw her clutch her stomach. Her body tossed over the bed.

'It's okay!' Jess hit the blue button over the bed. 'It's okay Ror! Just hold on!'

'No!' She bit her lower lip and her eyes widened. 'Not again! No!'

Jess could not say a word more. The medical team rushed into the room and he had to step aside. Just then, he collapsed into his uncle hands. The last thing he saw was Rory and her haggard face. Then was nothing.

When he opened his eyes and looked around the room, he saw Luke sat close to his bed. Jess tried to sit, but Luke just pushed him to lie back.

'She is fine, don't worry.' He frowned. 'You need some rest!'

'She is fine?' Jess threw a look to Rory's bed. She was sleeping. 'And…'

'They saved the baby too.' Luke whispered. 'Mel was here and said that she wants to talk with you about that.'

'I'm not letting that abortion!' Jess frowned. 'She asked me and I said no!'

'It's not about that.' Luke crooked his face. 'She said that she needed your agreement for some kind of treatment.'

'Oh…' Jess looked at his uncle.

'Yeah.'


	66. Chapter 66 Observations

_**Chapter 66**__** Observations **_

When Jess collapsed in his arms, Luke was not surprised. Something was telling him that Jess was on the verge of his physical and emotional strength. Rory's new crisis was the last thing that pushed him over the edge. When they told Luke that Jess is fine and then had confirmed the same about Rory, he was glad.

Now Jess was looking at him with concern. Luke knew that he was worrying about Rory. Yeah, he was worrying about his baby but Rory was first to him. She always came first.

'What treatment?' Jess frowned and sat on the bed. His uncle could not stop him this time. 'She told you something specific?'

'No.' Luke shook his head. 'She said that she had to talk with you.'

'Okay.' Jess sighed and ran fingers through his hair. 'How is Rory? Was there any bleed? Something…'

'There was not any bleed, Jess.' Luke tilted his head. 'Mel said that it was good.'

'Of course.' Jess nodded.

'Rory asked for you.' Luke shrugged. 'After her crisis.'

'What?' Jess' eyes widened. 'And she saw me like this?'

'Jess…'

'You told her that I'm fine, right?' He looked at Rory. She was sleeping. 'She doesn't have to worry about me. It's bad for her.'

'I know and Mel told her that you are alright. You just need some rest Jess.' Luke frowned. 'It's not all about the pills, okay? You have to calm down now and have to relax.'

'How I have to relax when she is here?' Jess hissed. 'You are crazy to think that!'

'And you are crazy for not thinking of yourself!' Luke snapped. 'Look at you?'

'What?'

'You want to take care of Rory? Take care of yourself too! She needs you healthy and in one piece!'

'I know!'

'Sometimes I doubt you know that!' Luke rolled his eyes. 'You are too busy thinking for her!'

'I know but can you blame me?' Jess frowned. 'She is too fragile now. I can't stand to look at her so weak.'

'She will be fine!' Luke rubbed Jess' arm. 'You know that.'

'I don't know anything!' Jess shook his head. 'I wish I do!'

The door opened and Jess saw Mel walk into the room. She looked at Rory and then her look fell on him.

'You are awake.' She smiled. 'That's good. We have to talk.'

'Sure.' Jess nodded seriously. He looked at his uncle and Luke nodded. He left the room. 'Now we could talk.'

'Okay.' Mel sat on the chair. 'You know that Rory had pains. It would be a lie if I had told you that I hadn't expected that.'

'You did?'

'Yes.' Mel nodded. 'I knew that it was some kind of a risk.'

'But she is fine now?' Jess wanted to be sure.

'She is fine.' Mel smiled. That was a good sign in Jess' eyes. She had not smiled since the moment of Rory's arrival here. Now she smiled again. 'We changed her medications and I think you can take her home after few days.'

'Home?' Jess frowned. 'Are you sure? My Uncle told me that you wanted to talk with me for a different treatment.'

'Yes.' Mel turned serious again. 'I have to give you a prescription about her. She would be on a special died from now to the end of her pregnancy. Then again – she has to take her pills regularly and she has to rest more. I think we controlled the infection so there are no problems there.'

'Except her other problem?' Jess sighed.

'Yeah, but you have to be prepared for that. You know what to do.'

'Yeah I know.' Jess released a thin crooked smile. 'I have to make her calm and I have to make her keep the bed.'

'Something, like that.' Mel nodded. 'Now, I have to warn you that she'll receive her morning sickness as soon as we stop her IV.'

'Okay.'

'I'm only telling you this not to worry about.' Mel shrugged and got off her chair. 'Now relax. She'll sleep through the rest of the night.'

'Thanks Mel.' Jess nodded.

When Luke walked in, he saw his nephew already slept. He smiled and left the room. Lorelai was waiting for him at home.

She woke up from a nice touch over her face. Rory opened her eyes and saw Jess stood beside her bed. He was smiling. That made her smile too. She sighed.

'Hey.' She greeted him.

'Hey you.' He answered and leaned to kiss her. 'You scared me yesterday.'

'You too.' She frowned. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah.' Jess nodded. 'I just needed some rest.'

'Sure?'

'Sure.' He smiled again.

'And you're smiling?' She shifted her head.

'And I'm smiling.' Jess buried fingers in her hair. 'Mel says that you and the baby are fine. We can get back home soon.'

'Really?' Rory gasped with a smile on her face. 'Don't lie to me, just to make me feel better!'

'I'm not lying.' Jess shook his head. 'We are going home soon.'

'That's great news!'

'I know.' Jess nodded. 'You just have to take some pills and keep the bed most of the time.'

'I will!' Rory nodded. 'Oh Jess! We did it!'

'Yeah.' He smiled again. We did it!'

'I can't wait to see my kids now.' Rory sniffed. 'I miss them already.'

'Same here.' Jess wrinkled his nose.

'And… Mel.' Rory looked back at him. 'She told you something about the infection? Why I had pains last night?'

'She said that was from medication.' Jess buried fingers in her hair. 'They changed it and now everything is okay. The infection is almost cured.'

'So the baby…'

'The baby is out of danger.' Jess blinked at her.

'That's good.' Rory sighed with relief.

'It is.' Jess nodded.


	67. Chapter 67 Smile again

_**Chapter 67**__** Smile again**_

She had to learn how to walk again.

It was a painful process. Because of her long sojourn in the hospital bed, Rory had weakness in her legs. Jess helped her walk through the room and made a joke about the time when she had to help him walk again. His words distracted her from the pain in her knees and she smiled bravely.

Jess did not allow her long time on her feet. He thought that fifteen minutes were enough. Rory did not want to disagree with him. She knew that he was still scared for her. If she had to be honest, she was scared too. However, Mel had told them that Rory was fine and the baby was out of danger. Well, according to the infection. Rory knew that she still had her previous condition. It was not something that she wanted to have. It was just something in her body. She could not help by any other ways except to hope for the best.

They were home a week later.

When the car stopped in front of their house, Rory felt a smile appeared on her face.

'Good thing that we made the extension of the house, huh?' Jess touched her thigh and Rory smiled to him.

'Yeah.' She nodded and undid her seatbelt.

'Now this little one would have its own room.' Jess rubbed her stomach and Rory covered his hand. She smiled and her smile made him smile too. 'What?'

'I'm just… Thank you!' She leaned and gave him a kiss.

'Hey. This is my child too.' Jess winked at her and then helped her got out of the car. 'Finally home huh?' he asked as they took the stairs.

'Finally home.' Rory sighed as they opened the door.

'SURPRISE!' A choir of childish voices welcomed them. They saw a transparent above the fireplace '_Welcome home mommy!' _.

'Oh!' Rory succeeded to say and then her children ran to her. She knelt on the ground just in time to embrace the twins and Jake. She kissed their small heads and enjoyed at their laugh.

'Nice to see you home!' Luke came closer to Jess and tapped his shoulder. 'You are good?'

'Yeah I am.' Jess nodded. He looked at Ayn. 'How are you, princess?'

'You like the surprise daddy?' She asked him instead and her eyes glowed. 'I made it!'

'You made it?' Jess hugged his daughter. 'It's so nice!'

'We helped her!' The Twins squealed in one voice.

'Good for you!' Jess knelt and hugged his children. It was always good when he hugged them. They brought him some sense of familiarity. That was the warmest and fuzziest feeling he had ever felt.

'I helped too.' Jake called him. Jess released the twins and looked at his younger son. 'I put the red color!'

'You put the red color?' Jess ruffled his hair and hugged him briefly. 'Good boy!'

'He was!' Lorelai added and came closer to her daughter. 'How are you hun? Feeling good?'

'Yeah.' Rory smiled tiredly. 'I'm fine, just a little dizzy.'

'You want to lie down?' Her mother rubbed her back. 'If you feel tired…'

'No.' Rory smiled again. 'I could sit though.'

'Sure.' Lorelai helped her to the sofa.

'You want something, mom?' Ayn came closer.

'A glass of water would be nice sweetie.' Rory tilted her head.

'Okay.' Ayn smiled and hid in the kitchen. She was more than happy to obligate.

'How are you feeling?' Jess sat beside her and Rory leaned her head to his shoulder. He rubbed her back.

'It's good to be home.' Rory looked at him. 'Where are the little ones?'

'Upstairs.' Jess smirked. 'It's time for them to go to bed.'

'And they did it just like that?' She sounded surprised.

'I promised to check on them later.' He kissed her temple. 'And I promised that their mommy would come with me.'

'Ah.' Rory smiled. 'Now I get it.'

'I knew it.' He winked at her.

'Here is the water mom.' Ayn handed her the full glass. 'You want something else?'

'Sure.' Rory took a sip and spread her arms. 'Come here!'

Ayn hesitated, but then hugged her mother.

'I missed you mom.' She whispered and Rory suppressed her happy tears. Ayn did not have to see her cry.

'I missed you too sweetie!' Rory rubbed her back.

It was overwhelmingly good evening. Rory felt good but she was not strong enough. Therefore, she had to go on her bed earlier than she wanted. She checked her children first and just after that, she was calm enough to lie in her own bed.

'Tired?' Jess slipped beside of her and took her in his arms.

'Yeah.' Rory murmured. 'But this is the first night that I'm gonna spend in your arms from a long time.'

'Then you have to be calm enough.' Jess kissed the back of her head and she snuggled in him.

'When I'm with you.' She mumbled sleepily.

'Yeah I know the feeling.' Jess whispered and placed his hand on her belly. Rory rubbed his arm and they both fell asleep.

The next morning was the first one when Rory received her morning sickness. Jess woke up from the feeling that he was alone in the bed. His eyes snapped open and he heard strange noises from the bathroom. He sighed and sat on the bed. Rory showed up a minute later. Her face was pale and she slipped back in the bed.

'I hate that part of the pregnancy.' She snuggled in him.

'It'll pass quickly.' He rubbed her arm.

'I know and I'm glad that we kept this baby.' She made a short pause. 'I'm glad that I can smile again.'


	68. Chapter 68 I will try

_**Chapter 68**__** I will try **_

Rory felt calm.

It was the first time after her sojourn at the hospital. Her home and her family helped her feel better. She had her morning sickness but she did not complain. That meant that her baby was fine and developed well. Jess and their children were constantly around her. Jess even joked with her that she could get tired of them. Rory laughed and shook her head in denial. They were the only people that could make her feel better. And she was.

Lane came to visit her later the same week. Jess was napping and Rory was downstairs watching TV. When the doorbell rang and Rory opened the door, she saw her friend stood before her.

'Lane?' She smiled and hugged her. Lane hugged her back and Rory stepped aside so she could walk in the house. 'What are you doing here?'

'I thought that it's about time.' Lane shrugged and sat on the sofa. Rory sat close to her friend. 'How are you? Your mom told me that you're home and I was eager to see you!'

'Oh.' Rory smiled again. 'I'm here since Monday.'

'It is good to hear that Ror.' Lane nodded.

'Yeah.' Rory shrugged. 'My doctor assured me that the baby and I are fine.'

'Your baby?' Lane looked at her with surprise.

'I'm three months pregnant.' Rory placed trembled hand over her stomach. 'That's why I passed out. I've had an infection that threatened my life and the life of my baby.'

'But you are fine now?' Lane looked at her carefully.

'Only if I'm careful.' Rory rubbed her still flat stomach.

'You will.' Lane touched Rory's arm. 'I'm sure.' She made a short pause. 'How is Jess dealing with this?'

'I'm worrying about him.' Rory answered seriously. 'You know that he always put me on first. When I received the last contractions I saw him passed out.' She closed her eyes for a moment. 'The doctors assured me that he is okay.'

'But?'

'But I know that he is not fully recovered from his injury.' She shook her head. 'I'm scared that something could happen to him because of me.'

'You don't have to think about that.' Lane said. 'I'm sure that Jess knows what he's doing.'

'He was beside my hospital bed 24/7.' Rory looked at her friend. 'I doubt he even slept enough. This is no good for him.'

'He loves you, Ror.' Lane nodded. 'It's normal to care about you.'

'Mommy! Mommy!' Jake ran down the staircase. Rory frowned.

'Slow down, hun!' She looked at him. 'You know that you don't have to run.'

'Sorry, mommy.' He slowed down. 'You're not mad?'

'No.' Rory smiled. 'Come here.' She patted the place beside of her. Jake took it. She saw that he held his color book and his pencils. 'You wanna draw?'

'Can I do it here?' He looked at her and Rory ruffled his hair.

'Sure honey.' She kissed the top of his head and Jake grinned.

'He is so cute.' Lane sighed.

'He took it from Jess.' Rory looked at his friend and saw her laughed quietly. 'What?' She frowned. 'What is so funny?'

'You just told me that Jess is cute.' Lane could not stop laughing. 'He is not cute Rory.'

'Jake, cover your ears honey.' Rory smiled at her son. He looked at her strangely but he listened to her. 'My husband is damn cute, Lane!' Rory snapped. Then she touched Jake's hands. 'It's okay now honey.'

Jake shrugged and continued with his drawings.

'You are so in love girl.' Rory shook her head.

'Gee, you think?' Rory rolled her eyes. 'I'm Jess's wife and we have four and a half kids…'

'I get the point.' Lane laughed again.

'What point?' They heard Jess's voice and saw him walked into the room.

'You are cute dude.' Lane informed him seriously and saw his terrified look towards Rory.

'Please tell me she's joking.'

'You have to see your face now!' Lane laughed and Rory shook her head.

'Ha-ha! Very funny!' Jess crooked his face and hid into the kitchen.

'He is so sensitive.' Lane lowered her voice.

'Just shut it down, okay?' Rory shrugged with a light smile.

'You better.' Jess walked out of the kitchen. He was drinking water. 'I'm going to work now.' He leaned and kissed Rory. 'I got the inspiration.'

'Can I come with you daddy?' Jake looked up at him.

'Sure.' Jess ruffled his hair. 'Grab your pencils.'

Jake did not need second invitation. He took his stuffs and ran upstairs.

'You have to talk to him about his running.' Rory frowned and looked up at Jess. 'You know that he can't do that. He'll listen to you.' She saw him frowned and touched his temple. 'Don't tell me you have a headache now!'

'Just a little.' He leaned and kissed her again. 'Don't worry. I have to go now. Bye Lane!' He nodded and walked out of the room. Rory followed him with concerned look.

'His headaches are never little ones!' She murmured.

'Hey!' Lane touched her arm. 'You have to trust him! I know that it is strange, coming from me. But you have to trust Jess now and take care of yourself, Rory! You have to be careful and you know it!'

'I know.' She placed one of her hands on her stomach. 'He told me the same but I can't stop worry about him Lane!'

'I can see that, but please try.' Lane looked at Rory. 'Jess would appreciate it if you are healthy. Then he does not have to worry about him and you do not have to worry about him. It's a win-win situation.'

'I'll try.' Rory released a thin smile. 'I'll try for him.' She rubbed her stomach. 'I'll try.'


	69. Chapter 69 First moves

_**A/N:**_

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 69**__** First moves **_

It was June.

Rory marked another day in her small calendar. She kept it in her nightstand and marked every day of her pregnancy. It was another day and it was another small win for her and her baby. It was still here and it was still safe inside of her. She sighed and leaned her head on the headboard. Jess was downstairs and their kids were at school. The house was quiet and Rory closed her eyes with pleasure. She loved her children, but sometimes she needed some quiet time for herself.

'Here you go mommy!' Rory opened her eyes and saw Jess balanced with the full tray. He had brought her a breakfast. Rory had to lie down more, he had insisted. Her walks around the house were minimal. Jess was very strict about that. 'What is that frown now?' He placed the tray over her thighs. 'You are upset about something?'

'No.' Rory shook her head and took a muffin from her plate. She took a bit and chewed carefully. Her lack of appetite was concerning, but today was the first day without her morning sickness. She felt kind of lucky. 'Why?'

'I saw your face.' Jess shrugged and sat close to her. He watched her ate her breakfast.

'I was thinking about the baby.' Rory shrugged.

'What about it?'

'I'm just happy to have it.' She chewed her last muffin and then she took the glass with her orange juice. 'There was a time when I doubt it.'

'I know.' Jess took the tray from her legs and placed it on his nightstand. Rory took a sip and then looked at him. 'I have to be honest that I've had doubts too.'

'Back in the hospital?' She placed her glass on her nightstand.

'Yeah.' Jess wrapped his arm around her shoulders and Rory leaned on him. 'I thought that I was going to lose you. But then I thought how devastated you'd be if you lost that one too.'

'So you suppressed your own fears because of me?' Rory whispered. She felt him rubbed her arm.

'I had to!' Jess shrugged.

'You are growing up my boy.' Rory laughed quietly.

'What is that supposed to mean?' Jess sounded grumpy.

'I've never thought that you could be so grown up!' She looked up at his face. 'I think that you are a perfect man now! My perfect man!'

'Who? Me?' Jess smiled and kissed her forehead. 'I'm the bad boy! I'm not the perfect guy.'

'What example you'd give to your sons?' Rory teased him. 'They have to be gentlemen.'

'No way!' Jess frowned. 'They have to respond to the challenge, whatever it may comes. Being gentlemen is not good. I don't want them to become sissy boys, please!'

'Right, so they have to be hoodlums like their father?' Rory rose up her eyebrows.

'Girls like the hoodlums.' Jess released his crooked smile. 'Just look at you.'

'What do you think about this one?' Rory rested her hand on her stomach. It was slightly protuberant already. She was in her fourth month. 'Is it a boy or a girl?'

'I don't care as long as it strong and healthy.' Jess shrugged and kissed her lips. 'It was little unexpected, but it was nice surprise. You needed it!'

'Yeah.' Rory rubbed her stomach. 'Yeah, I needed it.'

'I'm glad.' Jess spoke seriously. 'I thought that you're gonna be depressed for the rest of your life! I was worried and pissed that I couldn't help you get through this.'

'I know, but… I'm fine now.' She smiled and her hand touched his face. 'I really am and all thanks to you!'

'Thanks to you too.' Jess shrugged. 'I just help a bit.'

'You fought for us!'

'I'd do that anytime!'

'I know.' Rory smiled but then she saw him touched his temple and frowned. 'Again?'

'I'm fine! I was to see my doctor. He told me that I have to pass through this.' Jess shrugged again. 'It's a small prize.'

'Come on!' Rory patted her lap. 'Lie down!'

Jess sighed and listened to her. He could not disagree with her these days. From the moment his head touched her lap, Jess felt her hands buried into his hair. It was a nice feeling. It was always a nice feeling. She knew where to touch him and he could almost forget about his pain. Her soft fingers massaged his scalp and brought nice feeling down on his spine. He groaned with pleasure and heard her quiet laugh.

'You're gonna spoil on me.' Jess murmured.

'It's my pleasure.' Rory laughed. She ran fingers through his hair again. 'You're gonna be my spoilt boy!'

'Mh-mm.' He mumbled.

'Oh!' She exclaimed with surprise and made him alert. He popped up on his elbow and looked at her.

'Rory?' His eyes were full of concern. 'What's wrong? Is there any pain or…'

'The baby moved.' Rory pressed her hand to her stomach and a light smile appeared on her face. Her eyes glowed. 'It moved Jess!'

'Are you sure?' His heart pounded. 'You could've confused…'

'No!' She reached out and touched his hand. 'You could feel it!'

Jess just shook his head and did something different. He pressed his head to her stomach and his hands lay at the both sides of her waist. He waited and just then, he could feel it.

'It moved.' He whispered and felt her hands buried into his hair. 'Hello little one!'

'I told you!' Her voice cracked. 'Oh, Jess…'

'Sh-sh.' He whispered and looked up to her. 'Just smile and be happy now.'

'I am.' Rory sighed and smiled through tears. 'I am…'


	70. Chapter 70 Under control

_**A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you for your support in this story! Enjoy at the new chapter and get prepared for the new drama coming!  
**_

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 70**__** Under control **_

Rory was fine. She was in her fourth month and she looked good. It was not as good as Jess wanted her to be, but it was good enough. She felt little stronger than before and she insisted to make small rounds around the house. Their children helped her. Jess had talked to them one night. He remembered the time when Rory was pregnant with the twins. He had talked with Ayn then and she had understood him.

'Gather here!' He clapped with hands as they walked into Ayn's room. The small kids jumped on the bed. Ayn took the chair and Jess preferred to stand still. 'Okay people. I need your help.'

'You need our help daddy?' Jess Jr. looked at him. His hazel eyes glowed.

'That's cool!' Jane added.

'Yeah.' Jess smiled. 'It is cool and we have to help mommy, okay?'

'Okay!' Everybody nodded. Jess threw a look to Ayn, but she looked serious. 'You know that your mommy was very sick, right?' Jess proceeded carefully. He looked at Jake. His son was calm for now. 'The reason is that your mommy will have a new baby.'

'A new baby?' Jane's eyes widened. 'Is that makes me a big sister?'

'And me – a big brother.' Jess Jr. nodded and his eyes glowed.

'And I'm not gonna be the smaller one anymore?' Jake smiled. 'That's cool!'

'Yeah.' Jess could not help but smile too. The reaction was better than he was expected. 'But we have to take care for mommy now, okay? She needs all of us to help her until the baby is here.'

'Okay daddy!' Jake nodded.

'Good!' Jess nodded. 'Since your mommy has to spend more of her time in the bed, we could help her feel better and we don't have to upset her!'

The kids nodded seriously and after few minutes of happy squealing went to play in their rooms. Jess looked at Ayn. She had not talked through the whole time.

'I'm fine.' Ayn answered as if she had read his thoughts.

'You are like me and when you keep silence like this, there is something!' Jess crossed arms before his chest. 'So let's hear it now and don't try to lie to me.'

'Fine!' Ayn sighed. 'I'm scared.'

'We all are, princess.' Jess spoke carefully. 'You know about your mother.'\

'I know and that's why I'm like this.' She shrugged.

'Look, Ayn…' Jess hesitated but finally sat on her bed and decided to be honest with her. 'You remember the time when your mother and I fought and she was all sad?'

'Yeah.' Ayn frowned. 'It was before the plane crash.'

'Yeah, it was before that.' Jess rubbed his eyes. 'I'm not sure if I have to tell you this, but there was a reason for her to be like this. She was sad and she was hurt then. I just… I didn't know and she didn't tell me.'

'What happened daddy?' Ayn looked concerned.

'Your mother was pregnant and lost the baby in New York.' Jess finally spoke. 'She hid that from me, cos she thought that she would hurt me, but she only hurt herself more with this. I could've helped her get through this if she had told me. She didn't and…'

'She was sad and angry at herself?' Ayn looked sad too. 'And I yelled at her!'

'No! No!' Jess shook his head. 'I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I'm just wanted you to understand how important this pregnancy is for her.' Jess reached out and touched Ayn's arm. 'I'm just asking you to be careful and act like you're acting now. I'm so proud of you Ayn!'

'You are?' Her eyes glowed.

'Yeah.' Jess nodded with a smile and got off the bed. 'I maybe not telling you that enough, but I am proud of you. You are my help here. Look how you care about your brothers and sister. Just by doing that, you're helping at your mother and me.'

'Thank you daddy.' Ayn smiled shyly.

'Okay.' Jess coughed. 'I have to go and see your mother.'

'And I have to finish my homework.' Ayn nodded at her laptop.

'You need help?'

'Are you okay daddy?' She teased him and Jess frowned.

'Ha-ha, very funny!' Then he smiled. 'Okay, finish your homework then.'

'Thank you!' She giggled and Jess shook his head.

Rory was sleeping. Jess saw that in the moment he opened the door of their bedroom. He had not lied when he had told to his children that she needed more rest. Rory looked a way better than she looked in the hospital. Her face had its color now. She had not had contractions since then and her morning sickness was over. However, Jess wished that she could have her appetite back. In spite her belly; she looked skinner. Jess was concerned.

He sighed and sat on her side of the bed. She slept with her face to the window. Her hand rested on her belly over the blanket. Jess smiled and stroked her hair. Rory sighed in her dream and her eyes opened. She smiled in the moment she saw him bent over her.

'Hey.' She whispered sleepily.

'Hey you.' Jess touched her face. 'I'm sorry I wake you.'

'No, it's okay.' Rory smiled and sat on the bed. 'I have to get up.'

'No, you have the right to lie down all day if you want to.' Jess touched her nose with his index finger.

'But…' Rory frowned.

'The kids are fine. They are playing in the twins' room. Ayn is doing her homework. Everything is fine.'

'Ok.' Rory looked around. 'Who are you and what have you done with my Jess? He is a bad boy, you know?'

'Hey!' Jess pouted playfully. 'I'm your Jess. I'm just little upgraded.'

'You could be bad sometimes if you want to.' Rory looked at him playfully.

'I think I know what you're meaning.' He leaned and kissed her. 'When you feel better you'll have me all by yourself.'

'Is it a promise?' She batted with her eyelashes and Jess laughed.

'Hey – I'm a man after all.'

'My man!' She bit her lower lip.

'Your man.' Jess kissed her again.

'So when mom and Luke have to come here?'

'After an hour.' Jess answered her. 'You have to be calm though. Everything is under control!'

'Now I'm worried!' Rory murmured as she watched him walked out of the room.


	71. Chapter 71 It’s dinner time

_**A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you for your support in this story! Enjoy at the new chapter and get prepared for the new drama coming!  
**_

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 71**__** It's dinner time**_

It was Friday and it was time for the traditional family dinner. Luke, Lorelai and Nikki just had arrived. Nikki went upstairs to play with his nephews. Lorelai screamed after him to be careful but he ran and hid from her look. She just shook her head and looked at her daughter. Rory was sitting on the sofa. She was smiling and that made Lorelai smile too. She loved when her daughter had that dreamy look on her face. That meant that everything is fine here.

'Hey mom! Hey Luke!' She greeted them. 'Jess is in the kitchen and the dinner is almost ready.'

'I'll check him out.' Luke nodded. He had seen the happy smile on Rory's face. She was good, but he wanted to see his nephew now. 'Hey!' Luke called at him when he got into the kitchen. 'Need any help?'

'Nope!' Jess turned off the stove and then looked at his uncle. 'Hey uncle Luke! Nice to finally see you!'

'Yeah.' Luke frowned. 'Why are you so pale? Are you okay?'

'Just couldn't sleep last night.' Jess shrugged. 'Jake had some nightmares.'

'You have to take care of yourself, Jess!'

'I know!' Jess frowned. 'But my kids are more important than me!'

'You have to be in good shape to take care of them!' Luke tilted his head.

'Let's stop with this, okay?' Jess put up his hands and opened the near cupboard.

'I'll stop talking when you'll start listen!'

'I am listening!' Jess pulled out some forks and closed the cupboard again.

'I can't see that happening!'

'Okay.' Jess sighed. 'You know what? I will just ignore you! You keep taking and I'll pretend…'

'That is your problem, Jess!' Luke snapped.

'What?' Jess frowned.

'You're avoiding the problem until you can and then it's too late to fixing it!' Luke shook his head. 'I know that you're worrying about Rory. I know that you are worrying about that baby and your other kids, but Jess… This is not the way! Don't you get it?'

'I get it!' Jess snapped.

'I doubt that!' Luke crossed arms before his chest. 'You may change a lot, but you're still the same in some points!'

'Shut up!' Jess placed the forks on the table. He clenched his fists. 'What I'm doing with my family is my business and mine only!'

'Jess…' Luke opened his mouth.

'You need help guys?' Rory showed up by the door. Her mother followed her.

'Nice timing.' Luke murmured.

'I know.' Rory had heard him. Luke blushed under her look. 'Now I'm hungry and I have to eat if you don't mind.' They heard the children and Rory smiled. 'I think that they are hungry too.'

'Right!' Luke pouted and took his seat. Rory helped Jess with the table just in time. The kids showed up in the kitchen among happy squealing. Only Ayn looked serious.

'You have to sit, mom.' She touched Rory's arm. 'I'll help daddy.'

'But…' Rory looked at her with confusion.

'Let her help me, okay?' Jess winked at her and Rory nodded. She sat on her place and watched her children. They all looked happy and enjoyed with their uncle Nikki. Rory smiled, as she looked at her little brother. He looked just like Luke, but he had her mother's eyes.

'He has my eyes.' Lorelai caught her look.

'All of my kids have Jess' eyes. Only my Jane has mine hair.' Rory winked at her little daughter and she laughed.

'Yeah, Jess has strong genes.' Lorelai looked at her son-in-law. Jess just sat close to Rory. 'Right Jess?'

'Huh?' he looked confused.

'We are talking about your genes, hun.' Rory gave him a sweet smile. Jess crooked his face.

'Yeah.' He murmured.

'Maybe this one will have something mine.' Rory blinked and rubbed her stomach.

'Are you okay?' Jess looked at her and she smiled.

'Just a kick.' She shrugged and leaned on his shoulder.

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah.' Rory nodded. 'I think that we are hungry.'

'That's good.' He nodded and placed her full plate before her.

'Do you know what is going to be this time?' Lorelai asked again.

'We didn't ask.' Jess shrugged.

'We could ask tomorrow, but I think we won't do that.' Rory looked at him.

'As long as it's strong and healthy, we are okay.'

'Ah, the element of the surprise.' Lorelai laughed. 'Why I'm not surprised?'

'I am not sure why are you even asking?' Jess teased her. 'I know, I know… age issues. You're just getting old.'

'Careful boy!' Lorelai frowned.

'If I was careful…'

'Jess!' Rory placed hand on his shoulder and nodded at the kids. 'Please?'

'Okay.' He winked at her and they continued their dinner.

Luke kept silence through the whole time. He had grumpy look on his face and nobody talked to him. Lorelai looked surprised and Jess just ignored the subject. His uncle could not change his mind. When the dinner was over and the little kids ran out the kitchen, Luke looked back at his nephew.

'You couldn't ignore this forever!'

'I've got this under control!' Jess hissed and looked at Rory. She touched his arm. 'Tell him!'

'She doesn't have to tell me anything!' Luke snapped. 'I have my own eyes, you know? I can see you and I don't like what I'm seeing!'

'Then stop looking!' Jess hissed.

'Jess…'

'Stop it! Now!' He leaned his elbows over the table and touched his temples. 'You just brought me a headache. Happy now?'

'I'm not…' Luke murmured, but he saw Rory leaned to Jess and touched his arms.

'You could go upstairs and rest a little. My mom would help me with dishes.' She whispered.

'Be careful.' Jess murmured and gave her a small kiss. He got off his chair and went out the kitchen.

'What's wrong with him?' Lorelai was the one asked the question.

'Like you don't know him!' Rory frowned.


	72. Chapter 72 Do it for you

_**A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you for your support in this story! Enjoy at the new chapter and get prepared for the new drama coming!  
**_

_**Story Reminder: 'Secrets of the heart: The Sequel' takes place 5 years into the future. Rory is a writer and she is just about publishing her first book. Jess just published his sixth one and he just finished his tour around the country. Then one news shocked everyone.**_

_**

* * *

Chapter 72 Do it for you**_

Rory frowned and looked at Luke.

'You do know that you won't succeed in this way, don't you?' She tilted her head. 'Jess is as stubborn as you can be.'

'But something is wrong in him.' Luke insisted. 'Don't tell me that his headaches are nothing! They never were!'

'Jess said that he is fine.' Rory shrugged and bit her lower lip. 'But I'm thinking about something.'

'What?' Lorelai tilted her head. 'You're thinking about what?'

'I have an appointment for Mel tomorrow.' Rory explained. 'I think I might call to Doctor Smith too. Maybe Jess won't refuse an examination if I'm there.'

'You think he will refuse if you won't?' Lorelai frowned.

'That's stupid and my nephew could win the stupidity award!' Luke snapped and looked at the door as if he was afraid that Jess could show up in every minute now. 'He is so stubborn damn it!'

'Yeah and I wonder from who he had inherited it.' Lorelai rolled her eyes.

'You think that I'm stubborn?' Luke seemed offended. 'Lor!'

'What?' Lorelai looked at her husband. 'Now tell me that you don't!'

'It's not fair!' Luke frowned.

'Tough love baby!' She clicked with her tongue and her daughter laughed.

'Nice touch, mom!' Rory looked at her mother. 'Ouch!' She exclaimed and rubbed her belly. 'That was a strong one.'

'Are you okay, honey?' Lorelai looked at her with concern. 'You want me to call Jess?'

'No, no!' Rory shook her head. 'I'm fine. It's just…'

'Mommy, mommy!' Nikki rushed into the room and straight to Lorelai.

'Take it easy sweetie!' Lorelai got off her chair and crouched before her son. 'What's wrong?'

'Jake can't breathe!' Nikki cried and that made Rory jumped off her chair. She practically ran upstairs, but there was no one in the playroom. She heard voices from her bedroom and opened the door.

'You can breathe, Jake.' She heard Jess and saw him holding his son. Jake was sitting in his father's lap and his face was crooked painfully. 'Do you remember what we did in the hospital? When mommy was bad and we had to do that again?'

Rory covered her mouth with her hand and just looked at the father and the son. Jess had not told her that Jake had had a crisis when she got sick. He had just spared her from the bad news again. That was her Jess and Rory loved him.

'Now, do you remember what I told you?' Jess placed his hand on Jake's chest and his son nodded. Rory could see the tears in his eyes and felt that she was about to cry too. She felt a hand over her shoulder and saw her mother standing there with Luke and Nikki. Rory placed her index finger on her lips and Lorelai nodded. They looked back at the father and the son. 'Follow my breathing and you could breathe again. Okay?' Jess spoke softly. 'Come on now – breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. I know it's hurt, but you have to do this for your mommy and me. Come on, again – breathe in, and breathe out.' His voice was like a caress. 'That's good. You are a good boy.'

Rory watched them and she could not stop the tears in her eyes. She had to make a sound, because Jess looked at her. His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. Rory walked into the room and sat on the bed close to him and Jake. He had calmed in his father's hands and his face had a color now.

'Why are you crying mommy?' He asked her with weak voice and touched her face. 'Is it my fault?'

'No, honey!' Rory smiled and kissed his small hand. 'It's not your fault. Mommy is just happy that you are okay.'

'Okay.' Jake smiled and looked up at his father. 'I'm sorry I wake you daddy.'

'Hey, don't be so quick.' Jess ruffled his hair and placed him on the ground. 'Now go to your big sister and tell her to come here with your pills.'

'Okay .'

'And don't run!' Jess called him but Jake was already out of the room. 'And you!' he frowned and touched her hand. 'Calm down now! Jake is fine and you shouldn't…' Jess could not finish. Rory threw in his arms and he hugged her with confused look.

'She is scared.' Lorelai formed the words with her lips when Jess looked at her. He nodded.

'What happened, Nikki?' Jess asked the small boy, close to his uncle. 'Why Jake couldn't breathe?'

'We played hide and seek.' Nikki murmured. 'And we ran to hide and…'

'You know that Jake do not have to run, hun.' Luke crouched before his son and looked at his eyes. 'Why were you even running?'

'Because we had to hide.' Nikki frowned and his lower lip trembled. 'I'm sorry daddy.'

'You have to be more careful the next time, okay?' Luke ruffled his hair and looked at his nephew. 'We have to protect the people we care about.' Jess frowned but nodded.

'You don't have to worry now.' He rubbed Rory's arm. 'You have to think about the baby.'

'What about you?' She sniffed.

'What about me?'

'I'm worrying about you too, Jess.' She shrugged.

'I know and I'll be fine. I promise.' Jess kissed the top of her head. 'Everything will be alright. You'll see.'

'Then you have to make blood tests tomorrow.' She pulled back and looked at him. 'If you want me to be calmer, you have to make them.'

'Rory…' Jess sighed.

'Please, Jess.' Rory rubbed her belly. His look fell there. 'Do it for us.'

'Fine.' He sighed and touched her face. 'I'll do it for you.'


	73. Chapter 73 I just love you

**_Chapter 73 I just love you_**

They went to the hospital on the next day. Mel was waiting for them in her medical room. She opened the door with a smile and welcomed them inside.

'You look good, Rory.' She nodded at the young woman.

'I think I am, but you have to tell me.' Rory shrugged as she sat on the medical table.

'Any complaining?' Mel asked and prepared her for the ultrasound.

'She lost her appetite.' Jess answered instead. 'And she lost weight.'

'Hm.' Mel looked at him seriously. 'Since when?'

'This month.' Jess looked at Rory. She bit her lower lip and looked at him. 'Since the baby started moving.'

'Okay.' Mel nodded and squirm some gel onto the Rory's stomach. She placed the affix of the ultrasound machine there and moved it gently. 'Now let's see the baby here.'

Rory looked at the blurred image in front of her and reached out for Jess' hand. She squeezed it and felt his respond. His thumb caressed hers and made her feel comfortable and little less scary. If she had to be honest, this pregnancy scared her more than anyone else. She had nightmares about having that baby. However, she kept quiet and Jess did not know about this. That could make him worry even more than he already was. Rory sighed and looked at Mel. She looked at the monitor and moved the affix carefully. Just then, she smiled and turned on the sound.

'Here is the heartbeat.' She nodded. 'It's a big healthy baby you have.'

'Really?' Rory breathed out and released a tiny smile. 'Are you sure it is okay?'

'I'm sure.' Mel nodded. 'Its heartbeats are strong and it looks like a healthy baby. It is little bigger than it has too, but this is not problem for now.' Mel turned off the ultrasound and cleaned Rory's stomach.

'It's bigger?' Jess frowned and helped Rory to sit on the medical table. 'What is that supposed to mean?'

'It means that she has to eat and rest more.' Mel sighed and looked at the couple. 'I know that it sounds scary, but sometimes the babies are bigger than usual.'

'But everything with it is alright?' Rory frowned. 'I mean you are sure about that?'

'I'm sure.' Mel smiled. 'And you don't want to know its sex right?'

Jess and Rory looked at each other and smiled.

'As long as it's strong and healthy – we prefer it to be a surprise.' Jess answered.

'Okay.' Mel nodded. 'The other good news is that there is no sign of the infection left in you. You can be calm about that. But you still have your other problem. You know about that, right?'

'Yeah.' Rory lowered her eyes. 'I know about that.'

'And you are careful with yourself?' Mel rose up her eyebrows, 'No stress, and lots of bed rest?'

'Jess is here to make sure of it.' Rory blushed.

'Yeah.' He crooked his face. 'I made sure that she is in the bed most of the time.'

'What about the stress factor?'

'I'm trying.' Rory bit her lower lip. 'But…'

'You have to try harder and I told you that I'll take care of everything!' Jess kissed her hand.

'I know, but we have four children you know.' Rory shrugged. 'And Jake is…'

'Jake had a small crisis the other day.' Jess explained. 'Rory got scared.'

'I see.' Mel nodded. 'Look, I know that whatever I'm gonna say to you, you still would be worried about him. He is your son and I get it, but you have to think about this small baby here. It needs you too.'

'I know that.' Rory shook her head. 'And I'm really trying. I swear!'

'I know you do.' Mel nodded. 'I just need you to be more careful, that's all.'

'Okay.' Rory nodded.

They left Mel's medical room few minutes later. Rory bit her lower lip and looked at Jess as they walked through the corridor. He looked concerned. He tried to hide it, but Rory could see it in his eyes. Jess looked thoughtful. He rubbed his chin and then looked at her.

'Why are you looking at me like that?' he frowned. 'I thought you promised not to worry.'

'I promised, but I just wondered.' Rory shrugged and placed her hand over her belly. 'You look so serious. Is there something you want to tell me?'

'No. Why?' Jess rose up his eyebrows.

'You are like this through the whole morning. And now after Mel told us about the baby…'

'What?' Jess stopped and Rory stopped too. He turned around and looked at her. 'I'm not more worried than any of your pregnancies, Ror. I don't want you to worry about this.' He grabbed her arms and forced her to look at him. 'I know it'll be difficult and I'll help you with everything, okay? You just have to trust me.'

'Okay, but I want you to be fine too.' She tilted her head. 'I want to be sure that you are alright.'

'You do know that I'm not alright at the moment.' Jess licked his lips. 'That's why I'm taking my pills. And I'm here to visit my doctor only because you asked me. He told me what to expect of this course of the treatment. It'll be hard and long process.'

'I still want you to take those tests.' Rory whispered.

'I know and as soon as we go in, as soon we can go back home.' He released her arms and touched her face. 'I just want you to be calm that's all.'

'Okay.' She nodded and took his hand.

'Let's go now.' Jess smiled. 'I don't want you to be on your feet for too long.' He touched her belly with his free hands and they both walked to the Lab.

They walked out from the hospital an hour later. Jess was quick as he had promised and they drove off to their home. He threw a quick look at Rory. She had leaned back on her seat with dreamy look on her face. Her hands rested on her belly.

'Why are you staring at me?' She asked with a smile. 'Look at the road.'

'I just wonder.' Jess shrugged and listened to her. 'Once you told me that your dream was to be a journalist. And look at you now.'

'What now?' Rory moved her head on the seat and looked at him. 'I'm happy. You and the kids are with me. We have a wonderful family. What more I could ask?'

Jess reached and took her hand in his. He kissed her hand again and his eyes caressed her.

'I just love you.' He uttered. 'That's all.'


	74. Chapter 74 The truth behind words

_**Chapter 74**__** The truth behind words**_

Jess was standing behind the bar of his uncle's diner. He looked at Rory. She was in the middle of a nice chat with her mother. She was laughing and that making him laugh too. Jess felt someone touch his shoulder and looked up to see his uncle. Luke was smiling.

'She is something special to you, huh?' He asked with a wink.

'Yeah.' Jess nodded and looked back at Rory. 'I knew that since the moment I saw her for the first time. I was too stupid then.'

'You didn't know how to love, Jess.' Luke patted his shoulder. 'Don't be so hard on yourself. You both made mistakes. The important thing now is that you are together.'

'I know.' Jess shrugged. 'But I can't stop feel guilty about all the time we lost, thanks to me.'

'It's not only you!' Luke murmured. 'You know that I love Rory as my own daughter, but she did lots of mistakes too.'

Jess just shrugged again. He looked at Rory and saw her hand fall on her stomach. She kept it there most of the time as if she wanted to make sure that her baby is still there. Then she smiled. She always smiled after that move. It was something that Jess could not miss. And he loved to see her happy and smiley like this.

'What your doctor said?' Luke asked him.

'Ah, my blood results aren't ready yet.' Jess tilted his head. 'Rory wanted me to make a full blood picture, so I did.' He frowned. 'I just wanted to make her feel calm. I know about my treatment and I know what to expect.' He made short pause. 'She doesn't.'

'And why she doesn't?' Luke snapped. Jess turned around and looked at him.

'She is pregnant. We both know how risky that is.' Jess ran his fingers through his hair. 'I've promised not to lie to her, but I don't want her to get stressed for nothing!'

'Okay, I don't like that tone.' Luke frowned and nodded at the kitchen. 'Come with me now!'

'I don't have to!' Jess frowned.

'We could argue here in front of my customers and your wife, or you could come with me!' Luke tilted his head. 'Take a pick!'

'You wouldn't dare!' Jess hissed and narrowed his eyes.

'Try me big guy!' Luke stared at him and Jess sighed with annoyance. He started walk to the kitchen. 'Good choice of direction!' Luke clicked with his tongue and followed his nephew.

The kitchen was empty by this time of the day. Caesar had a lunch break so only Luke was in the diner. Jess stopped and turned around to face his uncle. Luke stopped too and crossed his arms before his chest. He tilted his head and stared at his nephew. Jess bit his lower lip and buried his hands into his pockets. He was nervous and that did not fit with his character. Luke became even more worry about him.

'So I guess you want the truth, right?' Jess murmured.

'Oh, please!' Luke snapped. 'The suspense is killing me! What did you do this time?'

'I haven't done anything!' Jess frowned. 'I just wanted to spare Rory from this! She doesn't have to know!'

'Talk! Now!'

'Okay.' Jess bit his lower lip again. 'I think I might some serious problems.'

'You think?'

'My doctor told me about this.' Jess frowned. 'He said that I might get worse before I could get better.

'Are you sure?' Luke murmured.

'Yeah, but here is a catch.' Jess made a short pause. 'I had to stop my heart medications for a while.'

'Damn you, Jess!' Luke looked angry. 'And you passed through all this without taking your pills? Are you crazy? You know…'

'Stop yelling! Jeez!' Jess narrowed his eyes. 'You want someone to hear you?'

'I just… you had to tell Rory!' Luke lowered his voice. 'She could've helped you!'

'No!' Jess shook his head. 'I'm fine now. I have pains here and there, but I'll be fine! Rory doesn't have to know!'

'Jess!'

'No!'

'Damn it!' Luke hissed and ran his fingers through his hair. 'That's why you looked so pale! Any crisis?'

'Two.' Jess sighed and narrowed his eyes. 'But they passed quickly.'

'And you're taking your meds now?' Luke frowned. 'Please tell me you are taking them!'

'Yes. I'm taking my pills now.' Jess nodded. 'But you have to promise that Rory doesn't have to know! Promise!'

'Why are you doing this?' Luke tilted his head.

'Because I love her, and I want her to be happy! This new baby is making her happy!' Jess rubbed his eyes. 'I'll be fine if she is! It's simple.'

'Okay.' Luke frowned and patted Jess' shoulder. 'But I still don't like your secrets! You don't have to have secrets from your wife! I thought you should've known by now!'

'What he has to know?' Rory's voice made them look at the door. She had frowned and looked suspicious. Her hand was lying on her belly. Jess smiled and walked to her. 'Jess?'

'Luke gave me a nice lecture about the trust in the family.' Jess smiled and stood beside her. His hand lay on her back.

'Ah.' Rory tilted his head. 'And why is that?'

'Because Jess is a stubborn donkey, that's why!' Luke crooked his face. 'Don't worry! I just asked him about his blood results! He has to tell me when they are up!'

'He will.' Jess looked his uncle with gratitude. 'Thanks uncle Luke.'

'Yeah, yeah!' Luke passed him and patted his shoulder.

Rory sighed and looked at Jess. She tilted her head. She knew him well enough to know that he was hiding something right now. A sudden kick in her stomach distracted her and she exclaimed with surprise. Her hand rubbed her belly there and she took a deep breath.

'It was a hard one.' She smiled and looked at Jess.

'You need to lie down and relax.' He just smiled and kissed her forehead. 'Come on, let's go home.'

'Okay.' Rory leaned on his shoulder and they left the kitchen.


	75. Chapter 75 Worrying too much

_**Chapter 75**__** Worrying too much **_

The house was quiet. The twins and Ayn were on a school trip and Jake still slept. Rory looked at Jess and smiled. He was sleeping with his face to her and she could not resist touching his beautiful face. She sighed and her hand lay on his arm. He did not wake up. That could only show how tired he was these days. They still had not called for his blood results. It had been a long week.

Rory rubbed her eyes and her hand rested on her belly. She caressed it with a soft smile. This baby took all of her strength but Rory had not complained. She knew that it was strong and healthy baby and it was enough for her. Jess sighed in his dream and she looked at him again. Her smile faded. She could feel the pressure in him. He was hiding something from her and she could feel it. She knew that they had promised not to have secrets from each other. But she knew Jess as well. He was always like this when it came to here and her health. He never thought of himself. She came first to his mind.

Another hard kick made her smile again. The baby really was strong. Rory could only have a hope to make it to his birth. She knew that she could not be absolutely calm in this. Her pregnancy was still risky. Rory took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She tried not to think about the obstacles now. Now she had to relax and made her baby feel good too. She felt Jess's hand on her waist and smiled. Now she could sleep better.

They woke from Jess' phone. It was an early morning. Rory murmured something and Jess reached out for the phone. He picked it up from the nightstand.

'Hello?' He spoke little groggily. 'Aha. Yeah. Okay. I'll be there this afternoon. Bye.' He hung up the phone and placed it on his nightstand.

'Who was it?' Rory blinked against him. Jess sighed and wrapped his arm around her waist. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

'They called from the hospital. The results are ready.' He murmured.

'What?' Rory pulled back and looked at him. He was about to fall asleep again. She tapped his chest and he opened his eyes. 'Hey! This is serious!'

'Come on Rory!' Jess yawned and rubbed his eyes. 'It's too early.'

'I want to come with you!' She frowned.

'No!' he simply answered her and that made her angry.

'But…'

'You have to stay home and watch over Jake!' Jess sighed and kissed her forehead again. 'And don't forget your bed rest.'

'But Jess…' Rory pouted.

'No!'

'You are impossible!' She hissed and got off the bed. Jess sighed and looked at her. She looked furious. He knew that she acted like this because of her hormones. She was pregnant after all and she was very emotional. He yawned again.

'Rory, please calm down!' He tried to calm her. 'I'm gonna be out just for an hour.'

'I want to know the results!' She insisted and placed her hands on her waist. 'I know that you…'

'Stop it!' Jess jumped off the bed and grabbed her arms. 'Stop it now!'

'Or what?' She looked at him challengingly. 'What are you going to do?'

'I'm gonna tide you up in the bed if I have to!' He frowned. 'You have to be calm and act reasonable!'

'Oh!' She exclaimed and grabbed her stomach.

'What?' He looked at her with concern. Rory was trying to take her breath. 'Rory?'

'Just… a kick.' She closed her eyes for a moment, but then grabbed his arms in her attempt to keep her balance. 'And my head swims.'

'Easy now.' Jess helped her to the bed and sat close to her. 'Calm down.' He touched her face. 'You are worrying more than you have to!'

'I love you.' She released a thin smile. 'I can't otherwise.'

'I know.' Jess touched her belly and smiled when he felt another kick under his palm. 'But you have to think about yourself now. See? Even our baby has the same opinion as me.'

'And it's stubborn as you.' She smiled tiredly.

'That's why you have to sleep and relax now.' Jess leaned and kissed her forehead. 'I'll go and get back with the results. Okay?'

'Okay. ' Rory yawned again and closed her eyes.

Jess watched her as she fell asleep again. His smiled faded and he touched his forehead. Another headache just kicked in. Jess sighed and leaned to kiss Rory. Then he got off the bed and went to take his morning pills. He looked at the mirror at the bathroom and crooked his face. That was his life now. He thought that it was a small price; he had to pay for being with Rory.

When Rory woke up again, Jess was gone and she went to see Jake. He was in his room and played with his cars.

'Mommy!' He smiled at her and Rory sat close to him. Jake snuggled in her. 'Daddy said that you have to get your breakfast and I have to look at you!'

'Daddy told you this? Huh?' Rory ruffled his hair. 'Let's go eat then!'

Jake laughed and followed Rory as she got off the bed. They went into the kitchen and Rory saw the plate with the pancake on the table. She smiled once again and sat on her chair. Jake sat opposite her.

'How's our baby, mommy?' He asked her with curiosity.

'Our baby is good honey.' She answered him and tilted her head with a smile. 'It's just a little playful today.' She rubbed her stomach. 'You want to feel it?'

'Can I?' His eyes glowed.

'Sure.' Rory nodded and Jake came closer. She took his small hand and placed it on her stomach. They both waited until the baby kicked again. Rory trembled and saw the smile on Jake's face. He looked happy.

'Yay!' Jake exclaimed in the moment Jess went in the room.

'What happened?' He asked them and Rory looked at him with a smile.

'Jake felt the baby's kick.'

'Really?' Jess smiled and took his son in his arms.

'Yeah!' Jake giggled. 'It was cool!'

'I bet.' Jess laughed too and ruffled his son's hair.

'What happened with the results, Jess?' Rory tilted her head. She looked at him closely. His face did not change but he looked at her with another smile.

'Let's eat first!'


	76. Chapter 76 Time for us

_**Chapter 76**__** Time for us**_

Rory watched him playing with his son. He looked so full of love and so careful with his boy. She smiled and shook her head with disbelief. It was hard for her to remember the person he was before. He was afraid of love. He ran from it, just because he did not know how to love. Rory had skipped this part when she had accused him for his behavior. She had not known him well enough to know that. Jess was a very secretive person. His rudeness was his shield in front of the world. Rory knew that now and she was glad that she could know him better. After all these years, Jess had changed and grown up in her eyes. He had learned what the love was. He had learned how to give and receive that love. That was a true progress for him.

Rory leaned back on her chair and blinked when she felt another hard kick inside her belly. She just smiled and rubbed that place. It was a good that her baby was fine and healthy. She wanted only this. The moves of her unborn child inside of her made her feel good and calmer than before. Now she was sure that their baby was okay.

"I think we should put your mommy to sleep now." Rory heard Jess's voice and looked up. He was holding his son in his arms and Jake yawned and rubbed his eyes. "You both need a little afternoon nap."

"We have to talk." Rory insisted.

"But first we have to put that boy on his bed!" Jess nodded at her. "Right?"

"Right" Rory got off her chair and followed the father and the son upstairs. She watched as Jess took care of his son. He placed him on his bed, and wrapped the blanket over his body and kissed his forehead. Jake yawned once again and closed his eyes.

"He got tired." Jess murmured and looked at Rory. "He gets tired too quickly!"

"Same as you?" She whispered.

"Yeah." Jess shook his head. "I was the same, but I got better."

"He will too." Rory touched Jess' arm. "I think he got his strength from you, Jess."

"You think?" Jess covered her hand in his arm and looked at his son. "I think that he took the bad genes from me, Ror. Not the stronger ones."

"You are wrong." She shook here head. "He got all the good from you. He is a good boy, Jess and I think that he'd be fine if we take a good care of him."

"We will." Jess kissed her head and they left Jake's room. "How are you feeling?" He asked her as they walked into their room. "I saw you looked pensive back in the kitchen. Talk!"

"Wow!" Rory rolled her eyes. "Who is the tyrant now?"

"You." He helped her sat on the bed and crouched before her. "As always!"

"Yeah." Rory touched his face. "Like I will believe you!"

"You are my tyrant wife and I like that!" Jess teased her. He touched her belly. "How is the little one?"

"Mhm." Rory blinked. "Kicking and exhausting."

"Kicking and exhausting, huh?" Jess smiled.

"Yeah." Rory tilted her head. "You wanna know what I was thinking?" Jess nodded. "I was thinking about you before."

"Should I feel flattered?" Jess smirked and sat close to her.

"I though how different you are now." Rory leaned on his shoulder. "I meant in a good way. You were so closed before and I didn't know what to do. I could understand you better now."

"I was difficult then, huh?" Jess kissed the top of her head.

"But I was intrigued." Rory murmured with smile and her hand rubbed her belly.

"I thought that you were." Jess rubbed her arm. "That was my goal after all. I wanted you for myself."

"And now you have me!" She murmured with pleasure.

"And now I have you!" Jess pulled back and looked at her eyes. "And this is the best thing happened in my life! Ever!"

"I know that feeling." Rory smiled. She sighed and touched his face. "I want you to know that you can trust me, Jess. I'm here for you!"

"I know." Jess nodded.

"What happened with the results?" Rory tilted her head. "You haven't said anything. Is there something that we should worry about?"

Jess caressed her face with the back of his fingers and Rory leaned on his hand. He smiled.

"No. There is nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure?" Rory frowned.

"I am sure. Doctor Smith told me that I would have some headaches, but they would be a part of my treatment." Jess shrugged.

"Okay." Rory smiled with relief. "This is a good news."

"It is." Jess nodded and helped her lie down on the bed. He lay close to her and his hand rested on her waist. "Now we have to take care of you, okay?"

"Okay." Rory yawned. "I'm sorry, but I think I need a nap."

"Sleep then." Jess caressed her face with a smile. "I'm here and watch over you."

"Good." Rory murmured and closed her eyes. Her steady breathing showed to Jess that she had fallen asleep.

His smile faded and he looked at her small face. She was so delicate and fragile right now. She was his life and he was going to do everything just to keep her safe. He was already doing it. Her life and the life of their unborn child came first for him now. Jess sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. Yeah, he had lied to her again. But this time he was sure that it was the best thing he could do at this moment. Her doctor had told him that any stress could be dangerous for her and could provoke contractions. Jess was not willing to risk with it. He had to protect her.

There was time for her and time for him. Now it was time for her. He smiled and touched her face again. Yeah, he could wait.


	77. Chapter 77 Calm down!

_**Chapter 77 Calm down!**_

Jess went to see his uncle on the next day. Lorelai came to see Rory and that was the perfect opportunity for him to talk with his uncle. Luke was at the diner and frowned in the moment he saw Jess enter in. Jess sighed and went to him. He rounded the bar and patted his shoulder.

'Hey uncle Luke.'

'What's wrong now?' Luke frowned even more.

'I want to talk with you.' Jess looked around. 'Alone.'

'Okay.' Luke nodded at the staircase behind the curtain. 'Let's go upstairs.'

'Okay.' Jess nodded back and followed his uncle. They went in a sunny room and Jess looked around. 'It hasn't changed much.'

'No, it's not.' Luke pointed him the free chair and Jess sat down. Luke sat opposite him and looked at his nephew. 'What's wrong now? I can see by your face that something is bothering you! What is it?'

'I went for my results yesterday.' Jess sighed and leaned his elbows over the table. 'And I lied to Rory about it.'

'Okay.' Luke lagged his word. 'The first part is concerning and the second is terrifying. What is the part when I have to yell at you?'

'I had to lie to her!' Jess snapped. 'She is in a delicate condition!'

'Which means that you have the opportunity to lie to her?' Luke frowned. 'Jess, she is your wife and she worry about you! You have to tell her no matter of the results!'

'No! I don't have to tell her!' Jess snapped. 'It's too dangerous right now! You have to see her! She is constantly tired and the baby…' He rubbed his temples. 'The baby is too big and Mel told me that there are some complications with it.'

'She told you this?' Luke's eyes widened. 'When?'

'The last time when she checked Rory.' Jess looked at his uncle. 'She didn't tell Rory, because she didn't want to disturb her!'

'But she told you?' Luke frowned.

'Yeah, she thought that I have to know and she asked me to be very careful with Rory.' Jess shook his head. 'Like her condition is not enough! I feel so helpless right now and I have to be strong for her! I have to be strong for Rory and… I can't! I just…' Jess sighed with frustration. 'They told the same to me! My doctor told me – no stress! Yeah, like this is going to happen!'

'Wait, wait!' Luke put up his hands to stop Jess. 'Your doctor told you no stress? Why? I thought that you're doing fine!'

'I thought the same, but he saw something in my blood picture and sent me to the MRI. Then he said that I need a little less stress in my life if I want that treatment to be successful.'

'This is bad.' Luke frowned.

'Tell me about it!' Jess frowned too and closed his eyes for a moment. 'Rory is bad and I have to take care fore her. Jake is also not quite good recently. You know, this season is not good for him. He's getting tired a lot and the heat outside is not influence him well.'

'Jess…'

'It's good that Ayn and the twins are on this vacation trip. It's good that they'll have some fun at least, but I'm worrying about them too. Rory is the same, but she doesn't mention it. And now this…'

'Jess stop!' Luke touched his arm and Jess look at him. 'You need to calm down now and you need to take a deep breath!' Jess sighed, but listened to him. 'That's good.' Luke tried to smile. 'I know that is hard for you. You know that I'm always here to help you, but you have to calm down!'

'How am I going to do that? Huh?' Jess smiled bitterly and his hands fell on the table. 'I have so much on my head now.'

'I know, but you have to do it!' Luke shook his head. 'I know that you care about your family… a lot! I know that Rory is the most important thing in your life and you don't want to disturb her now. But you need help and you need some attention too.'

'I'm fine the way I am!' Jess snapped. 'I won't talk with her about this! I won't! She could make another miscarriage attempt and this is incredibly dangerous!'

'Jess…'

'No!' Jess got off his chair. His hands leaned on the table. 'I won't do it! I won't!'

'Okay, fine! Calm down now!' Luke frowned. 'At least you told me.'

'I had to tell this to somebody.' Jess lowered his voice and sat back down. 'I thought that I'm gonna burst!'

'Good.' Luke rubbed his eyes. 'What are you going to do now?'

'Nothing.' Jess shrugged and ran his fingers through his hair. 'I'll try and follow the doctor's instructions.'

'It's a good plan.' Luke tilted his head and looked at his nephew with disbelief.

'Damn it!' Jess hit the table with his fists. 'I never meant to happen like this! I didn't want this!'

'I know.' Luke just looked at him. 'But you have to understand that it's not your fault.'

'I'm trying to convince myself in that.' Jess rubbed his temples again. 'Why isn't working?'

'Because you are just a man!' Luke sighed. 'And you have to learn that!'

'Okay.' Jess chuckled bitterly. 'I have to go now.' He got off the table. 'Thanks for listening to me.'

'You know that I'm here for you!' Luke got off his chair and hugged his nephew briefly. 'I'm serious, Jess! Take care of yourself and when you feel ready, talk to Rory.' Luke pulled back and his hand lay on Jess' shoulder. 'I'm sure that she has a lot more strength in her than you think.'

'Okay.' Jess shrugged. 'Thanks, uncle Luke.' He nodded at Luke and left the room.

When he came back home, Jess saw Rory on the sofa. She was lying there and her mother was sitting close to her and was stroking her hair.

'What's wrong?' Jess asked anxiously and knelt before Rory. She opened her eyes and looked at him. Her smile showed was a calming sign.

'It's ok.' Rory touched his face. 'I'm okay. Just little tired.'

'Good.' Jess tried to smile too. He leaned and his lips touched her forehead. His uncle was wrong. Rory was not that strong right now. She needed protection and Jess would be there for her.


	78. Chapter 78 Secrets between us

_**Chapter 78**__** Secrets between us **_

When Jess walked out of the house, Rory followed him with concerned look. She could feel that he had hid something from her. Rory knew him well enough. She sighed and looked at her mother. Lorelai had the same look on her face, but she looked at Rory.

"So you are fine?" She tilted her head and Rory crooked her face. "Rory?"

"I'm fine and the baby is fine, mom." Rory shrugged. "Don't worry."

"Yeah, okay!" Lorelai chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Nikki is at this vacation trip with your children. Luckily, for me, you are the only child I could worry about now. So don't lie to me! You know that I'll understand that… sooner or later. What is it? Spill!"

"I am fine!" Rory frowned. "I really am and I don't lying!"

"Then what?" Lorelai insisted. "I could see that there is something." She sat close to her daughter on the sofa. "Maybe I could help you?"

Rory sighed and sad smile appeared on her small face. She rested her head on her mother's shoulder and closed her eyes. Lorelai wrapped an arm around her, and stroked her daughter's hair. Rory felt good about it. She missed her mother like this.

"I'm scared." Rory whispered and snuggled in her mother.

"You are scared?" Lorelai rubbed her arm. "Tell me why you are scared honey?"

"I'm not sure about the baby." Rory shrugged and tried to suppress her sob. "I can feel it in me and it's moving. I know that it's silly, but I'm still scared about it."

"It's normal honey!" Lorelai kissed the top of her head. "Look through what you have been through?"

"I was so devastated when I…" Rory coughed could not pronounce the word. "You know, in New York?"

"I know." Lorelai nodded. "Jess told me. We talked about that when you were at the hospital. He told me how crashed you were and he felt helpless around you."

"He told you?' Rory looked up to her mother. "I almost ruined my marriage because of this! I thought that it was better to keep it hidden from Jess! I didn't want him to suffer. Look what I've done instead?"

"Almost, honey." Lorelai looked at her daughter. "You know that Jess loves you too much to let go of you that easily."

"He was on that plane because of me mom." Rory sniffed. "I felt so guilty and so… powerless! I thought that I was doing it for his good, but I… I almost…"

"Shh-shh." Lorelai shushed her. "It's in the past, Rory. You have to calm down and think for the future now. What's done it's done! Jess in fine! He survived the crash and you know why? He loves you too much and he is ready to fight for you no matter what!"

"Wow!" Rory smiled through tears. "You are the devil's advocate?"

"He bought me!" Lorelai rolled her eyes playfully. Rory laughed and looked at her mother again. "Feeling better now? Is there something more you want to share with me?"

"Jess." Rory breathed out. "I worry about him too."

"I thought that everything is fine with him." Lorelai frowned. "He took his meds and he had spoken with his doctor. What now?"

"He went for his results yesterday and he told me that everything is normal." Rory shrugged. "But I saw something in his eyes, mom. I know him! He is hiding something from me because he thinks that I'm too fragile to understand."

"How do you know that?" Lorelai frowned. "I thought that you two agreed to share everything."

"We did, but Jess is different now." Rory pulled back and lay on the sofa. "He watches over me and you have to see his face when I have a kick." Rory shook her head. "He is scared too and that makes him careless for himself! I don't want that!"

"What do you mean careless?" Lorelai tilted her head.

"He collapsed back in the hospital! Then the nurses told me that he hadn't slept since two or three days. When we came home he put all of it on his shoulders!" Rory frowned. "This is no good for him! I know about his new treatment and I know about the headaches, but I think that there is something more. And I think that all of this stress is not good for him. The sad part – he is afraid to share with me! He thinks that I could break, but he scares me more in a way he's acting now!"

"You want me to talk to him?" Lorelai rose up her eyebrows. "Maybe he could tell me if there is something wrong. I could be very persuasive!"

"I appreciate it mom, but this is Jess." Rory tilted her head with a smile. "Have you forgotten?"

"Crap!" Lorelai cursed and made her daughter smile again.

"Yeah." Rory shrugged and rubbed her belly with a slight frown. "He hardly opens up in front of the people. He could talk to me and I think Luke too, but… Oh!" She moaned. "That was strong!"

"Are you okay hun?" Lorelai looked at her daughter with concern in her eyes. "You want me to call…"

"No!" Rory put up her hand and tried to control her breathing. "It's not a contraction. It's just a kick." She smiled and rubbed her belly. "My baby is little bigger and gives mommy more kicks."

"But you look pale, honey." Lorelai frowned and touched her forehead. "And you look tired."

"I'm okay." Rory sighed and looked at her mother. "I really am. Just need to lie down for a second."

"Sure." Lorelai patted her lap and Rory put her head there. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. The pain in her waist went away and Rory opened her eyes with relief.

"I'm fine." She looked at her mother in the moment when Jess walked into the house.

"What's wrong?" Jess asked anxiously and knelt before Rory. She opened her eyes and looked at him. Her smile showed was a calming sign.

"It's ok." Rory touched his face. "I'm okay. Just little tired."

"Good." Jess tried to smile too. He leaned and his lips touched her forehead. "How is Jake?"

"He is upstairs." Lorelai answered him instead. "And… he was sleeping last time I checked." She nodded at Jess. "Come take my place. I'll check him again."

Jess nodded with smile and soon after that, he stroked Rory's hair. Her head rested on his thighs and she looked up at him. Her hands were over her belly, but she could breathe easily now. He was here.

"Trust me Jess." She murmured and took his hand. Jess looked at her strangely. "You can trust me!" Rory insisted. He smiled and kissed her hands but kept silence.


	79. Chapter 79 Later

_**Chapter 79 Later **_

Rory was at the end of her sixth month of her pregnancy. Three of her children were still on a school trip and Jake was out with his father. Jess thought that a little walk could be great for their son. Rory wanted to walk with them, but she had felt dizziness and Jess had left her on the small couch outside on the porch. She was sipping her cold lemonade and waiting for their return.

Even if it was the end of July, it was a nice weather. It was not very hot and Rory felt nice under the shadow of the house. She sighed with pleasure and her hand fell over her stomach. She could feel the movements of her baby even now. It was nice and it was not that painful when she rested more.

Her heart pounded when she calculated the days until the birth. There were three months left. She had to do it. She had to be strong and make this to happen. Her child needed her and as long as it depended on her, Rory would make sure that it was safe in her.

"My little treasure." She whispered and rubbed her belly. Her baby kicked her again. "Okay, you are not that little." She laughed and thought how much she had laughed these days. She finally had felt some security in her life. Her children were happy in that trip and called almost every night. Jake was good and had not had crisis almost two weeks and looked good.

Jess looked good also. He had not complained from any headaches recently, but that did not mean anything. Rory was sure that Jess would not tell her even if he had. He still thought that she was too fragile. The thing was that Rory was strong. She thought that she was strong enough to talk to him about this. Jess had to know that she was there for him as he was there for her.

"Hey!" Rory heard her father's voice and lifted her head up. "Daydreaming much?"

"Hey dad." She smiled to him.

"And pregnant again?" Christopher's eyes widened when he saw her hand, rested over her belly.

"I thought that it's obvious." She teased him. He leaned and kissed her cheek. "How are you?"

Her relationship with her father had developed greatly these past six years. Christopher was finally accepted Jess in her life. Their relationship was not as a father-son though. They barely talked to each other and was careful with their attitude in front her. Rory could not blame the both of them. They have their issues. But Christopher was a lot more in her life than he was before. Rory let him in just because of her mother and then she knew that she could not blame him forever. He was her father after all.

"How's Jess doing?" Christopher sat next to her and poured some lemonade to himself. "I thought he never leave you out of his sight."

"Hah. Funny!" Rory crooked her face, but knew that her father's words were part true. "Jess and Jake are around the neighborhood. They went for some ice cream and Jake needed some walk."

"And you?" Christopher looked at her closely. "Why are you here and not with them?"

"I wish, but my baby has other opinion." Rory rubbed her belly again. "We needed some rest and we chose to stay here."

"Are you okay, Ror?" Christopher frowned.

"Yeah." Rory smiled. "Just my pregnancy is not an easy job."

"You have problems again?"

"I always have when it comes to a pregnancy." Her face faded. "I have a medical condition. After Ayn they told me that it's almost impossible for me to have more children. When I got pregnant with the twins, I thought that it was a miracle. But it was hard… and with Jake was the same. I even lost…" Rory winced and took a deep breath. "Never mind. I'm fine now."

"You lost a child?" Christopher touched her shoulder.

"Yeah, but I don't want to talk about this now, okay?" Her eyes went teary. "It was hard for me and for Jess too. I don't want to remember this!"

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry!" Christopher squeezed her shoulder briefly. "I don't want you to be sad now! You are pregnant and you have to be happy!"

"Thank you dad!" Rory sniffed and a light smile appeared on her lips. "So, what brought you here?"

"I came to see your mother." Christopher shrugged. "I sent her some clients of mine and I wanted to make sure that everything is alright."

"I'm glad to see you." Rory tilted her head.

"Oh!" Christopher pulled some piece of paper out of his pocket and put it over the table. "And this is from John."

"John?" Rory frowned. "As John Waldorf, Paris' husband?"

"Yeah." Christopher nodded. "His father is a friend of mine. We met at some gathering and he gave me this. It's for Jess."

"For Jess?" Rory took the piece of paper and unfolded it. It was a recipe.

"He gave it to me as soon as he understood that I'm coming here." Christopher shrugged.

"He changed his medications?" Rory's eyes widened. She looked at her father. "He told you something else?"

"No." Christopher shook his head. "He just asked me to give that to Jess."

"Hey Christopher!" They heard Jess' voice and looked up at him. He was alone. "I left Jake to my Uncle." He explained to Rory.

"Jess." Christopher nodded. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." Jess shrugged and focused on Rory. "What's wrong?"

"You lied to me!" She hissed and got off her place. "You lied to me again! Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"What?" Jess looked at her with confusion.

"This!" Rory placed the recipe in his hand and Jess looked at it. "You told me that there is no problem with your blood! You promised me not to… OW!" She moaned and clutched her stomach.

"Rory!" Her father screamed, but Jess was quicker. He took her in his arms and rushed into the house. Christopher followed him upstairs. He watched as Jess placed Rory on the bed and placed a pillow under her waist.

"Better?" He asked her after few minutes. Rory had closed her eyes and concentrated over her breathing.

"No!" She uttered. "I won't be until you have secrets from me!"

"Try to think about yourself now and not about me!" He frowned and placed hand on her belly. "Any contractions?"

"The pain is almost gone." Rory murmured. "My waist hurts just a little."

"Okay." Jess sighed. "That's good."

"We have talk about you." She looked at him.

"Later."


	80. Chapter 80 Tell me

_**Chapter 80**__** Tell me**_

Rory shifted on the bed in her attempt to find a better position. But the pain did not go away. She had felt momentary relief when Jess had placed the pillow under her waist, but now was even worse than before.

"OW!" She clutched her stomach and breathed heavily. Her face crooked.

"Hurts again?" Jess was sitting close to her on the bed. He exchanged looks with her father. Christopher was still her and watched them by the door. Rory grabbed his hand and squeezed it. She was trying to catch her breath. "Okay." He spoke with calming voice. "You just calm down. I'll call Mel, okay?"

"Mhm…" Rory nodded with closed eyes and her back arched again. Jess frowned and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Maybe we should take her to the hospital?" He heard Christopher voice close to him and looked up.

"No!" Jess shook his head and pressed the receiver to his ear. "Her doctor told me that she has to lie down and we don't have to move her."

"Jess!" Rory moaned and squeezed his hand even harder.

"It's okay, Ror." He looked back at her. "It's okay. Just breathe." Mel called almost immediately.

"_Hallo, Jess?" _

"Can you come here, Mel?" He spoke quietly and threw a concerned look to Rory. "Rory has a contractions and I they are pretty strong."

"_Okay. I'm coming!"_ Mel answered quickly and hung up the phone.

Jess threw his phone onto the bed and touched Rory's face. It was wet. He was not sure if this was her tears or she just began to sweat. Probably both. He could hear her sob.

"Calm down, Ror!" He talked with quiet voice. "Just be strong and try to breathe!"

She bit her lower lip and just nodded. Her eyes were still close and Jess sighed. He buried his free hand into his hair and tugged it hard.

"Are you okay?" Chris walked closer to him. Jess looked at him with surprise.

"I'm fine." He murmured and nodded at Rory. "You have to care about her."

"Jess!" She panted and he looked at her. "If you're not…"

"Shh-shh!" He shook his head and took her other hand in his. "Don't worry about me now."

"But…"

"Think about our baby." He continued. "Think about how happy it'll make you."

Rory closed her eyes again and moaned painfully. She grasped his hands and breathed heavily. Jess just looked at her and a slight frown passed through his face. He heard Mel's car stopped before their house and looked up at Christopher.

"Could you..?"

"Sure." Christopher nodded and left the room.

"Mel is here already, so don't worry, okay?" He looked back at her. Her eyes were open and she looked at him too. "You'll be fine, you'll see!"

Rory just nodded in the moment when Mel walked into the room. Jess had to get off his place and make a room for Mel. She took Rory's wrist and checked her pulse. Then she turned around and nodded at Christopher to walk out of her room.

"I have to see if there is any bleeding." She explained and looked at Jess. He just stood there and looked at her. She knew that he would not walk out. Therefore, when the door closed after Christopher, Mel sighed and checked Rory. She still panted and her face was still wet.

"Calm down, Rory." Mel smiled at her and opened her medical bag. "There is no need to panic, okay? You have no bleeds and we still can save your baby. Just breathe now and try to stay still."

Rory nodded and reached out for Jess' hand. He was there immediately. Mel sighed and shot her the injection with Magnesium Sulphate. She looked at her watch again and the looked at Rory.

"Now the pain should go away. You just have to have some patience, okay?"

"Okay." Rory nodded again and bit her lip. "But it still hurts!"

"Have a patience!" Mel repeated and looked up at Jess. He was standing there. His eyes did not miss Rory's face. His hand was still holding hers.

"Don't worry." He tried to smile. "I'm here and our baby will be fine. Think about that!"

Rory looked up at him and a shy smile appeared on her face. It was the first one since the pains started. Now she felt calmer than before. Few minutes latter, there was no pain, but some nice warmth possessed her body. She yawned, but she tried to stay awake.

"It's okay if you want to sleep." Mel calmed her. "If there are no more pains that mean that everything is alright for you and the baby."

"I don't feel pain." Rory murmured.

"That's good." Mel smiled and got off the bed. She took her medical bag. "Now sleep and keep the bed today and tomorrow at least!"

"Okay." Rory nodded and closed her eyes. She felt Jess' lips over her forehead and fell asleep.

"What happened, Jess?" Mel looked at him and he sighed, rubbed his neck. "I thought that everything is alright now."

"I know." He frowned. "She just got upset today and…"

"And she received the contractions." Mel frowned. "I thought I told you – no stress!"

"I care about her, okay?" He frowned too and looked at the bed. "I'm trying to save her from everything! She just… Never mind!" Jess waved with his hand. "Let me walk you to the door!"

Mel looked at him strangely, but nodded. He closed the door after her and leaned his forehead on the cold wood. His heart pounded and he tried to regain his self-control.

"How is she?" Christopher's voice echoed close to him and Jess sighed. He turned around and saw him standing by the staircase.

"She is fine and the baby is fine!" Jess frowned. "Why did you show her the recipe?"

"I thought she knew about it." Christopher looked at him carefully. "You didn't tell her?"

"No!" Jess snapped and ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't! You saw her! That's why I didn't!"

"Maybe if she knew…"

"She doesn't have to know anything that could threaten her life!" Jess hissed. "Do you know that she almost lost that baby? When she was in the hospital few months ago? She begged me to save it and it was… I… Damn it!" Jess clenched his fist and hit the door. "I'm so sick of this! I wanted another life for her! I wanted her to be happy! I wanted her to be healthy and…"

"Jess, calm down!" Christopher touched his shoulder. "You don't help her like this!"

"I just… wanted her to be happy." Jess lowered his voice.

"I think she is happy." Christopher looked at him carefully. "She wants to be with you! I may not like it, but she chose you!"

"But…"

"You know that I didn't like you." Christopher squeezed Jess' shoulder. "But seeing you now and how much you care about my daughter… Rory loves you Jess. She wants you and she is worried for your health. Just talk to her and I thing that could help you both."

"Thank you." Jess rubbed his eyes and then looked back at Rory's father. "I have to go to her now."

"Okay." Christopher nodded. "I'll be in Stars Hollow few more days."

"I'll tell her." Jess nodded. "Bye, Christopher."

"Bye, Jess." Christopher got out of the house and Jess went to see Rory.


	81. Chapter 81 Point of view

_**Chapter**__** 81 Point of view**_

Christopher walked into Lorelai's Inn. She was behind the bar and looked at some notes in her computer. He frowned and went to see her. When she turned around and looked at his frowned face, her smile faded immediately.

"Chris?" She walked to him and touched his shoulder. "Something wrong?"

"Rory." He answered shortly.

"What?" Lorelai looked at him with concern. "What are you talking about? What's wrong with her?"

"Let's sit down and I'll explain it to you." He nodded at the closer furniture and Lorelai followed him. They sat at the couch and she stared at him. "I've never seen her suffered like that." Christopher sighed. "She looked so delicate and fragile."

"What happened, Chris?" Lorelai frowned.

"She had contractions." He sighed and his face faded even more.

"But… but why? I thought that Jess look out for her!"

"He does, but I think that I might get things worse!" Christopher ran his fingers through his hair.

"What? How?" Lorelai frowned.

"I think that he is hiding something from her and I just mess up things." Christopher shook his head.

"He is hiding something from her?" Lorelai tilted her head. "You got me confused!"

"Okay." Christopher sighed. "Let me explain it to you… When I was in New York I met one old friend. He happened to be a father of Jess' doctor."

"Which one?"

"John Waldorf." He scratched his neck. "John gave me some piece of paper and told me to give it to Jess. He said that it is very important."

"John gave you… Oh no!" Lorelai whispered. "New prescription?"

"He didn't tell me anything else." Christopher shrugged. "You know that this is doctor-patient thing."

"Yeah, I know." Lorelai shook her head. "Jess took some blood tests few weeks ago. Luke told me that they were gonna sent some in New York. Rory didn't know about that."

"Well, she already knows." Christopher furrowed his eyebrows.

"Jess was careful about that." Lorelai shook her head.

"Yeah and I've had the opportunity to see why, with my eyes! She got furious and then received pains."

"Is she alright now?" Lorelai looked at him with concern. "The baby?"

"Jess took her in their room. We thought that she was okay, but then she received even stronger contractions and Jess had to call her doctor." Christopher explained. "She came quickly and shot Rory some injection. Rory and her baby are okay now."

"Good." Lorelai sighed and rubbed her eyes. "That's good."

"But he didn't look okay, Lor." Christopher looked at her carefully. "What is wrong with him? I thought I saw something in his eyes… I'm not sure what exactly, but it brought chills to me."

"He is… sick." Lorelai frowned. "He won't admit that in front of Rory, but he is very sick. Jess didn't talk with me either, but I could see Luke. He is worried and he would never look like that if everything were alright with Jess. I think you are right and Jess is hiding something from all of us."

"That's bad!" Christopher rubbed his chin. "You should've seen him with Rory. He looked so steady and calm. It brought her calmness. He allowed me to see his true emotions when we were alone. He spared that to Rory."

"Yeah." Lorelai let out a thin smile. "Jess is very good with Rory. Like I told you few years ago, this is his upgraded version."

"Yeah." Christopher smiled. "I hope everything with them to be alright."

"Same here." Lorelai patted his shoulder.

She called Jess few hours later. He was awake and she was not even surprised by that. He would not fall asleep when Rory needed him.

"Hey, Jess."

"She is fine." He answered her with tired voice. "I just gave her, her pills."

"Good." Lorelai made short pause. "What about you?"

"What about me?" He snapped.

"Christopher told me…"

"I've figured…" Jess sighed. "Look, I think Jake is just coming home. We'll talk later."

"Sure." Lorelai agreed and hung up the phone.

Jess sighed and went to see his son. His uncle was waiting with Jake downstairs. Jess put a smile on his face when Jake looked at him. Jess took him in his arms and looked at his uncle. Luke was not that easy. He frowned and shook his head.

"Grandpa made me a dinner!" Jake babbled. "And we played in the park, daddy."

"You are not tired?" Jess looked at his son and ruffled his hair.

"Little." Jake smiled.

"Good then." Jess kissed his son's temple and put him back on the ground. "Go and wash your hands. I want you in the bed when I get upstairs."

"I wanna see mommy." Jake pouted.

"Wash your hands and I'll take you to her." Jess smiled.

"Okay." Jake sang and went upstairs. Jess sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Luke noticed that.

"Something happened?"

"Mel was here earlier." Jess spoke quietly. "Rory was bad."

"Oh no!"

"Yeah." Jess frowned. "Her father was here and gave her my new prescription. He met John in New York and he gave it to him."

"And Rory saw it?" Luke frowned. "That's why she…"

"I told you that she's not strong enough!" Jess snapped. "I told you!"

"Calm down now and give me the prescription."

"Why?" Jess frowned. "It's my responsibility to…"

"I'm gonna buy the new pills." Luke stared at his nephew. "It'll be quicker in that way and you could go to bed earlier."

"But…"

"Now Jess!" Luke insisted and Jess placed the small piece of paper in his uncle's hand. "Good!" Luke nodded. "I'm gonna buy the pills earlier in the morning."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome!" He patted Jess' shoulder. "Now go upstairs and take care of your son."

Jess smiled and shook his head but listened to his uncle. When he got upstairs and walked into Jake's room, he found it empty. A short smile appeared on his face. He knew where his son was.

Jess went straight to the bedroom and saw Jake cuddled in Rory. She was awake and welcomed him with smile on her face. Yeah, sometimes life was good. Jess sighed and went to his wife and son.


	82. Chapter 82 My cure

_**Chapter 82**__** My cure**_

Rory sighed and woke in the middle of the night. It happened a lot lately. She frowned at first, but then she felt two fast kicks in her belly and smiled. She rubbed that place and closed her eyes with pleasure. Her baby was just telling her that everything is fine. She was glad about that and she was very careful the past few weeks.

The lamp on the nightstand threw the dim light in the room. Rory looked at Jess. He was sleeping with face to her. Rory smiled again and her hand buried in his hair. He did not wake. He looked too tired these days and slept a lot. He was trying to hide that from her, but Rory knew him well enough to know that something was wrong with him. On the top of that, Luke was in their house more often than usual. These were all disturbing signals. However, Jess was smiling in front of her and telling her that everything was alright with him.

Rory could not believe him. She could see the black circles under his eyes. His tired and pale face was something that concerned her the most. But there is nothing else. Jess took care of Jake and he could not help but smile when she saw the father and the son played together.

Another fast kick made her shiver and Rory bit her lower lip. Thanks to the new vitamins and medications, her pregnancy was almost bearable. She even felt strong enough to sleep only twice a day.

"Hey." Rory heard Jess' sleepy whisper and looked up at him. "How are you? Any problem?"

"No." Rory shook her head. "We are just awake."

"Awake, huh?" He placed his hand on her belly and felt how the baby moved. "Yeah, you are awake."

"I know." Rory laughed quietly. "I told you."

"So you can't sleep?"

"No, I was sleeping, but then somebody wakes me." She shrugged and rubbed her belly.

"You sure that is only this?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "Don't worry Jess." She whispered. "I have two more months."

"I know, but I can't just stop worry about you." His hand rubbed her belly. "I will be calm when you both are out of danger."

"Sure." Rory smiled and changed the subject. "When the kids are coming home? I miss them already."

"I think we have one more week before that." Jess kissed her forehead. "You really miss them, huh?"

"Yeah." Rory laughed. "They get me tired, but I love them around me."

"Ayn called me earlier today." Jess laughed too. "She wanted to know how are we."

"Clever girl."

"She grew up too quickly." Jess shook his head. His face went serious. "Sometimes I feel guilty in front of her. She is so young and she is so scared already."

"Jess…"

"You should see her eyes, Ror." Jess sighed. "Every time when I rub my forehead and she is around…"

"Oh, Jess…" Rory lay her hand on his chest. "I know what she's feeling and I can't blame her. We are just worried about you. Is that a bad thing?"

"No." He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I know that you love me and I know that you can't stop worry about me. The same is with me."

"That's why we have to be honest with each other." Rory licked her lower lip and looked at him carefully. "Why didn't you tell me about the new blood results?"

"Rory…"

"What is wrong with you now?" She touched his forehead. "I can see that something isn't right. I can feel it!"

"It's really nothing." Jess shrugged, but avoided her eyes. "I just have to take different pills."

"But they make you sleep a lot." Rory frowned. "We've been on this path. I know what that mean."

"Rory, no!" Jess frowned. "It's not like the first time. It's just… different pills. That's all."

"What about your heart? You know that you can't take some meds because of it!"

"Easy, doc!" Jess kissed her lips. "John sent me the new prescriptions. I think that he had the final word, before he could send the prescription to me."

"Yeah, but…" Rory rested her hand right above his heart. "I can feel that you are hiding something from me. That's what concerns me."

"Hey, stop worrying!" Jess pulled her in his arms. He rubbed her back and waist. Rory sighed with pleasure. "I don't want you to worry about, okay?" He whispered. "You have to think about only for our baby. That is all I need from you. I know you could try."

"I could try, but I couldn't promise, Jess!" Rory whispered on his chest.

"I only need you to try Rory." He kissed the top of her head and felt her relaxed in his arms few minutes later.

Jess stared at the empty space. His thoughts wandered. Rory was right of course. She knew him too well and she loved him too much not to know that something was wrong. Jess was trying to hide his weakness, but sometimes he just could not. It was too hard and too exhausting to do that. And it was pointless too.

Luke was there more often than usual. Jess knew that he had called and asked about Jess' new prescription. Now his uncle was pain in the ass, but Jess knew that he could not be otherwise. Luke was like a father to him. Jess was like his first son and he felt good about it. He always thought that Luke would be a good father.

Jess sighed and rested his chin on Rory's head. He could feel her breath on his chest and his eyes closed with pleasure. That was something he thought he would never have. He had dreamt about it. Now when he had it, he thought that it was even better. After so many years of marriage, after so many things happening around them, Jess still loved her. He still loved his Rory.

He ignored the pain built up in his head and let her cure him.


	83. Chapter 83 Is there something wrong?

_**Chapter 83**__** Is there something wrong?**_

It was the one of the most quiet and peaceful moment in her life. Well, not so quiet, but peaceful. Rory was standing by the door of the living room and watching Jess playing with the small children. They just had came back home and got dinner. Ayn was upstairs on her laptop and the little ones were downstairs and playing with their father. Even Jake looked better and happy.

Rory sighed and crossed hands over her protuberant belly. It was her seventh month and she already counted the days. Her baby was with good development. Mel was reassured her that earlier this day. Now Rory looked relaxed and her face softened when she watched how happy Jess was with his children. She knew how much he loved them, but she did not know that he missed them as hard as she did.

"Mommy!" Jane giggled and Rory looked at her with a smile. "Come play with us!"

"Thank you honey!" Rory walked to her and ruffled her hair. "But mommy is gonna sit here and watch you instead." Rory sat carefully on the sofa. "Our baby won't allow me play with you." She rubbed her stomach.

"Are you okay?" Jess jumped off the floor and was with her after seconds. "You want to lie down?"

"No." Rory shook her head with a smile. "I'm just tired, that's all." She touched his worried face. "You play and I'm gonna watch."

"No." Jess shook his head and nodded at the playfully fighting children on the floor. "They are fine without me now. Can I join you on the sofa?" He tilted his head with a smile and sat close to her.

"Sure." Rory sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. She felt his hand slid on her back and drew small circle on her waist. "Mhm, that's good."

"Oh is it?" Jess smiled. "You missed them, right?"

"Yeah." Rory smiled and watched her little children. "How is Ayn? She is quiet from the moment they came back here. Now she is locked in her room. Is there something that bothers her?"

"I'm not sure." Jess frowned. "But I have to admit that she is very quiet. Maybe I should talk to her?"

"Yeah." Rory murmured. "But after you help me to the bed and make sure that the Huns and Jake are in theirs too."

"Still a despot I can see." Jess teased her and she laughed quietly.

"Only because you allow me!" She giggled.

"Yeah, yeah!" He kissed her temple.

Few minutes later, he helped her to their bedroom and took care for the little children. Rory lay on the bed with pleasurable sigh. Her back hurt and she felt tired all day. That was something usual these days. In her seventh month, she looked pretty big. Mel calmed her that there was nothing wrong in that. The size of her belly just showed how big the baby was in her. There was nothing disturbing. Therefore, Rory did not complain. She added another wining day in her baby calendar and put a smile on her face.

"I'm gonna check the Huns and Jake." Jess placed soft kiss on her forehead and she nodded.

He walked out of the bedroom and found his children with their pajamas and on their beds already. Jake was sleeping already. Jess frowned and went to see his younger son. He fixed the blanket over his small body and kissed his cheek. Jake was happy today. He looked tired but he was happy. Jess watched him some time and then left the room. The door remained half-open.

The twins were already in their beds and babbled joyfully. They were happy to come back home to their parents.

"Daddy!" Jess Jr. squealed when he saw Jess stood by the door.

"Shh-shh!" Jess shushed but the smile on his face showed that he was not angry. "Jake just fell asleep."

"I told you, Jess!" Jane pouted at her twin brother.

"Yeah." Jess Jr. shrugged. "Whatever."

"Hey." Jess went in the room. "I saw your sister. She looks sad. Somebody know something about this?"

"Nah." Jane shrugged. "Aynie is like this since the last week."

"Something happened to her?" Jess asked carefully.

"Grandpa and granny came to visit Nikki that day." Jess Jr. sat on his bed. "She went to see them and when she came back to us, she was like this."

"Hm." Jess frowned slightly. "Thanks guys."

Few minutes later, Jess knocked on Ayn's room. She answered him and when he opened the door, Jess saw his daughter still sitting on her chair before her laptop. She typed furiously, but when Jess walked in, Ayn turned around to him and closed her laptop.

"Hey daddy." She smiled, but Jess knew that smile. It was the same like his when he was worried – it was fake. "I was just…"

"What is the problem now?" Jess tilted his head. Ayn frowned and got off her chair.

"There is no problem." Ayn tried to smile again.

"Nice try." Jess frowned. "Give me the truth now."

"But…"

"Your mother and I noticed your lack of communication. Your mother is married and we both know how unhealthy that is for her now! So… are you going to tell me now?"

Ayn bit her lower lip and avoided her father's eyes. Jess shook his head. There was defiantly something wrong here. His daughter looked very upset now. He could see how her face changed just for few seconds. Now she was trying to suppress her tears.

"Ayn?" Jess looked at her with confusion. "What…?"

Ayn did not say anything. She just threw in his arms and wrapped her arms around his waist and her body shook. She was crying. Jess's face faded. He rubbed his daughter's back in attempt to soothe her.

"Shh-shh, hey…" Jess murmured. "What's wrong? Come on, you know that you can tell me."


	84. Chapter 84 Just watch

_**Chapter 84**__** Just watch **_

Jess was hugging his daughter. Ayn could not stop crying and he still was trying to understand why. She could not control her sobs and that made him alert. Ayn was like him and had his temper. If she was crying like this, there was a serious reason.

"Ayn?" Jess rubbed her back. "Ayn please, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"I've heard grandpa and granny talk." She sobbed and pulled back. "They were talking about my mom and you and…"

"Wow!" Jess frowned and made her sit on her bed. He sat close to her. "What about your mother?"

"She was bad, right?" Ayn sniffed. "Last week?"

"Yeah, but Mel was here and everything is fine now." Jess tried to smile. "You saw her…"

"And you?" Ayn bit her lower lip. "Are you okay?"

"Sure I am." Jess rubbed her back. "Why?"

"Grandpa said…"

"Your grandpa is too worried about me." Jess ruffled his daughter's hair. "I'm fine. You can see that I am fine. You know that I have to take some pills, but other than that…"

"I don't want you to lie to me!" Ayn looked serious. "I'm not a child anymore!"

"Come here!" Jess smiled and pulled her in his arms. "You are a child! You still are and stay like this as long as you can, okay? Don't be such a rush to grow up." He rubbed her back and his smile faded. "You're gonna stay my little girl no mater what!"

"But daddy…" Ayn sighed, but Jess could feel her smile.

"Always!" Jess kissed the top oh her head. Ayn was too sensitive and he had to think about his daughter too now. "Come on!" Jess pulled back and put another smile on his face. "It's too late! Finish your paper work and I want you in the bed! You are at school tomorrow!"

"Sure." Ayn smiled and hugged him briefly again. "I love you daddy."

"Love you too my princess." Jess smiled and left the room. His smile faded in the moment he walked into his room. He rubbed his neck and went in the bathroom with a tired sigh. He took his pills and looked at his reflection at the mirror. "Liar!" He hissed and turned around. That was he. He was a liar and he lied to his own daughter. Sure, he did that to protect her, but the lie was still a lie no matter what.

"Jess?" He heard Rory's voice and slid close to her in the bed. She snuggled in him and her back touched his chest. Jess wrapped his arm around her wais and his palm rested on her belly. He could feel the movements of their baby in her belly and a smile appeared on his face. "Are you okay?" She asked him and covered his hand with hers.

"Yeah." Jess mumbled and kissed the back of her head. "I just talked with Ayn. She's worried about you, that's all."

"Oh." Rory made short pause. "Is everything okay now?"

"Yeah. You don't have to worry about, okay?"

"Okay." Rory yawned. Jess felt her relaxed in his arms and just then allowed himself to fell asleep too.

Luke came to visit them on the next day. Rory was still sleeping and the kids were at school. Jess was resting in the living room and typing on his laptop. Luke did not knock. He just opened the door and walked inside.

"Hey!" Jess frowned when he looked up at him. "What are you think you're doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" Luke frowned. "I came to see you!"

"You should've knocked first, you know?" Jess snapped and closed his laptop. "You could've seen me naked!" He teased his uncle and saw his uncle got pale.

"It's not funny!" Luke frowned.

"It is." Jess laughed. "You should've seen your face!"

"Well, it's good that you have fun." Luke murmured and sat close to his nephew. "How are you feeling these days?"

"Ah, so you are here just to check on me?" Jess's smile faded. "Thanks for your cares, but I'm fine, uncle Luke!"

"I'm not sure you are, Jess." Luke frowned. "And you can't lie to me."

"I'm not lying." Jess murmured and got off the sofa. "I'm fine and our only care should be Rory. I told you!"

"Someone should take care of you." Luke frowned.

"But…"

"Don't tell me you are fine, cos I'm sick of that word!" Luke snapped. "I can see your face, Jess! I know what are you trying to do now, but you have to understand…"

"No!" Jess hissed and his eyes narrowed. "You have to understand that my only care now is Rory and how to make her feel safe and secure. I am fine!"

"No! You aren't!" Luke snapped and got off the sofa too. He walked to Jess and stood before him. "I wish you are, but you aren't!"

"I'm taking my pills and everything is under control!" Jess frowned. "You have to trust me when…oh!" Jess lost his balance and Luke grabbed his arms. He frowned and forced him to sit back on the sofa.

"You're saying?" Luke murmured and hid in the kitchen. He came back with glass of water and handed it to Jess.

"It's nothing." Jess murmured and took a sip. He closed his eyes and rubbed his neck. "I can handle this."

"Can you?" Luke frowned. "Or you just think you can?"

"Two months." Jess sighed and placed the empty glass on the table. "I can think about that after two months."

"But Jess…"

"I can't let her find out, okay?" Jess rubbed his forehead. "That could only put more stress on her and I don't want that. She is too fragile now and I… I just don't want to risk with her right now."

"Since you don't want to take care of you, I will!" Luke frowned.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jess narrowed his eyes. "Uncle Luke…"

"If you want to keep that secret from Rory, that's fine. But I won't just stay here and do nothing!"

"Uncle Luke!" Jess frowned.

"Just watch me!" Luke nodded and left the house.


	85. Chapter 85 I’m tired

_**Chapter 85**__** I'm tired **_

Rory had heard Luke's voice downstairs. He sounded upset, but she still could not hear of what. She sighed and tried to get off the bed. It was a tough job these days because of her sizes. She had to sit first and then she could at least try to get out of the bed. That happened now too. Rory sat carefully on the bed and hung her legs over the edge of the bed. Her feet touched the floor and she sighed.

"It's okay so far." She murmured as she rubbed her belly. It was bigger then the previous week and her baby kicked her hard. "Sh-sh… it's okay." Rory mumbled with smile. Yeah, it was painful, but at least she knew that her baby it was okay. "Let's go and see your daddy now."

She carefully got off the bed. It took her almost a minute and she heard the front door slammed and she trembled. Luke might be really upset then. He was very careful usually. Rory frowned and put her robe on. She opened the door of the bedroom and carefully took the stairs to the first floor. She saw Jess sat on the sofa. His elbows rested on his knees and his hands were buried in his hair. He had not heard her and Rory frowned. Jess was not good and he could not lie to her.

"Uncle Luke just went away." Jess murmured and looked up at her. That surprised Rory. She thought that he had not noticed her. Obviously, he had. "Come on, sit here." Jess patted the place close to him.

He helped her sat and then sighed when he kissed her. A tired smile appeared on his face when he touched her small and delicate face. Rory stared at his beautiful hazel eyes and could not help but shiver.

"What's wrong with you?" She touched his hand and leaned on his palm. "Why Luke was so upset?"

"Nothing." Jess smiled and his head rested on her lap. His hand touched her belly. "I'm just… little tired, but I'll be fine. I promise."

"Are you sure?" Rory buried hand in his hair and massaged his scalp carefully. Jess relaxed under her touched. "You want me to call your doctor? If you have pains?"

"No." Jess murmured and Rory felt his lips touched her protuberant stomach. "I'm fine, really. I just need to feel you two like this."

"We are here, Jess." Rory leaned back on the sofa and stared at his beautiful face. His eyes closed and soon he fell asleep in under her touch. Rory frowned. It was unusual for him to act in this way.

Her baby kicked her again, but Rory resisted on the urge to tremble this time. She stood still and just watched Jess. He had calmed under her touch and now he slept peacefully. Rory knew how much he cared about her and how much he had worried about her pregnancy. It was not only this – he took care of their family too. Rory was unable to help him now, but he did not complain. Jess never complained of anything. She could see how tired he got after all this. Still, Jess had not said a word… until now.

_I'm tired, _was the first sign that he was not good. He would never say something like this in his usual state. Rory always wondered at his strength. It looked like he was powerful sometimes. He was not now and she could see that. It scared her more than she thought it would. It was strange how three simple words could do that.

"It's okay." Rory whispered and slipped fingers through his hair. She knew how to touch him and he did not wake. "It's okay, Jess. Sleep now…" Her whisper made him shiver a bit but he did not wake. "I'm here. I'm always here for you."

When Ayn came back from school, Jess was already upstairs. Rory had made him change the sofa for the more comfortable bed. He had listened to her and now slept again. Rory was at the living room and watched some TV show. However, she did not pay that much attention of it. She just needed something, distracted her from her dark thoughts.

"Mom?" Ayn called her from the front door.

"Here honey." Rory answered and watched her daughter walked towards her. A soft smile appeared on her lips. "You look just like your father, you know?"

"I know." Ayn grinned and kissed her mother's cheek. "You're keep telling me this. Where is daddy?"

"He is sleeping." Rory answered and saw how Ayn's face changed. "He's fine hun. He's just little tired."

"Don't lie to me!" Ayn flopped onto the armchair. "I know."

"What?" Rory tilted her head and her hands rested on her belly. "What do you know?"

"I know when you look worried about him. You look like it now?" Ayn frowned. "Just tell me the truth okay? I can handle it!"

"Your father just felt tired and now he's sleeping." Rory answered carefully. "That's all."

"I'm scared." Ayn bit her lower lip. "I know that it's stupid and stuff, but I can't help it."

"It's not stupid, hun." Rory tried to smile. "He is your father and it's more than normal to worry about him."

"When I was little and he was sick… I thought that if I'm quiet and I'm good, he'll be fine." Ayn's lower lip trembled. "I wish I have that belief now. I wish it is that simple."

"I know." Rory smiled softly. "But… He is here now and he'd be worried if he sees you like this."

"I'm talking to you now." Ayn released her crooked smile. "I've talked to daddy already. I don't know to worry him more. I just want you to know that I am old enough to help you with everything. You could count on me."

"I know hun." Rory nodded and tried to get off the sofa. Ayn rushed to her and helped her. Rory touched her daughter's face and saw her worried hazel eyes stared at her. "It's okay, Ayn. Everything will be okay. We just have to have some patience, okay?"

"Okay." Ayn nodded but his eyes remained anxious. "Maybe you should take a nap mom. I'll take care of the little ones when they come back home."

"Yeah." Rory rubbed her waist with a slight frown. "I think I need to lie down for a while."

"Okay. I'm here…" Ayn smiled. "Don't worry."

"Call if you need anything, okay?" Rory blinked with another hard kick. "I'll be awake."

"Sure." Ayn forced another smile and watched her mother went upstairs.

Rory opened the door of her room and saw Jess on the bed. He was sleeping and she just stood still for awhile, just watched him. He really looked tired. Now she could see it clearly. That brought slight frown on her face. She knew that he would not complain. Never. He just was not that type of a person. He would use all of his powers, and when they were gone, he would go beyond that and forced his body to his will.

_I'm tired_ was not good sign. It was not good… at all.


	86. Chapter 86 More secrets

_**Chapter 86 More secrets**_

Rory waited for the first possible moment to talk with Luke. She knew that Jess would not tell her anything about his condition. She had tried a month already. Jess kept quiet and the black circles under her eyes became visible in every day. He kept smiling. Her eyes kept watching him with concern.

On the top of that was her pregnancy. The due date was close and she was worried about that too. She knew the possible difficulties and that made her concern even more. Her nerves tightened in every day approaching to her labor.

It was rainy day. The autumn came with the pouring rains and the usual dark mood for Rory. Jess was out for something and Rory was at home. She was lying on the couch and her hands rested on her belly. Her baby was unusual active all week. She had lost her sleep and the kicking just could not stop.

"Hey!" Luke's voice sounded from the front door.

"Hey Luke." Rory forced a smile and watched as Luke walked in to the living room. She could not move right now. It was too difficult for her.

He bent and kissed her cheek.

"Hey mommy." He smiled and took the armchair close to her. "How are you today?"

"I think I'm gonna be a soccer mom." Rory frowned and shifted on the sofa. "My little precious cut me my sleep hours."

"How so?" Luke chuckled.

"It's kicking me whole week already." Rory frowned and placed a pillow under her waist. That released the pressure, but just a little. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to see you." Luke smiled and leaned back on his armchair. "Is that… surprising for you?"

"Yeah, actually." She frowned. "But… as long as you are here… I wanted to ask you about something."

"Sure." He shrugged. "Anything."

"What's wrong with Jess?" Rory stared at Luke.

"What?" Luke frowned. "I thought that you are his wife! You should know! Why do you ask me? I'm the last person…"

"You are babbling." Rory tilted her head. "So there is something that you both are hiding from me! What is it?"

"There is nothing, Rory!" Luke avoided her eyes. "You are pregnant now and these worries are not good for the baby. Just think about it."

"I am thinking about it, Luke!" Rory succeeded to sit on the sofa. It took her little more than usual, but she did it. "But Jess is the man I love and it's more than natural to worry about him. Don't you think? And you just keep silence!"

"Calm down now." Luke touched her arm. "You know that it's no good."

"I know that I need to know! Oh!" She touched her stomach and took a deep breath. "Here it goes again."

"What? What? Are you okay? Do you need to call me someone?" Luke looked panicked. "Do you want me to call Jess?"

"No." Rory murmured through clenched teeth. "I told you that I didn't have a quiet time this week. It's just hurts, you know?"

"So it's not a contraction?"

"Um… no." Rory touched her waist with her hands and her head hung between her shoulders. She tried to easier her breathing. "Trust me, I know what it feels." Rory murmured.

"Rory!" She heard Jess's voice and in the next moment, he was beside of her. His hand lay on the small of her back and rubbed it in circular moves. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She looked at him tiredly. "Just another portion of the hard kicking."

"Okay." Jess tried to smile but his face looked pale. "Lean on me now and try to relax."

Rory just leaned her head on his shoulder and left herself in his hands. She could not see his face now, but she was sure that he was worried. That was his usual state these days.

"I think I'm good now." Rory murmured after few minutes.

"Okay." He answered but his hand was still on her waist.

"I think I better lie down now." Rory looked up at him and saw his tired smile. Yeah, he looked tired and his face was paler than before. "Maybe you have to lie down too?"

"I'll join you in a bit." Jess kissed her lips and pulled back. "You need any help upstairs?"

"Nope." She shook her head. "Just help me get up now." A slight frown passed through her face. "I think I'm too big now."

"Have a little patience." Jess took her hand and supported her to the staircase.

"I know and I will." Rory touched his face. "I'll wait for you upstairs." She looked back at Luke. "Bye, Luke. Send my best to mom and Nikki."

"Sure, Rory." Luke nodded and get off his armchair. Jess sighed and joined his uncle. Luke studied his nephew's face. "So, how did it go?"

"Fine." Jess sighed and sat on the sofa. "It went fine. I did the MRI and now we have to wait for the results."

"When?" Luke sat beside his nephew.

"This week." Jess buried his fingers in his hair. "I'm so tired of this!"

"I know." Luke patted his nephew's shoulder.

"I mean it!" Jess snapped. "I'm sick of this! I'm sick of lies and hiding! I just…"

"Then tell Rory."

"No!" Jess frowned.

"But it'll be better if she knows…"

"I said – no!" Jess looked at his uncle. "I told you that she is too fragile for that news! I don't want to risk with her and the baby."

"She would find out eventually and then what?" Luke frowned. "What are you going to do then Jess?"

"I don't know and honestly, I don't want to think about that now." He shrugged. "I have to focus only on her now. She needs me."

"She needs you healthy!"

"Stop it, okay?" Jess snapped and got off the sofa. "I know what I'm doing. Everything is under control!"

"Yeah." Luke frowned again. "I can see that!"


	87. Chapter 87 Friday night, I’m here

**_Chapter 87 Friday night, I'm here_**

Rory covered her mouth with her hand. She had heard everything. Her hand slid on her belly and she suppressed a moan. Jess was bad and he had hid that from her. Her heart pounded in her chest and she blinked furiously to stop her tears. He had done it again. Rory could see that he was bad but one thing was to wonder and the other was to know for sure.

She sighed and forced herself to walk to the bedroom. She could not trust to her legs now. Her hands trembled when she sat on the bed.

"This can't be true." Rory murmured to herself as she leaned her back on the headboard and stretched out her legs. Her hands lay on her belly. The baby kicked her hard again and she trembled once more. "I know…" Rory whispered and rubbed her stomach. "I'm scared too."

When Jess walked in the room few minutes later, her face was wet from tears. He looked at her with concern and rushed to the bed. His hand lay over hers on her stomach and his eyes looked at her anxiously.

"Hey." He saw her sniffed. "What's wrong?"

"I…" Rory looked at him back and bit her lower lip. "Sometimes the baby kicked me too hard and I just…"

"Oh." Jess tilted his head. "Are you sure that's only this?"

"Sure." Rory forced a smile. "What else could it be?"

"Hm…" Jess murmured and took her in his arms. They lay on the bed and her back rested on his chest. Their hands lay on her belly and Rory closed her eyes with a pleasure. "Now… what is the real reason for your tears?" Jess mumbled in her hair and made her shiver.

"I just told you." Rory whispered. "This past week is just… like this."

"Oh." Jess rubbed her belly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's alright." Rory took his hand and laced her fingers with his. "I'll be fine and our baby will be fine. That's how I know that everything with it is alright."

"But I don't want you to suffer." Jess uttered in her hair.

"I don't want you to suffer too." Rory mumbled and bit her lower lip.

"What?"

"Um nothing." Rory said louder and snuggled in him. "I'm just scared that's all."

"Everything will be alright." He kissed the back of her head. "You have to believe in that."

"Yeah." Rory tried to smile. "Yeah I have to."

Another week passed and Rory waited to hear for Jess' results. She waited for him to tell her or at least he could tell Luke and she could hear something. Nothing like that happened. Jess remained the same and her nerves tightened even more. She knew that her body should not experience such a stress, but she could not help it. Jess was her husband and Rory loved him with all of her heart. She knew that he would want to spare her right now, but he did exactly the opposite.

One day by the end of the week, Rory finally saw Luke again. He was with her mother and her brother for the traditional family dinner. They all looked happy and cheery. That was something that was getting on her nerves even more. Rory did not know why exactly but it was a fact.

"Ror?" Her mother asked her as they were in the kitchen. "Are you okay, honey?"

"Oh, I'm fine." Rory forced a smile. "I'm just perfect."

"Are you sure, hun?" Lorelai touched her hand. "You look pale.'

"I'm sure!" Rory snapped and turned around. She felt another hard kick in her belly and grabbed the edge of the table. "Oh damn!" She cured and took a deep breath.

"Rory…" Lorelai touched her shoulder but Rory put up her hand.

"I'll be fine!" She hissed through clenched teeth.

"If you want me to…"

"Lor?" Luke's voice echoed from the door and they saw him there. "Nikki is calling for you."

"I'm coming." Lorelai threw one last look to her daughter and walked out of the small kitchen. Luke tried to follow her but Rory stopped him.

"Luke, wait!" She called him and he looked at her. Rory placed hands on the small of her back and walked to him. "What's wrong with Jess?" She frowned.

"What?" Luke avoided her eyes.

"Don't lie to me!" Rory snapped and her eyes glowed with anger. "I know about the MRI!"

"Jess told you?" Luke was surprised.

"No! He didn't tell me!" Rory sighed and felt small pain in her waist. She rubbed that place subconsciously. "I overheard your conversation and I'm on the edge of my last nerve! What is wrong with him? Luke, please tell me."

"I'm not sure if I have to tell you this, Rory." His look fell on her belly. "He told me that…"

"Forget about what he told you!" Rory hissed. "He's not helping me like this! He's making me even more nervous!"

"Maybe you should talk to him. I'm not the right person to talk to." Luke looked at her hesitantly.

"Luke!" Rory snapped and felt the pain in her waist built up. She bit her lip not to cry.

"Fine!" Luke murmured and looked at her carefully. "Jess needs an emergency surgical intervention. The meds he's taking isn't helping him."

"What?" Rory's eyes widened and her heart pounded.

"He wants to wait with the surgery after your labor, so…"

"No!" Rory screamed and grabbed Luke's arm. The pain in her waist now cut through her stomach. She tried to catch her breath.

"Rory!" Luke screamed in the moment when Jess rushed into the room.

"Rory?" He pushed his uncle aside and Rory grabbed his arm instead. She panted curled up in too. "Rory, what's wrong?"

"The baby…" Her voice cracked and she looked up at him. "I think…"

"It's okay." He tried to smile and rubbed her back. Rory leaned on him and took a deep breath. The pain was gone for now but she knew that it would come back shortly. She forced a smile. "There you go." Jess talked as he helped her on their way out of the kitchen. "You have to calm down now and be strong, okay?"

Rory nodded and tried to smile again but her face crooked with another pain. Jess stopped for a moment and supported her. His hand still rubbed her waist. Lorelai and Luke walked behind them.

"The kids." Rory gasped when Jess helped her with her coat. It was cold outside.

"Don't worry." Luke watched them. "I'll be here."

"And I'm gonna drive." Lorelai grabbed the car keys from the table. "Come on!" She took her coat and opened the door before Rory and Jess.

"Everything will be alright." Jess murmured and kissed Rory's temple. She just nodded and leaned on him again.


	88. Chapter 88 Don’t let me go

_**Chapter 88**__** Don't let me go **_

Jess helped her to sit on the back seat and sat close to her. He leaned on the door and pulled Rory in his arms. She rested her back on his chest and grabbed his hands. His lips touched her temple and Rory tried to calm her pounded heart.

"Are you okay kids?" Lorelai asked and started the engine.

"Sure." Jess answered. "You just drive, okay?"

"Okay." Lorelai threw a brief look to them in the mirror and the car drove off.

Rory tried to stay calm. She tried to control her breathing. It was not her first time and she knew what it had to happen. However, the fear was still alive in her. She grasped Jess' hands with the next contraction.

"Oh…mhm…" She gasped and her head fell aback on Jess' shoulder. "I'm so… sorry Jess…"

"Shh-shh… calm down." He whispered close to her ear. "Just focus on your breathing."

"I'm… sorry you have to get… through this." She uttered.

"What?" He was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You … you have to make that surgery!" Rory felt another pain cut through her stomach. "You have to… do this! And I'm… ow!" She cried and arched her back.

"I will." Rory heard his voice close to her ear again. "I will. You just… calm down and concentrate over that birth, okay? I'll be here for you."

"I'm scared!" Rory hid her head in the crook of his neck. She cried quietly.

"Everything will be alright with you." Jess kissed her forehead. "Just think about the baby and how soon you're gonna see it and hold it in your arms."

"No." Rory panted. "I'm scared for you."

"Rory." Jess felt her squeezed his hands again. "Don't think about it now. Just…"

"I can't." Rory tried to control her breathing.

"Don't think of me now! I'll be fine."

"But… OW!" She shouted and new tears rolled down her face. "Jess!"

"Scream, Rory! Scream! Yell! I just want you to feel little better, jeez!" He cursed but his hands still held hers. "Everything would be fine! You'll see!"

"Jess?" Lorelai threw them a brief look. She looked worried.

"Just drive as fast as you could!" He snapped and focused on Rory's face. Her eyes were closed and she bit her lower lip.

"Something… something is not right…" Rory panted and arched her back again. "I can… feel it… I can…"

"Shh-shh." He shushed her and kissed her temple again. "We'll be at the hospital soon. You have to be strong and you have to stay with me! Okay?"

"It... hurts!" Rory crooked her face with a moan. "It wasn't like this… before."

"Here we go." Lorelai stopped the car before the hospital. "Jess?"

"It's okay." He nodded. "I'll help her. Just open the door."

Lorelai got out of the car and opened Jess' door. He helped Rory but she stopped and curled up in two with her first step.

"I… can't…" She moaned and leaned on Jess. Her breathing was erratic.

"It's okay." Jess held her tight. He looked at Lorelai but she was gone already. Jess saw heard her scream for help when the door of the ER opened before her. "Everything will be alright soon."

"Jess!" Rory clutched her stomach in the moment when her water broke. She fell on his hands and Jess thought that she would lose conscious. But she did not. He held her tight and his arms were wrapped around her.

"It's okay, Ror! It's okay! Just be strong!" He babbled incoherently. "Breathe now, just breathe."

The help came quickly after that. Some nurses helped Rory to lie down on the stretcher and they rushed inside of the ER. Jess just stood there and watched how the nurses took Rory. The touch of the familiar hand pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked at Lorelai. She was standing close to him. Her face was pale and Jess thought that he probably did not look any better. On the top of that, he felt the well-known dizziness possessed him. It was something usual these days.

"Jess?" Lorelai looked at the white door before them. "Are you sure you want to…"

"Why are you even asking me this?" Jess snapped and rubbed his forehead. "I'd never leave her suffer alone!"

"I'm scared!" Lorelai mumbled and looked up at him. Jess met her look and frowned.

"I am terrified, but Rory needs me so I have to be there!"

They called for him few minutes later. Jess walked into the small room just when Rory screamed his name. He rushed to her and barely kept his balance when she grabbed his hand with iron grip.

"Jess!" She panted and looked at him. "You are here?"

"I'm always here for you, Ror!" He bent down and kissed her forehead. "Just be strong, okay?"

"No." She closed her eyes and her back arched. "I can't! I… "

"You must!" Jess took the near towel to soak the sweat on her face. "You have to do this! You have to fight for this baby! You have to fight for me!"

"Jess?" He heard Mel's voice and looked at her. Her serious face showed that Rory's fears were truth. There was something wrong. Her next words confirmed it. "There is something wrong with the baby."

"No!" Rory had heard her words and looked terrified. "No! Save it! Save it, please!" She cried in pain.

"Shh-shh. Calm down now." Mel looked at the monitor and frowned. "She needs oxygen." She looked at the near nurse. "Now!"

"What's wrong?" Jess resisted on the urge to touch his temples.

"His heartbeats…"

"His?" Rory panted as the nurse placed the tubes with the oxygen in her nose. "It's a… boy?"

"Yeah." Mel looked at her and forced a smile. "I'm sorry. I think I ruined the surprise."

"Jess?" Rory looked up at him with a thin smile. "Did you hear that?"

"Yeah." He smiled too. "Yeah I heard."

"AW!" Rory screamed and her face crooked in pain. She gasped. "My… boy…"

"She has an disclosure." One of the nurses announced and Mel nodded.

"Okay." She frowned at sat close to Rory's legs. "I need you to push now, Rory!"

Rory nodded and tried to follow Mel's instructions. She pushed hard with the next contraction but screamed from the enormous pain.

"Good!" Mel looked at Jess, but her face darkened. "Now I need you to push again."

"I… I feel like… I'm dying…" Rory panted and screamed with the next contraction. She fell back on the bed and her face got paler. The oxygen did not help her and Jess panicked. Her eyes closed.

"No!" Jess screamed and Rory looked at him with a final effort. "You can't do this to me!"

"Push it Rory!" Mel insisted but Rory just shook her head helplessly. She felt completely exhausted.

"You have to do it! Come on!" Jess sat on the bed and helped her lean on his chest. "I'm here as I promised! I'm here!"

"OW!" Rory screamed again with the next contraction. She gathered all the power left in her and pushed once again. "I can't…" She gave a small cry.

"I can see the head." Mel looked at her. "Come on Rory."

"No!" Rory shouted and grasped Jess' hands with the final push. She fell back on his arms.

"Come on! Quick!" They heard Mel's voice, but Rory did not have strength anymore. She could not open her eyes but she could not hear her son's cry either. "Give me the scissors. Now!"

"My… baby…" Rory panted and tried to open her eyes. She did it and watched helplessly how Mel and her team were trying to save her son. Her ears rang and the only thing she could feel was Jess's arms around her. He did not let her yet. He still held her in his arms.

Rory passed out in the moment she heard her son's cry.


	89. Chapter 89 Out of strength

_**Chapter 89**__** Out of strength **_

"Rory!" Jess screamed when he felt her relaxed in his hands. Her eyes closed and she remained motionless. "Rory!" He placed her back on the bed and the medical team pushed him away.

He just stood there. His hands covered the half of his face and his eyes gazed at the woman in the bed. She had passed out in the moment their newborn son had cried for the first time. As if she had waited to hear only that. Now Jess just watched the doctors and nurses rushed around her bed. He felt weak in his knees but he resist on the urge to slid down on the wall. He had to make sure that Rory was okay.

His son kept crying. Jess looked at him and saw few nurses took care of him.

"She is okay." Jess felt Mel's hand on his shoulder and looked at her with confusion. "Rory? She is okay. She is just too exhausted."

"Huh?" Jess shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah and I think you should sit down now." Mel frowned as she looked at him. "You look pale Jess."

"No." He shook his head once again and swallowed hard. "I'll be fine." He watched as they pushed Rory's stretcher out of the room. "I have to be sure that she is alright."

"You want to see your son?" Mel nodded at the nurse that held him to come closer.

"Can I?" Jess focused his attention over the little baby. His son cried in the arms of the nurse. She placed him in the arms of his father. The baby stopped crying and opened his eyes just in this moment. "Hey." Jess whispered and touched his small face with his index finger. A light smile appeared on his face. His son yawned. "I know you are tired, but your mommy is tired too you know?"

"I think Rory will need only few stitches." Mel looked at the father and the son. "This little boy here didn't cause her so much troubles."

"You sure?" Jess looked up at Mel. "She looked so exhausted."

"Well, the birth was difficult and your boy was bigger than normal." Mel answered him. "The umbilical cord had wrapped around his neck and that's why I was so concerned. But he is a fighter and he has a strong mom."

"Yeah." Jess looked back at his son. "His mommy is a fighter… just like him." He leaned and placed soft kiss on his son's forehead. The baby yawned again. "I love you." Jess whispered and just then, he felt complete. It was a strange feeling and he felt it every time he was holding one of his kids in his arms. There was nothing more he could ask in his life. The love of his life was with him. They had beautiful children. That was all he had ever wanted.

Jess placed his son in Mel's arms and watched as she gave the small baby to the nurse. He touched his temples and walked out of the room. Lorelai and Luke were waiting for him right before the ER. They got of their seats in the moment they saw him. Jess released a tired smile.

"We have a boy." He announced. "Rory collapsed after the birth but Mel assured me that she would be fine."

"That's good!" Luke patted Jess's shoulder.

"Yeah." Jess forced another smile. The dull pain in his head became sharp. "I even held him in my arms for awhile."

"And Rory?" Lorelai asked anxiously. "How is she?"

"Mel said that she'll need some stitches, but other than that…" Jess shrugged. "But I need to see her to be sure. She lost a lot of blood there." His voice cracked and he lost his balance.

"Wow!" Luke caught him and looked at him with concern. "Jess…"

"I'm fine." Jess tried to smile again. "I thought we could call him Joseph. Rory would like that name." He made short pause. "What are you doing here?"

"What?" Luke looked at him with confusion.

"You supposed to be at home." Jess frowned. "You said that you'd stay with the kids!"

"Ah.." Luke sighed. "I called Sookie. Lorelai needed me here." He looked at his wife. "Rory and you too."

"Okay." Jess tried to nod, but that provoke another pain in his head. "Oh! Damn!" He cursed and touched his temples.

"Jess!" Lorelai touched his shoulder. "I think you have to rest now. Maybe…"

"No!" Jess frowned. "I have to see Rory! I have to make sure that she is alright!"

"But Jess…" Luke tried to protest.

"I said – no!" Jess hissed through clenched teeth.

"Mariano?" Jess turned around and saw some nurse. She was standing close to the elevator.

"Yeah?" Jess walked to her. Luke and Lorelai followed him.

"Follow me and you can see your wife if you want to." The nurse smiled.

Jess just nodded and followed her inside the elevator. Luke and Lorelai walked with him. The nurse led them to Rory's room and left them alone with her. Rory was sleeping and Jess took few steps towards her bed. He lost his balance twice but he got there.

"She is fine." Mel's voice surprised him and he looked back. She had followed them inside Rory's room. "We just ran few tests. There are few stitches and she has to recover after the blood loss. But she is fine. Don't worry!"

"That's good." Jess murmured and looked back at Rory. "You are okay and you're gonna be fine." He leaned and his lips touched hers. "I love you…" He whispered and all the strength left in him was gone all of a sudden. Jess fell on the ground unable to fight anymore.

"Jess!" Luke almost screamed but his voice cracked and he rushed to his nephew. He knelt before him. "Jess! Wake up! Jess!"

"Step back!" Mel pushed him aside and Luke just had to watch how they took his nephew on the stretcher. He followed the medical team and left Lorelai alone in the room with Rory.

"Mom?" Rory opened her eyes right in this moment. Lorelai looked confused. She still gazed the door but her daughter's voice made her turn around. "Mom… are you okay?" Rory whispered. "Where are Jess… and our baby?"

"You are fine." Lorelai walked to her daughter's bed. She touched Rory's shoulder unable to meet her daughter's eyes. "You are going to be fine."

"Mom!" Rory grabbed her hand. "What's wrong? Tell me! Where is Jess?"

"Don't worry hun." Lorelai forced a smile. "He'll be okay and…"

"No!" Rory screamed panicking. "Where is he? I have to see him! Mom…" She cried and squeezed her mother's hand.

Lorelai just watched her daughter and hoped for the best. She knew how much her daughter loved her husband. She knew how deep Jess and Rory's connection was. They shared something special and she could only hope right now.


	90. Chapter 90 I have to believe

_**Chapter 90**__** I have to believe**_

Luke was sitting in front of the ER. There had been an hour since Jess was there. No one had showed up yet. He just stared at the white door before him and tried to figure out what went wrong. He knew that Jess was bad, but he never knew how much. When he had seen him collapsed before Rory's bed, Luke's blood ran cold. He had followed the medical team to the ER, but they had pushed him away before the doors. Now he was there and still waited for some news.

"Hey." He heard Lorelai's whisper and looked up to see her. She was standing before him and right now, she was touching his shoulder. "Something new?"

"No." Luke sighed and waited for her to sit close to him. "It's been an hour."

"I'll wait with you." Lorelai touched his hand.

"How about Rory?" Luke frowned. "She may wake up and ask for him. You should be there."

"She was awake." Lorelai's voice cracked. "She asked for him and I couldn't lie to her. She… The nurses gave her something to make her sleep again."

"Oh no!" Luke frowned.

"She was devastated and she couldn't stop crying." Lorelai shook her head. "What happened, Luke?"

"I don't know." Luke shook his head and gazed the door again. "He told me only about his MRI and that it wasn't good. I told him he has to make that surgery, but he refused to listen. You know Jess. Rory is the most important person in his life now. He always put her first and he was afraid that this news could provoke a premature labor."

"So you're saying…"

"I'm saying that Jess told me about his condition but apparently he hid how serious it was." Luke sighed with despair. "I wish I knew! I wish I knew how to help him. Maybe if I was he wouldn't be there!"

"Stop!" Lorelai rubbed his arm. "You didn't know and you can't blame yourself for everything right now."

"But it is my fault! I should've forced him to do that surgery! I should've been there for him! He is the first child I have. I may not be his biological parent, but I feel him as my son. You cannot stay away and just watch your son dieing! You just can't!" Luke leaned his elbows on his knees. His head hung between his shoulders and he stared the floor. Lorelai knew that he was fighting with his own fears right now. She watched him and just rubbed his back.

"Jess will get better, you'll see." She tried to calm him. "You just wait and see."

"I'm not sure this time." Luke mumbled and looked at her. "They said that he looked really bad."

"Who told you that?"

"I heard the nurses in our way to here." Luke shook his head. "Jeez!" He cursed. "Why he didn't tell me about this? Why he kept quiet?"

"He wanted to protect Rory I guess." Lorelai mumbled and looked back at Luke.

"Yeah." Luke chuckled bitterly. "She receive her contractions after I told her about Jess' surgery. Maybe he was right not to tell her, but why he didn't tell me?"

"Because that's Jess, hun." Lorelai leaned on her husband. "But he'll be fine. You'll see."

"Luke… Lorelai?" They heard Doctor Smith's voice and looked up. His serious face told them everything. "I'm afraid that you have to prepare yourself." He rubbed his forehead. "The situation is serious."

"How serious?" Luke asked and both with Lorelai got off the bench.

"Let's put it in this way, I'm not sure." Doctor Smith sighed tiredly.

"How come you are not sure?" Luke frowned. "You are his doctor. You have to know!"

"Luke." Lorelai rubbed his arm.

"No, it's okay." Doctor Smith put up his hand. "I'll try to explain… I'm not sure if Jess would wake up at all."

"What?" Luke almost screamed.

"I'm sorry, but…"

"Don't say you are sorry! Do something!" Luke snapped and clenched his fists.

"We're trying."

"Don't try! Do, damn it!"

"I'm sorry." Doctor Smith said once again and hid back in the ER. Luke fell on the bench and covered his face.

"Damn it!" Lorelai heard him hissed. "This must be some kind of a nightmare! This is not supposed to happen! Not with him! Not with him!"

Lorelai rubbed his back and just stayed with him. Luke looked devastated. She knew how much he loved Jess. He was like a son to him. Luke just had told her that. Lorelai sighed and bit her lower lip. Now she had to speak with Rory. That could be difficult.

"You go with Rory." Luke spoke and Lorelai met his gaze. His eyes were sad. "I'll stay here and wait for more news. When they take him to his room, I'll tell you."

"Okay." Lorelai nodded. She leaned and kissed him.

When she walked in Rory's room, she saw her daughter held her baby for the first time. Her face was wet and Lorelai knew that Rory cried. She could hear her sniff.

"Mom.' Rory looked up at her as she fed her baby. "They asked me how to name him." She whispered. "I don't know…"

"Jess thought that Joseph would be good for him." Lorelai forced a smile. "He said that when we talked and before he could…"

"Joseph?" Rory whispered once again and looked down at her newborn son. "Yeah… it fits him. Hello, Joseph." She sniffed and Lorelai felt a tight knot in her throat. "Your daddy loves you."

"Rory…" Lorelai bit her lower lip. "I have to tell you something about Jess." She went close to her daughter. "He…"

"No!" Rory shook her head. "He'll be fine."

"Rory…"

"Please!" Rory cried. "I have to believe in something! I have to!"

Lorelai sighed and rubbed Rory's arm. Joseph yawned in his mother's arms.


	91. Chapter 91 Let me see him

_**Chapter 91**__** Let me see him**_

Rory could not stop looking at her newborn son. He was so small in her arms. She watched him as she fed him and tried to smile. Joseph. Yeah, Jess was right. He really was Joseph. Rory heard the door open and looked up. She saw her mother walked in the room. She saw her forced a smile.

"Hey." Lorelai greeted her daughter. "How are you feeling?"

"Is that a question?" Rory's voice cracked. She bit her lower lip not to cry. She had cried a lot these two days.

"Your children were here to see their new brother." Lorelai sat close to Rory's bed. "I took them to see him and then they came here to see you. You were sleeping." Lorelai looked at her carefully. "Ayn asked me where her father is and…"

"You told her?" Rory held back a moan. She could imagine what pain that had cause to her daughter.

"Yeah and we took her to see him." Lorelai touched Rory's shoulder. "Luke had to take care of her. The little ones didn't know anything."

"I wanna see him." Rory placed Joseph head on her shoulder and rubbed his small back.

"No." Lorelai shook her head. "I'm not sure that this is a good idea. It's not good for you."

"I wanna see my husband, mom!" Rory snapped and Joseph cried on her shoulder. She cuddled him and then looked back at her mother. "I wanna see Jess!"

"Rory… you were through a lot these days. You lost a lot of blood during the labor…" Lorelai frowned. "You have to lie down and rest."

"You think that I could rest now?" Rory snapped. "He is there and he is bad! I have to lie down here and do nothing? I want to see him mom!"

"You have to listen to your mother, Rory." They heard Mel's voice and saw her walked in the room. "You have been through a lot and I don't recommend you…"

"I don't care!" Rory hissed. "I want to see my husband! Now!"

"I'm sorry!" Mel shook her head. "I can't allow you that!"

"Fine!" Rory shifted her head and kissed her son's temple. She refused to talk anymore but she already had a plan in her head. If they did not let her than she could do it on her own. No one could stop her from seeing Jess.

Lorelai had to leave few hours later. The visit hours were over and she tried to talk with her daughter, but Rory refused to even look at her. She fed her son for the last time through the day and lay on her bed. When the nurse came to see her, Rory closed her eyes and the nurse thought that she slept.

It took her one more hour until she was sure that the hallway before her room was quiet. She carefully sat on her bed and then hung her legs over the edge of it. She almost cried out from pain when she stepped on the cold floor. It took her a minute until she put some slippers and tried to walk. It was painful but she bit her lower lip and opened the door. She sneaked through the corridor to the elevator and pushed the right button. Rory knew the number of Jess' room. She had heard her mother and Luke mention it while they thought that she slept.

The elevator doors opened slowly and Rory looked around the empty hallway. She sneaked to Jess' room. It took her even more time, because she was careful with her steps now. Her legs and her belly hurt but she suppressed that pain. The only thing led her now was to see Jess. She had to see him no matter of the cause.

She reached his door and looked around before she could enter in. Then she saw him.

Jess was lying on his bed. He had a respirator on his face and some machine followed his heartbeats. He looked so helpless and so pale that she could not stop her cry. All the strength led her to him was gone now. Rory felt weak in her knees and sat close to his bed. He took his hand and placed a short kiss on his fingers. He was warm.

"What have you done, Jess?" Rory whispered through tears. "What have you done?"

He did not answer her. His face was calm and pale. She leaned and kissed his forehead.

"Our son is okay. You should see him. I named him Joseph like you wanted to." Her fingers slid on his face. "But I miss you and I need you beside me. You know how much I love you, right? You know that you can't just leave me in this way! It's not fair!" She cried quietly. "It's so not fair!"

Rory stood beside his bed almost whole night. She could not leave him. She could not find the strength in herself for that. And he did not even move. Her eyes were sore from staring. She watched him carefully. She hoped for a miracle, but it did not happen. Jess was lying on his bed and the sound of the monitor, following his heartbeats, was the only other sound in the room.

"Mrs. Mariano!" Rory heard the voice of the nurse taking care of her and sighed tiredly. "What are you doing here? We thought…"

"I'm with my husband." Rory did not even look at her. "He needs me!"

"Your son needs you too." The nurse said carefully. Rory heard small cry and turned around. The nurse was holding her son in her arms.

"Give me him!" Rory reached out her hands.

"But you have to…"

"Give me my son!" Rory insisted.

The nurse sighed and placed the baby in his mother's arms. Rory took him and started to feed him. She caressed his face and looked at his father.

"You have to wake up and see him, Jess." She whispered. "You have to wake up for us, please!"


	92. Chapter 92 The letter

_**Chapter 92**__** The letter **_

Lorelai walked in her daughter's room just in the moment when she woke up. Rory looked at her mother and frowned. She sat on her bed and frowned from the short pain cut through her stomach. Her first look was towards the sleeping baby, close to her bed.

"Tell me what exactly you're doing with yourself?" Lorelai looked furious. She dropped her bag onto the chair and stared at Rory. "Why Mel has to call me at 8AM in the morning and…"

"With all of my respect… I'm not a little girl anymore!" Rory snapped and fixed the blanket over her legs. "I think I can take my decision by myself!"

"Not when you threaten your health!" Lorelai sat close to her daughter's bed. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"I went to see my husband!" Rory crossed her arms before her chest.

"Yeah and you damaged your stitches!"

"You can't seriously think that I'm gonna sit here and do nothing!" Rory hissed. "Jess is my husband! I love him and I just wanted to see him!"

"But you refused to listen…"

"Stop!" Rory put up her hands. "Just stop it mom! I've had enough these days!"

"I know Rory, but I'm worried about you." Lorelai touched her hand.

"Excuse me?" Luke peered through the half-open door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Rory looked at him anxiously. "Any news?"

"No." Luke shook his head and his face faded. "No news."

"But you are with him, right?" Rory watched him carefully. "You are there?"

"Sure, Rory!" Luke came closer and touched her shoulder. "I'm there 24/7. And I heard about your visit there." He made a short pause. "It was nice."

"Nice?" Lorelai frowned and looked at her husband. "She damaged her stitches!"

"I think that her wish to see him is natural!" Luke frowned too. "You should've thought about that before she could do that on her own!"

"But…"

"Enough!" Rory's voice interrupted them. "I don't need this now!" Her baby cried and she touched him over his crib. "Shh-shh, Joseph. Mommy is here."

"Joseph?" Luke looked at her. "You named him…"

"Yeah." Rory looked at him back. Her son had fallen asleep again. "I used Jess' choice."

"Okay." Luke forced a smile but Rory could see the sadness in his eyes. Then his face faded. He handed her some note. "I found this in Jess' jacket. It's for you."

"What is this?" Rory looked at the note in her hand. It was Jess' handwriting with her name in the middle of the folded piece of paper.

"I don't know." Luke shrugged. "I just found it and I thought you should have it."

"Okay." Rory bit her lower lip. Her voice trembled. "Go back to him and… tell him that I love him, okay?"

"Okay. I won't leave him alone. I promise!" Luke nodded. Rory could see the same pain in his eyes. She could feel it.

The room became quiet when Luke left the room. Rory stared at the folded piece of paper in her hands. She was scared to open it.

"You don't have to do it." Lorelai had noticed her hesitation. "Maybe you should wait?"

"I have to do it!" Rory caressed her name over the note. "He has a good handwriting, you know? So precise and so…" She sniffed. "I'm so scared mom!"

"I know hun." Lorelai touched her arm.

"No." Rory shook her head. "You don't know anything and you better never know!"

"Rory…"

"Leave me alone now." She whispered.

"Are you sure?" Lorelai hesitated.

"I am sure." Rory nodded and looked at her mother. "I have to do this alone!"

"Okay." Lorelai nodded and got off her chair. "I'll be outside."

"Okay." Rory nodded back and looked how her mother left the room. She sighed and unfolded the small piece of paper. Her fingers trembled but she somehow managed to keep it steady before her eyes.

_Hey, my love…_

_I know, I sound mushy and that's not in my style but I just thought to write what I feel. You know that you are first and only real love in my life. I know that you're maybe sad and confused now. If I know you better, you even had a second thought whether or not to read that letter. I'm so glad that you chose to read it because I have to tell you something important. _

_If you read this, then I'm finally out of strength or worse…I don't want to upset you, but you have to read what I want to say. I want you to know that is really hard for me to write it. I so want to be beside of you and our child right now. I don't know what it's gonna be but I'm sure that it's gonna be as good as you. Please send all my love to it. Maybe this is gonna be the child that won't remember me. _

_I so want to take you in my arms right now and wipe your tears. I know that you're crying and I know that's gonna be hard for you. Believe me; I'd do anything just to spare you from that pain. I just… I love you, my Rory. That's all I need you to remember from me. That's all I need you to tell to our children. I want them to remember me with good. I want to think that I was a good father to them. I want to think that I was better than my father was and they will keep me in their hearts. Please, tell them this._

_Tell Luke that he was always like my father. I never called him "dad" not because I don't wanted to, but because I knew him well and he knew that I love him as my father even without the word. _

_And you… You know how much you mean to me, right? You know it. You have to be strong for our children. Yeah, I know what you're gonna say now, but you have to try. For me? _

_I will always love you,_

_Jess_

"NO!" Rory's scream echoed in the room. She ruffled the small piece of paper and placed it to her heart. "No! Jess! NO!" Her second scream awakened the sleeping baby and his cry echoed in the room too.

"Rory?" Lorelai rushed into the room and stopped when she saw her daughter. "Rory, what's…"

"He's saying goodbye!" Rory cried. "He's saying goodbye without even try to fight this time! Why mom? Why?"

"Oh no… Rory…" Lorelai took few unsecured steps and saw Rory took her son in her arms. She held her son close to her body.

"Why, mom? Why?" She sniffed and cradled her son. "Why he doesn't fight? Why?"

"Maybe he…"

"I wanna see him." Rory sniffed for one last time and looked at her mother. "I wanna see him now!"

"Okay." Lorelai answered quietly and walked out of the room.


	93. Chapter 93 Hoping for a miracle

_**Chapter 93**__** Hoping for a miracle**_

Luke was sitting close to Jess' bed. He stared at him with sore eyes. That was his occupation the past few days. He just sat and stared. Jess did not show any signs of getting better. Miracle was the only thing that could help him now. His doctor was not an optimist. He had told to Luke to forget about any hope. But Luke could not do it. He could not do that. Not when it came to Jess.

"Hey." He heard the door opened and looked back. Lorelai pushed a wheelchair with Rory on it. She held Jess' note in her lap.

"Hey." Luke looked surprised to see them there. "What are you doing here?"

"Rory wanted to see Jess." Lorelai stopped the wheelchair close to Jess' bed. "That was the only way they let her do it."

"Okay." Luke frowned and got off his chair. He stood close to Lorelai and watched Rory carefully. She had not said a word since they got into the room. "Is she okay?"

"She wasn't after she read the letter." Lorelai whispered. "She didn't say a word since then."

"You think that seeing him like this would help her?" Luke furrowed his eyebrows. "I thought you said…"

"You told me that she has a right to see him!" Lorelai looked at her husband. "What am I suppose to do now?"

"But…"

"Hey, Jess." Rory spoke right in this moment. They saw her touching his hand. She stared at his face. "I've read the letter like you wanted me to." Rory tilted her head. "And you know what? I won't do it! I won't give up on you! I did this twice before and I'm not gonna do that again!" She took his hand. "You're still breathing. That has to mean something, right?" She suppressed a sob. "I know that you are tired of fighting. I know that you think that isn't worth it. But you are wrong!" Rory kissed his hand. "Please do it again for me. If it's not for you… then fight for me!" This time she sniffed. "Please Jess! You know that we could be happy together! Your son has to know you! Your children need you! I need you!"

Lorelai and Luke saw the moment when Rory literally cracked. Her shoulders shook and she cried quietly. She did not have strength for more. She thought that her eyes went dry from tears these days. She got it wrong.

"Rory." Her mother touched her shoulders. "We have to go, hun. This is not good for you."

"Leave me." Rory uttered through tears.

"Rory…"

"Leave me!" She snapped. "I want to spend some time with my husband!"

"Are you sure?" this time it was Luke.

"Please." Rory looked up at him. "I know that you worry about me. I know that, but I have to be here now. Jess needs me!"

"But…" Lorelai tried to protest but Luke touched her elbow and nodded at the door.

"She is right, Lor." He looked back at Rory. "We'll be outside."

"Okay." Rory nodded and looked back at Jess.

Lorelai followed Luke outside. He sat on the bench and leaned his elbows on his knees. His eyes gazed the closed door. Lorelai sat close to him and rubbed his back. She knew that she could not use words to calm him now. There were no words invented for such thing.

"Do you remember how stubborn he was when he came here the first time?" Luke spoke quietly.

"Yeah." Lorelai answered in the same voice. "I do remember and the only person able to sneak through his shield was Rory."

"Yeah." Luke chuckled. "She was and is the only one."

"But I think that his children changed him." Lorelai whispered. "I couldn't bear him near Rory when they were together." Luke looked at her and she shrugged. "C'mon! You know that."

"I do know." Luke smirked. "You were as stubborn as he was."

"Yeah." Lorelai shrugged again. "But when he came back for our wedding and I saw how he looked and acted with Ayn… That was the moment when he changed for me."

"Ayn changed him?" Luke frowned.

"No." Lorelai shook his head. "He thought that he had nothing to lose then. He thought that he had no one. Then suddenly he came back here and he realized that he had a daughter. He forgave Rory for lied to him about her. He accepted them with his full heart." Lorelai smiled. "I've never thought that Jess would do that."

"Life changed him." Luke murmured.

"No." Lorelai stared at the white door. "Love changed him. He learned how to give and accept love. Rory taught him well."

"Yeah." Luke sighed. "I don't want to lose him, Lor."

"I know." She rubbed his back.

"I don't know how could I live without him around." Luke covered his face. "Sure, he wasn't here through all these years before he could come back, but… I knew he was there somewhere. He called me once or twice in the year but I was glad. I was happy that he is alive and he is okay."

"I know…" Lorelai murmured.

"But now?" Luke looked at her. "Now what?"

"I don't know what to say…" Lorelai's voice cracked.

"I don't know either." Luke's face crooked. "They didn't give any hopes. Any!"

"Oh my…"

"I'm not sure how much time… Damn!" Luke ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't sit here and wait! I have to do something!"

"What?" Lorelai looked at him with confusion.

"I don't know but… I have to speak with his doctors again!" Luke got off the bench. Lorelai followed him. "Stay here until I get back, okay?" He touched her shoulder. "Don't leave him alone!"

Lorelai nodded and watched him went away. She sighed and walked to the door gently pushing it open. She froze. Her daughter was leaning her elbow in Jess' bed. She was looking at his face and her other hand slid over it with tender cares. The moment looked so private that Lorelai felt like a voyeur and closed the door again. They needed some privacy and she had to hope for some miracle.


	94. Chapter 94 Help me breathe again

_**Chapter 94 Help me breathe again**_

Rory stared at Jess. She leaned her elbow over the bed and she buried her fingers in his hair. Her eyes did not miss his beautiful face. The respirator was still there and supported his breathing. Rory felt the urge to cry every time she looked at it But she did not. She knew she had to be strong for him. She had to try to be strong.

She heard the door opened and she knew that was her mother even without to look at her. Then the door closed again. The room was quiet and Rory knew that she was alone with him.

"Do you remember the time when you came back?" Rory whispered. "You were so stubborn to leave." She sighed. "Do you remember what I did to make you stay? Huh? I told you that I loved you! I still love you, Jess. I hope you know that! I hope this could help you to fight again. Just think about our family and me. "

"Rory?" Lorelai opened the door again. "Luke just came back. We have to…"

"I want to stay." Rory did not even look back.

"It's not about that." Lorelai hesitated and Rory looked at her. She was not alone. Her mother was standing by the door along with Luke and Doctor Smith. Rory frowned.

"What's going on here?" Her heart pounded.

"I want you to sing up something, Rory." Luke answered her and they got in the room. "You are Jess' wife so I need you to do that for me."

"Wait! What?" Rory looked at them with confusion.

"I just talked with Doctor Smith here." Luke explained and scratched the back of his head. "He agreed that…"

"What do you want me to sign?" Rory moved her look from one to the other. "Answer me straight!"

"Let me explain it to you." Doctor Smith looked at her carefully. "Jess is bad and I mean… really bad. If we don't do anything these days that means…"

"Yeah. I know what it means!" Rory snapped. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to sign for his surgery." Luke stared at her. "He has to have it."

"But I thought that he was too weak." Rory looked insecure. "I thought that he has more time and he could…"

"He won't get better Rory." Doctor Smith sighed and shook his head. "Even with this surgery I can't promise anything!"

"So you are telling me that there is no hope?" Rory swallowed hard. "There is no hope for him no matter what?"

"He has a minimal chance with this surgery." Doctor Smith frowned. "It's better than nothing.'

"Then give me the papers." Rory's voice trembled. "I'll sign."

"But I have to warn you that the procedure is very risky. It's risky even without his complicated condition. Now – it's gonna be pure luck."

"It's better than nothing." Rory whispered. "Give me the papers!"

Doctor Smith nodded and placed the papers in her hands. Rory threw a short look over it and put her signature under it. She handed all papers to Doctor Smith and turned back to Jess.

"It's done." Rory spoke. "Tell me when you have to make the surgery."

"Tomorrow morning." Doctor Smith answered. "There is no point to postpone more."

"Fine." Rory nodded. "I'll be here again. Now could you leave me alone with my husband?"

"Sure." She heard his voice and the door closed. The room was quiet again.

"You knew that I couldn't leave you like this." Rory uttered. "You knew I couldn't give up without fight! I know you are tired of fighting. I know that you want to give up now, but the battle is not over, Jess." She took his hand in hers. "You have to stay with me. I know that is difficult for you but you have to try! You have to make it!"

Rory could not sleep that night. She just lay at her one side curled up in two and watched her son. Joseph was a quiet baby. He did not cry much and he has her eyes. Jess should be happy about that. He always told her that the first thing he saw in her were her eyes. When she had laughed, he had told her seriously that was the truth. Joseph has her eyes and her nose, but his facial structure was from Jess. That was something natural for all of his children. Jane has her hair but only this. They all looked like Jess. Sure, there were some differences, but the most was from him.

She smiled and reached out to touch her sleeping baby. She could remember the time when Jess fought for her and their baby. Rory knew that he was probably scared for her life, but he kept his promise and saved them both. Now she had to fight for him. He was not strong enough. This whole situation scared her to death but Rory had to think of him. Jess was the important now. He was her life and she had to save him. She had to keep him here, with her no matter of the cost and her fears. He needed her strength, not her weakness.

Rory thought that she could not sleep but she was tired. Her own experience had exhausted her enough, along with her baby. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Her son's cry made her open her eyes again. She sighed and threw a look to the window. It was the early morning. She smiled and sat on her bed.

"Hey." Rory spoke softly and took her baby in her hands. "Somebody is very hungry, huh?" She mumbled and rolled down her nightgown. Her son stopped with his cry in the moment he started feeding. "You are a good boy." She touched his small head with tender cares. "You are such adorable little creature. I wish your father could see you now." Rory held back a cry. "I hope he could see you soon. I hope you could have the opportunity to know him. But I know that your daddy will love you no matter what." This time she could not stop her tears. "I'm scared. I'm so scared Joseph!"

No one answered her. She could hear only the sound of her son's feeding.


	95. Chapter 95 Lost in me

_**Chapter 95**__** Lost in me **_

Rory insisted to go and see Jess before the surgery. No one disagreed with her. She held his hand for awhile and kissed his lips when they removed the respirator for a few seconds. She watched him as they took him for the surgery. Luke walked beside his stretcher with pensive face and Lorelai pushed her wheelchair. They stopped right before the Surgery and Rory touched Jess for one last time.

"I'll be waiting for you here." She whispered and kissed his hand. Then… they took him.

"Are you okay?" Lorelai asked her daughter. Rory stared the closed door before her.

"Do you remember what I told you about me being okay?" Rory whispered.

"Rory…" Lorelai uttered.

"Do you remember mom?" Rory turned around the wheelchair and looked at her mother.

"Yeah." Lorelai murmured. "I do remember. You'll be okay when Jess can hug you."

"I knew that you'd remember." Rory murmured and moved the wheelchair close to the benches.

"You know that she's worried." Lorelai felt Luke's touch over her shoulder.

"I know that she is scared." Lorelai sighed. "I could see it in his eyes."

"Terrified is the correct word." Luke frowned. "I think she is about to…"

"Mom!" Ayn's voice made them look to the elevators. She was standing there and her eyes looked sore and red. She was crying and her hair was messy. "Mommy!" She cried and rushed to Rory. She knelt before her and rested her head on Rory's lap.

"Shh-shh…" Rory tried to calm her and tried to fix her hair. "It's okay now. It's okay."

"I missed him, right?" Ayn sobbed and her shoulders shook. "I missed daddy?"

"He is inside hun." Rory looked at her daughter. "What are you doing here? I thought that you are at school."

"I ran." Ayn sobbed and looked up to her mother. "I had to be here!"

"You ran?" Rory increased her voice just a little. Ayn looked up at her with her wet hazel eyes. "Ayn! What are you doing? You think that your father would approve that?"

"No!" Ayn snapped and brushed her wet face with the hem of her jacket. She got up on her feet and glared at her. This emotion was completely the opposite of the one before. Now she looked angry and her face now looked so much like Jess' that Rory got scared. "But this is me and he is my father! I want to be here! I thought that it's right thing to do!"

"Okay." Rory rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Does anybody knows that you are here?"

"No!" Ayn shook her head. "I was hurry to leave!"

"I think that she got something from you to." Lorelai murmured and looked at her daughter. "Do you remember your visit trip to New York?"

"Mom!" Rory glared at her.

"What trip?" Ayn was interested. Her eyes were still sore and red but her face lit up a bit. Now when she was clear that she was allowed to stay, she calmed a bit.

"Your mother skipped school just because your father called her the night before." Lorelai allowed a light smile on her face. "She was so crazy about him that she did that in the moment of blindness!"

"Mom!" Rory moaned and rolled her eyes but Ayn's eyes widened. "See? You just put wrong thoughts in her mind!"

"No." Lorelai shook her head. "I'm just telling that you two are not that different."

"So my mom ditched school because of daddy?" Ayn looked at her mother with disbelief. Her father always put her mother as an example for her. Jess wanted his daughter to have the best choices in her life. He always told her how good student her mother was. Rory's college diploma was the best example ever.

"Yeah." Lorelai nodded.

"Wow!" Ayn looked at her mother. "I thought you loved your school life."

"I did!" Rory frowned. "This thing was only for once."

"Why did you do it?" Ayn tilted her head and sat on the bench but close to Rory.

"I missed him." Rory's voice cracked but she tried to contain her tears. "I just didn't realize that to the moment when he called me. We spoke only few minutes the night before. On a next day I just felt that I have to see him!"

"So you went to New York? Alone?" Ayn took her hand and squeezed her lightly. Rory looked at their hands and bit her lower lip. Jess did the same when he felt that she was upset. It was hard for her to talk but she did.

"I had to see him and when I saw him… I knew I did the right thing." Rory made short pause. "Then he came back for me."

"That was before or after you two got together?"

"Before." Rory smiled at the memory. "It was before our first kiss."

"Wow!" Ayn smiled for a moment but then her smile faded. She bit her lower lip too and her face was so sad that Rory wanted to cry with her. "I'm scared mommy! I'm so scared! I don't want to lose him!"

Mommy… Ayn stopped calling her that when she entered in her teenage years. Now the old name put nice warm in her heart and Rory touched her daughter's face.

"I know, hun." Ayn curled up in two and hid her face in Rory's lap. "I know and I'm scared too." Rory looked up and saw Lorelai rubbed Luke's back. He just stood there and stared at the door before him. "We all are scared but I'm sure that your father is fight for his life right now. He wouldn't give up so easily. You know your father!"

"Yeah." Ayn sobbed again and Rory wanted to sob too. She wanted to cry so loud that everyone could hear her. But she could not now. Her daughter was here and Rory did not want to scare her more than Ayn already was.

This her decision was about to burst into bubbles when two hours later she saw a nurse rushed out of the surgery. She looked worried and did not answer of any of their questions. When she came back, her hands were full with blood banks.

"Wait!" Luke stopped her just before she could enter back in Jess' surgery. "What's wrong?"

"He has internal bleed! That's all I could tell you!" She opened the door and hid inside.

"No!" Rory uttered and looked at her daughter. She sobbed in Lorelai's arms. "This can't be true!"

"You are so right!" Luke snapped and hit the near wall. "Why's everything has to be so difficult with him? Why? Damn it!"

"I can't…" Rory's eyes widened. She had lost her breath with the thought of losing Jess. "I can't…" She grabbed her neck.

"Panic attack!" Lorelai looked at her daughter. "Luke?"

He was already there and bent down to hug Rory. Her head fell on his shoulder and she sobbed loudly.

"Shh-shh…" Luke murmured. "He'll make it… you'll see!"

"I can't…" Rory fisted his jacket. "I can't lose… him…"

"I know." Luke looked at Lorelai and she saw the same feeling there. "I know…"


	96. Chapter 96 Quiet voices

_**Chapter 96**__** Quiet voices **_

They brought her Joseph and Lorelai succeed to make her to her room to feed him. Rory sighed and went with only one condition – they should call her if Jess was out of his surgery earlier. In the moment she sat on the bed and the nurse placed her crying son in her arms Rory felt something close to normalcy. She placed Joseph close to her breast and blinked when he started feeding.

Rory sighed and leaned her back on the pillows. She closed her eyes and allowed her to feel calm just for a minute. She owed that to her son.

"So you are okay, huh?" she looked at him and felt his tiny fists pressed to her soft skin. His skin was healthy pink and he looked completely healthy. "Your daddy would be so glad to see you my boy." Rory took one of his small fists and touched her lips to it. "He will wake up, right? He has to wake up for us!"

The room was quiet and no one answered her. She could hear her baby feeding.

Lorelai came and took her few minutes later. Rory still held her baby in her arm. This time Joseph was sleeping with head on her shoulder. Rory rubbed his back calmingly and was afraid to move. She saw her mother and her eyes widened.

"Not yet." Lorelai spoke quietly. "I just came her for you when you are ready. Luke is with Ayn, don't worry."

"Okay." Rory sighed and leaned her head to Joseph one. "He is so quiet baby."

"I can see that." Lorelai smiled. "Do you remember Ayn?"

"Oh yeah." Rory rolled her eyes. "We had any luck if we had two or three hours of sleep."

"Yeah." Lorelai kept smiling.

"The twins were the same." Rory spoke quietly. "Jess and I called them the night birds for a reason you know?"

"And Jake?"

"Um…" Rory's eyes went wet. "We were afraid to fall asleep the first few months before the surgery. Jess and I… we were on shifts and just watched him sleeping. We… weren't sure…"

"Hey, it's okay." Lorelai reached out and touched Rory's arm. "Jake is almost cured now."

"You don't know." Rory suppressed her sob and inhaled the sweet baby scent. "We have to wait until he enters in his teen years. But Joseph is okay." Rory rubbed his back. "They told me that he is completely fine and healthy. I was afraid that maybe something would be wrong with him. You know, my infection and… stuff. But he is okay and Jess would be so proud of him."

"He is proud of him." Lorelai smiled softly. "He held him in his hands and he said that he loves you both before…"

"Before his collapse?" Rory narrowed her eyes and blinked furiously to stop her tears. "So he held Joseph?"

"And he kissed you." Lorelai tilted her head.

"He'll be fine mom." Rory whispered. "Promise me he'll be fine! He has to!"

"Sure." Lorelai tried to support her daughter although she was a pessimist. Rory could see it in her eyes but she refused to look at her and Lorelai was thankful even for that.

When they came back to Luke the door of the surgery just opened. Jess' surgery was over and now they pushed the stretcher back to his room. Rory observed with worried eyes and her daughter caught her hand. Luke was the one who talked.

"How is he?" He asked Doctor Smith. He looked tired after the four hours surgery.

"Jess is fine but… he is as fine as he could be in his condition." Doctor Smith rubbed his eyes. "I know him well enough to know that he won't give up without fight."

"When he'll wake up?" Rory asked with trembled voice and felt how Ayn squeezed her hand.

"I'm not sure." Doctor Smith answered honestly. "But I have to tell that he has better chances now."

"When we could see him?" Luke frowned.

"Give him an hour at least." Doctor Smith nodded. "Then you can see him."

"Okay." Rory forced a smile. "Thank you." She said and watched how Jess' doctor hid back in his cabinet. "It's gonna be okay." She looked up to her daughter. "You'll see." Her voice was absent of emotion and Ayn noticed that. She looked at her strangely before Lorelai could hide her in her arms.

"Rory." Luke tried to touch her but Rory shook her head and touched the wheel of her wheelchair.

"I'm fine. I'll be with Jess when it's possible." Rory whispered and turned around her wheelchair. She went straight at her room and she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry but she could not. The tears did not come. She just stared at the clock. The pain in her neck was something so small to notice now. It was not something important.

When the nurse came for her Rory was ready. She followed her and when they entered in Jess' room, she saw Luke was already there. He looked sad and his face was pale but he still kept his emotions hidden. It was strange but that calmed Rory. If Jess were worse than before Luke would look different. He was like Jess and Rory knew Jess well.

"He is breathing." Luke spoke without even look at her. Rory stirred and moved her wheelchair close to Jess' bed. "And his heart looks strong. That was something as a nice surprise for his doctors." Luke finally looked at her. "The problem was in his brain and the thing grew inside of it. Doctor Smith told me. He was surprised how he was so strong until the moment he collapsed."

"He should've helped him when Jess went to see him the last time!" Rory spat the last word. "He should've known how bad he was!"

"Jess refused the MRI before my intervention." Luke looked at his nephew. "I had to force him earlier but I didn't know."

"And he refused because of me!" Rory shook her head. "He didn't want to worry me!"

"Don't blame yourself!" Luke shook his head. "It was his decision!"

"And could cause his life!" Rory took Jess' hand and touched her lips to his fingers. "He is so warm… so alive…"

"And so stubborn." Luke uttered.

"I don't know what I could do if he…" Rory bit her tongue. She could not even pronounce the word.

"You have to keep going Rory!" Luke touched her shoulder. "You have kids to care about no matter what happens here with him!"

"I can't." her voice cracked. "Jess is the stronger one between us. I'm just… I'm strong when he is here around me! I'm strong when I know that he is alive!"

"Rory!"

"No Luke!" Rory snapped. "I… Oh!" She looked at Jess' hand in hers and her eyes widened.

"What?" Luke stared at Jess's face. It looked completely motionless. "Rory…"

"Come on Jess!" Rory stared at his fingers. "Come on! Do it again!"

"Rory…"

"He moved!" Rory almost screamed. "Jess moved his fingers!"


	97. Chapter 97 Small victory

_**Chapter 97**__** Small victory **_

His touch to Rory's forehead was the last clear thought that he had. Since then everything was covered in white sticky fog. He could not move. He could not think. He could not even dream properly. Everything he had was voices. They were so distant and so far away that Jess could catch them only with the great will of his mind. The only real thing was the pain. It possessed all of his body, from his head to the toes of his feet. It paralyzed him and it made him prisoner of his own body. Then came the weakness. He could not move a single bone of his body. He could feel it but he could not move. And then… the pain again. Jess wanted to run away from this. One small part of his mind was ready for this, ready for him to give up. But he did not. His mind was still under control. Kind of…

The worst part of all this was when he felt her present there. She was beside of him not as often as he wanted her to be. His mind registered her presence only by her touch. Even then was so hard for him to stay with her but at least it hurt little less.

"_What have you done, Jess?" Rory whispered through tears. "What have you done?_ _Our son is okay. You should see him. I named him Joseph like you wanted to." Her fingers slid on his face. "But I miss you and I need you beside me. You know how much I love you, right? You know that you can't just leave me in this way! It's not fair!" She cried quietly. "It's so not fair!"_

That was her first touch after his body betrayed him. Jess could feel her lips on his fingers and then he felt the moisture over his skin. That was haw he knew that she was crying. Then she disappeared. Her presence faded in his mind and the pain came back again. His lungs burned with their fight for air. Just when he thought that he was losing this battle, Jess' mind registered someone's screams. It was Luke. Yeah. His uncle was screaming for help. What help? Jess just could not breathe. He gave up in the moment he felt how the fire was gone. Then he passed out again. If that condition could be named like this.

"_Hey, Jess." _Rory's words were registered from his mind and Jess found out that he was awake again. Well, awake was strong word because he was completely helpless. _"I've read the letter like you wanted me to." _Jess wanted to scream._ "And you know what? I won't do it! I won't give up on you! I did this twice before and I'm not gonna do that again!" _She Jess felt her touch over his hand._ "You're still breathing. That has to mean something, right_?" Her voice was sad and he hated to hear her like that. The worst thing was that he did that to her. Even that he had sworn not to do it anymore._"I know that you are tired of fighting. I know that you think that isn't worth it. But you are wrong!" _Jess felt her lips over his hand and that was the moment when he almost woke. Almost. The pain stopped him again._ "Please do it again for me. If it's not for you… then fight for me!" This time she sniffed. "Please Jess! You know that we could be happy together! Your son has to know you! Your children need you! I need you!"_

It was not fair. His body was like rigid. It was not fair that she asked him to stay in spite his pain. It was not fair that she wanted him beside of her in spite his constant luck to cause her pain. It was not fair that even the letter Jess was left for her, he still wanted to fight for that small sparkle of life deep inside of him… Then the pain came again and pulled him back in his prison cell.

"_Do you remember the time when you came back?" _Rory's voice refused to let him go._ "You were so stubborn to leave." _She sighed._ "Do you remember what I did to make you stay? Huh? I told you that I loved you! I still love you, Jess. I hope you know that! I hope this could help you to fight again. Just think about our family and me. "_

His whole body burned after her words. Then there was nothing. There was nothing left other than pain. Jess wanted to scream and his inside world he did. He had done it so many times that he had lost his count. But after this words he had no right to give up. He was tired but he was not right to make Rory suffer again. And she would if he was selfish enough to think of himself now and just gave up. That would be a mistake.

The flames came again and Jess sank into the sea of pain. Pain… It was something so familiar to him. He knew it his whole life and then… then he came back and saw Ayn's eyes. He saw his eyes and understood that this pain was worth it. And then… Jess Jr. and Jane made him believe that the life could be a wonderful place too. They were the last proof he needed to stay but just then… Jake's face came before his eyes. His small boy. His small miracle and his small fighter. Jake was so small now but Jess knew that his life was not easy. But his son was fighting. He was fighting to live. He was there and he was… alive.

Then… the new kid. Rory chose to name his new son Joseph. Yeah. Joseph… Jess was able to see him only once and even held him in his arms. The feeling was so familiar and new at the same time. It was so overwhelming but Jess could remember only this – the feeling. He could not remember his small face and suddenly that was not enough. He wanted to fight but his body betrayed him again. But this time, Jess would not give up. This time he put his whole will to survive. He owed that to Rory. He owed that to his children. He owed them a life with their father. Jess did not want to be just a memory for them. He did not want to be just an old picture in their album. He wanted to be with them. He wanted to fight for them… and for Luke. His uncle was more like a father to him. Jess knew that he suffered too. He knew that he would suffer a lot more if he chose to give up again.

So he fought. He fought in spite the pain and in spite the flames possessed his body. He fought because he wanted it. He fought because he owed that to his family and he fight because he wanted to stay. That was his last thought before he could sink into darkness again.

The first thing he registered after that was Rory's hand. He knew it was her hand. Jess knew that touch. He could recognize it everywhere. Then he put his all will and somehow he managed to move his fingers.

"_Come on Jess!"_ Rory's voice showed to him that he succeeded. _"Come on! Do it again!"_

"_Rory…"_ Luke's voice and it was full with despair.

He could do it. He could move again. He had to.

"_He moved!" _Rory almost screamed._ "Jess moved his fingers!"_

Now the real battle began. Jess tried to open his eyes. He felt them so heavy but if he did it that would be another small victory. Therefore, he fought. He put his whole will and his eyelashes trembled one last time. The light burned his eyes and when he saw her face above his he thought he was dreaming. She looked so beautiful.

"Welcome back." Rory was crying. But her tears were tears from happiness. "Welcome back to us."


	98. Chapter 98 Smiles

_**Chapter 98**__** Smiles **_

Rory stared at his face in the moment he moved his fingers for the second time. She could almost feel the internal struggle Jess had to wake up from his coma. Luke was right for him. He was a fighter but this time; even Rory was a pessimist about it. When everybody told you that there was no hope, you could easily give up on desperation. She was just in one step from there. Then Jess moved his fingers and her hope came back with full force.

"Come on Jess." She whispered and her other hand touched his forehead. "Open your eyes for me. You can do it! I know you can! I know it's hard but you did so much already. Come on!"

And just then he looked at her. His hazel eyes were there again and she suppressed a sob. She did not have to cry. Not when she was with him. A tender smile appeared on her face and Rory slid her hand down on his face. She was careful with his respirator but she desperately wanted to touch him again in this way. She desperately wanted to show him that he was not alone and he never was. Behind her Rory heard Luke's curse and she was sure that he fought with his own tears now.

"Okay." Rory leaned and kissed Jess' hand. He blinked and tried to focus his eyes. She knew how hard that was for him but she also knew that he was gonna make it. "Don't push it, okay?" Rory tried to calm him. "Luke is gonna call the doctors now." She said and she heard the door open and close in the same moment. Luke had caught her thought. "Relax now! Just relax and think about good things." His eyes finally found her and Rory could feel the love flown from him to her. She bit her lip and tried to smile. "I'm fine. See? And our son is fine." Rory saw the interest in his eyes. "I called him Joseph. Yeah, I liked the name and he has my eyes. Can you imagine?"

Rory was sure that if he could smile, he would smile to her in this moment. His respirator was the thing that stopped him. Rory kissed his fingers for one last time and the medical team with Doctor Smith rushed into the room. She had to wait close to the door and watch them as they took a care of Jess. Luke was standing right next to her.

"He would be fine." He squeezed her shoulder with disbelief.

"Yeah." Rory shrugged. "Have you read the letter he left for me?" She looked up at him and saw his nod. She was not surprised. "I know that he talked with you to take a care of me if something happens to him. And now this letter… I think he was just trying to prepare me for the worst and for the time when he won't be here."

"I know." Luke nodded.

"The thing he didn't know was that I would've followed him." Rory whispered and Luke frowned to her. "Don't look at me like that." She looked back at Jess' bed but the nurses hid him from her look. "I just can imagine a world without him. There is no place for me there without him. No place!"

"And he still didn't know about that?" Luke whispered too.

"There is no point." Rory shrugged. "Even if I tell him that he will try to make me promise something I cannot do. He'll try to convince me to live!"

"But he won't make it?"

"How can you live without your heart?" Rory whispered again and still stared at the place Jess should be.

She heard the sound of the monitor followed his heartbeats changed for a moment and then normalized again. Then she saw Doctor Smith walked towards her and looked up at him. The nurses were still there but Rory could see them worked calmly and without any panic in their actions.

"Okay." Doctor Smith filled something in Jess' form and looked at Rory. "Jess' vitals look good. I don't want to rush with him now and I prefer to keep his respirator on his face. But this is just constant measure. If he continues getting better, we'll change it with small tubes in his nose but the clear oxygen is good for him now."

"Okay." Rory nodded. "Whatever is necessary."

"He asked for you." Doctor Smith nodded at Rory. "Go and calm him."

Rory nodded as a response and moved her wheelchair to Jess' bed. The nurses left the room in the same moment. She took his hand and stared at his eyes. There were special smile only for her. She wanted to cry now but she smiled instead.

"So you asked for me, huh?" Rory tilted her head. "I'm here!" Jess looked at her stomach. "Joseph is fine and I'm fine. I have only few stitches." He frowned and looked at her. "Don't worry, okay?" She tried to calm him. "The only important thing here is that I'm fine and your son is fine too." She kissed his fingers again. "And you're gonna be fine but we have to talk." She saw him looking at her quizzically. "About the truth Jess!" He sighed. At least he tried. "Not now." Rory caressed his hand. "Do you wanna see your son Jess? Do you wanna see Joseph?" He tried to nod and his eyes glowed but he looked at Doctor Smith. "I'm gonna talk to him."

"What?" Doctor Smith walked to them.

"Jess wants to see his son." Rory looked at the doctor.

"Sure. Why not?" He shrugged. "I'll call to bring him in here but I don't want Jess to get tired too much."

"Okay." Rory nodded with smile. "I'll make sure of that."

Just few minutes later, Joseph was in her arms and Rory held him in a way that Jess could see him. His eyes glowed again and he looked at his uncle. Luke was standing right behind Rory. Luke caught his look and smiled.

"Yeah I know. You should be proud of your boy!" He nodded at Joseph in Rory's arms. "I think he is the quietest of your children."

"He is." Rory cradled their little boy and gave Jess an excellent view. Joseph opened his eyes right in this moment and looked at Jess. He waved his tiny fist towards his father and yawned at the same time.

Rory looked at Jess and saw his attempt of a smile under his oxygen mask. She felt the smile on her face too. He was here and he was alive. That was all that matters.


	99. Chapter 99 Slow motion

_**Chapter 99 Slow motion**_

The recovery ran slow. The reason this time was in the part they had to cut off. This time they thought that they had removed all of the damaged tissue and Jess was going to be alright. But his brain still was in recovering. His reactions were slow and he felt tired most of the time. On the top of that, he got tired even from talking. That frustrated Jess and made Luke and Rory concerned. They both knew how stubborn Jess could be and therefore one of them was there 24/7 to make sure that Jess would not do anything reckless. His recovering was going smoothly. Rory felt better too and by the end of the fifth day since Jess woke up, her doctors allowed her to get up from her wheelchair. She could sit on a real one close to Jess' bed and felt more comfortable than before.

Luke also looked good. The smile touched his face more often than usual. Jess' doctors had told him that they had removed the dangerous tissue from his brain. His nephew would not have problems at least from that anymore. He still should have to take his pills but this was something just in case. They also followed Jess' heart. It was good for now and did not show any signs of getting worse. But something that concerned Luke the most now was Jess' temper. His lack of movements and communication made him nervous. Jess had asked him few times to talk with his doctors and figure something out about this. Luke had answered him that he had to wait. They led this conversation every time Luke got into Jess' room. Then after five minutes of arguing, Jess was too tired for more and just fell asleep. Every time. His face was still pale and his limbs were still cool. He needed time. That was something he needed the most right now. Jess just needed time.

Ayn came to see him few times. They did not talk much. She just sat there and held his hand. Her smile of satisfaction was the same Jess used when he was happy of something, And Ayn was happy now. Her father was alive again. The life came back into her eyes and she smiled a lot. That made Jess smiled too.

Jess Jr. and Jane were something else. They came to see their father just once and they energy were so contagious that made Jess laugh. But they exhausted him too quickly and he fell asleep in a moment when they walked out of the room.

Jake was the person Luke thought would bring sad thoughts in Jess' mind. He was so closed from the moment he understood about his father. Jake was the child who suffered the most – emotionally and physically. Luke and Lorelai did not tell Jess and Rory about the moment when they had told Jake about Jess. He had received one of his crises and Lorelai had burst into tears when he got better. But the tears in Jake's eyes were something that they both would never forget.

And then Lorelai. Luke could not stop wonder about his wife. She was so changed. Her attitude towards Jess made him believe in miracles. She was sad and she truly cared about him as a mother. Luke knew that Lorelai felt respect towards Jess. He even knew her turning point. It was the moment Jess was accepted Ayn in his life. When he stayed instead of ran away. That was the moment. And on top of that, Jess had proven how much he loved Rory and wanted to see her happy. He had changed and so as Lorelai. But Luke thought that she only felt respect about him. Now he knew that she cared about him as a mother. Lorelai not only had accepted Jess as a Rory's husband but she also had accepted him as her son. That was something Luke thought he would never see.

Five days after Jess was awake, Luke was sitting before his door and holding a plastic cup f coffee. Jess insisted of him to go home and rest for awhile. Luke just nodded and walked out of the room. He did not want to argue with his nephew right now. Jess was stubborn enough for two.

"Why are you here?" Luke looked up and saw Rory. She was on her feet and he could see the color back on her small face. She was holding Joseph in her arms and looked way better.

"Jess told me to go home." Luke crooked his face. "Well, according to him – I'm at home right now."

"Jess is right." Rory nodded. "Go home and take a shower. I'll be here when you come back."

"Are you sure?" He looked at her with disbelief. "Can you? I mean-"

"Yeah, I can." Rory nodded. "I'm better and I have to spend some time with Jess."

"Okay." Luke got off the bench and threw out the plastic cup in the closest trashcan. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Greet mom!" Rory smiled.

"Okay." Luke nodded and walked away.

Rory followed him with her look until he did not hide in the elevator. She sighed and carefully opened the door of Jess' room. He was lying on his bed as usual. His eyes were closed but his breathing showed that he was not sleeping. He just relaxed. Rory took a moment to stare at him. Loving smile appeared on her face. Sure, he was pale and thinner than before but he was alive. That was all that mattered to her. She looked down at her newborn son and saw him opened his eyes just in this moment. Her heart pounded when she saw her blue eyes on his face. His hair also was with the same color as hers. But his face was Jess' face and Rory could not be happier. He would have Jess' smile and that was something Rory would love to see it happen soon.

"Beautiful." His cracked voice made her look at him. Jess's eyes were open and he stared at them. Rory took few steps and carefully leaned to kiss him. He sighed under her touch and Rory knew the reason. Jess wanted to touch her but he was too weak even for that. She suppressed her sob and smiled to him.

"Morning daddy." She cooed and held Joseph in the way Jess could see him clearly. Rory saw his eyes widened and then a smile appeared on his face. A crooked smile. No one could smile like him. That warmed her heart. "I thought that you might wanna see him again." Rory sat on the closest chair and carefully touched his hand with her free one. "I can see that you are in tubes now." She nodded at the small tubes providing clear oxygen in his nose. "That's good."

"No wheelchair?" Jess frowned.

"No." Rory shook her head. "I'm getting better and I don't need it anymore."

"Okay." Jess sighed and Rory saw relief in his eyes. "Joseph?"

"He is fine and healthy." Rory smiled. "And he is quiet through the night."

"Really?" Now was his turn to look at her with disbelief.

"Yeah." Rory tilted her head. "I have to get up only two times."

"Good boy." Jess smiled again. "Other?"

"Other children?" Rory asked him and he nodded. His vocabulary was still poor but he was trying for her. "They are fine too and can't wait to see you at home."

"Good." Jess repeated and Roy saw the tiredness in his eyes.

"Sleep if you want to." She spoke softly. "We won't go anywhere."

"Promise?" He asked her and his eyes almost closed.

"I promise." Rory squeezed his hand. "Joseph and I are here. Just sleep and get better."

"I… love you." He whispered and closed his eyes. Rory could see that he was already sleeping.

"I love you too." She whispered and looked at his beautiful face. "And I'll keep my promise!"


	100. Chapter 100 Past and Present

_**Chapter 100 Past and Present**_

Rory kept her promise. She sat there and just watched him sleeping. Her son had fallen asleep in her arms too and now she allowed herself a smile. It was smile of relief and of hope that everything would get better. Jess was getting better. His doctors were optimists and she allowed herself to breathe easily. But they warned her that the process would take more time than usual. His condition was delicate and she was aware of that. But he was here and he was alive. That was all that mattered. Maybe she would call to her mother to bring their children here. Jess would be happy. Her only concern was Jake. She was just like his father. Her little boy hid his fears and that was not good for his small heart. Jake was aware of what was going on with Jess. Rory had spoken with her children carefully. Ayn was there and helped her but Rory could see the tears in her eyes too. It was before the letter and before the surgery happened. Rory had tried to bring some hope in her children's eyes. She suppressed her own fears and tried to sound positive. It worked with the twins and even Jake had smiled but Rory could see the doubt in his childish eyes. He was so scared even his smile could not hide that. Not from her at least. She knew him as she knew his father too well. But she could not control her voice then. She could not trust to her emotions to calm him down. Now she thought she could. Jake only had to see his father awake and out of danger.

"I'm here." Rory heard Luke's voice and felt his hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw his calming smile. "You may go if you want to."

"No." Rory shook her head. "I promised him I'll be here when he wakes up."

"Ah, so he was awake?" Luke dragged a chair and sat close to Rory.

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "He was but he got tired and I told him to sleep. He agreed only if I'm here when he wakes up again."

"Stubborn as always." Luke murmured with a smile.

"That's Jess." Rory shrugged and then looked at her son. "Joseph is quiet though. He is a good baby."

"Maybe one of your kids would be nicer like you?" Luke teased her and Rory pouted playfully.

"I love my kids, Luke and you better be careful!" Rory stuck out a tongue. "Or I'm gonna tell mom you teased me!"

"Oh please!" Luke put up his hands. "Spare me! I apologize!"

"Accepted!" Rory nodded with her stern face but then her face lit up with a smile. "Joseph has my eyes and my hair but everything else is from Jess."

"But Joseph is a quiet baby." Luke pointed out. "Do you remember how you called the twins?"

"Night birds." They heard Jess' voice and looked at the bed. His eyes were open and he looked at them. A light crooked smile lit up his face.

"Hey." Rory tilted her head. "How are you? I thought you could sleep longer?"

"I was." Jess swallowed hard and Luke helped him to drink some water. "Thanks." Jess looked up at his uncle. Luke touched his shoulder.

"I'm here whatever you need Jess." Luke shrugged and sat back on his place.

"Okay." Jess sighed but then frowned. "I though I… told you… go home." They could feel his struggle to breathe normally.

"I was and I took a shower." Luke shrugged and pointed his new shirt. "See?"

"Yeah." Jess relaxed and licked his lower lip. "Okay."

"I was thinking about something." Rory started carefully. "You want to see the children? Feeling ready for this?"

"Isn't he still too weak for that?" Luke frowned.

"I want… to see them!" Jess nodded slightly.

"Are you sure?" Rory leaned and touched his face with her free hand.

"Miss them." Jess shrugged.

"Okay." She smiled. "I'll call to my mother then and after that we'll talk about a letter!"

"Rory!" Jess sighed.

"No mister!" She frowned. "You're not getting away that easily!"

"Roy I really think that you should be more careful now." Luke touched her hand and she looked at him over her shoulder.

"I appreciate your love and concern about my husband Luke, but he is my husband and I think I know how to talk to him." Rory looked at Jess when she heard a sound close to laugh. It was more like a cough to him but his eyes glowed and that was definitely a good sign.

"Despot." He breathed out and Rory had to bit her lower lip not to laugh too.

"When I have to." She shrugged and that movement made Joseph to open his eyes. "Ah. Look who is here now." She cooed and this time Luke laughed on her voice. It was absolute contrast with the one, she had used before. "Look at your daddy. He is a bad boy and he is nothing like you." The baby cooed and they laughed again. "I'm glad we have same opinion, my son."

"Sure." Luke rolled his eyes. "Go and take care of him Rory. I'll call Lorelai to bring the children here tomorrow."

"Okay." Rory nodded and leaned to kiss Jess on his lips. "I'll be back soon." She whispered and rubbed her eyes on his. "I love you."

"Love you too." Jess whispered and watched her leaving the room. His eyes continued glowing.

"Not to interrupt your gaze but…" Luke coughed and Jess looked at him. "Your father called. He wants to see you if you're feeling better."

"Sure." Jess closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Are you completely sure?" Luke touched his hand and Jess looked at him.

"Yeah." He made short pause. "Liz?"

"Your mother is at home right now." Luke frowned. "She is recovering."

"Aha." Jess nodded slightly. "Again?"

"No. She is recovering from the coma." Luke shrugged. "I called few times. She is sober."

"For now." Jess crooked his face.

"Yeah." Luke frowned too. "I'm gonna call Lorelai, okay?"

"Sure." Jess' face lit up and Luke smiled again. His children really cured him from his previously bad life.


	101. Chapter 101 Smile for me

_**Chapter 101 Smile for me **_

Lorelai came with Jess and Rory's children on the next day. They were surprisingly quiet but happy to see their father finally awake. Jess' face lit up when he saw his children and even Rory could not help but smile on that look. It was as if he was full with energy. He spoke with every one of them and even Jake snuggled in him. Jess held him tight and he knew how calming this was for him. His little son was very sensitive boy and his illness made him vulnerable of them all. That was the reason Jess kept a special smile for him. Jake was his weakness. Ayn was his soft spot and the twins were something special for him too. They were the first children Jess had seen grew up before his eyes. Now Joseph… Jess looked at Rory. She was holding their little boy in her arms. Joseph was the kid Jess thought he would never see grew up. He thought that this would be the kid with no memories of him. But luckily, everything turned up well.

"Come on huns." Lorelai coughed and interrupted their moment. "Your daddy needs his sleep now."

"But granny…" The twins whined.

"We just came here." Even Ayn pouted.

"And we are quiet." Jake sang with his quiet voice.

"You can see him tomorrow." Lorelai frowned. "You all want your daddy to gets better, right?" Everybody nodded. "Okay then. Let's go!"

"I'm not really that tired." Jess forced a smile when he had kissed and hugged all of his kids.

"You are and you need some sleep." Rory insisted and leaned over him. Jess had the opportunity to touch Joseph's little hand. "Get some sleep now and you're gonna see them tomorrow."

"Fine." He insisted unable to fight with his tiredness.

Rory saw him closed his eyes and followed her mother outside. If she had to be honest, she was tired too. A nurse came and took Joseph for his afternoon nap. Rory gave her son a kiss on his forehead and looked at her mother. Lorelai frowned at her look.

"You have to sleep too you know." She touched Rory's arm.

"Yeah mom." Ayn came closer. "You have to sleep too."

"I know and I will." Rory forced a smile and her look fell on her little children. They were sitting quietly on the near bench and whispering to each other. "Wow!"

"I know." Lorelai smiled.

"I have to say that I'm surprised." Rory shrugged.

"I told them that if they want to see daddy, they have to be quiet." Ayn smiled proudly. "It worked."

"I can tell." Rory rolled her eyes.

"So when jess would come home?" Lorelai asked quietly. "Did they tell you already?"

"Yes." Rory nodded. "He's getting better and if everything runs that smoothly, jess would be home the next week."

"That's great!" Ayn's eyes glowed.

"I know." Rory rubbed her daughter's arm.

"So that's the secret Luke's hiding from me?" Lorelai murmured.

"What?" Rory looked at her puzzled.

"Um… nothing." Lorelai shrugged. "We have to go now." She looked around. "And where is my husband right now?"

"I think he went to speak on the phone." Rory made short pause. "Jimmy called him. He wanted to see Jess."

"What?" Ayn looked with curiosity. "Jimmy wants to see daddy?"

Rory looked at her daughter carefully. Ayn knew that Jimmy and Liz were Jess' parents but she never called grandpa and granny. It was something that she probably had taken from Jess. He never called them his parents so Ayn never would accept them as her grandparents. Rory shook her head with a smile. It was another sign how much Ayn looked like Jess.

"Yeah." She answered to her. "Jimmy wants to see your daddy."

"And he is fine with it?" Lorelai frowned.

"Yeah." Rory repeated. "Luke talked with Jess first. He wanted to be sure that Jess would be fine with it."

"Okay then." Lorelai shrugged. "This is a very nice surprise."

"I think so." Rory sighed. "I'll be here too."

"I'm not surprised." Lorelai smiled and then looked at Ayn. "Come on, hun!"

"Okay." Ayn nodded and looked at her mother. "Bye mom." She hugged her and Rory smiled in her hair.

"Bye hun."

Rory kissed and hugged her other children too and watched them walked down at the corridor. Her family. She smiled and walked back in Jess' room. He was sleeping and she took her place on the chair, close to his bed.

He looked better than before. His face had his natural color and the shadows under his eyes were gone. His strength was coming back slowly and Rory was thankful l for that. For the first time in so many days, she allowed herself a real smile. That smile touched her eyes and the tears rolled down her face were tears of her happiness. Jess was alive and he was with her. That was more than she could hope for. She never asked for more. Her only wish for him was to be alive and in her arms. Now she could touch his hand and his fingers were warm in her hand. She could touch his face and she could see his eyelashes trembled in his sleep. There were not nightmares anymore. It was healthy sleep and she could see that helped him.

Rory tilted her head and laced her fingers with his. She leaned her head on his bed and closed her eyes with a smile on her face. Yeah, the feeling was wonderful. Jess was with her and she could touch him. She could feel him alive under her hands. That was all she wanted. That was all she hoped and now she have it.

When Luke walked in the room few minutes later, he saw Jess and Rory sleeping. Rory rested her head close to his hand on the bed. She was sitting on her chair and she probably felt uncomfortable. But Luke could see the smile on her face.


	102. Chapter 102 Forgive and forget

_**Chapter 102 Forgive and forget **_

When Jimmy opened the door, he was not prepared for the view before him. He just wanted to see his son. Luke had called him with the news that Jess was in the hospital again and this time the situation was critical. This was not Jess' first time in the hospital but Luke sounded very upset. That was the moment when Jimmy had realized how important Jess was in his life. He was his son. No matter of their differences. He thought that he would lose him and felt something he never thought he would. He felt guilt. Sure, they were in some kind of truce after Jess' wedding. But they were never close.

Now Jimmy just stood by the door and watched at his son. Jess was sleeping. There was a machine followed his heartbeats and that was the only sound in the quiet room. Then there were two IV's attached to his left arm. His face was pale and Jimmy could see the small tubes in his nose supplied clear oxygen for him.

"Hard to look, huh?" Luke's voice made him turn around. Just then, Jimmy realized that he was in the room. He could not remember the moment when he had walked in.

"Yeah." He coughed. "I've never thought that he could be that bad."

"Nah." Luke waved with his hand. "Jess is better now. This is only for his safety now. You missed the scary part."

"The scary part?" Jimmy blinked with confusion. He looked back at Jess. What could be scarier than this?

"He was on life supporting machine." Luke said quietly. "His doctors weren't optimists."

"Damn!" Jimmy cursed.

"Yeah." Luke agreed behind him. "But Jess is a fighter. He survived again. Now he only needs time and care."

"But he still looks weak."

"He is." Luke agreed again. "He gets tired easily."

"Then?"

"We are here and he gets stronger in every day."

"What happened this time?" Jimmy asked quietly but this time he was not sure he wanted to know.

"You know that his plane crash before a little over a year." Luke tried to explain. "I'm not sure what exactly happened then, but he had a brain concussion. That provoked complication with his old illness and he is here now. "

"Wow."

"I know." Luke nodded but Jimmy could not see him. "I don't what you to get him upset, okay?"

"I promise." Jimmy nodded.

"Okay then." Luke coughed and Jimmy looked at him. "I'll leave you two alone." He turned to leave but then stopped and turned around again. "One more thing…" He hesitated. "Jess gets tired very easily. His speech is delayed."

"Okay." Jimmy nodded.

"Worry… too much." They heard Jess's voice.

"Hey." Luke winked at his nephew. "I've got you covered."

"Sure." Jess crooked his face in attempt of a smile.

"I'll be outside." He patted Jimmy's shoulder and then looked back at Jess. "Rory will be here too."

"Okay." Jess nodded.

"Sure." Luke repeated and walked out of the room.

"So…" Jimmy coughed and walked to Jess' bed.

"I won't… bite you." Jess rolled his eyes.

"I know." Jimmy frowned.

"You wanted… to see me?" Jess' face went serious. "Why?"

"I needed to make sure that you are alright." Jimmy mumbled and avoided his son's eyes.

"Or… alive?"

"It's not fair Jess!" Jimmy frowned again.

"No, it's good." Jess shrugged. "I don't… mind."

"I know." Jimmy made short pause. "I don't know how to act with you. I mean…" He pointed the bed. "With this and all the other stuff."

"It's okay." Jess shrugged again. "I'll be… home soon. That means… I'm alright."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Jess smiled. "Uncle Luke and Rory wouldn't… allow the doctors… otherwise."

"But you still look weak."

"I'm better."

"Yeah." Jimmy murmured and kept silence.

"Thank you." Jess lifted up his hand and Jimmy took it.

"For what?" Jimmy frowned.

"For being here." Jess looked at his father. "I know, what caused you this."

"Jess, don't!" Jimmy clenched his jaw.

"What?" Jess looked surprised.

"This is not you!" Jimmy snapped. "You're not acting like yourself."

"If I told you that I hate you… would you feel… any better?" Jess crooked his face. "I'm tired of... this. And I'm… me!"

"Jess I…" Jimmy stammered.

"Hey Jimmy!" Rory walked in the room right in this moment. "Nice to see you here." Her first look was for Jess. "Luke said that you felt better?"

"Yeah, I am." Jess rolled his eyes with a smile. "My little despot."

"I'm married to you." Rory gave him a smile and Jimmy felt foreigner right in this moment. He released his grip around Jess' hand and coughed nervously.

"I think I should better go."

"Feel free to come.. any time." Jess looked at him seriously.

"Sure." Jimmy nodded and walked out of the room. Rory looked after him.

"I think I can see change in him." She murmured and then looked back at Jess. His face was pensive.

"Yeah. I think there is… change in him." He murmured finally. "It's for good… this time."

"I'm glad to see that." Rory announced and leaned to kiss him. Her lips touched his lightly. It was too quick for his taste. "Jess…" She whispered when he moved his head towards her. His hand touched hers on his bed and his fingers laced with hers.

"Missed you." He admitted finally, when her forehead touched his.

"Missed you too." She sighed and sat close to him. Her hand stroked his hair. "You look better than yesterday and I just spoke with your doctor. Guess what?" Her eyes glowed. "You'll be home next Friday!"

"That's good news." Jess could not resist on her smile. "I'm getting tired… of being here."

"You'll start therapy by the end of this week!" She touched his face with the back o f her fingers. "I'll help you."

"Sure you can?" He frowned and his look fell on her stomach.

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "I'm good."

"Okay then." He sighed and sank in her eyes. "Let's do it!"


	103. Chapter 103 Some quiet moments

_**Chapter 103 Some quiet moments **_

Jess came back home the next weak.

He was getting better. It was slow process but Rory could see the natural color of his face again. He still got tired easily. His immune system was still unstable, but doctor Smith reassured Rory that this would pass in time. Jess just had to take his pills regularly and to eat healthy food.

Jess spent more of his tine in the bed. He might have been weak but his writing skills were still there. He used his free time to write. It was not even writing. There were short notes about his next book. And he did not have too much free time. His children were almost constantly around him. If they were not, there was Rory with their little son. If it was not Rory, there was Luke or Lorelai. But someone was almost constantly around him as if he was some kind of a miracle. Jess felt happy to see the smile on his family's faces. But he also got tired in the time. He also needed some quiet moments. And that was the moment when he got all grumpy. Rory called him like that and if he had to be honest, he was.

"Dinner time!"

Jess heard her voice and looked at her over his laptop. Rory balanced with the giant tray in her hands. It was full with meals and they all were from his diet. Jess sighed and put the laptop aside. He waited for her so she could put the tray on his lap and then she sat close to him.

"Thank you." Jess tried to smile while she studied his face. He knew exactly what she was doing and clenched his jaw.

"You have to eat it all." She whispered and stroked his hair.

"I will." Jess almost snapped and saw her bit her lower lip.

"Okay. I'll leave you alone now." Rory sighed and got off the bed.

"No." Jess was quick and his fingers wrapped onto her wrist. "Please stay."

"I don't want to disturb you." She whispered and looked at him.

"I'm sorry." Jess reached out and touched her face with the back of his fingers. "You know how difficult this is for me."

"Yeah." She released a thin smile. "I know and I'm trying to be here for you, Jess."

"Come here." He whispered and she leaned towards him. His lips torched hers with tender care and Jess felt her relaxed under his hands. "Feeling better?" He asked when she pulled back with another smile on her face. This time it was real and he could feel it.

"Yeah." She sighed and nodded at the tray. "But you still have to eat it."

"I know."

"And I think I have to take care of our little boy too.' She murmured and with one last kiss, she got off the bed.

"Could you bring him here?" Jess asked and looked at her face. "I haven't seen him all day."

"Sure." Rory nodded and walked out of the room. She came back just few minutes later. Joseph was lying in her arms and looked the world around him. He yawned and looked at his mother. "Here we are." Rory cooed as she walked into the room.

"Yeah." Jess was almost finished with his meals and now he could watch Rory and his son. "He is hungry, huh?"

"Oh yeah." Rory laughed quietly. "But as I said, he is not as grumpy as his father."

"Uh, that was nice." Jess crooked his face. His son gave a small cry. "That's right! Tell her, Joseph!"

"Hah." Rory laughed again. She sat close to Jess and made herself comfortable so she could feed her son. "You're team now, huh?" Joseph stopped crying in the moment when Rory helped him to find the source for his food. Soon the room went quiet and the only sound was coming from the sucking baby.

"Amazing." Jess tilted his head.

"Yeah, I know." Rory sighed and looked at her son. "And I feel good."

"Same here." Jess smiled and put the tray on the ground. Then he turned around to look at her again. "I can't wait to get off this bed!"

"I know and that makes me concerned!" Rory frowned at him. "You know that your surgery was difficult this time!"

"Yeah." Jess frowned too. "I can feel that. Trust me!"

"I know that it's hard for you but it's hard for me too!" She snapped.

"Rory." Jess sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"And we have to talk about that letter!"

"I thought you forget about it!" He murmured.

"No! I haven't!" She snapped again. Joseph gave a small cry again and she put his small head on her shoulder. "It's okay baby, it's okay." She sang. Her hands rubbed his small back.

"You make him upset." Jess tried to avoid the subject.

"You made me upset then too!" She lowered her voice and her face faded. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Rory, please."

"No." Her voice cracked. "You don't know what was for me to read it!"

"I wasn't sure…" Jess looked at the baby in her arms. "I didn't know…"

"I thought that you gave up!" Her eyes went teary. "I almost gave up too."

"What?" Jess frowned.

"I know that you don't want me to suffer, but Jess… when you love someone, you suffer with him!" Rory tiled her head. "I love you!"

"But you're strong Rory." Jess reached out and touched her face with the back of his fingers.

"I'm strong only when you are here with me." She leaned her head on his palm. "I can't bear even the thought of losing you."

"Shh-shh." Jess shifted and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Joseph was falling asleep in her arms and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm here." Jess closed his eyes when his lips touched her temple.

He knew that she had suffered silently and she was scared now. He could feel that in the way she snuggled in him right now. He could see that in her eyes when she looked at him with her beautiful eyes. But he was here and she would never know how he almost gave up then.


	104. Chapter 104 Secrets…

_**Chapter 104 Secrets… **_

"_Secrets of the heart are the most dangerous secrets ever. They made you act and think in a way different from your nature. That was the moment when you say: "I don't care! I can suffer alone!" You do not want to hurt the person you love… and that is your biggest mistake. Because… you can hurt that person just by your silence and refusal to talk. Then it hurts both of you. It hurts to the point of no return and there is no way back from this. You think you are right, but you are not. _

_Now I can bring back my old memories. I can tell where my mistakes are. I can do many things now, but the damage is already there. I cannot fix my past. I cannot turn back the time. But in a some way I feel glad about it. It was and is my life. All my decisions, no matter right or wrong, brought me to here. I am happy now. I have everything that I ever wanted. My dreams are finally coming true now. _

_I cannot say that I will not do any mistakes in the future. I cannot promise that I will tell everything to my love. Some things are just meant to be secret. Like my pain every time, I look at her. She is everything to me and I keep asking myself, what I have done to make her mine. What I have to make her stay with me? But she is here and she loves me with all of her heart. That is all I want. I do not need more to be happy and feel whole again. _

_You do not know when the next lightning could strike. You do not know where the next storm is going to hit. But you have to know one thing and one only – don't give up from your dreams, because sometimes they are coming true."_

Jess looked at Rory. She was lying close to him in the bed. Her eyes were full of tears and Jess released a thin smile. She was always emotional when it came to his books. He was not surprise when she sat on the bed and planted soft kiss on his lips. Her hand rested over his arm and her head leaned on his shoulder.

"That was beautiful!" She sighed and Jess closed his laptop.

"This is only the beginning."

"I know but that sounds promising." Rory rubbed his arm. "I think that could turn in your masterpiece."

"Really?" Jess laughed with pleasure. "You're keep saying this for my every book, you know?"

"I know, but that's because I really love your work." Rory looked up at him. "There is something very personal in your works. And at the same time you keep too much in you."

"Wow!" Jess exclaimed. "And are you sure that there is nothing more in that? I mean you are my wife and stuff. It's your job to support me." He pinched her nose.

"Nah." Rory shrugged. "As your wife is my job to love you, support you and raise your kids with you. As your reader and a critic I have to tell you my opinion about your books."

"Huh." Jess rolled his eyes. "I've never knew that I have a personal critic in my house. I have to be careful then."

"You have." Rory smiled. "And I'm telling you that this would be your masterpiece."

"Until the next one." He crooked his face.

"Yeah." Rory agreed. "Maybe until the next one."

"I just love to write." He shrugged.

"I know." Rory smiled again. "It's in your nature."

"Ayn loves to write also." Jess pointed out. "I saw some of her stuff."

"Wow!" Rory looked impressed.

"And it's not poetry." He looked satisfied.

"Too bad." Rory smirked.

"Oh come on!" Jess frowned playfully. "The kid has to carry that name for the rest of her life. I think that's enough!"

"The name is good!" Rory entered in his game and pouted.

"Yeah, right!" Jess rolled his eyes. "I have chills every time I hear it!"

"Don't be such brag!" She stuck out a tongue. "I like the name!"

"Our other children have the greatest names ever!" He smirked with devilish flames in his eyes.

"Just because you named him." Rory laughed. "That does make sense."

"Because they all look like me." Jess rose up his eyebrows.

"Not Joseph." Rory shook his head. "He has only your hair."

"And he has the most beautiful eyes ever." Jess leaned and kissed her eyes.

"Yeah." Rory smiled. "But I prefer the hazel ones."

"Really?" Jess rose up his eyebrows again. "They could change." He pushed her onto the bed.

"Three months later?" Rory placed her hands on his shoulders. "No, I don't think so."

"Well then." He murmured and his lips almost touched hers. "We just have to settle for the blue. What do you think?"

"I think it's wise." Rory breathed out. "Jess, are you sure?" She whispered.

"In what?" He lowered his head and touched her neck. His nose rubbed the place around her pulse point and her breath hitched. "In this? Are you kidding?"

"You're not strong enough." She moaned when his lips touched the crook of her neck.

"Oh, but I am." He mumbled close to her skin and his breath tickled her nicely. "Are you?"

"I can't believe you're even asking!" She whispered right before his lips could touch her again. Her hands buried into his hair and pulled him closer.

Jess was better and he even looked in that way. It was not only the color on his face but his strength had come back to him. The atmosphere in the house finally lit up again. He was writing his new book. His muse worked again and that made him feel better. He even had picked its title. It was close to him.

Three months later, Friday and the day was good. He just had received a call from his agency. And his new book was about to be published.


	105. Chapter 105 … of the heart

_**A/N: Hey all! Sorry it took me so long but this is the last chapter and I wanted to be good. Yeah, this was probably the most personal story I've ever written. I put a lot in Rory of me. It was hard to write about some things in here, but I think it was worth it, because it helped me - a lot! Now with this last chapter I thought that Jess' last book (not final "winks") had to be the good-bye scene. I'm not saying final scene, because this is me and I'm hard in the good-byes. I could always come back to this fic and this family, because I loved them so much! **_

**_Hope you all enjoyed to this fic and now the last chapter. Enjoy and comment if you like!_**

**_P.S. You could always expect something new from me. I'm Literati fan after all and I have some ideas just waiting to see the world. _**

**_Always yours,_**

**_ArinnaVal_**

_**

* * *

Chapter 105 … of the heart (Epilogue)**_

He was fine.

No, he was more than fine; he was better than ever. His smile actually touched his eyes and his face had lost its previous severity. Jess finally felt something close to happiness in his life. He was careful with this word. Every time he had thought he was happy, something had happened before. But not now. Now he was sure that nothing is going to happen. His survival after the last attack of his sickness was a pure miracle. It taught him not to take everything for granted. He thought that he was invincible before. His illness had showed him the opposite.

But in some sick and sadistic way, Jess was thankful. If it was not for it, he would never took a courage to come back home. Because that was his home – Stars Hollow. Here was everything he had ever wanted. Here was his heart and his soul – Rory. She had brought him back to life. She had given him the family he had always wanted to have.

Then it was Luke; the man Jess had always considered as his father figure. He had given him the right start in his life. He had showed him that there was something more than a poor life. He was his example to follow. That was Luke for Jess. That was the real Luke and it was hard not to love him as a person.

Now Jess sat on the table and looked at his family.

They were at the living room of Jess and Rory's house. The kitchen was too small for them. But that was something good. He loved to see the smiles on the faces of his children. And they were happy. Rory had told him how much they had worried about when he was in the hospital. After he came back home, Jess was hardly left alone. They all needed to touch him; talk to him and make sure that he was alright.

A thin smile appeared on his face. It was a happy smile.

"Hey, are you alright?" Rory touched his hand. "You are so quiet all night. Is there something wrong?"

"Nope." Jess touched her face and she leaned on his palm. "I'm alright. I'm even better than ever! I just thought about something."

"Wow!" Lorelai exclaimed. "That's dangerous."

"I second that." Luke rose up his glass with wine.

"Are you afraid of me?" Jess smirked playfully.

"Well, not from you." Lorelai crooked her face. "Just your ideas."

"My ideas?"

"Daddy is not dangerous!" Jake waved with his fork and everybody laughed.

"And why he's not?" Luke smiled at his grandson.

"Mommy loves him." Jake shrugged with iron logic. "He can't be dangerous."

"That's true." Jess ruffled his son's hair. "We are a team!"

"Can I join too?" Jess Jr. asked from the opposite side of the table.

"Yeah. Can I?" Jane repeated after her twin brother.

"Sure." Jess laughed. "We are a mob!"

"That sounds cool!" Nikki's eyes widened. "Hey dad, can we have a mob too?" He looked at Luke and made him choke with his wine. Lorelai rubbed his back.

"We all are like a mob, hun." She pinched the nose of her son.

"Yeah, but we are bigger." Jake stuck out a tongue. "Tell them Annie!"

"Sure." Ayn laughed too. She looked at her parents and wide smile appeared on her face. "Because we love each other."

"And because we are so many." Rory rolled her eyes and looked at her newborn son. He was sitting on his seat close to her. His blue eyes shone, as he looked the world around him.

"Yay!" The twins clapped with their hands.

"Jess, I thought that you have news to share?" Luke rose up his eyebrows. "What was it?"

"Sure." Jess smiled and looked at Ayn. "Could you give me the book, princess?"

"Sure daddy." Ayn nodded and got off her chair.

"She still calls you _daddy_." Lorelai shook her head.

"That's because he is." Ayn answered her when she came back in the room. "What's wrong with that?"

"Wow!" Lorelai put up her hands with a smile. "Let's call it truce, okay?"

"Sure." Ayn stuck out her tongue and handed a brown package to her father. "Here, daddy."

"Thank you my princess." He smiled and watched her shone. "Now." Jess turned around to his family and Ayn sat back on her chair. "This was the thing gathered us here." He undid the book.

"Really?" Lorelai crooked her face. "I thought it was the food."

"Haha. Very funny." Jess laughed.

"Hey, I'm always here." Lorelai laughed too.

"We know mom." Rory smiled too and placed her hand on Jess' thigh. "Now please listen!"

"This is my last book and this is the first copy of it." Jess showed his last novel to the family. The cover was brown and there with big golden letters had _"Secrets of the heart"_. "I wrote it after I got out of the hospital. I think it's good."

"It's awesome." Rory tilted her head. "Jess is just being modest."

"Read something for us." Luke suggested and leaned back on his chair.

"Yeah." Rory supported him and rubbed Jess' thigh. "Can you read something for us?"

"Okay." Jess lagged his words with a smile. "But it's not that good. I have to warn you."

"Let's see." Lorelai tilted her head.

"Sure." Jess coughed and opened the book. "_Then everything sank into dust and rose up again. That was the life. It was my life and I was willing to live it again. Nothing could put me down anymore. Nothing could make me suffer more than I already have. I was willing to fight again and this time I needed victory. I needed a full victory and I did it! I doubt I could make it and be alive again but in the end, I could open my eyes and see hers again. That was the victory I needed. I knew it! I knew it that she would be there and she would wait for me… and she was._

_That was everything I needed. Her eyes before mine, and her lips claimed that she loved me. She always would and I knew that all that pain had worth it. Because in the end love is all you need to stay alive. Love of your life and love of your family. They all were beside me. My family and my wife. And suddenly there were no more secrets to be told. There were no more obstacles to be made between us. My heart had found its home and I was happy. _

_Yeah, the secrets of the heart are the best-kept secrets. But sometimes they were something you don't need to be happy. It took time and patience – but it worth it, because I know that I can give and I can get love. And that beat any secret. I finally learn how to love and my love is here beside me._

_THE END _"

"Uh wow!" Luke and Lorelai exclaimed.

"Yeah." Jess looked deep into Rory's eyes and his smile touched his hazel ones. "I found my love."

"And I found mine." Rory leaned to him and their lips locked in a kiss.

_**THE END**_


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